How to talk to someone without them reporting harassment?

My ex had asked me to respect his wishes and to never speak to him again. I was devastated. Still am. It hurts. Its been about a week ago since he had told me this. I'm crushed. I just deleted my facebook because I didnt feel like talking to anybody but I did make a new one for business purposes cause some of the sites I work on, I have to have a facebook account for. I did take advantage of it and tried talking to my ex, apologizing for everything. I get on facebook 8 to 9 hours after I messaged him and when I tried logging in, it said my facebook was disabled. I'm not sure if he reported harassment on me or not. I just asked him if he was the reason my facebook was disabled. An hour or so goes by without a response and I text back saying "nevermind. I'm sorry". And I just deleted his number. How can I just talk to him without him considering it harassment? I dont like the way he thinks of me. I dont like his perception of me. Or perspective..however you say it. I dont know what to do. Obviously..leave him alone. If he didn't think of me a certain way(I guess annoying and moody), it wouldn't bother me so much. I feel like the crazy ex girlfriend but I'm not crazy. I just wanted to talk to him to make things better. I've never been through something like this and its so hard and it just hurts. What can I do??

What you can do is leave him alone! He told you to do that and you didn't. Stop bothering him. I dont know if fb can just remove your account on his say so, so you can write to fb and ask them about that. I get that you are upset but he doesnt want to hear from you.

Leave him alone! He asked you to for a reason and you have to respect his wishes and boundaries.

I told my ex to leave me alone and not call me anymore and he respects that and i would be incredibly annoyed if he didn't because i asked it for a reason and things led up to me saying that, which I'm sure is the case for your ex as well.

Nothing more you can do but accept it, anything else is harassment and is also very annoying!

You don't. If you can't respect his wishes, why do you think you don't deserve his perspective of you?

You need to back away, take care of yourself and absolutely do not contact him.

If your Facebook account got disabled, you were reported- most likely by him. Take the hint. The next step he can take is to get a legal restraining order on you.

Don't be a Creeper. Don't stalk him on social media, don't contact.

He was VERY clear with you. What you did, messaging him after he was that clear qualifies as harassment. DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN. Not my FB, not by text, not by calling, not by snail mail, nothing!

My ex had asked me to respect his wishes and to never speak to him again.

What part of that did you not understand? He asked you to never speak to him again. You don’t have to understand it, you don’t have to like, you simply have to respect it.

I dont like the way he thinks of me. I dont like his perception of me

You will never be able to control what people think of you.

Remember that harassment is defined not by the actions/intent of the pursuer (you), but by the FEELINGS of the pursee (your ex). Your intent may be well and good, and you may not have intent to bother him, you're just trying to get on good terms, you're trying to heal your heart, I get it. However, he clearly considers all contact with you to be harassing. He doesn't want any of it. Any contact at all = harassment to him.

I'm sorry you're hurting. If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure he's struggling too in his own way. Do not contact him. Give yourself space from him so you can heal.

As Blue Skirt said, you cannot control what anyone thinks of you. Yes, some people won't like you. That will suck. Nothing you can do about it.

Your FB being disabled was caused by you using it for business purposes without following their guidelines. You opened the new account in order to get in contact with him.

Leave him alone. You cannot make someone listen to you, especially when they have expressly requested you to leave them alone. You are becoming the crazy ex.

Everyone's right. I realized what I did wrong and he told me what I was doing even before he asked me to leave him alone and I wasn't listening. I dont mean he told me what I was doing and I did it anyway. All I wanted was to just make things better. The more I tried convincing him, the farther I kept pushing him away. I just wanted to get along with him. You know, like humans do. I dont have any problem with him but hes obviously feeling something that makes him not want to speak to me again. And I dont understand it at all. Maybe a little but not completely. And to be honest, I made an account for business purposes only. But I did take advantage. But I can't figure out if he reported me because since I wasn't his friend, my message would've ended up in the "others" folder in his messages. I dont know. I hate myself for all this though because hes the best person I met. And all I wanted to do was to just be able to get along and talk once in a great while.

It could be that you don't listen.

Well it would be nice if I could prove that I could listen and quit living in my own world instead of facing reality. Is there any way to save it? At all? I mean, just anything with us? Even just getting along? Has anyone dealt with this? Or am I the only one?

