justme3924

Hello all: I am having some inner turmoil on how to tell my ex girlfriend that we are moving in together. My ex and I where together almost five years and separated a little over a year ago. We had a very close emotional relationship in which we struggled with bringing not only the best in each other but also the worst. There was no doubt that we loved each other very deeply but we just couldn't stop the disagreements. So after four and half years we said goodbye. It was very hard on both of us! We had tried so hard and both wanted it to work so very bad but eventually the emotional turmoil it was creating began to interfere with all aspects of our lives. I was truly heart broken. It was one of those break-ups that lasted forever. We just couldn't say goodbye and the last six months of our relationship were spent preparing ourselves emotionally with what was inevitable going in the direction we were heading. Long story short I wanted to continue to try because it was worth it to me but she had had enough. I then gave up and started to find myself again. Soon after she met someone and dated him for a couple months. During the same period I met someone who I truly enjoyed being with. My ex and I continued to talk and attempt to be friends which we have been successful doing so. My new relationship started about the same time her short relationship was ending. She ended it because she said she time alone without someone in her life. She also would approach me with the proposition of getting back together. I would explain that I have a new relationship and I wanted to see where it would take me. Well this is where it has taken me! She has been alone since. The Dilemma: I loved my ex very much - she was my world like no other girl had ever been. I believe that I do still love her & I always will. But after all that we went through the emotional pain it caused me was deep. Even though I loved her so much I knew I needed to move on with my life in order to achieve the dreams I have. I miss her from time to time and we still can laugh like you wouldn't believe - she is a good person and has a good heart. But, I have found someone who I now love and even though it is a very different type of relationship then what I had with my ex I am happy. Do I know if I will marry my girlfriend? No I don't – could I see it in the future yes I do. But, I also know life has a funny way of making things the way they should be. Time will tell. Now that I am in my early 30's I don't want to date a person for 4 years to feel if it right to move forward. I prefer to find out by seeing if we are truly compatible in many ways and one of them is living together. I don't know how to tell my ex. I know that she is going to take it very hard because we had always planned on living together but never had the confidence to get there. I also recently bought my parents house where my ex and I would spend many summer getting to know each other. Simply put it is going to be difficult for her and it making me wimp out in dealing with telling her. Even though we have stayed in touch for almost a year now and she knows I am in a relationship she never talks about it or asks about my girlfriend? Its just a topic that is not brought up. It's hard to truly love someone and have a space in your heart that wishes it would have worked out. I still don't want to hurt her – she means a lot to me and I always want the best for her. Any advice on how I am feeling and how to approach this would be appreciated. Thanks C

Mike, I had to reply - I have been in the same situation but with many twists. But, the case is I really understand where you are coming from. She was the one you loved most. She was your bud! right? I am here to tell you if that was what you had ?? both of those? then it is hard! Very hard. What I realized here is that it is difficult to have both and lose the combination. Where to turn? However buddy, its lonely now - you will get what you need in time. For now make some new friends, express yourself like you did here and grow. You will in time arrive at a comfortable spot and understand more. So focus and open yourself dont close but experienc . Later Bro.

