How to deal with being ignored and why people do it

Recently I met a guy who fell in love with me all of a sudden and we connected very quickly. I told him I wanted to be with him but wanted to take things slow so we could get to know each other. We had some arguments but we worked them out. Two weeks ago we got in a fight and I left the apartment and didn't speak to him for a few days and decided to talk to him to at least work things out, whether to break up or not. He is going through a tough time in his life where he's unemployed, has to pay for his daughter's pension, recently left the apartment he shared with his friend to live somewhere cheaper, in resume, things aren't looking the best for him, yet I always made it clear that it wouldn't be an issue between us and that I was willing to stick with him and get past these problems.

It was all good after we talked and we decided to stay together after all. This was last Wednesday. The next day he says he's got no money to go out (we were planning on going to a club) and will only be getting money on Friday, so I told him we could do something on Friday, not meaning that I'd go to the club with my friends but meaning that we could wait another day to see each other. That was enough for him to want to break up with me because he said I don't care about him, I only care about going out and partying that I could have suggested something else for us to do etc etc... I was shocked because I would never do that to him. I'm not a selfish person, I was actually thinking of seeing each other on Friday thinking it was the best choice for us, not because I wanted to go to the club by myself, he had NO money and I'm also in no position to pay for both of us since I'm also unemployed and have only the money my dad gives me for now.

Anyways, he was barely talking to me saying he got a job that would require a lot of his time, giving excuses to break up with me and I told him I didn't care if his job took most of his time, I just wanted to be with him. We then agreed to meet with each other on Saturday, have lunch together and go to a party in the afternoon. Saturday I got no messages from him, he turned off his phone, didn't answer my texts and simply disappeared. Sunday I sent him texts saying I was upset and didn't understand his attitudes towards me since I never did anything to hurt him, never disrespected him. Basically from one day to another he stopped being in love with me and shut me off (I am also suspecting he got back with his ex at the same time, explaining why this sudden change) Either way, after sending some texts he only replied with few words, explaining nothing and left me talking to myself.

This is not the first time someone just straight out ignores me, knowing that I'm hurting. I only wanted an answer, I'm not forcing him to be with me, all I asked for was a text back, that was ALL. Don't need to call me or come meet me, just text a few words, but instead he chose to straight out ignore me. I cannot be that cold blooded to anyone, even if that person doesn't mean anything to me. I can't see someone who is clearly upset wanting an answer and just pretend nothing happened. He was so cruel and mean to me for no reason at all. I am really tired of being a good person and only get stepped on. To this day there has not been a man in my life I can look back to and say there were at least a nice person. All of them hurt me in some really bad way. I just don't know how to deal with this anymore and deal with the fact that this guy is ignoring me just for the heck of it.

I'm sorry you're disappointed with how he is treating you. I think the writing was on the wall once you fell in love and had all those arguments right in the beginning -sounds like a pretty volatile, dramatic dynamic from the get go and those usually burn out pretty fast. Also sounds like he has a lot of drama in his life that means he is not really available for a relationship with you. I don't think he stopped being in love with you -I think neither of you knew each other well enough to love each other but knew each other well enough to be infatuated and fueled by all the drama. Let yourself have a pity party for a day or so as far as his disappearing then I'd see this as freedom to move on and meet someone you can get to know at a reasonable pace and have a good time with without it being this dramatic.

"That was enough for him to want to break up with me"

So did he want to break up with you, or did he actually break up with you?

And what were all the earlier arguments about? Particularly the one that resulted in you two not talking for days. Those don't sound like details to just skirt over.

How often were you two going out? Was he ever paying for you despite you both being low on funds? Whose idea has it typically been to go out for drinks or to club? Not that the dude doesn't sound whiny, but it sounds like he's had some resentment that's been snowballing for a bit now. You kinda blowing right over the fact he didn't have money and just suggesting another night than addressing the possibility of doing something free / cheap looks to be the straw that broke the came's back. Then again, he's free to also make the suggestion. That may be its own issue though if he feels he's having to make any plans that aren't clubbing related. For whatever reason, he feels pressured to spend money, though.

