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I (16F) am about to be a junior in high school, and I have liked this boy (16M) who sat next to me in my math class (and was on the track team with me) since the start of last year. I soon became a pretty big crush. He knew that I liked him because my sister's boyfriend told him. I eventually formed a connection with him, and we waved at the start of math class and talked as well. He was really sweet and of course that made me like him even more. Then, he suddenly and indirectly mentioned his girlfriend to me. This was right after an exchange we had through Instagram DMs that lasted a week, so it's likely he mentioned this on purpose to indirectly tell me he was taken. I was upset of course, but we still talked often and I thought we were building a friendship. Then, a few weeks later he started mentioning his girlfriend more and more to me, but I didn't really think that much of it. One day I asked for his snap (as a friend) and he proceeded to give me an account he never uses (he had a different main account he was on in class all the time). Then, he sent a snap to me of him and his girlfriend cuddling then proceeded to leave me on opened and never snap me again. I was devastated as this was a guy I looked forward to talking to every day and a connection I so valued. It was clear that this had to do with my crush on him and his relationship status, but I wasn't looking to steal him and just wanted to be friends as I genuinely thought we were, and I thought he'd know this. He was still always super nice in class and at track practices, and he acted as if he had nothing against me, so I believed this and tried to forget that anything ever happened. So we kept talking and on the last day of school I asked for his number. He agreed to snap it to me, seeming not to mind at all, but he never did. My sisters tried to assure me that he forgot, but in my heart I knew it was for the same reason he gave me a dead snap account. I was so sad, but I could not get over this guy because we did talk often and in my mind we did have a friendship. I sent him a reminder on snap, but remembering that he would likely not see it on this account (he left it on opened six weeks later), I sent another on Instagram (we had DMed on Insta multiple times before so this wasn't new), which he did not reply to (he's very active on Insta). I know, dumb move. I eventually decided to let it go. On his birthday, I sent him a birthday wish and insta, and he actually did reply to this. So a few days ago, I sent him a message just asking him how his summer is going which he completely ignored. I feel terrible about this now. I now realize that asking for his number and sending that message were likely overstepping boundaries that he already tried to establish with me. Especially since he has a girlfriend and isn't trying as hard to keep the friendship I thought we had, I feel like an awful person. Just for context, I am quite shy, moved through several schools, and have struggled socially for a long time. This boy is much more popular and attractive than I am, so my definition of a friendship is likely different than his. My question is, how can I move on from such a crush, who has a girlfriend and has little interest in being my friend? How can I move past knowing that I have been inappropriate and wrong with asking for his number and messaging him? I will very likely see him again next year, so is there any way I can clear this up with him, knowing he probably has a strong distaste for me?
Hello, I'm a student and I came here for advice about a sensible situation, thank you in advance for the answers, sorry for the lenght, this is quite complex but I just want to have an external opinion on the feelings I go through, the whole story is just to set the context. Trigger warning : abortion/ abandonment. 8 months ago (October) I met a man on a dating app, at first he seems to be open to discover each other around a coffee, and I was more into having fun. Our conversations were the simple/quite boring kind, but I give it a try as he seemed cute and I felt good and confident in my life. So we spent a first night together not planned but on an impulsive need to see each other late. Then wow I discovered a funny, smart and cuddly man. I’ve been hurt in the past due to relationships where I forgot myself in unrequited love so I decided to act “cool” and “casual” for once, thinking I could keep an hand on this He asked me two days after to see each other again but again I try to make myself mysterious, we saw each other a few days after, on a night too. Then I started to get attached and I felt he started to be distant. As I tried to get some news a few days after the last encounter, he never answered so things didn’t go on and I erased him from Instagram, only media we had to chat. I know this was immature but at that time I didn’t know him enough to trust him as we met twice in a month, at night, I thought it was just another ghosting from a dating app hook-up. Life went on, I rarely thought of him but some nights after a glass of wine when I felt lonely and I regretted my impulsive act. In January I saw him on another dating app, I matched, he had matched me so we talked again, and I asked him to see each other again, he seemed unsure which I understood. However due to serious personal issues I had to erase my account on this site and as I had erased him from Instagram we had no way to talk, but I was too mentally/emotionally busy to care. He finally found my Instagram account a few days later, dm me and insisted on us seeing each other again, seemed really implicated. I felt surprised in a happy way, it was the sunshine in a dark week and we saw each other on the following weekend. It was a great moment, he spent the whole weekend with me and we found back this complicity we had a few months before, talked his about silence and my reaction, it was a qui pro quo as he was living hard stuff he said. Then a week passed and no news, I started to feel angry… then he texted me on the weekend on a funny thing, I took time to answer but we chatted a bit and then no news. I tried to speak to him but he wasn’t really implicated in talking to me. I started to feel frustrated that’s when I realized I might want more than casual meetings and a few texts. I told him these feelings on a Friday night by text, he told me he didn’t want more than fun and it was never the case, telling me he thought it was obvious, I got hurt but accepted it. I told him that I