catfeeder

Not good, and it will only escalate and get worse if you stay there.

My sympathy for the loss of your father. To make this your best day possible, I would stay focused like a laser beam on the joy that I'm bringing to my mother on this day. She birthed you and raised you, so this is a milestone for her, too. Congrats on your graduation!

I don't understand. I've never heard of anyone going on an actual job interview with their friend. That's something adults who are old enough to work can do solo.

You don't 'need' the reassurances, but you've sought them and have been rewarded for that. So you'll need to figure out how to stop fishing in that pond before you over-fish it dry. If you believe that your self-talk is within your control, then you can do this. In that case, it's a habit you can shift by changing the critical voice you use in your head to one of an inspiring coach. I worked with a coach on my job who taught my team that 21 days is the length of time it takes the brain to form new synapse patterns to replace a habit. Consistently 'catching' and replacing my initial thoughts really worked, and the results were life changing. I only wish that I had learned to do this earlier in my life. However, if you've been drilling into rumination, and you find yourself spiraling into obsessive thinking beyond your control, it might be a comfort to consider that there are people professionally trained in this stuff and can work with you. One low cost source of this help can be a university that offers PhD and PsyD programs. You can book sessions to work with their doctoral candidates who are supervised by practitioners in the field. It's your call, and I wish you the best. Head high, and write more if it helps.

Glad to see that you are self aware enough to recognize your tendency to over-think. Therapists often call this 'poisoning the well'. Why do you think they call it that? Nobody here can guarantee for you that this relationship is solid, despite that it sounds that way, or that an ex never poses a threat to a new relationship--or that any other attractive person on the planet could never pose a threat. But threats lie in crossing a street, or flying the skies, or attending a theater or schoolroom classes. There are no lacks in problems to obsess over. So you get to choose your focus. If you want to focus on potential threats to your relationship, you can do that--it's not against the law, but what does it buy you? If you can use the help of someone professionally trained to help you to train your focus away from catastrophes, or otherwise resolving older issues that prompt rumination, you can hire someone. Otherwise, decide the degree to which you're willing to 'lean in' to the relationship despite all real or imagined risks--because every investment has risks. I wish you jOy!

Invest the time you spend on the marketing into learning how to run circles around the technical aspects of your job. Then you'll feel more confident, and you'll feel more inspired to invest in the marketing side later, and also possibly finding and testing ways to consolidate her tech side, which you can suggest after successful testing. Once you demonstrate your competence in the basics, your new boss might be more open to your suggestions. Meanwhile, grasp that this is PART TIME INCOME. Do this, or go make ice cream cones for the money, but complaining only adds difficulty to whatever you choose to do. Your complaints are premature. Unless and until you've mastered the basics of a job, which on average takes up to 6 months, then reaching beyond that scope only adds unnecessary frustration--and for what payoff?

So where did you find the time to draft up all those marketing campaigns? She accepted 2 of them, so I don't understand the complaint. An ad agency would be happy with that. You say you invested all of this time on these campaigns, yet if you don't have the time to learn and do your job effectively, why do that? It just makes no sense, Alex. Sorry. Invest the time you spend on the marketing into learning how to run circles around the technical aspects of your job. Then you'll feel more confident, and you'll feel more inspired about investing in the marketing side and also finding and testing ways to consolidate her tech side, which you can suggest after successful testing. Once you demonstrate your competence in the basics, your new boss might be more open to your marketing suggestions. Meanwhile, grasp that this is PART TIME INCOME. Do this, or go make ice cream cones for the money, but the whining only adds difficulty to whatever you choose to do. Save that energy for cultivating a better social life on your own time, yes?

You don't have time to revisit a video, type some questions or get your work done, but you have all that extra time to create marketing campaigns?

They've demonstrated their ethics by pressuring you to answer the offer on the spot. Go easy on yourself about that, but understand, it would be the first of many such pressures. How many times will you want to kick yourself for operating under such pressure, only to regret it? Even if it's only a day or two, why subject yourself to even one more encounter with these people? You were not impressed with either person to whom you'd report. Of course, they told you that you'd be welcome to make changes. That's easy for them to say while they know full well that they, themselves, are the very barriers you'd face to change anything. I can only tell you where I'd stand, and it would be a quick call tomorrow to avoid ruining my stomach lining over the weekend.

Okay, so how would you like us to help you? I mean, if you don't even care, then what's left? One thing I'd consider is that often spouses who aren't heard tend to, at some point, find someone who will listen. That's usually a lover or a lawyer. Good luck.

I'd switch out the word "cannot" with "will not," for accuracy. Do you believe that it's only this warped dynamic that keeps you together, or do you sense that your partner would prefer equality in a relationship, and to be respectfully heard?

I don't understand where you see a dilemma. Why not just say, "Yeah, I guess my timing sucks, but for the record, if you find yourself free and clear of current dates, I hope you'll feel welcome to let me know. I'd love to take you out."

We are not the ones who are familiar with where you live, but you have the whole Internet at your fingertips to learn of upcoming events, classes, clubs, meetup.org groups, etc. You could also go to pubs and ask people what else they do to socialize. Maybe they'll invite you to their things. I'm not clear about your higher education system, but lots of kids here who don't get into their first choice schools study locally to earn the credits that they'll later transfer to a better school the next year or the one afterward. So it doesn't need to be a matter of wasting school years until you can get in, and you can form friendships with other kids who are attending the closer school.

This is the kind of $#*& that's sick. Who breaks up with someone then switches over to using that person as as an emotional outlet for talking about the one they're leapfrogging over to play with? And still contacts and cuddles that person they've just dumped? Don't you see how deranged that is? This woman knows how to contact you long after you raise the boundary that you're walking way to heal your own head while she deals with her old business. If you want to keep your door open to being her second-choice safety net if things don't work out with her ex, you can do that, but hopefully, you'll gain enough clarity through distance to recognize the resentment and lack of trust you'd likely grapple with in that event. Speaking only for myself, all it would take for me to walk away cleanly is for someone to have told me that the chemistry between us is less than I imagined. Period. Regardless of whether an ex was back in the picture--that's not even something I'd need to know. Because I deserve better. And unfortunately, you don't want to comprehend that YOU deserve better, and so you're hovering around this woman as though that will buy you more than demonstrating self respect by walking away and telling her to keep her drama.

Yay, Kim! Thanks for the update, and glad to hear that you're both enjoying one another.