How can some people give up on relationships so easily?

I dated this girl from February to October of last year; yeah, not a long time but it was very intense and even now I'm not at all over her.

She ended it and we've been in no contact since November (her choice). The last time I tried to call her was on her birthday in December; took me that long to figure out she blocked me after our last conversation. I texted a friend of hers in April asking about her and that led no where. She's not on FB or Insta and blocked me on Twitter when we broke up so I have no idea if she's seeing anyone/has been with anyone. I haven't dated at all because I still have very strong feelings for her so why potentially lead another woman on? Our relationship wasn't perfect but it didn't warrant this behavior. I mean to never speak to someone again I feel should only be used for abuse, cheating, something TERRIBLE and nothing like that happened with us. We argued quite a bit though. She could be very sensitive at times and I have a tendency say how I feel and that wouldn't sit right with her. She took it as being disrespectful which it wasn't on my part. Also, she was a little distant at times not wanting to call or text on certain days. She said she wasn't the type that "needed attention all the time" and liked to be alone every once in a while and not to take it as a personal rejection, but what else do you take it as when your girlfriend doesn't want to talk? When she was studying, I could understand but outside of that it made no sense.

I initially brushed off the fact that she dumped me; I really thought she was just upset over the most recent fight and didn't think the break up was serious but then she went no contact. When I saw she blocked me on Twitter, I knew it was real. She didn't speak to me again until November. I thought about just going up to her dorm, but figured that was a really bad idea on the way over there. I'll admit, in that month I called her a lot and sent a lot of begging text messages (I know, BIG mistake). In November, I did ask for her back. She said no, that we have a lot of issues, things wouldn't change and because of everything that happened she no longer has feelings for me. I asked if we could be friends and she wasn't interested in that either (she didn't say that exactly, but that's what she meant). The absolute last bit of communication we had was a week later when I invited her to Thanksgiving at my parents' house (she met my immediate family when we were dating) and she said she had other plans. I doubt that; her family is in another state and she never went home for Thanksgiving.

I just don't understand what went so wrong that we can't even speak anymore. I asked her this in November and she said "the fact that you don't get it after everything is part of the problem" but to me, nothing that happened was that bad. I get why she broke up with me; I was acting rather jerky towards the end, but is she so jaded that she thinks that's all I'll ever be? I really wish I had been given that second chance and it seems really unfair that she didn't even want to try

Probably best to go and stay no contact and block her from everything. It seems like beating a dead horse, no?

Actually you should be on dating apps dating other women by now, not hanging onto this.

she said "the fact that you don't get it after everything is part of the problem"

She lost interest for you. That is the matter. All of other is just excuse.

She lost interest for you. That is the matter. All of other is just excuse.

So you think the real reason she broke up with me has nothing to do with me? Then why go ghost afterwards? We don't have to be best friends, but to ignore my existence seems very excessive.

No contact and blocking is pretty common after break ups, so is this 625;6608449]the real reason she broke up with me has nothing to do with me?

No contact and blocking is pretty common after break ups

 

That's true. I've blocked/stopped contact with a few of my exes after we broke up but like I said, they did extreme things that warranted that like cheating. I didn't do anything near that bad and she wants nothing to do with me? It just seems so cold.

Our relationship wasn't perfect but it didn't warrant this behavior. I mean to never speak to someone again I feel should only be used for abuse, cheating, something TERRIBLE and nothing like that happened with us. We argued quite a bit though. She could be very sensitive at times and I have a tendency say how I feel and that wouldn't sit right with her. She took it as being disrespectful which it wasn't

Going zero contact is the best way to sever when you (the general you) aren't accepting that the relationship is over. She is now giving you the gift of doing the mental work you need to do to understand your mistaken thought process that the way you were with her was not disrespectful. It gives you a chance to read about personal boundaries (that's what she has by not staying with you and allowing the disrespect) and it gives you a chance on self reflection, a chance to learn and forgive yourself and a chance to heal and move on being all that much more dating savvy.

By not talking to you she is forcing you to accept its over and accepting is the first step to getting to the stage of indifference to her so you can find someone new. You've yet to accept though and that's on you because she's given you a gift that you're not using.

Also, I want to mention when I asked why we couldn't be friends she said we can't because I still had feelings for her (true) and that if she knew what type of person I was before we started dating, she never would have been my friend much less my girlfriend

Sorry but you don't get to use YOUR perception of what is and isn't disrespectful to someone else. She clearly felt that the way you were was being disrespectful and I sense that is why she blocked you and went zero contact.

I completely understand that, but like I mentioned earlier, she could be really sensitive at times and it's hard to know when you're actually crossing a line versus the person just throwing a fit over nothing when dealing with someone like that.

Ouch, she's quite blunt. Yeah, don't bother letting her beat you up through any contact.

if she knew what type of person I was before we started dating, she never would have been my friend much less my girlfriend

I get why she broke up with me; I was acting rather jerky towards the end

In what ways were you acting jerky? When someone is jerky to me (usually in an emotionally unavailable sort of way), I go NC because I feel uncared for and disrespected, and I need to not talk to them in order to get over them.

Or it could be like Iam said and she lost interest, and is now avoiding you because it's uncomfortable and she doesn't want to lead you on (not saying it's not cruel, just saying this could be what she's doing).