In any case, no one should just blow you off after making plans like that, but it sounds like he made his feelings pretty clear then and there.

Let's just say we both like partying a lot. But not in the sense to go out and hook up with people. We enjoy techno music and like to go out and see the DJs we like play. That's one of the things that made us like each other. But that was never an issue, I don't mind dating someone who likes going to clubs since I do too, but I also wouldn't care doing something else or staying at home if he has no money, but in his mind all I care about is going to parties which is a lie since I'm very adaptable to situations, especially when there's someone I'm in love with involved.

I have a sense he got back with his ex, I linked some points and it makes sense. I confronted him numerous times, sent him texts almost begging for an answer and I got silence. He also has a temper, so that's why we had some arguments, little things would turn into huge issues because he would go from calm to extremely mad in seconds and I just couldn't deal with that. But then again, I'm a very patient and comprehensive person, it takes a lot to make me give up on the person, so even after everything I was still willing to make things work.

I feel lied to, I feel like he never really liked me in the first place. I did nothing serious to him for him to ignore and mistreat me this way, leaving me with more questions than answers... Also the fact that he got back with is ex is the most reasonable answer to all of this, since even when he had arguments with me, he'd never ignore me, but now it's like he feels nothing towards me, never knew he could be so cold hearted towards someone that only 5 days ago he would say he was so in love with.

Is this the guy who treats you poorly, and has two baby mommas? Why would you want to return to this toxic environment?

It seems like you are going around in circles in your head about a long-dead relationship. Would you agree?

Is this the guy who treats you poorly, and has two baby mommas? Why would you want to return to this toxic environment?

no no no Lol, this guys is dead and gone to me. Haven't spoken to him in 3 months and I'm totally over him.

This is another guy, but he's trouble too.

I can't help but feel sad over this. I am overwhelmed by the fact that in one year, the only guy I loved broke up with me and is happy and in love with someone else, the other guy I liked was a total mess, and now this guy who I actually thought could be something, turned out HORRIBLY. And the worst of it is that I did nothing serious for him to treat me so poorly. I messaged him yesterday and got no answer still. I could never in a million years do that to someone, I think everyone deserves an answer, and explanation, even if it's: I don't like you anymore. He went from being completely in love, treating me like a princess to ignoring me and blowing his plans with me.

Over these 10 months I've been single I've been building my self esteem to the point where I'm extremely confident with myself and don't need anyone to be happy, but I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me because guys always leave me and sometimes there's no explanation. I always try to be a nice and respectful person, but it always seems to backfire and the guy gets the best out of the situation (gets back with ex, meets someone new etc etc) while I'm left with nothing.

The issue is that you are focused on the "princess" and "in love" when you've known pairs of your socks longer. You and he may have felt that first rush of infatuation but you didn't know him well enough to know whether those infatuation or even in love feelings would be consistent with loving actions -with giving in a loving way -simply didn't know him long enough to know that so your expectations were kind of unrealistic. Most definitely he owes you a phone call. Common courtesy- but as you wrote what you're really upset about is having expectations based on "princess" and "in love" and then it doesn't work out after a short time. It's not about the etiquette issue.

I don't believe you're extremely confident if you are focused on that he treated you like a princess and "completely in love" - if you were secure within yourself, you'd recognize how lovely it is to be treated in a genuine way, to be listened to in a respectful way, to be with someone who wants to have fun, laugh and get to know the real you. That would be less thrilling in some ways-especially since you're used to drama and trouble but it would be up to you whether you expect and need "connect very quickly" or whether you actually are interested in getting to know someone over a period of time and developing loving feelings that -more importantly -are loving actions over a long period of time.

Also life isn't fair. Period. Some people meet their right person at the right time, others have to struggle more. It is what it is.

People who "fall in love" very quickly are often bad news because they fall out of love again just as fast.

