elite867

Silence, everywhere there is silence. Why such emptiness? Why such sorrow? Where has the joy gone? Once I was loved, I was love But that time has gone. All around there are regrets Passion, remorse, joy and pain What of it? What of pain? Lost in my own reverie, I cannot escape reality Its emptiness, its bleakness For once I yearn for yesterday And I fear for tomorrow Today, I simply exist. Oh how I've fallen Down, down, fallen so low Tired and scared, I have fallen One day I will rise again I will live again And I will love again. But not today.

My Touch Long have you haunted my dreams, And long have I desired your touch. I have seen you there every night And yet in the sun I see you not. Where is it you go when I awake, How is it that you are so real to me, yet nothing more than a dream? Do my eyes deceive me? I have found pleasure in my touch, Ecstasy that belongs only to you. Do you feel the pleasure I give, Do you long for me as well? How long shall this continue? I cannot bear the world alone. Come to me and end this now Transform my longing to rapture. Can this dream exist in daylight? Can my love ever be realized? I fear the answer may be no, I fear I may live with longing. Always together, yet always alone You speak so softly to me, Your unspoken words my undoing Your touch my salvation. My fingers ache for they are not yours The release I find is my own doing Can you not fill me with your love Can you not end my burning desire? You once offered me my dreams, Dreams that burn my body with lust Is it too late to accept this offer and take back those cursed words? My love, my heart’s desire, I accept the love I had once spurned Allow me in your heart once more, and I will give you my touch.

Your Eyes It’s a cold and empty world in your eyes Green emeralds haunt my dreams Full of love and yet riddled with regret None other could captivate me so I have never known such fear, Never have I felt such loss In dreams your eyes consume me, In my soul a fire ignites ‘Tis by fate that we should not meet, Only together when neither is awake I long for more than just your eyes, How long shall you deny me? Shall this continue to be our story? Always together, yet always alone In my room, I fear my solitude, In my bed, I long for sleep. My dreams are our playground, Only there can we be together If such a dream as this were true My solitude would cease to plague me Alas, I fear the dream remains so The fantasy cannot truly exist Yet reality cannot truly be real And a dream can never be realized Your eyes are all I posses Such power you have over me In my bed, I shall await you In my dreams, I shall love you Never to know the cruelty of my heart I shall only give what I’ve denied others My love will have no bounds And forever will not be long at all

Sadness overwhelms me Darkness consumes me I appear to all as me, normal If they could see inside, what would they see? If they could hear inside, what would they hear? In the depths of my soul, I am crying out in pain, In agony… I long for him. He who I do not know. He who dwells in the furthest reaches of my heart. Tears spring forth from my heart. Can they see them? My eyes are dry, yet I can feel my gentle sobs… Do they know? Can they feel my anguish? My lonliness? My emptiness… Where are you, I scream! Why are you not with me? At night I suffer most, longing for his touch. He who could make me tremble with his gaze. I long to feel the tenderness of his lips And the passion of his embrace Hold me, Love me, Heal me. Where are you my love? Come to me and make me your own Give yourself to me and take me. Allow our skin to be our only barrier… not this time and space which separates us now. Fantasy from reality. Dreams from consciousness. You cannot come. You cannot love me. You are not real. So I will sleep. Forever, in my slumber, will I feel your touch. I need you.

A sigh in the night I admire your grace I look upon my plight never knowing my place Do I exist in your heart Or am I merely a friend Oh yes, I play the part With you I must pretend I see in you a love so true shared by you and me I am waiting for your queue I wonder if it shall ever be

I think she has already called it quits... The divorce was final last month Yep, I sure have - Although, I like the affirmation - it is just more proof to me that I made the right decision!

Jaded star, I definitely agree with you. There is a stigma with divorce, as there should be because marriage is pretty serious; however, when the marriage is abusive and hateful, then divorce is a good thing. I let my fear of having a failed marriage keep in the marriage - I did not want to be a failure and I did not want to be alone. The truth is that I don't feel like a failure, I feel strength and resolve that I was able to get in control of my life and stand up for myself. Also, I heard that it is better to be single and lonely than married and miserable. That is very true - I am lonely sometimes but I way happier than I ever was in my marriage!