could go above this and still fit into the casual stuff. after two times asking him for a night where he “couldn’t” then a month of no messages had passed. I tried to forget him, blaming myself for acting this needy and trying to identify my feelings. Then he texted me again to see each other, which made me happy but I was busy and it took a few days til I could even if I was thinking of him the whole time. It was great seeing him again, just to tell, he’s until now the best sexual partner I had and the fact that he’s cuddly and funny was so comfortable. He left, two texts about food on the same week-end and silence again. I tried to see him before quarantine hit the country, he couldn’t so I took time for me. Then the problem arrived, as I was thinking about not seeing him again because of this disastrous feeling of loneliness each time he left my house, I discovered I was pregnant. we made sure to be checked for STD, but due to hormonal reason I had to stop my pill while waiting to get an IUD, and this last time we saw each other, I checked my menstrual cycle. I thought of the morning-after pill but I trusted my cycle and dumbly thought that for the one time in my life w/o protection, I was safe. As you guessed, I found out I was pregnant, after a week of nausea and breast aching. I told him by text, Instagram was still the only way to chat, directly told him about my intention not to keep the child and he told me he was sorry, he wished me the best and that’s all. I got mad and after days of no news and thinking, hurting, I told him I wanted to talk face to face. He was okay and came and we had a long chat about my opinion, my feelings about this pregnancy, my anger, and he told me about his feelings toward this, for the first time I finally heard of what he could felt. It was moving, really sad, but he seemed concerned, encouraging and supportive, told me he’d be there. I felt better but when he left I felt even more alone, nothing was left to say, he even told me he’d be more careful with his next relationship which oddly hurt me. His choice was not to have a baby now, and with me, mine was that I couldn’t financially raise a baby, but I didn’t tell him that I was scared to abort due to the fact that it was the last thing that bonded me to him and that I was so mad that things ended up without my control, without my dignity, without my choice. Seeing him was so hurtful, I wanted to hug him so badly, we couldn’t help but smile to each other through the pain cause we still had this bond, I’m aware it was mostly pity in his case tho. However I felt in his eyes that he cared for me, in a way I couldn’t see when it was all that I was waiting. So I felt rubbish. Now you know, 8 months after what the situation is(April) and I feel so selfish to feel this way but I don’t know what I suffer most from the idea of losing him forever, as a I don’t really know him, than this idea of having to go through this traumatic event which abortion could be. I must mention that I have been abandoned as a child, because I think that it left me patterns, but I want to understand how could I be in such an emotional situation? I don’t think it’s love but it’s hurting me so much just to imagine him with another girl, while I know I while never open myself again, not after this experience. My only thought is that I wish I had took this morning-after pill just to have a chance to see him again, does that make me cruel and insane? What do you see in this experience? Sorry for the long long post...Feel free to tell me, try to not judge me and thanks for reading me, if you want further information feel free to ask. I I really need your help. (maybe this is in the wrong tag?)
I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice as such, but any advice or comments are very welcome. I guess I just like writing here to get things off my chest. So it's now been about a month since I ended my friendship with Rachael* and I've been spending a lot more time on my own. It's really weird but I am actually missing Rachael's friendship because the past 1-1.5 years we talked a lot and hung out reasonably often. But that was actually how long I was friends with her overall and just in that short time there were a lot of issues. I won't discuss that part of it anymore because I do have other posts about it that I made. I'm feeling sad and alone as of late and really starting to feel like I'm sort of drifting from some of my friends. I don't think it's for any particular reason but I guess it's just what can happen in life. Especially as you get older. I'm feeling really sad because my friendships with my two best friends, Belinda* and Sally* have changed/are changing and it's just a bit hard to come to terms with I guess. I'm 36 years old and Sally is 37. We've known each other since I was 19. We met at work and for probably about 5 years we were best friends and inseparable. Granted we were very young, but we went out together a lot. We would go out everywhere - to the movies, cafes, shopping, clubbing, parties. We stayed at each other's houses a lot. We just got along so well and could talk about anything. When Sally was 24, she met her husband on online dating. Gradually as she got more serious with him, naturally she didn't spend as much time with me. In 2012 she got married and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. Eventually she had two kids. We have still been best friends all that time and our connection is still the same. So what I mean is, when we see each other things don't feel any different. We talk regularly and see each other maybe once a month or less. But since Sally has been with her husband (13 years), we just haven't been as inseparable. Back in 2011 I met my other best friend, Belinda. Same thing, we were completely inseparable and actually dubbed "The Siamese Twins". Because where one of us went, so did the other. Belinda and I had so many fun adventures together and I guess she wanted to go out a lot more because she was actually quite a bit younger than Sally. When we met I was 26 and Belinda was 20-21. Over the last 10+ years we've had so many adventures together! We also have A LOT in common, so we didn't just do the typical things like go to cafes and go clubbing. We are both bisexual and we went to a lot of GLBTIQ events. We also both really love dressing up in costumes and going to costume parties. Belinda and I basically talked every day and hung out once or twice a week on an ongoing basis for ten years. We had also been on a few fun interstate