Next time you find yourself overwhelmed with romantic feelings, get a grip. Ask yourself how well you really know this person, their history, their current relationship status and their values. These are the things that will have more bearing on whether they're relationship material than whether you like the same music or going to the same places. Early in a relationship you're still getting to know each other, and you haven't got enough information yet

If someone has consistently ignored your messages and isn't responding, just let it - and them - go. Especially if you know that every unanswered text is going to make you even unhappier.

He's not in a position to date no less sustain a relationship. He has to feel whole about himself first. If someone simply fades out then don't text incessantly looking for "a few words". Flash in the pan romances burn out quickly.

Why not focus on yourself and your employment and education and career and financial goals rather than going to clubs and chasing guys who ignore you?

He is going through a tough time in his life where he's unemployed, has to pay for his daughter's pension, recently left the apartment he shared with his friend to live somewhere cheaper. I am also suspecting he got back with his ex at the same time, explaining why this sudden change

The thing is that I was actually concerned about things going too fast, but I guess this is a flaw of mine, where I ALWAYS try to please the person I'm with. It's less than actually wanting to be with the person and more like "I don't wanna let you down so let's just see how it goes". But what frustrates me is I did nothing serious to him. In fact, today he is going to the same club AGAIN, the one club he broke up with me for.

So either he did get back with his ex, or he really is a hypocrite who just likes to play mean jokes on people. I swear I've never met such a bad person in my life. Even that other guy I dated that was all messed up apologized for what he did. And he just simply disappeared. Like he read all of my messages and ignored them and kept living his life like I never even existed, which is beyond bizarre to me, I texted him again and he didn't even read the message, while anyone else would at least be curious to see.

To me he is bad person, there's no excuse for treating someone like that, especially when they did nothing to hurt them. And I just can't help but blame myself for getting involved and believing in such a horrible, horrible person.

Jump for joy that you dodged a bullet.

I just can't help but blame myself for getting involved and believing in such a horrible, horrible person.

Jump for joy that you dodged a bullet.

Yes, I'm happy for that. Just upset that I got fooled so easily. I have a bad habit of thinking that people wouldn't to me what I wouldn't do to them, but the truth is they can be just simply cruel for no reason at all.

I have a bad habit of thinking that people wouldn't to me what I wouldn't do to them, but the truth is they can be just simply cruel for no reason at all.

That's right.

Yes, treat people the way that you want to be treated. But don't expect that to guarantee that everyone you meet will treat you well, because there is no guarantee of that.

You have to use your noodle.

Yes, I'm happy for that. Just upset that I got fooled so easily. I have a bad habit of thinking that people wouldn't to me what I wouldn't do to them, but the truth is they can be just simply cruel for no reason at all.

Well, no, it's not that -the "bad habit" is making assumptions about people you really don't know well, especially if you're looking at the new person through lust-filled eyes. Sure there are cruel people out there -in this case it's not clear. He went about ending things in a jerky way but perhaps he felt it was better than telling you things that might hurt you even unintentionally. Who knows.

I would avoid the temptation of "I'm too nice" or "people are cruel and I just have to accept that" - rather how about "what can I do to improve my self-worth so that I don't chase men who are full of drama?" or "what can I do to manage my expectations when I am first getting to know someone" or "why is it so important to me to feel like I'm being treated like a princess?"

Agree....

"what can I do to improve my self-worth so that I don't chase men who are full of drama?"

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I would avoid the temptation of "I'm too nice" or "people are cruel and I just have to accept that" - rather how about "what can I do to improve my self-worth so that I don't chase men who are full of drama?" or "what can I do to manage my expectations when I am first getting to know someone" or "why is it so important to me to feel like I'm being treated like a princess?"

