Update... how the festival went.

So... anyone who has read my recent threads knows I am going through a breakup right now. I also worked at this huge festival this past weekend. This was the biggest event I have ever worked at. And it was my ex who suggested I do it.

It's been ten weeks since the break up. We were together for four years. He asked me for time apart so we could work on ourselves. He has also told me he hopes we get back together some time in the future... but I am starting to think that every time he said that was a lie and he was just trying to make himself feel better by feeding me false hope.

We were supposed to meet up this weekend and have dinner. That got canceled. He was busy with work and moving on both Friday and Saturday. I can understand why he doesn't want to deal with this while moving... but he dumped me while I was in the middle of moving, on the front porch steps of the house I just bought.

So, we were texting last week, and I told him on Sunday if he felt like stopping by I would be fine with that. This festival is right up his alley. It's not far from where he currently lives. And when we were still together he told me I should do it and went on and on about how great it is. So I figured he would probably want to go anyway, and I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't because of me. He said he might come on Sunday. I said, "Well do me a favor and let me know either way, ok?" Which he said he would do. I just wanted to be able to mentally prepare myself for seeing him. Especially since I was there working. I didn't want him to just walk around the corner and then I start crying.

Well, he didn't show up. Didn't have the courtesy to take two seconds and send me a text letting me know he wasn't coming. Whatever... I am starting to just think to hell with him. It's obvious he doesn't care about me. Why do I still care about him? I am even starting to wonder if he ever cared at all. That's a harsh thing to think... but I don't understand how after so long with someone he could be so indifferent.

As far as the festival itself, it was quite a learning experience for me professionally. I made money, but think I could have made more. I mean, I was there competing with a couple hundred other artists for sales.

And I met these guys who had a booth down below mine. They were all dressed like Pirates. They kept coming up to my booth and flirting with me all weekend. It made me feel good. It's nice knowing I can still attract attention. It's really obvious one of them likes me. When I got back to my hotel Saturday night I had a facebook friend request from him already and he has been messaging me ever since. I am in no way ready to date yet, though. So I have been really careful to not lead him on. I'm still in love with my ex. It wouldn't be fair to start dating someone right now.

Now that the event is over, though... I feel really depressed. This festival took up a lot of my time and energy for the last month, and made the pain of my breakup a little more bearable. I had something to look forward to and put time and energy into. Now I am going to have to find something else to keep pain from taking over again. And the way my ex has treated me lately certainly isn't helping. I really hope I can keep up this, "To hell with him. He's an ass." attitude. But I don't think that's going to last. There are a lot of things I want to say to him, for my own sake. And I am starting to think I am never going to get the opportunity to say them, which I don't think is fair, but life isn't fair.

I had a really upsetting dream about him last night too. I basically dreamt that we were still together and I was pretty much watching him leave me for someone else. We were at my house... and this girl was there. I was going to go take a shower, and they were just watching TV. I had to go back down stairs to get something, and they were cuddling. I asked what was going on here. I was told they were just being friendly, etc, and would stop if it upset me. So I took my shower, and I remember I was planning on cooking some food after I took a shower. And when I got out she was cooking something for him. And he told me that it's obvious she knows exactly what he needs when he needs it, unlike some people. I told him I was going to cook for him after my shower. And he said I was selfish because I just had to let him sit there hungry while I took a shower. I felt awful and started to cry. And he just ignored me and gave her all these compliments about how nice she was and how good her food was, etc. I felt completely gutted. And that's what I woke up feeling like today. I know dreams are just dreams... but still.

So... that's how this weekend went, if anyone was curious. Any comments are welcome, thanks in advance.

Good to see the festival was mostly a positive.

As far as advice, it's the same. Until you accept that your relationship is done, you won't really start to heal.

Eventually you'll get there.

I am so sorry you had such an awful time. You have a lot of positive take-aways from the weekend though. You realized there are other men in the world and some that are in hot pursuit! You also saw how you can do things that are outside of your comfort zone on your own and be SUCCESSFUL. You didn't need a man (and certainly not your ex) to help you.

