OliviaPope

I am on fourteen days of NC. I am restless and yet tired all the time. I think about my ex several times a day. Sometimes it's a flash of a memory. Sometimes it's a feeling from our past that washes over me. We live in the same city only ten minutes away from each other and I know he is out there. I fear running into him one day as I am not ready to see him. I might not ever be ready for that. I am hurt and angry. I sometimes ache when I realize he ended things in such a cruel way. I am working on myself and trying to establish self love. I want to come out of this breakup with a better sense of self. Right now I am just letting days pass hoping enough will go by so I can feel somewhat better.

Hey, it's been a week and a day since we last spoke or saw each other. I am doing ok. I'd like be doing a lot better than I am but i am sure in time I will get there. Everything just seems so bland and colorless without you in it. At the same time I am not pressed for time and anxious that you will accuse me of cheating on you if I am eve a few minutes late getting home. YOU were the cheater. You left your wife. You dated married women. YOU DID. I am making my apartment my home; my safe place. I love it. When I drive up my street to get home I am smiling and glad to have my own space that has nothing to do with you. I also have friends and family that is helping me through this whole process. I am doing ok and getting better with each passing day. What are you doing? Sitting at home getting high and drinking? Maybe a video game or too peppered in there? Nice job in processing what happened. You are so delayed in everything. At 46 years old I would expect more from you. You disappointment me. The last time we spoke you said you approve of everything I am doing. I don't remember asking you for approval. In fact, I did it all on my own having no input or support from you so what makes you think you can say that to me? You also said you stopped loving me "several" times. Wow, that was a total surprise to hear. It also hurt. You pulling a houdini was also hurtful. You should have just cut me loose - say what you needed to and moved on sot hat I could as well. Instead you kept me hanging on in utter confusion. Don't you come back when I have finally moved on. I will hate you if you do. Just stay away.

Hello everyone. I am 8 days NC. It seems like a small victory but for me it really is cause to celebrate. The break up was pretty painful and horrid so there isn't really a reason to stay in contact. In fact I have been cycling through so many feelings that any contact would likely be contradicting. I am angry or a while and then sad. I sometimes feel altogether numb. I am pretty depressed overall and have been struggling just to get up and goto work. I know that getting out of this mess is going to take work and each day of NC helps me to see that I have the self control, self reliance and ability to do for myself what I thought my ex was going to do for me. I just wanted to post to say thank you to everyone out there reading this. I am here to support folks going through something similar and to seek support from you as well.