My dating Philosophy

So I was talking to a girl today over the phone I had met online and we haven't met yet in person. She lives about an 1hour 30 mins away.

Anyway she told me that she believes that a guy should pay for a date and what not.

In the past I have been the kinda guy to do this no matter the circumstance and now I have realized that when going out on lots of dates and meeting potential love match the odds are more than likely that it won't actually turn into a love match and I'm just wasting money in the process taking girls out on dates. It can add up really quickly. And I'm aware that other options exist that doesn't involve money etc.

Now I told the girl that if I'm the one driving the hour and a half distance to see her then I expect that she knows her town/ city better than I do so in essence she'd be the one taking me out and paying.

If on the other hand she is the one driving down to see me then I'd be the one doing the finding things for us to do and paying for whatever...

The third and final option would be meeting halfway and we can go half and half on whatever...

Doesn't sound like this girl quite understood my philosophy though haha which is okay.

I don't believe the guy has to pay. I think you should go Dutch all the time at least in the beginning. Now if she lives close by don't be a douche and ask for gas money like my last nightmare dater did! Other then that dating shouldn't always be left up to the guy to pay especially if she is self sufficient.

Lisa

I think whoever asks the other out should pay (at least the first time)...

Explore non-expensive date options (e.g. walk in the park, coffee, free art exhibits, etc) if you want to save or perhaps just split the bill when you go out if it concerns you that much.

Philosophically, I agree with you. In practice, I think that you're shooting yourself in the foot with some potentially good matches if you don't offer to pay. I think some women will outright reject you for a second date if you don't pay for the first. I would keep the date simple (coffee, drinks, meeting at farmer's market for coffee and to enjoy some pastries), so that if the date is a bust, you're not wasting too much money.

Anyway she told me that she believes that a guy should pay for a date and what not.

^

I'm not sure why this would be brought up, especially before meeting each other. Either way, why not meet half way for coffee first, and see if there's potential?

It's amazing how much $$$ I've saved being single and not dating. I don't mind paying as long as they at least offer. It eventually has to go both ways. I dated 1 girl. She wanted to go out 2 or 3 times a weekend. I got fed up told her we have to start doing some other things. She continued to schedule stuff. She said oh I guess the $$ hasn't run out cause I agreed to go. Well Ithe didn't run out I did haha.

So I was talking to a girl today over the phone I had met online and we haven't met yet in person. She lives about an 1hour 30 mins away.

Anyway she told me that she believes that a guy should pay for a date and what not.

 

In the past I have been the kinda guy to do this no matter the circumstance and now I have realized that when going out on lots of dates and meeting potential love match the odds are more than likely that it won't actually turn into a love match and I'm just wasting money in the process taking girls out on dates. It can add up really quickly. And I'm aware that other options exist that doesn't involve money etc.

Well, it looks like the two of you are not compatible before the first date. This is decision making time. Based on how she approaches dating, do you feel that she is worth the time and effort to see her?

It's amazing in this day and age that women want to be treated as equals (and so we should be) and yet still pull this same old stunt that men should be paying for everything and doing everything when it comes to dates.

Come on people! We are all human beings here trying to make a living and trying get by, neither sex should be put placed higher than the other.

I completely agree with you OP..your philosophy sounds very fair.

If women want to be treated like princess's...they'd better be treating the men like prince's.

I'm perfectly ok with paying half on a first date... HOWEVER... I do tend to prefer men to pay for the first date.

I know that is silly and old fashioned.

If we get to the second date, I'll pay. If the date is going well and we go out for dessert, I'll pay.

I think women spend more just to exist (bras, tampons, frilly pink razors) so the guy paying for the first date doesn't seem like an egregious injustice. I'm also ok with a cheap date like coffee.

But I agree with your idea. If a guy drove that far for me, I would for sure pay. But that's a unique situation.

Anytime I go on a date I pay. That's just how it works. Just buy her dinner, won't hurt nothing.

Justice is an important part of living.

Philosophically, I agree with you. In practice, I think that you're shooting yourself in the foot with some potentially good matches if you don't offer to pay. I think some women will outright reject you for a second date if you don't pay for the first. I would keep the date simple (coffee, drinks, meeting at farmer's market for coffee and to enjoy some pastries), so that if the date is a bust, you're not wasting too much money.

