She dumped me. Came Back. Dumped me Again.

TL; DR: I'm 28, she's 23. Girlfriend of 2 years dumps me in May and jumps into sexual relationship with some guy. I'm emotionally destroyed in the process. 2 months later comes back, asking for forgiveness and a chance to fix things, because she's realized how much she's always loved me. She says she made the biggest mistake of her life leaving me. I'm worried to be hurt again, but say ok, and we work on things for 2 months. Things are going well but then she dumps me out of the blue in the same fashion without a care. I'm lost and hurt even more.

I was with my ex for 2 years. We had somewhat of a rocky relationship after about a year, because I've been in graduate school and living with my parents, so I was always somewhat limited in terms of availability for any major trip or event. But of course I did spend time with her multiple times per week, sometimes more than she wanted.

Regardless, for some reason she always considered me inadequate because of my restrictions, and so she would constantly take out her frustration on me. She would say I was immature and the relationship was immature because I couldn't do everything she wanted. Starting in the second year, she would fight me all the time, mostly because she was very spiteful towards me over these issues, and would constantly breakup with me over every little thing, saying I made her unhappy, angry, and depressed. I always thought she was over-reacting and blamed me for things out of my control, yet I would fix things, until she would break them again. Honestly, I felt emotionally abused.

Long story short, I would constantly tell her that our situation is temporary, that I loved her immensely, and as soon as I finish graduate school in a year or so, I'll be more free to do what we both wanted. And if she had any issues with me, I would be glad to fix them if she was just nice to me.

That was not good enough, and this past May she broke up with me and said she didn't love me anymore and I made her miserable. I tried reasoning, begging, pleading, promising change, and constantly telling her how in a few months I'll be done with school and working full-time, so she shouldn't do this. Over the next 4 weeks she emotionally destroyed me and beat me into the ground the more I begged, until finally one day she told me that the night before she had slept with someone she had just met off Tinder. I was heartbroken and went NC finally.

4 weeks later she contacts me, says she misses me a lot, but also shows off her new relationship with the Tinder guy. This further destroys me emotionally, destroys all hope for me, and I say goodbye and wish her well. A few weeks after that she contacts me and tells me she has always been in love with me and wants to get back together.

Despite my fears and other people's advice I take her back. I tell her clearly how I feel, how I'm worried, and what we have to do over the next few months to repair things and move forward. She says she will do anything for however long it takes to fix things and make me happy. She says that what she did to me was the biggest mistake of her life and she loves me.

So we go through the process, and around mid to late October things are going very well. I get a job and am near graduation. Then she goes to a Rave, comes back, and picks a fight with me and dumps me, saying she met some cool fun people there, and accuses me of being boring, not being nice enough to her, making her miserable and defensive and angry, and all the same stuff as before. She says she doesn't see a future with me and I'm wasting her time. She was very angry at me, sad, then numb, and basically acted like she hated me and I was the cause of all her unhappiness problems.

I tried reasoning and begging her for 2 weeks, and she dragged me along mostly to place the blame on me for everything, and I took the bait and kept apologizing to fix things, but in the end she says we are done and she is not ready for a relationship, but it's also my fault. The last texts I sent her were me apologizing, asking her out to talk, and telling her all the things I love about her, but she never responded and that was a week ago.

I'm lost and have no idea why she did this. Did she leave me for someone she met at the Rave? Is she BPD? Commitment issues? How can she love me, then few days later hate me? I'm hurt and shocked she would do this again within 2 months of all her apologies and promises. As soon as I get a job and am graduating, the thing I've been looking forward for 2 years, she destroys me again for selfish reasons?

There is no other way to put this....she is selfish and immature.

Time to stop believing her lies and taking her back until she throws another hissy fit and sleeps with someone else...again.

Doesn't matter why at this stage. You need to cut contact totally if you haven't already and work on healing. I'm sorry this happened but you will get through it. I speak from experience as I had something similar happen

Well she suddenly stopped responding to me a week ago Friday when I was talking to her a lot. I didn't continue after that. I figured she would just going to tell me she was dating/sleeping with someone else again that night.

Yea like other's have said she sounds very immature and doesn't really care about people's feelings it will catch up with her trust me. I think we've all been in these kind of relationships.

One minute it's next it's world war three kicking off! The truth is she is that age where she exploring and not thinking about the consequences to the people around her. These kind of people live off drama they love it.

I'm proud that you stuck to your guns and stuck with your education it will be the best decision you've ever made. Now what you need to do is learn from this experience because you knew the signs of her character yet you chose to ignore them and pretend there not there.

The lesson you'll learn is the majority of time people don't change their colours and they can only hide who they are for so long.

