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Thread: Convenience or Is He Really Trying to Find the Right Time?

  1. #1

    Convenience or Is He Really Trying to Find the Right Time?

    Hey! I've talking to this guy ("S") for about two years now. When we first started talking, I was not quite over my ex-boyfriend ("H") of four years and "S" asked me to be his girlfriend. I was not about to say "yes" when I knew it was going to be for the wrong reasons. Couple months later he asked me again but I was still trying to get over "H" whom I truly loved and cared about. After talking to "S" for sometime, I had finally started opening up to the idea of being more than friends.
    Now, for about a year, I've been wanting to be his girlfriend but he has told me no for several reasons. First, it was because he was finishing his Bachelor's degree in civil engineering. Well he finished it and I kind of brought the relationship thing up again. He once again said no because he just started working and wanted to get on his feet with his firm.
    Of course he is a great guy..we take trips and can talk about anything. He's helped me financially and emotionally with a lot of personal issues and I appreciate ALL he has done. But sometimes I can't but think that he stalling in trying to make me his girl. Also, I will comment and say that the other day he was talking about marriage; how he wanted to marry me and if I had graduated last year, we would be engaged. So now, I can't help but think he is waiting on me to finish my undergrad and then pursue things. I don't know but it's so confusing. Even if he is trying to get established for himself, that's fine but all I'm wanting is to be in a committed relationship; not marriage or to even be engaged (although the engagement would be nice!).
    I don't think I'm asking for much but if I am please let me know. Also, do you think I'm a convenience or does he really want to be established before being in a committed relationship?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member d24's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Maybe because you made him wait, he's making you wait?
    Not healthy if true...

    Alternatively - maybe he sees no benefit in committing to you formally. Lets him meet other girls if he wants to, and I presume he's getting his 'needs' met by you... goes back to the old saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" - again, not healthy if true. (although milk is healthy... mmm... milk)

    Then again, I know many people who are blatently couples, but dislike labelling it?

    Long and short of it, you need to talk to him. All this second guessing and game playing is going to accomplish is confusion. Everything can be solved with good honest open communication.

  3. #3
    That's the thing..we have talked about this subject over and over again. He's firm about his decision on not being in a relationship at the moment but always makes comments such as, "you are the one for me and I'm not out here talking to other females", "I see my future with you and want to marry you", and "I promise I'm not playing you; I know how it feels and could never hurt you." I've back off the topic for a while now because I can tell that it's a sensitive topic.
    Also, I forgot to mention that he was also in a four year relationship and it turned out badly. She used him up and was cheating on him with different guys. She sort of manipulated him! Could this be a reason as to him not wanting to commit?

  4. #4
    Member Timbertea's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    St Louis, MO
    You rejected the guy twice, with time in between. He may care, but there is a sting with that which says "I've been told I'm not good enough/enough for this for person twice in a row", why is the change of heart there now? I don't doubt there is something in his past which tells him not to trust that, or perhaps tempered greatly what he feels he is willing to risk.

    Only thing you can do is present it that the offer is there, and apologize for the past that you weren't in the right place, and you know it didn't feel good for him. He can take you up on it or not. Maybe you'll get a more meaningful explanation, maybe you wont. I don't see any other road forward there other than waiting until ambivalence sets in.


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