Update - He and I separated in January 2007 and are divorce was final Nov 8, 2007! I could not take your advice when I wrote this - but one more year of agony gave me the strength to leave. I am with my family again where I am loved and I am happy to be away from the situation (but still a bit sad my marriage failed). Thank you to everyone who tried to help me, after reading my post with my new environment and understanding (you know, the proverbial veil has beenlifted) - I can see that I definitely made the right decision! Thanks

Hello. It has been a while since I last posted, I have missed posting and I am writiing today because my life is moving in a direction that both terrifies me as well as liberates me. Please bear with me as I disclose the details of my marriage so that you can better understand where I am coming from. I met my husband in a mental institution. As crazy as it sounds, no pun intended, he and I were both suicidal and both tried to kill ourselves roughly about the same time. We met and became close very quickly. Our relationship grew on that fact that we were both so miserable and we gave one another the proverbial shoulder to cry on. This is how we survived. Before long, our relationship grew into love and we got married one year later. I realize I am jumping ahead of myself here. One other thing you must understand is that I was never aloud to date as a teenager. I had my first boyfriend when I moved out at 18y/o and met my husband-to-be at 22 y/o. Prior to him, my longest relationship lasted for six months as I was the clingy girl who had to call a guy about 50,000 times per minute. So, where was I, oh yes. We married in 2003 and have been married for 3 years now. As the last three years are a bit of a blur, let me list to you the issues we have: He was previously married for 8 years and has three beautiful children. The children live with his ex-wife, who is extremely vindictive. His first year as a divorcee he neglected to pay his child support until he was suid by child support enforcement. When the children come to visit he leaves it to me to take care of, cook for, clean up after and discipline them. He should call them at least once a week, instead he calls them once a month or once every other month. He brings me in the middle of every conversation/argument with his ex and her new husband. His ex and her new hubby call me, email me and instant message me in which they complain about how my husband does not call the kids and they are sad. I try to get him to call, but he refuses stating that if he calls, he will have to talk to 'her.' He has a horrible temper. Although he has not been physical towards me, he has been very abusive towards himself as well as our belongings. I am catholic and working on my MBA. My husband is pagan and is getting his bachelors. He is working on his degree not to better himself, but to shut me up about the importance of education. In fact, a couple times, he got so mad at me, he refused to go to class just to spite me. In addition to classes, he also refuses to wear his seatbelt, helmet etc whenever he is mad at me. He will also get out of the car and walk home no matter how far we are from home. He has yelled at me in front of his co-workers, my friends and their children, his children, his parents (who adore me), and complete strangers. He is so sexually unromantic that it turns me off. He does things like if I say "I am hungry, do you want breakfast?" He would say, "sure, how bout some sausage" Then he will pull it out and shake in front of my face. -- He does this ALL the time!!!I think that about covers it. i spend the majority of my time crying about how mad he got at me because he misunderstood something I said and then I have to wait 2 to 3 days for him to calm down enough so we can work it out. however, by that time, we usually just sweep it under the carpet and it does not get resolved. I also do not want to talk to his ex-wife. i told him that once, and he blew up saying that I do not support him. But my step father never once spoke to my father and my step mother never spoke to mother. If they did, it was because one of them had answered the phone and they simply put the other person on the phone. I pay for his children's plane tickets to come to visit us. i take time off of work and rearrange my schedule to take care of them. i make all the money and clean the house and he spends the money and dirties the house with beer bottles and throwing his laundry everywhere. I want to stay home and spend a quiet evening watching a movie - he wants to go out and come home at 3am stinking of beer. Oh and one more thing!! About four or five weeks ago I had a laparotomy. The doctor removed a 14 cm ovarian cyst from my right ovary. I was in the hospital for about 4 days and I told my husband that when i come home to please have everything ready for me as I would be helpless for the next couple of weeks. Not only was the house trashed when I came home, the bed was not prepared for me and he dropped me off, left me standing in the middle of the room and left to fill my prescription (which he at first refused to fill because it cost too much). After several weeks of silently thinking about all this, my resolve is that we became close because we were both at rock bottom. We were the same, both suicidal and very lonely. We built each other up until we became self-sufficient. Once that happened, we grew into our true selves who were two very different people. I think my marriage is over. I think we just have not said it yet. I am scared to death to imagine my life without him, yet I am scared to death to stay with him. Thinking of how he treats his kids, how would he treat our kids? If I am to end this marriage I will have to do it before we have children because i do not want my kids to have a father that only calls once every other month. I dream of a man that is like me. Wants the same things I want, likes quiet evenings at home - values education, religion, and family. Most importantly I dream of a man that will love our children more than life itself and could not take one breath without wanting to be with me or our children. Is that too much to ask for? Please advise, should I try to make it work...or should I call it quits before it gets more complicated?

