Married man on dating site

I got talking to this guy on a dating site a few months back. I found it a little weird after 2 weeks he hadn't given his phone number or asked for mine. One particular day I gave mine and said he could text me as I had to go for the day.

I never got a text and when I came back he just said he had run into some crazy girls on the site before so didn't want to give out his number right away, and we continued to chat through the site.

After 6 weeks I was tired of it. He kept telling me he wanted to tell me something but wasn't ready yet. He kept saying we connected so well. We had skyped each other so we could see each other and had conversations on skype for hours.

After I still didn't know his last name, his number or anything about him I told him I was kind of over us talking and not meeting and I didn't want to waste time anymore. He then just came out with it. He said he was married, he found out she had been talking to some other man and she said nothing happened with them, but she missed the spark. He said he found the calls to some random number on the phone records, so he decided to get on this dating site to just see what was out there.

I told him I really didn't appreciate being lied to but if he ever was single in the future he could reach out again and if I was single maybe we could see what we could have. He said he wanted to continuing talking as friends, was leaving her, and he really wanted to pursue us because he thought we had something that really had potential.

We kept talking as friends but it didn't really work out too well. I noticed he was still always on the dating site and basically said to him I feel like he is still looking and chatting up other women and it isn't right, especially as he basically told me he was falling for me.

Recently I decided to just stop talking to him because it was the best for me. I know that everything about this would have probably ended badly, and he hasn't actually even been online since I decided to not respond to him anymore, and I still miss talking to him after everything. I don't know what is wrong with me. I fantasize about him all the time but we have never met. I still miss talking to him but he lied from the start. I am wondering how to move forward because I can't stop thinking about him. I feel stupid too because we never met.

welcome to ENA. I think you just need to move forward and forget about him. In the future, if you don't move to phone calls and a date within a week or 2, move on. There's something up.

I'm sorry you're hurting. This guy is scummy. There's no reason for a married anyone to be on a dating site. I doubt he's leaving his wife and he just enjoys the attention. Just give yourself some time and you will move on in time but it will take a bit.

Thank you. My friends think he will try and reach out again. He hasn't been online since the last message he sent and I never replied to. I also wonder if the sob story about the wife talking to another guy was just a story. I am hoping he hasn't been online as he is working on his marriage!

He probably will. You can block him on the site though, right? That way he can't send you a message. I don't think his wife was cheating, usually when someone says something like that when they are cheating themselves, it's a lie. It's a way to justify their own actions. Goes for women too. Women who are cheating saying that they are doing it because "my husband is too"...don't believe them.

These guys (and gals) are a dime a dozen. You've fallen for a fantasy, because hello you have never even met the guy. He's trolling for women to offer to let him come to their place, he's toying with when and where to ditch the wife, and the whole "Sob, she's done doing me wrong," line is the oldest in the book.

Minus points for not even being original. I swear, you need better friends if you think having some guy who doesn't speak up about being married for weeks on a dating site is friend material at all.

He's not working on his marriage, duh. Or he wouldn't be on a dating site hiding the fact he's married. His wife is totally clueless and he's going home to her every night spouting how much he lurvs her and what a lucky guy he is. That poor woman.

Seriously, block and delete him, report him to the dating site moderators or whoever is in charge of the thing, and stop wasting your time unless you are totally cool with being a side piece.

Why would you even think this person could be a friend? You know he's been yessing everything and building a false picture of who he is just to get in your pants, right?

Maybe I was just less naïve when I did online dating, but I could smell that crap a mile off and they were always the whole "Gosh, we have soooooo much in common it's scary" people. Lying by omission is still lying, BTW so why would you even want a friend who's a liar let alone anyone else?

Your only response when you find out they're married or in a relationship, and on a dating site, is "Block/delete/report" move the hell on.

You still want to be friends with him or date him in the future? Hiding his marriage is a pretty big lie to tell. Liars doesn't deserve a friendship with you.

Cut this guy out of your life for good. You don't benefit being with him.

I hate liars. I hope you do as well because they are only put to take advantage of you.

I said at the end of the story I haven't replied back to him since last week and I have chosen not to, so I am not wasting my time anymore. It is more trying to move past it. I had said previously we could be friends but have decided against it. I haven't replied to him for a week now.

I told him I really didn't appreciate being lied to but if he ever was single in the future he could reach out again and if I was single maybe we could see what we could have. He said he wanted to continuing talking as friends, was leaving her, and he really wanted to pursue us because he thought we had something that really had potential.

Oh yea? Then how is this moving on by suggesting this?

Then I am not sure what you are asking here. Cut the contact and give yourself time. No one here can tell you how to move on because we're not you.

We have been talking as friends but as stated in the story it wasn't working. I have now decided to cut contact but I am having a hard time getting over it.

To get over him (the fantasy) just keep picturing in your mind, that he was married and he probably would do to you what he's doing to his wife.

They aren't just on dating sites (which is their happy hunting ground) but the other day talking to a much younger friend who tells me the clubs are full of married men on the "lookout". So anyone who tells you infidelity is non-existent is lying through their teeth.

He's either on to the next victim, or his wife caught him red handed. In short, you dodged a bullet.

We have been talking as friends but as stated in the story it wasn't working. I have now decided to cut contact but I am having a hard time getting over it.

I think in the future, just run away at the first sign that a man is married, or if he doesn't want to meet quickly. Guys who are single and available typically want to meet quickly for a drink or coffee and see if there is chemistry. Don't get attached or turn into pen pals if he's going to be a time waster.

I just don't get people like him. If you are unhappy do something. Why sneak around or be a coward.

I just don't get people like him. If you are unhappy do something. Why sneak around or be a coward.

Because they're too lazy to put in the work to improve their marriage. And the marriage isn't bad enough for them to leave and divorce and move out and pay child support and alimony and all that.... They'd rather have fun with a side chick and enjoy the stability of their homelife.

Agree. Any variation of "my wife doesn't understand me" is to hook you in and justify his cheating. Good you deleted him and moved on.

I also wonder if the sob story about the wife talking to another guy was just a story.

Yep.

My wife doesn't understand me. sob sob.

Problem is: she understand you all too well!

Agree. Any variation of "my wife doesn't understand me" is to hook you in and justify his cheating. Good you deleted him and moved on.

Or, "I'm separated" (but his wife just doesn't know it!)