That's true. I've blocked/stopped contact with a few of my exes after we broke up but like I said, they did extreme things that warranted that like cheating. I didn't do anything near that bad and she wants nothing to do with me? It just seems so cold.

I think this is where you are tripping up. The way you view it, it needs to be a serious crime in order to give up on a relationship. (abuse/cheating)

But what I am reading is that you didn't respect her boundaries even after repeated requests you continued to push and pursue. You still some how are trying to justify busting into her life long after she has shut the door.

A lack of respect is a good enough reason for a lot of people to cut another person out of their life. That and `acting jerky' as you admit would be more than enough for someone to consider not continuing the relationship.

People don't need to wait until they are abused and cheated on to leave an otherwise unhealthy relationship.

Also, I want to mention when I asked why we couldn't be friends she said we can't because I still had feelings for her (true) and that if she knew what type of person I was before we started dating, she never would have been my friend much less my girlfriend

 

What type of person are you?? What does she mean by this? Surely SOMETHING must have happened to make her feel this way?

In what ways were you acting jerky?

Basically, I was going through a lot at home and I really let that affect my relationship with her. Like one for instance, there was this one Saturday where I was supposed to go see her. We used to go to the same school but I transferred out last fall so the weekends were the only days we could go out. I had gotten into an argument with my mother the day before (she was harping on me about some things) so I was in a bad place that weekend and just wanted to wallow basically. Instead of telling her this, I let her think I was coming over and then something said something came up at the last minute. I know, really stupid but I didn't want to hear any grief from her either (we had several issues regarding my mother). I didn't like keeping things from her, so the next time we hung out I told her the truth and she got really upset. She said I was immature for lying and wasn't treating her nicely on top of other things that had happened. I ended up leaving early that day. I think that's when things really went downhill. That was maybe 3 weeks before the BU.

What type of person are you?? What does she mean by this? Surely SOMETHING must have happened to make her feel this way?

I think I'm a decent enough guy, but I have my faults. Her friend in April laid it out for me when I asked if she thought my ex would ever give me another chance. One thing that I completely understand is how immature I can be at times. That turned into a big problem. I fibbed to my ex about a couple of times (LITERALLY, not on a regular basis) over things that were really stupid and after confessing the truth, things were different with her. It was like she stopped treating me the same.

I completely understand that, but like I mentioned earlier, she could be really sensitive at times and it's hard to know when you're actually crossing a line versus the person just throwing a fit over nothing when dealing with someone like that.

If you knew that she was the sensitive type then the last way you should have been treating her is with lies and disrespect. Disrespect means you are not respecting the other persons sensibilities. She knows you better then we would so you are going to have to believe her, change your ways or find someone that is more able to let your ways role off of their back as no-big-deal.

Its over Yaelic. She is handling this the way that she thinks is best for both of you, which it is if she has said that she wouldn't want you as a friend. Accept that and move on. Learn what you can from this relationship and then go forth with a clean slate. No new girl worth having is going to like you hanging out with a past lover with whom you are still pining over.

She doesn't trust you, and as you said, you were an immature jerk at times.

It's over. Learn from this, and leave her alone. She does not want to be friends. Accept it, and respect her wishes.

I think I'm a decent enough guy, but I have my faults. Her friend in April laid it out for me when I asked if she thought my ex would ever give me another chance. One thing that I completely understand is how immature I can be at times. That turned into a big problem. I fibbed to my ex about a couple of times (LITERALLY, not on a regular basis) over things that were really stupid and after confessing the truth, things were different with her. It was like she stopped treating me the same.

That's all it took for her to decide that the two of you were not compatible.

You need to try to accept something you have no control over.

The only thing you have control over is your part. She has made her choice.

You'll be doing yourself a favor by letting go of this. There are always very valuable lessons in each relationship.

Try to be grateful for the lesson and move on

I get that, but do people not believe in change? Surely, a lot of you here (myself included) are not the exact same person you were 10 years ago and probably won't be 10 years from now so why write me off forever? I'm not saying she had to stay in my romantic life for 10 years, but to cut me off like that as if I am a disposable wipe was pretty crappy. Plus, I didn't even get the chance to improve or show her things could be better; that seems to be an unhealthy mindset as far as relationships go.

She does not want you in her life. She does not see you as friend material. I would not want a friend, who I could not trust - you lied more than once! I would be done ,too.

You don't sound like you are very respectful of other people's decisions. Perhaps, you should work on this, too.

Why do you want her back so badly? It's not about changing, she is just done.

I get that, but do people not believe in change?

You don't sound like you are very respectful of other people's decisions.

I am very respectful, but when someone is super sensitive gets mad over every little comment and labels it as "disrespect," it's very hard to take them serious.

If that's the case, then why do you want to be together? Doesn't sound like you are compatible.

If you were respectful, you would not have contacted after being blocked, nor reached out to the friend.

She does not want you in her life. Accept it!

Why do you want her back so badly?

Because she is a really great person and was a overall a great girlfriend. She's the most caring and sweet person I've ever been with. When we got along, things were excellent. She was always there for me and the only woman I've ever met that didn't try to change me/mold me into someone else, something I'm paranoid about because of a previous ex. I'm still in love with her and as cliched as it sounds, she's someone you meet only once in a lifetime type of person. Maybe I'm not depicting her in the best light in this thread, but she was very good to me until the end