I know you did not want this breakup but I believe that this will lead you to your breakthrough. I am trying to believe that for myself as well...I am two weeks NC and trying to look hard and long at where I am and be proud of how far I have come.

YOU, my dear, have a lot to be proud of! Nevertheless, I am sorry for your disappointment. It is clearly present in your dreams. Be strong and carry one. Make your life great!

Awesome about the festival.

As for things to say to him, write it out, then tear it up, burn it, whatever. Either way, let it out and get it out of your system.

Also, I think the pirate guy - it's the universe giving you a nudge in the right direction. Stop pining for the bastard, time to move on before this being sad thing becomes a habit and trust me, no man (or woman as the case may be), is worth that kind of misery. None.

Good to see the festival was mostly a positive.

 

As far as advice, it's the same. Until you accept that your relationship is done, you won't really start to heal.

 

Eventually you'll get there.

I think I'm beginning to. I mean... what's the point of pining over someone who can't even take two seconds to send me a text message out of courtesy. Like I said... starting to wonder if he ever even cared at all now. I wish him well and hope he enjoys life without me... at his miserable job that doesn't leave him any time for his board games anymore.

I am so sorry you had such an awful time. You have a lot of positive take-aways from the weekend though. You realized there are other men in the world and some that are in hot pursuit! You also saw how you can do things that are outside of your comfort zone on your own and be SUCCESSFUL. You didn't need a man (and certainly not your ex) to help you.

 

I know you did not want this breakup but I believe that this will lead you to your breakthrough. I am trying to believe that for myself as well...I am two weeks NC and trying to look hard and long at where I am and be proud of how far I have come.

 

YOU, my dear, have a lot to be proud of! Nevertheless, I am sorry for your disappointment. It is clearly present in your dreams. Be strong and carry one. Make your life great!

I wouldn't say I had an awful time. All in all it was a fun weekend. My ex was the only thing that brought me down a little. Yes, this was definitely out of my comfort zone. But now I know I can do it. I mean... this is a huge event. There were people there all the way from California. (I'm in Ohio, just to put that in perspective.) It is pretty self affirming knowing that I did it all on my own, and actually made money and met some cool people in the process.

Saturday night a bunch of us Vendors went to the Mexican restaurant/bar across the street and ate and drank Margaritas. Most of them changed clothes. I didn't feel like walking all the way back to my hotel to change, when the place was right across the street. So I was still all dressed up. And when I say dressed up, I mean in full on Steampunk gear, steel boned corset, knee high boots, feminine pretty top hat, black gloves... the whole ensemble. And the bar tender gave me a free Mojito, just for having the coolest outfit they had ever seen in there.

I have had my heart broken multiple times. I always think this is going to be the one that leads to my breakthrough. Hopefully this time really will be.

I am starting to wonder why we even want relationships... everyone wants to be loved. But yet love is so terrifying.

Awesome about the festival.

 

As for things to say to him, write it out, then tear it up, burn it, whatever. Either way, let it out and get it out of your system.

 

Also, I think the pirate guy - it's the universe giving you a nudge in the right direction. Stop pining for the bastard, time to move on before this being sad thing becomes a habit and trust me, no man (or woman as the case may be), is worth that kind of misery. None.

The problem with writing it out is that it's still inside... I feel like unless he hears it and reacts to it, then it's not truly out of my system. I have considered sending him a letter... I know he might not read it. But I feel like that might bring me some peace... maybe.

The pirate guy kind of scares me to be honest... I think it's not all him. I am scared of dating anyone right now. But he also seems really desperate. I mean, he hasn't stopped messaging me since last night. And usually when someone latches on really quick like that it's a red flag. He has also told me his whole life story and has said things about how women notice him. He also uses some pretty bad grammar... which as dumb as it sounds is a huge turn off for me. Maybe I am just reading too far into things and being nit picky. Honestly I think I would find every little thing wrong with anyone right now because they aren't my ex. I know that's an issue that I'm going to have to work on.