Well, you clearly can't listen because you still want to be in contact with him when he has told you to leave him alone.

There are other obsessive people on the planet.

Well it would be nice if I could prove that I could listen and quit living in my own world instead of facing reality. Is there any way to save it? At all? I mean, just anything with us? Even just getting along? Has anyone dealt with this? Or am I the only one?

You can prove to yourself that you can listen. He asked to not contact you, listen to that and don’t do it.

Find your answers within yourself, do soul searching, be honest with yourself.

Anything other than staying no contact will be perceived as harassment by him, it will annoy him and it will reinforce the idea in his head that you are the crazy ex. The more you try to "fix" things and explain yourself, the deeper you dig yourself into a hole. The simplest and smartest thing you can do is respect his wishes - that is, take yourself off the radar. He made it clear he doesn't want you in his life in any shape or form, so you need to listen and act accordingly. You can't force yourself on someone who doesn't want contact with you!

The best way (and only way) to show him you're not an obsessive stalker is with your actions, not your words. Show him that he can trust you to leave him alone, by leaving him alone.

I do understand how you feel, and the compulsion to contact him just one more time, so you can show him this and that, so you can convince him of this and that...but you need to fight that compulsion and not do it. It does get easier with every day that goes by.

I know it has been said before but I would like to echo what everyone else has said. If he has asked you in no uncertain terms to never speak to him again then you have no choice but to do as he asks. You are NOT going to make things better by talking to him. What will make things better is to put some time and space between you.

Well it would be nice if I could prove that I could listen and quit living in my own world instead of facing reality. Is there any way to save it? At all? I mean, just anything with us? Even just getting along? Has anyone dealt with this? Or am I the only one?

You prove it by doing nothing. There is no other way.

Of course you aren't the only one to be in this situation and, to be fair, we've all made our fair share of mistakes. The difference is most of us learn from them.

Well it would be nice if I could prove that I could listen and quit living in my own world instead of facing reality. Is there any way to save it? At all? I mean, just anything with us? Even just getting along? Has anyone dealt with this? Or am I the only one?

I think the best thing you could do is go see a therapist. The fact that you are even asking this questions shows you are 1) Still not listening and 2) Have a very unhealthy way of thinking.

How can you truly get along with another person without listening to them, respecting them, and accepting them? Maybe what you are wanting is to be able to change him or his view? Is there an element of a need to control or manipulate in that? Intended or not, it is something to consider.

My ex had asked me to respect his wishes and to never speak to him again. What can I do??

You do exactly what he asked - never speak to him again. Whatever happened in the relationship to bring it to this end, it was bad enough for him to want you out of his life, forever. Sure, it will and does hurt, but you are going to have to learn to accept this and move on with your life. Meantime, make sure to RESPECT his wishes.

I am doing what he asked. I realize I have an unhealthy way of thinking. No, I dont try to change him but yeah, I've tried changing his mind. I need therapy from this bad. There's more to it then to just mot talking to him ever again..it really just hurts. I now realize my actions didnt match my words. And I regret everything I said and did. And if i just had the chance to prove that ill listen instead of being so dang ignorant, he would actually see that i meant it this time. But this always happens when its too late, right? I feel like I'm just dead to him and I believe thats the only thing almost as bad as death..is when someone acts like youre dead knowing they're still alive. It just eats at me and I'm crushed. I dont know how to get passed this. No I wont talk to him anymore. I only hope he will again in the future but I see it being years from now IF he ever decided to. I just dont know how to cope.

I really think you need to see a professional to adjust your thoughts.

I strongly believe this. I tend to live in "my world" rather than the real world. If I view something in my life, I find every way to try and make it happen. If I want something, I dont stop.

That isn't healthy at all...you really need help.

I agree. I dont know what to do though. I mean, yeah see a therapist but what am I suppose to tell her? That I'm crazy? I cant define crazy. What exactly is "crazy"?? Let me guess..stalking an ex? I agree. Murdering someone? Without a doubt..crazy. But what I did, does that even fall into the definition of crazy? I need criticism. Not to make me mad or upset..but to really just make me see what I've really done and how someone(like the guy who never wants to talk to me again) feels about it. I'm lost on where I should start fixing myself.

You have no empathy.

You have no boundaries.

You are self focused and self absorbed.

You are incapable of self reflection.

There's a start. Your therapist can take it from there.