Hello friend, I just want to let you know we all feel like this sometimes. I am going through something very similar to you. It is extremely difficult to move on after losing something you really believed in and loved. But you know what you will love and be loved again. I promise this to you even though you don't see how right now. I can also sense that this breakup has really harmed your self-confidence to. It did mine as well. I started loosing mass amounts of hair quickly. I have always had a receding hairline but it started to recede fast from the stress. Who cares about the superficial stuff like this. Its hard to say you don't care. But think about it do you want to be with someone who cant look past the fact the you may be shorter then average or that I have a receding hairline. No we don't! Life will go on. Right now you are in the "how could this happen to me" phase and nothing looks like it will get better. But It will – what you have been given here is a chance to understand yourself even though you may have not wanted to right now but you have a major opportunity to do so. I feel very alone a lot too since the breakup even when I am with people it is always in the background and I never feel whole. But tough it out, stay busy, do something you have wanted to do for a while. Just do it! You said you are unemployed right now. So you probably don't have a lot of money to do anything and that is bring you down as well. Treat yourself to something like a couple days in a different place. Even if you cant afford it charge it. Life is too short to let the road blocks just comatose you. I am sure if you thought hard about it you have many positive things in your life. If you don't – first take some time to pull yourself together and then take the time to build what you wish you had. You can do it! You can! I am a work in progress as we speak. You may want to look up some of the things I have posted here asking for help and advice. You always have someone even if you don't know them personally. I do care and I am the same age 28 soon to be 29 we have plenty of time. Keep you your head up and you will get through this! Justme3924

I don't know the details of what you have been through with your relationship but your general perspective of how you are feeling is very clear. To truly love someone deep down inside but over time and experiences you begin to realize certain critical differences/circumstances continually harmed and eventually broke up the relationship is a very difficult thing to go through. I am going through that now for the 2nd and final time with the woman I have dated & loved for the last four years. But I am beginning to realize things again. How traumatic it really is -- to truly want & love someone deeply and want to be with someone for ever but you just cant seem to get it to work or it just couldn't be? What type of love do they call that ? But its crazy and I have driven myself crazy trying to figure out why. When your heart is saying "but there was so much good too why should we be apart"? I still do it but I have had to try to learn to discipline my brain to the best of my ability to focus on the truth you must discover even though you don't realize its there. The things you cant except are who you are! Example: you say that if she did want to come back later on you would have a hard time trusting and would feel 2nd best. There is nothing wrong with feeling like that. That is who you are. That is the learning process of getting to know you. So I have asked myself that same question 'what is closure'? I looked to her for it for so long but it just hurt more because I realized I couldn't find it within her. So I looked to me and people for advice. To me right now I am trying to find closure through accepting myself as a good person with a big heart who has flaws like everyone else. Who is on journey for something very real and to grow as person always. I am like you - Man – I stay busy. But I always carry her around in the background no matter what I am doing. Frankly, it sucks having that void I can relate 100% too. Nothing seems to fit the bill lately does it? But take this time and develop that faith in yourself again – accept yourself – what you can't accept make strides to change. Develop the boundaries you as a person have and try to live by them. This is very hard to do when matters of the heart take over. But it can be done and I am an early stage work in progress my friend. I have been a bleeding heart on this board with my strife you can look if you wish. I have written some very long and in depth posts pleading for advice. I was in a lot of pain and even though I still am… I am beginning to understand why. Its been a long time for me too I have been going through this for about a year. But I always kept trying, going back to her, talking to her, counseling, keeping the faith alive. But I have been very let down now (like before) but this time I just couldn't allow myself to be unfairly treated anymore. So I am having to just deal and it. It's only been a couple weeks since I had to end what I truly dreamed of and never wanted to end (very confusing dilemma). But this time I had to hold strong to my convictions of why it must be like this. Every so often I read them back (my posts) to re-confirm what I truly know deep down inside. I have never really felt complete without someone to love romantically in my life. I want the dream a beautiful wife and a couple of kids. Everything else sometimes seems like it just what I need to do to survive as a person. What really has always mattered to me was sharing a wonderful bond with a woman I love and a deep understanding. Its what