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Everything posted by Viewcart

  1. You don't, if he's not asking you first then he's just not that into you. Date at least 3 men at the same time, prevents you from being clingy. Rinse and repeat. Key word, date, don't have sex with any of them because after you have sex, all logic flies out the window and whoever you end up having sex with will be your favorite even if he's not the right one for you. So KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED and have fun. You need to be in a mindset that your commitment is the prize, if he doesn't live up to your standards you can easily replace him.
  2. He didn't suggest that we talk on the phone or even meet up anywhere to get to know more about each other so...I think it's old news at this point. He came here to visit a friend for a couple days, he was definitely attracted to me but we didn't hook up or even kiss. Yeah I haven't been waiting and i'm not going to.
  3. Hmm good question, actually, I don't need to ask or remind him of anything. He's had 2 years to decide if he wants me. One chance to talk to me is all he gets. I usually give all my exes one chance to meet up and demonstrate change, once that window closes I'm gone for good. Thanks for your help!
  4. Oh of course not, no way in hell would I move to a different state for any man that’s not my husband or least engaged to. Confusing to me because why would he ask these personal questions about my romantic life and then not follow them up with anything. He hasn’t mentioned anything about getting back together so I’m thinking of ignoring him again because I don’t want friends. But I’m wondering if I should talk to him before cutting him out. I’m also grasping onto the hope that we might work because when we broke up he said we can work towards marriage after two years when I graduate. Now that the time is approaching I’m like hellooooo....remember what you said?
  5. I’ve been posting on this forum just regarding the same long distance ex. See previous posts for full story, Broke up due to long distance almost 2 years ago. During this time both of us have dated other people. He messaged me a few times last year but I ignored half of it because it was nothing substantial. Now we are both single. Anyways I’m living my life blah blah out of nowhere he informs me that he just landed in my city and asks to see me so I agree to a time convenient for me. During his last day here, he picks me up, we get dinner and dessert. He asks if I still want to get married, if I’m dating anyone, and when I’m graduating. He says he wants to get married too. Overall we had a great time catching up. BUT he doesn’t hint anything about wanting to get back together or any reference to our future. A lot of nostalgia, flirting, and reminiscing on his part but that’s about it. He admits to looking for dates in his city. I don’t mention or bring up our future either because I want to see what his intentions are first. We’ve been texting since then just updates about everyday life. I am free to move to anywhere in a few months and he knows this so distance will not be a problem soon. I’m more confused than ever. What should I do, if anything at all....
  6. This is solid advice here. There's no use overthinking his excuses. We don't know if they're real or fake. The fact of the matter is he doesn't want to be with you. The end. Take this as a lesson, cry if you need to, and move on. No one said it would be easy.
  7. Hmmm could be possible that he just wants attention. Fortunately i'm not very good at it since I ignore him every time he tries to get me to mother him. No he hasn't asked to meet either. We live in different States so it's not as convenient as to say lets grab a coffee. Hmmm I guess i'm not being clear. What i'm saying is that after 9 months of no contact, he reached out to me. After he broke up with me, he got into a new relationship 3 months later which was what pissed me off to see him move on so quickly. Also, allow me to clarify that he broke up with me, not mutual, because I decided to stay home for grad school for 2 years and he didn't want to wait for me. No the distance hasn't changed so the initial problem that led to the breakup is still present. Therefore, I'm not in a rush to get back with him knowing this barrier still exist. I don't know if he's open to it now because I'm not going to even initiate the topic of getting back together until he does. However, fast forward to present day, now there's only 1 year left before I graduate. After a year, we both know that I can move/relocate to pretty much anywhere I want. The question is, does he even want me back and is he willing to wait another year for potential? Perhaps he's only seeking for comfort which is fine, but I won't be providing any. I guess the only thing to do now is to wait it out to see what his true intentions are? No way in hell am I going to help him through his rebound breakup.
  8. If you want to know the whole story, please refer to my previous threads. In September, I mentioned how my ex got into a new relationship only 3 months after we ended. After knowing that I was mad, sad, all kinds of emotions but decided to go no contact indefinitely. So I did and never heard from him since. I'm still not over him but I've been doing just fine without him. To my surprise, I got a message from him out of the blue today. After some quick update on life. he asked me if I was dating anyone to which I replied no. Then he revealed to me that he just broke up with the rebound. I don't want to be his emotional crutch or therapist so I haven't replied. He hasn't bluntly stated that he wants me back. After knowing this information, I don't know how to proceed from here. I do want him back because I legit thought that he was going to be my future husband. However, I don't want to be a rebound either from his rebound if you know what I mean. I want us to be together because he loves me and not because he's trying to get over someone else. I want a healthy relationship, not a codependent one. I'm being very careful.... Any advice?
  9. Rushing into exclusivity because he wants to start off where he ended in his previous intimacy level with ex or emotionally distant and afraid to commit fully. Talk about the ex a lot Highly anxious/clingy There's no 100% way to know. But what I like to do is discretely dig out little by little when his last RS was. I'd say anything less than 6m to 1 year of his last ended LTR is treading on thin ice; you should definitely be running for the hills. Some men will be nice enough to warn you beforehand. It's actually very clear if you simply listen and trust your gut intuition.
  10. Glancing at your previous threads it looks like you have a habit of dating girls for a short period of time, ending it, and then regretting it later. This isn't the first girl you claim to be special. Something is off about you. Best advice is to figure out what you want because you're all over the place. Definitely not emotionally available. Maybe calm down and learn to be single for a bit.