Thank you, that puts things in a whole new different perspective. Yes, I know I have to be more rational, and less sentimental. Next time I'll know not to create expectations too soon or give in too soon. In fact when we started I kept telling him that we should take it slow, that I was afraid of getting hurt, that he'd hurt me eventually and I just wanted to see what he was like before getting serious. Turned out everything I said was true. He did hurt me, he did leave me and in the worst possible way: no even giving an explanation, just disappeared. I can't help but feel bad about all this, I keep thinking about him and his ex and the fact that I think they got back together, the fact that I texted him and all I got was 3 short sentences explaining nothing and then went on to ignore me. Ignored me today also with another text I sent, not even seeing it, which is such a weird thing to me, because everyone would be at least curious.

I would've understood if this guy hadn't been so interested or if he wasn't in the mood for a relationship. But he kept talking about us, he said he wanted to make things serious. Do people just lie because they're confused and then when they realize it's not what they feel they simply leave? I could never do that. This is disturbing me more than I thought it would, being ignored is the worst. I just wanted closure, that was all. I wanted an answer, it would take him 5 minutes. It would've cost him nothing but he decided it was best to leave me feeling upset rather than being a man about it and getting it over with. The most "reasonable" explanation to all this is that he got back with his ex, other than that I'm inclined to think he's simply crazy.

Also I wonder, is there such a thing as a bad person? Because I'm really starting to think there is. People who have no compassion for the other. I've been in situations where I could've told the person to go to hell and left, but stayed and had the consideration to talk. I've had people treat me horribly while I never did even half of that to anyone. So if I can act like this, why is it that some other people can't? I think some people just enjoy playing games and making other people feel bad, even when they did nothing wrong.

Also I wonder, is there such a thing as a bad person? Because I'm really starting to think there is. People who have no compassion for the other. I've been in situations where I could've told the person to go to hell and left, but stayed and had the consideration to talk. I've had people treat me horribly while I never did even half of that to anyone. So if I can act like this, why is it that some other people can't? I think some people just enjoy playing games and making other people feel bad, even when they did nothing wrong.

Feeling like a Victim, sorry, is part of playing the game. Sitting there thinking that someone's 'making you feel bad' while you did nothing wrong, is a game.

It might be useful to get away from notions of 'right', 'wrong', 'good', 'bad' etc...

You met a guy with a heap of personal problems and an ex in the background. He got emotionally involved with you very quickly, despite you asking him to take things slowly. I'm suggesting that some women would look at this, realise he was not relationship material, and move on. This isn't saying that anyone's good or bad, it's just looking at facts.

Then - as so often happens - the guy fell out of love just as quickly as he fell in. Despite you telling him you wanted to take things slowly, you actually fell 'in love' just as fast. I'm suggesting that some women would realise that his feelings were delusory, go along for the ride if it looked like fun - without getting emotionally involved - and then not been surprised when he disappeared. Again, this isn't accusing anyone, it's just looking at facts.

The problem with feeling like a Victim is that you will unconsciously set yourself up in this kind of scenario again and again. If you can take responsibility for yourself, and exercise self-care, i.e. not dating losers, getting a grip when you feel overwhelmed with romantic feelings for someone you hardly know etc etc, then this type of relationship will lose its attraction.

... and leave you free to have a healthy relationship with an appropriate person...!

Also I wonder, is there such a thing as a bad person? Because I'm really starting to think there is. People who have no compassion for the other. I've been in situations where I could've told the person to go to hell and left, but stayed and had the consideration to talk. I've had people treat me horribly while I never did even half of that to anyone. So if I can act like this, why is it that some other people can't? I think some people just enjoy playing games and making other people feel bad, even when they did nothing wrong.

He is a person who acted in an impolite way towards you. He might otherwise be a very good person who made a bad choice. I agree with Nutbrownhare to avoid playing the victim -unproductive. I am sure you have acted in rude or impolite ways to people in your life.

There are imperfect people, bad people, people who make mistakes, etc.

Then there are naive people and people without self respect like this 6759278]I've been in situations where I could've told the person to go to hell and left, but stayed and had the consideration to talk. I've had people treat me horribly while I never did even half of that to anyone.