makes me feel content and alive. I have to get over that until the right one happens to come along. So this is something I have learned my asking myself who I am? That is what is really important to me finding someone to love. I accept that I now know that about myself. But understanding that about myself has lead me to realize that I have held on to something that I gave my all to for to long because I wanted it so very very bad. That is where not knowing yourself really limits a person. So the moral of my story is you get to learn about and love yourself. This will bring you closure as you go through the process because when the next opportunity comes along for you and it will -- you will be prepared for what has been given to you. And if it not what you need or not what you can give then either then you will recognize it so that you can continue your journey and find what you can accept and give to a person – she is out there. We are being taught a lesson that when the smoke clears we will be grateful for. I hope I helped because so many here have helped me. Good-luck and get your feelings out. If you need someone to talk to on occasion about this stuff I would be happy to do so. email removed [/b]

I am having a major problem because my relationship is so confusing now. I will give you a synopsis: Back in November of 2002 my girlfriend and I of four years had been having problems for about a year. It was mostly petty stuff but it kinda snowballed out of control. We both reached a point where we were threatening to leave each other every time we got heated. I really love this woman and have since the day I met her and I believe she loves me deeply too. But petty stuff along the way began to create baggage and in November of 2002 we had a major fight over the same stuff we always fought about and I was really frustrated and this time I said ok "its over". Well this same situation had happened to me from her before but this time I was really frustrated and I did the immature deed. Well the next morning I went over and apologized and said hey we need to go get some counseling or something to learn how to better deal with this stuff. She said no way its over. Well, long story short it took me about two weeks but she finally gave in and said ok. We planned some counseling but couldn't get in until after X-mas. We made an appointment for January but then one of my best friends was killed in a plane crash and I was forced to cancel. Anyways, we never went in for counseling. Then in February the same type of fight happened and the same thing went down to a T. We were both in the wrong. The next day I said here we are again this isn't working the way we are doing it we need some help. She wouldn't give me the time of day. She said she needed a week to think about us continuing the relationship and I said ok and hung tight. A week later we get together and she tells me this relationship wasn't right for her anymore. I was devastated! I couldn't understand how a she could write me a wonderful letter no more then 3 weeks earlier telling me how I mean the world to her and how she cant wait to we get married and have kids. Yada, Yada, Yada. I pretty much begged and pleaded for us to give it six months and go to counseling and see if we can learn a better way to understand each other. To make this short for two months I tried everything I could. I was blamed, made to feel worthless and pretty much just driven into the ground by her. After trying all that I could and her being so very cold to me I said "hey I don't deserve this" I must move on. I even went in and talked to someone for a month so that I could clear my head without involving those who know and cared about me and worry them. After one last attempt I thought to myself how unfair this was and I said in my mind " I don't deserve this! I have done all I could do I have done my best to make things right and try to turn over a new leaf with her. Forget it. I am a good natured guy who is very loyal and committed I shouldn't have to chase the woman who told me she wanted to be with me forever around. I would have done just about anything but the "Hard-girl" role she plaid with me just wore me out when I was laying it all on the table. So one night after being apart for about three months I went out by myself and met two very cool girls. I became friends with both of them and it was nice to have a girl to vent to. Anyways long story short. One of these girls I met became friends with benefits we just had a lot in common and neither of us were attached and maybe a little lonely. So we began to be intimate together on occasion. It was really nothing more for me I didn't see a future nor did either one of us want one it was just nice being easy together something very low maintenance. Yet, I was still very heart broken and in love with my ex. I really missed her very badly and I was torn between feeling guilty for being with someone to being angry she would go the distance for us. My ex catches wind of the fact that I have been hanging out with a girl and next thing you know here she is again. I would see her drive by on occasion to check up on me and all of the sudden after being a complete jerk to me when I was a bleeding heart she somehow is having second thoughts. She starts calling and asking me questions about my involvement with this other girl. I had never lied to her ever in four years but at this point I felt it was none of her business. She didn't want to be with me anymore when I would have done anything. Long story short here again: One day I am packing up my truck to go camping with my new "friend" and here comes my ex down the road. My new friend was to