trips together. We'd usually talk on the phone for 2-3 hours, but sometimes it'd be more like 4-6 hours! A year ago Belinda met her boyfriend on online dating. They're in love with each other and they're very serious and going to move in together soon. Now I want to say very honestly that I'm not actually jealous or bitter about my best female friends having a boyfriend or a husband. I just miss them, that's all. I still hear from Belinda and still see her, but it's just not the same. Now I just don't hear from her as much and I only see her maybe once a fortnight. She does contact me first, but it's more me contacting her and me initiating to catch up. I have two close male friends also. One of them is gay and we have a bit of a big age gap. He's 29 and he still lives at home with his parents. I met him at community college and we were really close to the point where people wondered if we were actually dating. Unfortunately as the years went on I began to feel like I'm starting to drift from him a bit. I'm 7 years older but also I don't feel like he's very mature for his age. After our mental health course at community college, I got work in that field. I've been working for eight years in the field and I've been living out of home for 13 years. My friend has ADHD and he has really bad issues with time management. Every time we catch up, he's 1+ hours late and doesn't even let me know. Plus in other ways I feel like he's still exactly the same as in community college. Back then he was 18, living at home and no proper job. He's still in exactly the same place now and basically has been all that time. My other close male friend Henry is a really nice, sweet and chill guy who has no bad bone in his body. He's 37. He adores me. We initially dated 6 years ago but I didn't have real feelings for him and also he's polyamorous and I'm not. I know he felt really strongly about me, he told me that. He reaches out to me all the time and he's very loyal. I feel bad because I do like him as a friend but I actually have always felt that conversation with him is lacking. He's a very quiet and introverted sort of guy. Some of our friends and other people wondered if he's mildly on the autism spectrum. He's a serious person who doesn't laugh much and he never understands any of my jokes. My jokes are largely sarcastic lol For these reasons I've found it hard all these years to truly connect with him. I care about him a lot but our conversations are quite generic, which is mostly on his part. Recently I tried to make a new female friend from a Meetup group. I went out for dinner and to see some stand-up comedy with a 29-year-old woman that I met at a Meetup group two years ago. She's only been in my city for four years (came from interstate). We have a little bit in common but mainly during our catch up I was feeling like I'm really not connecting with her. She's uneducated and kind of bogan (redneck). We hung out for five hours and she spent the whole time just talking about herself and actually didn't let me speak at all really. She was drinking alcohol the whole time though but I wasn't because I was driving. Afterwards she actually messaged me saying that she had a really nice time with me and she's lucky to have me as a friend. She actually acknowledged that she only talked about herself and sort of apologised. I thought that maybe I could give her another chance, but now I'm really not sure. She did say to me during our catch up that she has issues with her Mum. She still lives with her parents and she said when she had a falling out with her Mum, she was staying at a hotel. She said she also lost her job but she wouldn't talk about why or what happened. Anyway, she messaged me today asking can she stay at my place on the couch because her and her Mum had another blow up. I know she has depression and she said her Mum has bipolar disorder. I said I was really sorry but I don't have a couch coz my ex took it. Also that my front door can only be locked with a key and I have only one set of keys. Both of these things are actually completely true, I didn't lie at all. But the main reason is that I have met this girl only twice in my life and the first time I didn't even talk to her much. She said she would pay me for staying with me but how could she pay if she doesn't have a job? Anyway, after I said no she just didn't reply. So once again I feel like this girl has a lot of issues and she was also just trying to use me for a free place to stay. I guess I'm just feeling so lost... I'm 36 years old...Do I actually have a chance still to make genuine, real close friends? Or is it too late? If I don't find a partner anytime soon then will I just be that single "spinster" all on my own?
So that you understand what is going on, I need to explain the story behind my situation. I met a girl on a platform we used to write. We wrote short stories together, and it was quite fun. After a few months, we began to speak more outside of the story itself and somehow we developed feelings for each other. We are in different countries so, even though I had never been in a LDR before, our relationship was doomed to stay that way for a long while. I'm a very physical person and most of my relationships were heavily based on appearances, and physical bond. Though, with her it was different. I didn't feel that attracted to her looks, she was probably the least attractive person I had ever been with, yet somehow I enjoyed her company a lot and we couldn't help but text all day and sometimes call each other to watch series, movies etc. It went on for a couple of months, yet something was missing. Probably the lack of touch, and the fact that our schedules were quite hard manage and match. Two days ago I talked to her about it and she said she felt the same way. We decided to get back to where we were before since it wasn't really working out, and I thought we were doing the right thing. The next morning she sent me a good morning text, saying that it had became part of her morning routine hence we she still did it. We talked for a while that day trying to get back to the "friends" stage, but something feels off. I feel like I miss her even though we keep talking (just in a different way). I can't help but feel sad and sometimes regret being upfront about it with her. Should I try to get her back? Should I try to explain how I am feeling to her? Should I suck it up and wait for covid to disappear and go get some rebound sex? I would appreciate any income on the matter, Thank you for reading.