How to talk to someone without them reporting harassment?

[Moontiger]

You tell the therapist exactly what you told us here, that you are having a really hard time dealing with a break up and even after your ex asked you not to contact him you did.

 

Your biggest issues as I see are a total lack in insight into your own action, your inability to respect boundaries, self-focus (only your emotions matter to you), all of that a therapist can help you with.

 

As a side note no therapist ever give a diagnosis of "Crazy" you will not find the word "Crazy" in the DSM, or any other material used by professionals.

[Blue_Skirt]

I strongly believe this. I tend to live in "my world" rather than the real world. If I view something in my life, I find every way to try and make it happen. If I want something, I dont stop.

It is time for a reality check. Are your parents king/queen? No? Then you ain’t the princess and you don’t get the princess treatment. It’s good to persue your goals, but you need to know when it is time to quit.

 

If you don’t want to go to a therapist, then I advise you to go back to elementary school to learn the word “no” and what it means.

[greta96]

You need to realize that there are many things in life that you just can't have, many things that you can't make happen, as much as you wish you could, and as hard as you may try. It doesn't mean you admit defeat, you just resign yourself to the fact that you're only human and you only have power over things directly related to you - and sometimes not even that.

You can't just go for what you want, just because you want it, you need to take into consideration what the other person wants as well. If you pursue someone despite them telling you firmly not to, then it crosses on obsessive territory, and that is scary to your target. He already sounds pretty freaked out by you.

I had an ex who dealt with a girl who got fixated on him to the point of obsession, she needed to have him in any way she could, and stepped on many people in the process (myself included, because I was his girlfriend at the time). She only stopped when the cops had to be involved. Don't be that girl!

 

Seriously, leave him alone and work on your own issues and fixations, so you stand a chance to have a healthier relationship next time.

[brilyn027]

Thats what I'm doing. According to what hes told me, hes had worse things happen. Like people stalking him. So I'm definitely not going to do that or even talk to him again. I realize the only choice I have is to leave him alone like he wanted. And contacting any farther would be crossing the line and I dont want to make it any worse. I'm just going to work on myself hard and just let this be a lesson. And maybe, if a miracle ever did happen and he wanted to talk again, maybe things will be ok between us but I'm not even counting on it. No hopes nor any expectations. Just moving on with my life and for now, he doesn't exist to me..unless he ever decides to. I dont see it happening so its whatever. Males. Cant even begin to contemplate why they are the way they are.

[deejay74]

Thats what I'm doing. According to what hes told me, hes had worse things happen. Like people stalking him. So I'm definitely not going to do that or even talk to him again. I realize the only choice I have is to leave him alone like he wanted. And contacting any farther would be crossing the line and I dont want to make it any worse. I'm just going to work on myself hard and just let this be a lesson. And maybe, if a miracle ever did happen and he wanted to talk again, maybe things will be ok between us but I'm not even counting on it. No hopes nor any expectations. Just moving on with my life and for now, he doesn't exist to me..unless he ever decides to. I dont see it happening so its whatever. Males. Cant even begin to contemplate why they are the way they are.

 

I'm a male and my ex is a female and I can say the same thing about them.

 

My ex said the same thing to me and I didn't listen to her. I was extremely hurt and couldn't think about anything except trying to get her back some how. I thought that by constantly trying to contact her and speak to her, I could some how change her mind about things and get her back. I kept emailing her from a few different accounts in case she was filtering my addresses.

 

Guess what happened? She ended up getting an emergency protective order against me. i was shocked when 2 cops showed up at my door and told me she that she felt harassed by me emailing her. They were just emails, I thought, how can that be harassing? I wasn't showing up at her house or anything like that. And, my emails were not threatening in any way. I was just pouring my heart out to her. She didn't care and wanted to be left alone. And I wasn't emailing her every day.

 

Don't make the same mistakes I made.

 

And by the way, I am in therapy and it helps. Therapist are very hard to shock, they have heard it all.

[Sportster2005]

My ex had asked me to respect his wishes and to never speak to him again. I was devastated. Still am. It hurts. Its been about a week ago since he had told me this. I'm crushed. I just deleted my facebook because I didnt feel like talking to anybody but I did make a new one for business purposes cause some of the sites I work on, I have to have a facebook account for. I did take advantage of it and tried talking to my ex, apologizing for everything. I get on facebook 8 to 9 hours after I messaged him and when I tried logging in, it said my facebook was disabled. I'm not sure if he reported harassment on me or not. I just asked him if he was the reason my facebook was disabled. An hour or so goes by without a response and I text back saying "nevermind. I'm sorry". And I just deleted his number. How can I just talk to him without him considering it harassment? I dont like the way he thinks of me. I dont like his perception of me. Or perspective..however you say it. I dont know what to do. Obviously..leave him alone. If he didn't think of me a certain way(I guess annoying and moody), it wouldn't bother me so much. I feel like the crazy ex girlfriend but I'm not crazy. I just wanted to talk to him to make things better. I've never been through something like this and its so hard and it just hurts. What can I do??

 

Something doesn't add up here. Facebook doesn't delete accounts because you simply tried to contact an ex. Did you accidentally try to login into your old account you deleted? Email Facebook and ask why the account was deleted.

 

Respect your ex's wishes and just leave him alone. Don't take his behavior personal. It has nothing to do with you.

[Sportster2005]

If your Facebook account got disabled, you were reported- most likely by him. Take the hint. The next step he can take is to get a legal restraining order on you.

 

Don't be a Creeper. Don't stalk him on social media, don't contact.

 

That's why they have a block function. Highly doubt it was because of the ex. If it was, Facebook would be deleting accounts all the time because of angry exes. They have better things to do than babysit the Internet.