Agree with this. It may come across as calculating / stingy to be discussing who's to pay before the date even happened, even if that's not the intention.

Whether she offers to pay or not is on her, and it's a way for you to assess if you're compatible in that sense.

To avoid spending too much money on first dates, a coffee or quick drink would be a good idea. Also if you go somewhere where you can pay after, you don't even have to offer to pay if you find that you're not that interested / didn't hit it off.

Now, of course, if it's a matter of principal for you and you want to determine if you agree on the matter before you even meet, that's fine too, might be a quicker way to find someone with matching values in that regard. But may otherwise turn off some people that may be compatible in other areas.

Agree with this. It may come across as calculating / stingy to be discussing who's to pay before the date even happened, even if that's not the intention.

 

Whether she offers to pay or not is on her, and it's a way for you to assess if you're compatible in that sense.

 

To avoid spending too much money on first dates, a coffee or quick drink would be a good idea. Also if you go somewhere where you can pay after, you don't even have to offer to pay if you find that you're not that interested / didn't hit it off.

 

Now, of course, if it's a matter of principal for you and you want to determine if you agree on the matter before you even meet, that's fine too, might be a quicker way to find someone with matching values in that regard. But may otherwise turn off some people that may be compatible in other areas.

We were just having a conversation and she brought up the topic so of course I had to offer my own opinion on the subject.

Anytime I go on a date I pay. That's just how it works. Just buy her dinner, won't hurt nothing.

That's just how it works huh? For you maybe but not for me...... anymore.

I mean if I go on 1 or 3 dates a year then yeah maybe I might not mind it, but if you're going on lots of dates then you can see how things can get out of hand and quickly add up!

I should also add that once I am in an established relationship with someone then I follow the

If I suggest we go do something I would generally tend to pay for the activity

and If my partner suggests we go do (insert any activity) then I would let her pay for it

I value equality, it's not like I'm saying that I wouldn't do something for someone I care about, but for me to be just be paying for someone that is essentially a stranger that I may or may not meet again after first time meeting just isn't something I can do any more. I have nothing against men who choose to do it. Good Luck to them!

Don't ask anyone for a date before scheduling a quick meet for coffee or ice cream first. This is a common form of 'speed meeting' using dating apps. Rules are that you meet only for 15 to 30 minutes, neither can ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward with an invitation. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if it's a no, then no response is necessary. That takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table.

From there, whoever invites pays.

I don't consider the first meeting a date. Therefore there are no expectations of who should pay.

Anytime I go on a date I pay. That's just how it works. Just buy her dinner, won't hurt nothing.

So do I, but the OP has a very good point - 99.9% of the time it ends up going nowhere and in reality we're out there buying drinks and food for strangers. Pretty lame if you ask me.

This discussion of paying... tedious, persistent, petty, unresolved. We use it as indicators of so many things and potentially mutually exclusive things that the meaning is gone, except the place where it started. It is simply a nice thing to do, and something one does with grace, same as the other person offering to pay with grace.

If I ask, I pay. I still find it charming when he pays. On a first date, I prefer to offer and be overruled. I have been told I am as one in 10 women who offer. Oddly, if we become serious, I will let my man pay often or even always if he has the means and the inclination. I make it my job to give in other ways, like getting tickets, baking, planting something nice in his yard, whatever I can think of that doesn't put cash between us.

This discussion of paying... tedious, persistent, petty, unresolved.

Exactly. Although, it's resolved for some of us. This doesn't even need to be an issue for people using dating apps. Just meet on neutral ground for a 'non-date' first, and then be selective about who you'll invite to treat to a real date.

Meeting people first makes the rest self limiting.

Exactly. Although, it's resolved for some of us. This doesn't even need to be an issue for people using dating apps. Just meet on neutral ground for a 'non-date' first, and then be selective about who you'll invite to treat to a real date.

 

Meeting people first makes the rest self limiting.

Yes. I don't find logic in the act of inviting someone to dinner and then being unhappy to pay for it. Maybe some people feel obligated to take others to dinner, but there is no such obligation. It's just an easy date idea. If one doesn't want to pay for dinner, movies, etc, then offer something else like a bike ride or volunteer to serve a meal at shelter. So many ways to share time.