be here within the ½ our. Well my ex shows up hysterical and confronts me asking if I have been with this girl and frankly at this point I was a little scared of her and what how she might react so I say no. It was a lie. I would have told the truth if it wasn't such an awkward circumstance. I hate to lie or be lied to. But I did what I thought at the time was best. I truly did think it was the best thing to do at that moment. I wasn't involved anymore with her and her standing in my front yard as I await my friend to go out of town wasn't the best situation either. So I go out of town. When I get back my ex has taken the liberty to use an extra key to my house and let herself in and go through my stuff and email. In addition, she has piled everything I ever gave her in a pile in my living room with an evil letter. She took the opportunity of me being gone to do her own investigation into things. FAST FORWARD Things got ugly but I still loved her so much. She told me that she would forgive me for being with another woman while apart if I could forgive her. I understand that people do things they don't mean sometimes so I conceded. The deal was to go to consoling and do things right from now on. My friend that I spoke of earlier was very understanding and cool about everything. She was a true friend and honestly just wanted me to be happy. She stepped aside. But both her and I wanted to just be friends from here on out plus she was moving a few hours away to a different city. So I get back together with my ex and hope to keep my friend as a long distance pen-pal. She was a very real person and very respectful she never would overstep her bounds. Myself I am ultra loyal and have always been to both friends and girlfriends. But my ex insisted I never speak to this friend ever again. I held my ground tooth and nail that – that really wasn't fair. Long story short there after a month of saying that is unrealistic I finally gave in and agreed to break the now plutonic friendship off for the betterment of my relationship with the woman I love. I did so reluctantly because this was a person who really cared about me and not what I could do for her but for me and vice versa. Its rare and I saw that so it was hard. FAST FORWARD So now I have broken the friendship off and we have been going to consoling for two months now. But my ex is obsessed with the fact I was with someone else. Her moods fluctuate. One moment everything is fine the next she is standoffish with me because "she gets visions of me with the other girl". It's a roller coaster ride. There isn't any consistency to our relationship. One moment everything is great but then I find myself with someone who doesn't seem to really care for me. She is excessively emotional, she focuses on things that aren't healthy & we don't move forward. I have been with her for four years. I love her but I have come to a point were I am much more clear on what I want in life. I feel like I am a horrible person when I am not - I do so many things that many guys don't. I am giving with my communication, love, understanding, commitment and time. Nothing seems to be good enough. She has always had a problem letting go of stuff but this thing is really dragging me down. I am 28 now I met her when I was 24, I love her but I don't know what to do. I know this is a lot but I really need some intelligent advice from some of you. It will be very much appreciated and taken to heart.

I am having a major problem because my relationship is so confusing now. I will give you a synopsis: Back in November of 2002 my girlfriend and I of four years had been having problems for about a year. It was mostly petty stuff but it kinda snowballed out of control. We both reached a point where we were threatening to leave each other every time we got heated. I really love this woman and have since the day I met her and I believe she loves me deeply too. But petty stuff along the way began to create baggage and in November of 2002 we had a major fight over the same stuff we always fought about and I was really frustrated and this time I said ok "its over". Well this same situation had happened to me from her before but this time I was really frustrated and I did the immature deed. Well the next morning I went over and apologized and said hey we need to go get some counseling or something to learn how to better deal with this stuff. She said no way its over. Well, long story short it took me about two weeks but she finally gave in and said ok. We planned some counseling but couldn't get in until after X-mas. We made an appointment for January but then one of my best friends was killed in a plane crash and I was forced to cancel. Anyways, we never went in for counseling. Then in February the same type of fight happened and the same thing went down to a T. We were both in the wrong. The next day I said here we are again this isn't working the way we are doing it we need some help. She wouldn't give me the time of day. She said she needed a week to think about us continuing the relationship and I said ok and hung tight. A week later we get together and she tells me this relationship wasn't right for her anymore. I was devastated! I couldn't understand how a she could write me a wonderful letter no more then 3 weeks earlier telling me how I mean the world to her and how she cant wait to we get married and have kids. Yada, Yada, Yada. I pretty much begged and pleaded for us to give it six months and go to counseling and see if we can learn a better way to understand each other. To make this short for two months I tried everything I could. I was blamed, made to feel worthless and pretty much just driven into the