It's time to ditch her to the curb and think about you, do you want to get into further education, do you want to start your career path, even go travelling. The world is your oyster, your know a free man without a damaging girlfriend holding you back. Go and live your life you'll be just fine.

Consider yourself lucky. I can see her husband/victim in the future coming on here asking why after they were married for 4 years she suddenly wanted a divorce and ran off with the next guy that had more stuff or more money.

She is a taker, selfish and shallow. You on the other hand are very lucky she is out of your life.

There are way better women out there so quit looking back and start looking forward. You have a new life that is about to begin after graduation. Congratulations by the way!

Lost

See, I sort of, kind of could understand the reasoning behind the first breakup...sort of.

However, it makes no sense to me that she came to me 2 months later, saying she missed me, loved me, and wanted to be with me forever and have children and all that jazz about being so sorry.....only to get up and leave 2 months later right at a time when I felt like things were going well again.

I mean really? She was saying things like "we don't like the same sports, or music, etc" and I was thinking...."what is this? high school?"

It's like she literally flipped a switch because she went to a rave, possibly met some guy, and all of the sudden I was worthless again because I wasn't into raves?

Oh btw, this was my first real relationship, my first love. Literally the worst first relationship ever because of all the hurt I've been through completely unjustly.

Literally days before she was saying how we should be together forever, then days later "I want to have kids and get married in the future and I don't see myself doing that with you, stop wasting my time!" What??!! For 2 years, and even when she came back she was saying the opposite.

It hurts man. It really hurts to be played like this.

You are asking questions that only she knows the answers to.. or perhaps she doesnt know.

She came back to you becuase she knew you would be there to catch her. You were safe and after getting her heart broken by new guy #1, she knew you would take her back and care for her. I dont think she was ever going to be with you long term, just long enough for her to get back on her feet.

In other words you were used after the first break up. The arguing the picking a fight was just her justifying ending it with you. She needed a way out and when you didnt give her one, she created one and then said see you. It was nothing you did and nothing you could of prevented. It takes two to make it work and no matter how hard you try if she doesnt want to be with you, then its not going to happen my friend.

Question is, when she comes back to you saying Im sorry and cries and says I love you... will you still take her back?

You're probably right on most parts, but new guy didn't break her heart. She broke new guy's heart because she used him by her own admission. I guess I got the same treatment. I thought she actually realized she really loved me and wanted to fix things. Or maybe she doesn't know what she wants or what love is?

You're probably right on most parts, but new guy didn't break her heart. She broke new guy's heart because she used him by her own admission. I guess I got the same treatment. I thought she actually realized she really loved me and wanted to fix things. Or maybe she doesn't know what she wants or what love is?

stop analyzing her, it doesn't do you or anyone any good. She's a party girl and will go with the wind and possibly where the drugs are at, no use in trying to figure out where her head is at

She doesnt know what she wants, she has no answers to your questions, so best thing you can to is accept the Now. Accept what is true this very moment which is, you are single, you must dust yourself off and move on.. If you can accept that and not ask questions.. youll be fine.

I agree with everyone here. Went through something similar less than 2 months ago, and the girl simply walks away.. dating almost immediately. Came to the quick conclusion that she isn't worth it.

You should too. Hope this helps

She's a top class fool mate, selfish and a user.

As most on here speak from experience, I agree stop trying to work it out. You never do.

Cut this person out of your life as soon as you can. Never look back. You deserve someone who can feel love like you do. You tried and even gave it a second go.

Dont give it anymore and use that energy to get your life together.

Yeah, it really sucks that I actually love her so much, and I guess she probably never even loved me. That's why I gave her forgiveness, love, affection, and a chance to fix things when she came back...only to be hurt again. When in reality she has never given me a "second chance" whenever I've asked for it the last 2 times. Really hurts.

I personally cant blame you for giving her a second chance. I would of probably done it myself despite all of the advice to stay away. So I feel you. I think most guys given the chance to get back with the woman they love would of jumped in with both feet blind...sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesnt. This time it didnt work out but you know what? You can hold your head up high and say you gave it a shot. Dont go out and second guess what she was thinking or her motives or question if she ever loved you at all. It doesnt matter what happened, what matters is what you do now. How you handle things today... 10% of life is what happens to us, 90% is how we react.

I know it still stings and its going to for a while, pain like this does not go away over night but it does eventually go away. Remember that happiness is not a race, love doesnt go by a calendar, it just happens. You had good times and bad times, you keep the good, discard the bad and learn from the mistakes.. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

I agree with you but damn today I'm pretty sad. It really sucks how she did this right before Thanksgiving, Christmas, new years and near my graduation. Really blows.

She isn't caring about your timeframe...only hers.

Yeah true...sigh...this still hurts a lot.