catfeeder

Yes, it would strike me ^^^this way. We all need to explore crawling and walking before we can run. Instead of aiming for commitment so early, I'd express that I'd like to see her more often. See how she responds to that and if she accepts another date within a week or so. If she starts to date you regularly, she's opened her door. If she agrees to the 'concept' of 'more often' but puts up more barriers to seeing you, then she's not serious enough for a commitment.

I wouldn't consider someone who's bored with me at 4 months to be worthy of an in-person breakup. I'd just respond to his next contact, "This isn't working for me. I wish you the best." ...and I'd be on my next date with someone else that night.

Very true. So think in terms of your best interests in this. You already have one enemy that you never asked for, provoked or otherwise deserve. So why make it two? You don't need to be 'best' friends, or even friends with the guy anymore--but I wouldn't burn the bridge. Just stop contacting him, and if he contacts you, you can answer politely and either be unavailable if he invites you out, or simply tell him that you'll always care about him, but it hurts too much to spend time with him given that he needs to hide you from his fiancé or face a fight about it. Then wish him well. From there, chances are you won't need to deal with him again, but you've left your door open should he ever wise up and recognize that a tyrant for a wife isn't something he wants after all.

I heard a great analogy about learning lessons: Stage 1: I walked down a familiar street, but didn't see the big hole, so I fell in. Stage 2: I walked down the same familiar street, and I saw the red flag over the hole, but I fell in anyway. Stage 3: I walked down the same familiar street, and I saw the hole, so I wasted lots of time trying to navigate around it. Stage 4: I took another street.

Not when one's only occupation is video gaming. Then therapy is just navel gazing with nothing productive to apply it to and nothing to show for all that money. Do what you want. Freeloading isn't against the law if it's consensual, but it's certainly not doing her any favors, and no wonder she's depressed.

While cultivating a satisfying social life broadens everyone's opportunities, it's important to note the differences between the ways people use online sites today versus how ads were used when we were young. If traditional dating applied to sites today, we'd all be going on formal 'dates' with total strangers, full nights or afternoons, and we'd be stuck on that date for the duration even after knowing within the first few minutes that the match is a dud. Men would be shelling out too much money with the few exceptions where the woman had stepped up to do the inviting and paying, but given the natural odds that most people are NOT our match, the whole process would be an expensive, time consuming drag. So today, online sites are more like 'meeting' sites as opposed to 'dating' sites, where people are setting up informal quick-meets over coffee to check one another out. Think of it like speed-dating, except it's one at a time, for 15-20 minutes rather than a couple minutes on a timer. Each agrees not to ask for a real date on the spot, but either can invite the other afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, but if not, then no response is necessary. This takes the squirmy rejection stuff off the table. People set up a few quick meets per week on their way home from work, and if someone doesn't show, the other can just take their coffee home and nothing is lost. Take rests when necessary.

Nothing aids depression better than an enforced need to step up and engage the real world beyond the screen.

It's not harsh, it's loving. It's also adulting. If you want to allow this woman to unravel on your dime, then here you are. That's not exactly looking out for her best interests, is it?

I'd be even more committed to a hardline approach with someone I actually love rather than allow her to regress into a juvenile dependant, which will wreck her life. I'd give her three options: 1) sign a written agreement to move out by x date unless she's found a legal full time job and begins a contribution of $x.xx dollars to me every month with first payment due on x date, OR, 2) move out by the end of the month, and I will assist her by paying her new landlord the first month plus security, OR 3) fight with me about any of this before either option 1 or 2 are completed, and she'll need to comply with the eviction notice for which I've already filed, and she'll have no financial help from me to do so. Those are her choices. She can expect the eviction notice to be served within the week. If she's busy engaging an online affair, she'll need to convert that into a place to live right away, or she'll need to get busy finding work and/or another place to live. Otherwise, not another penny of financial help from me, and I'll enforce the eviction.

I can't imagine the problem. If your profile is anything like your post, I'd be all over that.

Whenever someone won't meet you in person, it's a waste of your time, and possibly a scam. She may have figured you'd run the photo on Google images and learn that it wasn't even a photo of who she claimed to be. Also, what kind of app matches people without posting photos?

Nobody's out to persecute you, we're addressing your complaint of being cheated, which makes no sense according to the story you told us and the choices you made. This isn't about making you into a bad guy, it's about disabusing you of the idea that anyone else has ripped you off. Which is a good thing.

I hope you'll consider scrapping the lens of censorship and just go 'bLAt!' on the page with your first drafts. There exists now a growing backlash against the over-correction of PC-warriors who've accomplished little more than paralyzing everyone, including themselves. Don't allow them to squelch you, because by the time you work through rounds of edits and reach a release time, the pendulum will have likely swung back to greet your efforts. For your own comfort, you might want to introduce a term as something a given character uses to describe him-or-herself. But I hope you'll plow right over concerns about appropriation and all those constraining noise farts because for every person who tries to flaunt their indignation over every word uttered by anyone, there are hundreds more from the same community who say "...poo-poo to that, it's a bore.'

Great! Glad to hear this. You can problem-solve something other than the thing that's bothering you in that moment. It's a distracting reward, and it shifts you away from dwelling on something you don't know how to solve at the time. For instance, for most of my life I've opted to shift celebrating my birthday away from the week on which it falls, because it's so close to a holiday that inflates prices. Yet, on my actual birthday, I'd feel anxious and sad. Attempting to solve that particular issue wouldn't have helped--I can't change the holiday. So instead, I've decided to always plan ahead to have a project or some fun non-birthday related plans on that day. So in your case, you might want to avoid trying to come up with solutions to meeting people and dating during times that you feel more sad than inspired about that. Instead, reward yourself with something fun to plan or research, and keep in mind that the more fun you can build into your life on your own terms, the more likely a potential partner will be attracted to your overall enthusiasm for living. Head high.

What might motivate a person to seek a 'connection' with a barrier of thousands of miles?