ground by her. After trying all that I could and her being so very cold to me I said "hey I don't deserve this" I must move on. I even went in and talked to someone for a month so that I could clear my head without involving those who know and cared about me and worry them. After one last attempt I thought to myself how unfair this was and I said in my mind " I don't deserve this! I have done all I could do I have done my best to make things right and try to turn over a new leaf with her. Forget it. I am a good natured guy who is very loyal and committed I shouldn't have to chase the woman who told me she wanted to be with me forever around. I would have done just about anything but the "Hard-girl" role she plaid with me just wore me out when I was laying it all on the table. So one night after being apart for about three months I went out by myself and met two very cool girls. I became friends with both of them and it was nice to have a girl to vent to. Anyways long story short. One of these girls I met became friends with benefits we just had a lot in common and neither of us were attached and maybe a little lonely. So we began to be intimate together on occasion. It was really nothing more for me I didn't see a future nor did either one of us want one it was just nice being easy together something very low maintenance. Yet, I was still very heart broken and in love with my ex. I really missed her very badly and I was torn between feeling guilty for being with someone to being angry she would go the distance for us. My ex catches wind of the fact that I have been hanging out with a girl and next thing you know here she is again. I would see her drive by on occasion to check up on me and all of the sudden after being a complete jerk to me when I was a bleeding heart she somehow is having second thoughts. She starts calling and asking me questions about my involvement with this other girl. I had never lied to her ever in four years but at this point I felt it was none of her business. She didn't want to be with me anymore when I would have done anything. Long story short here again: One day I am packing up my truck to go camping with my new "friend" and here comes my ex down the road. My new friend was to be here within the ½ our. Well my ex shows up hysterical and confronts me asking if I have been with this girl and frankly at this point I was a little scared of her and what how she might react so I say no. It was a lie. I would have told the truth if it wasn't such an awkward circumstance. I hate to lie or be lied to. But I did what I thought at the time was best. I truly did think it was the best thing to do at that moment. I wasn't involved anymore with her and her standing in my front yard as I await my friend to go out of town wasn't the best situation either. So I go out of town. When I get back my ex has taken the liberty to use an extra key to my house and let herself in and go through my stuff and email. In addition, she has piled everything I ever gave her in a pile in my living room with an evil letter. She took the opportunity of me being gone to do her own investigation into things. FAST FORWARD Things got ugly but I still loved her so much. She told me that she would forgive me for being with another woman while apart if I could forgive her. I understand that people do things they don't mean sometimes so I conceded. The deal was to go to consoling and do things right from now on. My friend that I spoke of earlier was very understanding and cool about everything. She was a true friend and honestly just wanted me to be happy. She stepped aside. But both her and I wanted to just be friends from here on out plus she was moving a few hours away to a different city. So I get back together with my ex and hope to keep my friend as a long distance pen-pal. She was a very real person and very respectful she never would overstep her bounds. Myself I am ultra loyal and have always been to both friends and girlfriends. But my ex insisted I never speak to this friend ever again. I held my ground tooth and nail that – that really wasn't fair. Long story short there after a month of saying that is unrealistic I finally gave in and agreed to break the now plutonic friendship off for the betterment of my relationship with the woman I love. I did so reluctantly because this was a person who really cared about me and not what I could do for her but for me and vice versa. Its rare and I saw that so it was hard. FAST FORWARD So now I have broken the friendship off and we have been going to consoling for two months now. But my ex is obsessed with the fact I was with someone else. Her moods fluctuate. One moment everything is fine the next she is standoffish with me because "she gets visions of me with the other girl". It's a roller coaster ride. There isn't any consistency to our relationship. One moment everything is great but then I find myself with someone who doesn't seem to really care for me. She is excessively emotional, she focuses on things that aren't healthy & we don't move forward. I have been with her for four years. I love her but I have come to a point were I am much more clear on what I want in life. I feel like I am a horrible person when I am not - I do so many things that many guys don't. I am giving with my communication, love, understanding, commitment and time. Nothing seems to be good enough. She has always had a problem letting go of stuff but this thing is really dragging me down. I am 28 now I met her when I was 24, I love her but I don't know what to do. I know this is a lot but I really need some intelligent advice from some of you. It will be very much appreciated and taken to heart.