Well, if you are not dating her, i would not come out and say "I love you" That would freak anyone out. Instead, ask her out on a date. It sounds like you are still young, so love has this hole other meaning, but play it smooth -- ask her for her number and call her the next day. Be friends with her, then start being more than friends. Trust me, we can pick up when a guy likes us and if we like them back, we really enjoy the whole flirting process.

Is blocking him a good idea? Probably. The question you must ask yourself is, do you still have feelings for him? Most guys can have sex with a girl without attaching any emotions to it, where as it is very difficult for a woman to do so. We generally attach some type of emoption to the sex act. thereforeeee, continuing sexual relations with an ex makes it harder for us to commit to the break up. I mean, now he gets the sex without the committment? i think you are totally right to do a no contact, at least until you can get over him to the point where you can be friends without the sex. Otherwise, you will, in one way or another, remain connected to him and possibly miss out on the love of your life! Yes, i would block him completely. Why do you think he wants to be your firend? If he can't get any from somewhere else, he can turn to you to satisfy his needs.....if he truly cared about you he wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place and if he truly wanted to be friends, he would not sleep with you.

I find that poetry is at its best when it comes from the heart. Write about something you feel passionate about. If you hate doing the dishes or walking the dog, write about that. If it comes from the heart it will be easy. For example, compare doing the dishes to indentired servitude or something like that. Research a controversial issue and compare something minor such as taking out the trash to it, i think it will definitely WOW the teacher.

I am so lost. I have had so many jobs, I held my high school job for two years, I was in the military for four years and then i worked as a manager in telemarketing (inbound calls only) for nine months. i left that job because i relocated after I got married. But since I relocated I have held so many different jobs: Day Care, hospitality, property manager, office assistant, McDonald's, staffing agent, etc. Yes, they are all in different fields -- and I thought it was ok since I was getting my degree. Now I have my bachelors in Business Marketing. I took the staffingjob because I was told I would work in the Marketing dept as soon as it was established. But the company is going through a transition and they are not going to have a marketing department....in fact my job is going to be phased out and I am going to find out next week what they are going to do with me... But I am miserale because after all the hard work I put myself through, I feel under utilized and i still feel foolish. i am not even in the field I wanted! I wanted brand marketing....but those jobs are not here, they are accross the country and we can't afford to relocate, plus I am undesireable because I lack Marketing experience. I am currently enrolled in an MBA program, specializing in Marketing. i wanted to get my MBA because I value education and I attach a certain level of prestige to education and higher level degrees. But where will i be with an MBA and no real experience. I feel like my life is way off course and i don't know how to get it back on track. My self-esteem is low and I seem to be making all types of mistakes because of it.

They say that bad things always come in threes, right? So why are the bad things still happening? Let me give you a timeline of the terrible year I have had: March - my younger sister died in a car accident April - my husband survived a terrible car accident November - my cousin died in Afghanistan (U.S. Army) December 27 - my husband was laid off We just moved into a new apartment, we got our bills under control, we began planning to start a family, and then KAPOW! no more job, no more money. All I can think is "why is this happening to us!" I lost two very young members of my family, I nearly lost my husband -- Why Why Why! I know, maybe this is a blessing in disguise, but it is very hard to see it that way right now.......We always talked about setting up a savings plan for instances like this, but I never believed his company would let him go. He recevied so many commendations and recognition, I thought his job was safe -- boy I was wrong. I don't know what kind of advice anyone can give me, maybe simple words of encouragement will suffice......I just don't know how to be supportive and stay strong and positive, when i am breaking apart on the inside.

Katheelynn, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine your heartache but I have a few things to say that you probably already know. First of all, it is never to late to love. I used to say that you don't know if you are with the person you are meant to be until you are lying on your death bed togther. Despite how long you have been together, it wasn't meant to be. Secondly, I always believed that if it wasn't meant to be, the man that is meant for you will be even greater. Finally, I want to tell you that the greiving period takes as long as it takes. So it has taken you a year, it was a tremedous loss. Just try to stay strong and keep on treking, it will get better.