Men, Do You View Sex As Separate From Love & Emotions?

[Sparkly Eyes]

I'm female and to me, sex can be fun or sex can be a deeply romantic, loving, experience. I usually feel the first. It's hard for me to connect love with sex. though I have in the past. Even with my bf, we have sex, we don't make love. Love is how we treat each other OUTSIDE of bed. I think he treats me better than a lot of guys who act all romantic in bed and then act like complete a**holes after. It's easier to come when you take emotion out of it, too. I've had guys tell me I'm like a guy when it comes to sex. Whatever.

 

Ok, this is when it gets tricky. I don't need love to cum...cumming is all about dirty thoughts and physical pleasure for me. However, I need emotions to feel comfortable to have sex in the first place, otherwise my mind wanders around too much for me to be able to enjoy sex. Sex with someone you love is the best because you really trust them, are at ease, and can show your true horny self.

[bobbydigital83]

 

I've never had one night stands, or a friends with benefits, nor do those appeal to me. I think I'd feel empty inside, particularly if I've had sex with a stranger!

?

 

I am a male who ties emotion with sex. Out of all the guy friends and relatives I know, I only know one other guy who "walks" with the same mentality. I say "walk" because some men claim to be not interested in one night stands but when the situation is put in front of them they "slip."

 

Almost all my buddies are very good at seducing women. My luck is horrible. They have told me because I need to think about "laying her instead of knowing her...change your approach to just lay her and things will turn around for you."

 

I am very handsome, smart and all of the above (I can cook too, lol) but for some reason... I am fascinated to know how a lady feels, her opinions, views and beliefs. I guess quality over quantity! This actually makes many women I approach uncomfortable because its not the norm from what they likely experience and a part of me understands that. I once was approached to have a one night stand with a hot lady but I turned her down! I feel the same as you do... no emotional connection will make me feel so empty and a waste of time.

 

Physical beauty means a lot to me though but sexual and emotional connection are tied together. Hopefully I will find a women who shares the same views as yours but men who think like me are out there.

 

If you saw me, you would think I was a some kind of person who parties and does tons of crazy stuff! I DO but sleeping around, having FWB or anything beyond drinking isn't part of it... lol

[greywolf]

I'm not a guy, but sex started out for me as purely physical, and it wasn't until I learned to associate love and sex that it became an emotional thing for me.

[_Asti_]

I know my fiance does not enjoy sex outside of a relationship. For him, those work hand in hand. He wants the emotional & physical connection together. He tried a one night stand and hated himself for it at how cheap and empty it felt.

[Lonewing]

That's exactly what I'm saying. You and I are agreeing in our statements. First: the heart shuts down (for whatever reason) and then from there, it becomes a physical quest (which then becomes easier to come by, as you say.)

 

Having never had casual sex (where my emotions weren't involved in any way), it's not something I feel completely qualified to speak to. I don't judge those who do it, morally. But I do question how they got there in the sense that something needs to be disengaged for this to happen in the first place.

 

How such an intimate act turns into pure recreation is not something I have ever really been able to wrap my mind around.

 

I don't see how I could behave in a passionate way without having passion for the man I'm doing this with.

 

From what I have seen, the heart shuts off after it has been broken. In short, once the person has been hurt once, or twice, or enough times to "get it," they stop caring about others and go get theirs without any thought about the other person. I can see how it develops. Eventually, the person gets to the point that they understand that the sex felt great but it was that person who hurt so much, so they simply stop feeling for the person they are with and simply treat them as a sex object to satisfy their urges in that moment and then get them out of their life as simple as yesterday's newspaper. It's not men, it's not women, it's the current flavor of this era we're in...Disposable Partners, to be used once and then discarded just like everything else. Because we don't have time for anything serious, nor energy nor space to mentally carry around something large and bulky which might conflict with our minimalistic interior decor.