I think he did you a favor. Now you know for sure that he is not interested in getting back together. And as an aside I don't care if he is your ex or an acquaintance, etc -I cannot stand people who think it's ok to behave that way. Pre-cell phone, when it was so much harder to get in touch with someone to change/cancel plans, the people who had basic manners found a way.

I kind of get the feeling your ex is the type to sort of say stuff he half means/half doesn't mean and doesn't follow through on. Yeah, I might come on Sunday. Well ... doesn't follow through. Yeah, I'll let you know. Well ... doesn't follow through.

Yeah, I want us to get back together. Well ... see a pattern?

Either way, I would advise letting the dude know that you aren't looking to date anyone right now as you hoping to get back together with an ex.

Stop trying to keep him involved. No you don't need to see him hear it and react to it. You want to because you are still clinging to the thought that it's not over. It. IS. OVER.

As for the pirate guy, not suggesting you date him. What I mean by the universe nudging you is literally, it's a reminder that there are other men out there who will like you.

On an interesting side note - you are clinging to your past and you are attracting someone who is clingy........ At least you recognize that his behavior is totally unhealthy and something to be avoided, so that's good. Now for the love of, your ex was never that great, wasn't compatible and didn't even support what you do and what you are passionate about. Think on that, instead of painting him into some amazing saint in your mind. He was always a selfish azz and he is showing you more of the same again. Ultimately, him not contacting you and not going to the show is a crystal clear message from him to you that he is done with you and is not interested in maintaining contact.

He's acting the way he's always acted.

It's not really a surprise.

He's NOT going to "change". Ever.

You don't need to tell him anything. And anyway, he'd probably say he was going to meet with you and then no-show again.

I'd recommend stop contacting him to try to get him to see you. If he wanted to he would, so it's obvious he'd rather not.

Don't waste any more time on someone who doesn't make even the smallest effort to see you. Never mind about all of the other issues.

You obviously have a lot going for you. You're talented and people like you. You can do a lot better than that guy. A LOT better.

Thanks for the update, I was wondering how it all went down.

That's pretty selfish of him to not tell you anything, even though he said he would. Maybe he is just letting you go a little bit at a time, which isn't fair for you, if he's the one who wanted to breakup and if he is feeding you the false hope of ever getting back together. You either need to sit down with him and have a conversation or just leave him alone and go strict NC and admit to yourself that it's over and accept that it's over. If you're meant to get back together you will, but it won't be the same relationship and you both will be different people (hopefully). Get the ball in your court.

We're all in the same boat, but at least we're not drowning anymore. Sure, the water with our ex looks nice, but is it really good for us?

I read a great quote the other day...

"A ship doesn't sink because of the water around it. It sinks because of the water IN it."

Cynder, you're bailing the water out of your ship. Soon enough you won't be sinking anymore. You'll be floating.

I think if you keep reacting the pirate guy on "business only" you will do fine - set boundaries about messaging - reply to things that are networking related, etc.

I think in a way that your ex's behavior sort of not a surprise - but I am glad that he did this instead of meeting you for dinner, then blowing you off after, giving you more false hope.

I am glad that you had success (outside of the ex) issue at the festival and it only means the next time you do something like this, you will be an old pro and make even more Good for you doing it. Hopefully the next one won't be right near your ex.

I haven't read the whole post Cynd, but I honed in on the dream because to me it is important. I don't know a lot about dreams except that if you listen to them, they are telling you something. I think that this dream is telling you that you don't think you can do or be what your ex wants, and maybe that's your subconscious' way of telling you that it's ok for you to move on. You know I love you and want the best for you, and I think this is it. To me it is very clear that your subconscious wants you to let him go and move forward with all the amazing things that are going on right now! You are a beautiful artist, you own your own home, the world is your oyster!