  11. This is a sticky situation and I don't know the "right" answer as I am also experiencing this. Some advice (like the one above) will say stick by his side through the hard times and some will say leave him alone to resolve his own issues. I lean towards the give him space option. The problem with being supportive is that you are not his therapist or his mother. If you remain friends you have to set strict boundaries where you can't be "too" supportive to the point where you become a doormat. You will be walking on thin ice while still bonding to him. Mothering is nice for him, but it kills attraction and it'll only give you feelings of resentment since you want more than just friendship. It's too fine of a line to cross and I don't know if you want to risk time and energy for a maybe relationship. Your final decision is logical. However, don't go full NC. If he initiates contact, respond kindly, communicate, just don't give him wifey privileges. I completely agree that if a man is not happy with his career/financial success, he will not be happy to invest 100% into a relationship. Only time will tell if you two really are meant to be. At the end of the day, just focus on your own career goals/passions. Never put your life on hold for anyone. Time is too precious for that.
  12. A marriage license/certificate cost less than $100, being poor is not an excuse. Why would he break up with you when you're a free wife. Be thankful you're not married to this cheater. See a therapist, rebuild your self esteem. Yes it will be extremely hard in the beginning, but tolerating is slow suicide. For long term fulfillment, leave him and never look back. Wise up!
  13. Stop chasing him, he broke up with you, and from the sounds of it, he doesn't want you in his life. He's right, what's the purpose of meeting up with him? If he wanted to see you he would jump to the opportunity but he obviously isn't interested.
  14. Let me tell you, i've been through so many "break ups" that I have developed a trick to healing faster. You see, I noticed a pattern where immediately after the guy dumps me, I would be sad and depressed as one normally would be, but after a few months to a year, I would look back and think, sheesh what was I thinking getting so caught up emotionally over that guy? I can't believe I even had feelings for him or were even interested in him. Looking back, I realize that all my past failed relationships were blessings in disguise. Of course initially you wouldn't see that or feel blessed, but trust me, look back at this and you will be thankful that he wasn't the one. The trick is to change your mindset to the future. Think positive and believe that the universe is directing you to the man who is meant to stay in your life. The rest are just for practice.
  15. Thanks for returning to us with an update! You're doing great with the responding when he initiates. In your particular situation, I believe that you should always respond because the break up was solely due to incompatibility (distance). He seems to have no ill intentions and is obviously still interested in you if he's staying in touch with you. For now, just relax and be patient. Wait for him to ask to meet up, and then proceed from there. Right now your chances look good, just always be friendly and polite. As long as you're not going to have intercourse before commitment with him, it's ok to remain in friendly contact. Yes, it's painful and confusing right now but again, be a lovely lady and he will want you in his life. Goodluck! Also, let go of any expectations and wants. Expectations will only give you anxiety.
  16. Don't tell him until you're in a committed exclusive relationship. Obviously don't touch anyone if you have an outbreak. Cold sores are extremely common, HSV-1 is not an STD even though it can be transferred to the genitals, chances are slim to none unless your partner is immunocompromised. I have cold sore outbreaks twice a year especially when i'm stressed. I didn't tell my bf at the time because it didn't cross my mind until one day I had a sudden breakout. He freaked out but we were already together for months by then so he got over and forgot about it. He didn't get it as I kept a distance from him but he was anxious for about a week. I don't recommend not telling your partner, but if you're just casually dating, it's none of his business. If you have genital herpes then definitely tell him before becoming sexually active. It's an STD and it would be messed up not to tell others.
  17. What are you even asking? What is your goal in the end with her? It sounds like you have no intention to get back with her so we’ve already told you to pay her back and leave her alone. Your lows are due to depression, nothing to do with her. You sound extremely confused and obviously have no idea what you want.
  18. Dude, break up with her, you've had red flags and major warning signs with this one for years, just look at your previous threads from 2014. You're an enabler, something wrong with you too. She needs to be forced to grow up and face reality. You can't save her, people will only change when they hit rock bottom.
  19. List things you like about her and decide if those qualities make her 51% valuable. If not, then unfortunately you will have to be honest to your girl and admit that you're not ready. If you marry her with this craving for something different it will cause resentment and unhappiness down the line. Also, you sound immature with your drugs/smoking/drinking habits so naturally she's going to nag like a mother even though it's a poor way to communicate. Assuming that you're in your early 20s, reality is, dating is quite brutal for men with no money, good looks, or charisma. Even if you have all the following, it's still difficult to find a suitable partner unless you're just looking for hookups. Every decision you make comes with a price.
  20. I think I was the rebound for my most recent relationship. And what do you know??? We broke up! Our relationship didn't last long and his previous relationship was NC. I have requested no contact because he wouldn't leave me alone. Desperately wanted to remain friends and since I want him back, I told him hell no. Now he's dating other girls probably in hopes of filling the void. Now he's hurt over me AND his ex. He's so broken I don't think the new girls he date will get very far. Not until he learns to stay single and work on himself first. I really pity him. He seems to be afraid of being alone. Good observation OP, I hope it's true because i'm in the process of testing this theory out.
  21. I'm in a similar situation, together for 6 months, except we have to wait 2.5 years to be together. I'm not resentful that he's not willing to wait for me. That's a huge sacrifice to make and I think that majority of people would not tolerate it unless you're married. 6 months is way too short of time to know if you "love" each other. I know what i felt was infatuation, not love. However, I still want him back when the time is right. So what I did was tell him I respect his decision and not to contact me unless he wants to be a part of my life again. I wished him the best and went straight to no contact even though he wanted to remain "friends". Sorry sugar but I'm not going to tolerate being downgraded to friendship while he's out entertaining other women. I know what I want, a committed relationship, and if I get anything less than that, it's no deal. Guess what, i'm going to remain no contact until he ask for me back. Anything else, I ignore. If you disappear off the face of earth, he will never be able to forget you because the curiosity will kill him. Sooner or later he will reach out. In the meantime, don't wait. Live life, date other people when you're ready, and know that the world is a big place with unlimited options.
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