[hexaemeron]

I prefer sex without the complication of a relationship or an entanglement. Less judgment, less expectation, more freedom, no attachment. It's the perfect distillation of enjoyment without all the heinous emotional guerrilla warfare of "Where is this going?" "Show me you're serious"

 

Gag.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

I know this isn't necessarily true. But I am curious to see how MEN think of sex: Do you view it as simply a physical act or do you view it as an extension of love? Or can you think both ways?

 

 

 

So maybe some men just want the carnal pleasures out of sex and others want both?

 

For some men, it evolves over time.

 

I know that before I met my wife, it was just an act.....an emotionless act that was about pure gratification.

 

Then I met "the one" and truthfully, the first time with her was basically two adults having fun for a night. She was the best I had ever been with on a physical level.

 

Over the next few weeks, we fell in love. Sixteen years later, we still call each other soulmate.

 

And for me, our lovemaking escalated on emotional levels that I never could have imagined. As good as she was that first night, it's nothing compared to how she is now that we have made and maintained that emotional connection as husband and wife.

 

To put it bluntly: it's pure bliss when we make love. So far above what "emotionless" sex was that it is hard to put in words.

 

Hope this helps you out.

[Circe]

Love is an emotion and sex is a physical act. They might be reinforcing on each other in the sense that having one makes the experience of the other better - but of course they are separate things.

 

And I can't imagine its just men who can think that way. I'm not really sure how you can say they are not separate things.

[FrogIsFree]

My boyfriend told me

 

that's just your boyfriend's point of view.. but men I have spoken to both in and out of relationships see `pleasure' as part of an emotional connection with a woman, and by definition a man might say that sex gives him joy and pleasure and that love and emotion doesn't have to have anything to do with it, but joy and pleasure are are emotions - so there is by definition no detachment.. This involves a guy working out if he can control his emotions to not feel something for a woman he wants to have sex with in a "no strings attached" kind of a way but then again, he might find himself in a scenario that is less black and white than that and falling for the woman he intended to have sex without feeling any love or affection for her.

 

So to go back to what you specifically asked: you in part already answered your own question: some men just want the (physical `get off' pleasures of sex without `loving someone' and others want more, but the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive from one another, it's just that the man might have decided he is going to take a detached approach, not let his emotions get in the way or get the better of him.. but whether that means they are separate is a debatable matter -no matter how much a man may insist that they are.

 

He is entitled to say they are separate, but I think it is debatable. That's my opinion, noone has to agree.

[Live-N-Learn]

But the flip side of that is that the more one separates the emotional from the physical, the more partners one will tend to have.

 

I think that's how it starts out.

 

My ex was like this...after we broke up a year ago she has slept with about 9 other guys. She liked them at some level but for her it was all about the excitement and sex.

[FrogIsFree]

My ex was like this...after we broke up a year ago she has slept with about 9 other guys. She liked them at some level but for her it was all about the excitement and sex.

 

My x too.. and after a while, it was like a drug until he started to come full circle and reconnect with his emotions and realise it was like a drug, because he said it was about not having to have any emotional responsibility.

[Live-N-Learn]

My x too.. and after a while, it was like a drug until he started to come full circle and reconnect with his emotions and realise it was like a drug, because he said it was about not having to have any emotional responsibility.

 

Yeah, she has even said.."what's wrong with me, I think I'm a sex addict". She will figure it out someday. I know she has been hurt a lot in the past so she has learned to disconnect her emotions from the act of sex. She def likes sex though, it is like a drug to her.

[FrogIsFree]

Yeah, she has even said.."what's wrong with me, I think I'm a sex addict". She will figure it out someday. I know she has been hurt a lot in the past so she has learned to disconnect her emotions from the act of sex. She def likes sex though, it is like a drug to her.

 

Yep, can concede there, my x admitted `he couldn't help himself' and that emotional disconnection was prevalent in his family and virtually every member of his family had dysfunctional relationships so he saw himself as failed before he even got there and to him just sex meant he didn't have to care and pay any emotional prices.. he got more and more unhealthy over many years and viewed it as a way to express his anger for being emotionally barren - the reality was the anger was the lid on the rest of it - he used sex to keep the lid on what was beneath the lid..