Hello, I read you post and thought I might offer some advice. Today, I want you to live for yourself. Do something that makes only you feel happy. It could be a walk in the woods, listening to music.... I know what you are going through is the probably the most painful thing you have ever experienced - but you are not alone. People are who they are and sometimes it takes a step back from everything to see the forest for the tree's. Now this could turn out two ways. She could be back at you side or you two could part ways forever. What you must remember my friend is that you must be strong because you have your own life to live. I have been right were you are today it was only 4 months ago. I couldn't sleep or eat, I felt helpless – what was I going to do? But you know what? Sometimes you just will not have an answer to why things turned out the way they did. You can torment yourself over and over but it wont help the situation. All you can do is make your case – you probably already have? Then let it go and see what happens. If she wants her mail let her come get it. Live for yourself right now. She is! Why shouldn't you? You just might find that as you gain your self-confidence back that magical things begin to happen around you. You are a good person and I am sure loved by many. Don't forget that! I too have a post up here labeled "my ex is back". I too am in a very confusing, painful situation still to this day. But over the past four months I went from helpless to self-love. You can to. Be strong, give good things, and good things will be returned to you. I promise you will see. Take care, Justme

Hello, I have a situation that I am very confused about. About 4 months ago my girlfriend and I of four years split up. I wanted to work it out through seeking some counseling and she would have anything to do with me. I pleaded and told her I was willing to do just about anything to make things right again. I truly loved this woman. She was stubborn and quite mean and replied to my attempts to show her that the mature thing to do was to try to work it out together through counseling. I tried and tried – I practically begged. She just wasn't having it. So after about two months of feeling completely lost and pathetic. I said screw this I am too good of a person and went out with some friends and happened to meet girl. Well, to make a long story short the two of us had a lot in common and hit it off pretty well. We had both just gotten out of a relationship and just were looking for some companionship with no strings attached. This was fine for me and fine for her. So we started doing some things together. We started to go to movies, read books on self improvement, I even went to counseling for weeks to try to get my head right from the breakup. Well my ex got wind of the fact that I was hanging out with some other girl. One Friday I was packing up my truck to go camping with my new "friend" and my ex shows up hysterically crying and she looked extremely skinny. It was a very uncomfortable situation because my "friend" was on her way over and here stood my ex in my front yard badgering me on if I had "been" with this new girl or not? I felt that it was none of her business at this point and frankly I just didn't want a seen so I said no I hadn't. That was not the truth. But the way I saw it was that she would give me the time of day when I wanted to work things out and now because someone else was around she was feeling threatened and all of the sudden she wants back in my life. Well, I go camping and while I was away – my ex took the liberty of letting herself in my house with a "spare" key she apparently had and went through my email account and found out I had been with this girl. I come home to find everything I had ever given her in a pile on my living room floor and two mean nasty notes. One to me and one to the "friend". I pretty much wrote her off after this behavior. Then one night I came home from a movie with my new friend and my ex is waiting on my front stoop. She says she wants to apologize for her behavior and that she is very sorry and she will do anything to get me back. Well, that put me in a confused situation. I do still love this woman. My new friend is someone who I care about but we both know that we are just friends that took it a little far and have since stopped any intimacy months ago and are purely friends. I told my ex that if I saw some changes and if it was taken really slow that maybe we would have a chance. But, now here I am. My friend has evolved into a "true" friend and solely a friend. I told my ex that we would never be anything else other than friends ever again. Well, case and point my ex expects me to completely write of my new friend and break all contact. This goes against everything I believe in and I don't feel it is the right thing to do. I am not trying to have my cake and eat it too. However, this girl has been very understanding about everything and very open minded. She has been there for me and has been a very good person to me. She is actually moving two hours away in about two months. I feel that it is unfair to have my ex ask this of me. I mean it comes down to she didn't want me and let me go. I beg and plead and do everything in my power and she says no. Then all of the sudden she has the right to make demands like this? I have compromised. I have taken many steps back from my new friend. We talk only every now and then and it is like we are old friends. I just don't know what to do? It seems very unfair to just let someone who has been a good friend go because my ex expects it of me. It also makes me believe that she wants me for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I am being to idealistic? Any advise or opinions would be much appreciated.

Thanks guys for you help on this. I will write a bit more later. It is great that this board exists. Being guys we often dont have anyone to turn to when stuff like this happens in life. She is over at her mothers day in day out and I sit here by myself stewing. I just dont know anymore. You know I would have tried and tried. But the way she can just leave like this really makes me think. Wow when the going gets tough she is out the door. Is that what I want. Yet, I feel horribly guilty for letting my emotions get the better of me and saying some of things I did. You see she would cry on the drop of a hat. It could be anything. Over time I just became frustrated with the crying and felt like it was unfair to me. I am expected " to stay calm " "keep the tone in voice low" .... And she would just cry whenever and I was called unsimpathetic and mean for getting annoyed over time. I would explain that when I would raise my voice it was the same as her crying. It was an emotion that was out of control. I understand that girls cry. I am not unsimpathetic I just became de- sensitized to it because it wasnt fair that I was always being put down for the way I handled things and she was no better. Oh well what can you do? DSlim I have been trying to get you on the Instant Messenger and havent had any luck. I will keep trying.

Hello, This is the first time I have ever sought advice VIA the Internet so I feel a little odd about it. However, objective advice is what I seek and that is what I will get. Thanks in advance. The Situation: I am a male in my late 20's. I have been dating a girl who is three years younger then me for about 3 ½ years. We have done many many wonderful things and shared many deep moments. We have always had a problem when there is conflict. We just don't know how to handle each other. We have tried and tried. We don't see eye to eye. I have tried many different approaches and over the last year I have resorted to becoming very frustrated. We have both done and said things to each other that have been unfair and from my personal statements not my true feelings. We have both been very loyal to each other in our fidelity & have never had any physical abuse issues. We have shared and shared and talk intimately often. The image I have of love is there except for the way I often feel misunderstood. I believe I am a very good communicator I share my feelings. Sometimes to much. I am very honest and want someone who truly knows me or wants to. I admit fault – I know that I am young in love, and that I am a human being and I screw up. I have always communicated and owned up to error. I haven't always been fair in my judgments to think before speaking or acting. But I have always acknowledged the wrong doings and done everything in my power to 1) learn from them 2) consciously try a new approach 3) Still be fair to myself. Over the last year we have tried and tried. This means everything to me so I can honestly say I did what I could. We have so much that fits. I would have kept trying. I have noticed that when we get in heated disagreements about issues I would find myself speaking from past experiences that I have had. I sometimes would get so frustrated with situations that I would get mad and say "other girls would do this & that" , "alright that's it! you know I don't need this crap" I would hang up the phone. Basically threaten to leave & never leave . I wanted to fix things so bad. But many times when I would be as passive and understanding as I could possibly be & I would find myself in a very unfair situations from my point of view and I would jump back into saying things that I don't mean. thereforeeeeeee, escalating the situation. And Vice Versa! We always did that. Instead of realizing at the moment that this wasn't important we would get heated fight, about the issue and bring everything that hurt each other over the years back up again & again. This got out of control and it appears that it has ruined a very wonderful relationship. I don't know how to fix it. Yet, I have never walked away. I have thought and thought about what a gamble it is. But it was always a gamble I would take because I felt we had it in us. So much potential! I have had many life experiences. I have traveled extensively, had relationships with all types and feel I am open minded and somewhat experienced. Yet, I still have so much to learn. This is something that really hurts to loose. I can see myself with her having fun many years down the road. The other day we had another one of our sad moments and I got a Dear John letter outside of my door. I was perplexed! Three and one-half years? Its hard to let you all in on what we shared. Many of them were some of the most wonderful close moments that I have ever spent with another human being. Well, It stated how we just cant do this anymore & if I look deep down inside I will see that too. Yes, I know we cant do this anymore. But, there has to be another alternative? I would do anything – anything – except not be true to myself. At first I was like man! Wow, just throwing in the towel? I looked for answers and found none. I stated my case VIA E-mail and phone & went away. The next day I dropped off a silly "24 reasons to stay together list" and dropped off 24 roses at her house. She called to thank me. I said babe I know we have tried & tried but the love is there its just clouded. She said she couldn't see me that evening. She went and stayed at her mothers. We don't live together. The next day she calls in the evening. And we talk but she has not a positive to say about our future anymore. She has gone cold on me. She breaks down and I drive over and surprise her just to give her a hug. I also wanted to tell her that this is really hard on me too and I have to stop trying to convince her to stay with me. The way I see it if I have to practically beg for reconciliation then I am doomed from the start on this one. I intended to leave it like that. I am having a real hard time accepting that she can just turn away. (I know I threatened and I am at fault here too). The next day I get a nice letter from her stating that I showed some real strength the previous evening and thanks. "Sorry I am having such a hard time with this". " But I just need some time". I have tried this approach but have always gotten slack for it? Two hours later she calls and wanted to know if I got the letter? I said Yes, I did but I let you know that this was it until either you make a decision unto US. I went into how I love her and if it is meant to be it will be no matter what we decide to do now. I just don't know what to do. She asks well what if we meet someone else. I said if our hearts are meant to be together then they will. That is a risk we will have take. I need someone to tell me that. She was my best friend and I feel very alone. I have never wanted anything so bad. I have screwed up so many times but I have come through many many more times then I have messed up. Is my answer sometimes life isn't fair? I don't even feel like myself because of what this has done to me. Just looking for intelligent – logical advice. Thank you, Jim