How do I get over my fears of riding the public transit?

This is something that has plagued me for a while. My mom wants me to learn how to ride the bus, something that absolutely terrifies me. She even bought me a bus card for the month (the most expensive one that goes everywhere.)

Here are my fears:

- I'm afraid that I'll get lost, and end up somewhere nowhere near where I'm supposed to be. This is a very real fear, since I have trouble with directions and get lost easily, and also have a very bad memory for directions.

- I'm afraid that some psychopath will get on the bus with me, go crazy, and kill me or hurt me.

I'm also afraid to walk around in other neighborhoods. My neighborhood is very safe, but I'm afraid that, if I get off the bus in order to go into a store, I'll run into some crazy person with a mental illness that will have a gun and/or knife, and will try to kill me.

I've never been mugged, or been hurt in any way, so I'm not sure where this fear is coming from. All I know is that I read stories like this....

link removed

And this makes me fear for my life, every second that I'm on that bus. I'm looking at each person..."is this person mentally sound? Are they going to try to hurt me? Do they have any mental illnesses?" and I just don't want to do it.

This severely limits me, because I don't have a drivers license or even know how to drive. So I have to take the bus. But...I'm scared to.

I think you have a bit of social anxiety and this fear is a piece of that. Fear of strangers. Fear of being outside your comfort zone.

I say you ride the bus. What's the worst that could happen? You get off the wrong place or on the wrong bus? You could always ask for help navigating and get on another bus to take you back.

Fear of being murdered if you take the bus is an irrational fear. The only way to overcome this is to face it. The world isn't that scary of a place.

When I was a teen I had a fear of riding the bus/train, too. But mine were for different reasons(afraid of getting panic attacks and not being able to get away, being closed in, things like that)

1). If you think getting lost is a possibility, the people that work in public transportation are awesome at directions. Seriously. You can ask the bus driver to let you know when your stop is coming up, too. Also, I'm not sure where you live, but here we have what's called a "Trip Planner". You access it online, throw in your starting/ending point - It tells you exactly where to walk, what bus to take, where to get off and where to go from there. If you have something like that, you can print it out and take it with you. Do you have GPS on your phone, too?

2). It's a possibility, sure. But you could also step outside your very safe neighborhood and get your head blown off, too. I'm not trying to be morbid, but it's true. It's just not that likely, really. 99.9999% of the people on the bus are just trying to get from Point A to Point B, just like you. Do you live in a small town?

It is social anxiety, I agree. I fear people and what they might do to me.

I guess it comes from there being a lot of really sick people in this world. How many recent cat murder stories have there been? I'm afraid to let my cats out now, because I'm afraid of them being murdered.

Any person that would hurt an innocent animal, like a cat, is one step away from murdering a fellow human being. The world IS a scary place, there are a lot of people in this world that hurt other people, for absolutely no reason at all.

I'm a pacifist, so I can't understand it. But I fear death, so I try to avoid situations that will place me in harm's way.

It is social anxiety, I agree. I fear people and what they might do to me.

 

I guess it comes from there being a lot of really sick people in this world. How many recent cat murder stories have there been? I'm afraid to let my cats out now, because I'm afraid of them being murdered.

 

Any person that would hurt an innocent animal, like a cat, is one step away from murdering a fellow human being. The world IS a scary place, there are a lot of people in this world that hurt other people, for absolutely no reason at all.

 

I'm a pacifist, so I can't understand it. But I fear death, so I try to avoid situations that will place me in harm's way.

But you can't watch the news. Honestly, it'll depress you.

Murder is down since the 80's but reports of murder have gone up tremendously. If you watched the news, you'd think planes fell out of the sky everyday and everyone, including your grandmother, had some "strange new illness" that was talked about at the evening 8.

Cognitive Canine, I'm sorry, but as someone with an anxiety disorder, the last thing you want to ask a person is the rhetorical, "What's the worst that could happen?"... It's a little more complicated than that.

To the original poster: What I find helps me in situations that cause anxiety is to have plenty of backup plans. Afraid of getting lost? Print out a map of your city and bring it with you. Pinpoint where you're coming from and where you want to go. Maybe some landmarks. Have a list of telephone numbers handy in case you get lost. After a few times of riding the bus I think you will find that there is nothing to worry about.

I was experiencing the same fears as you when I was 15. Don't worry, just try to blend in and no one will look at you or notice you. Don't let anyone get too close to you. That greyhound bus thing was indeed a scary thing..I feel scared to ever take a greyhound..but still, it's a rare case and that just reminds everyone to be cautious at all times. After that incident, whenever I ride trains or buses, or streecars I would check the person behind me..and look to the side and everywhere...go with your gut feeling..usually it is the right answer. As long as you blend in and count to 10 you will relax and repeat to yourself "I'm calm, I'm calm, repeat...and then slow down your breathing and you will feel an inner calm.

Yeah, I use the trip planner whenever I ride the bus. We might live in the same area. And no, I don't have a GPS, even on my phone. My mom is going to get me one, though, because of my tendency to get lost.

And I know that as well. Shoot, there are murders even within my neighborhood. A guy got shot just a few months ago, right down the street from where I live. It's just that, I feel more safe around here, than I feel riding the bus. Because on the bus, it's a free for all zone, where even the slightest error can lead to everything going wrong (for an example, see the link I posted.)

CC, I understand that, but at the same time I want to be kept up on what's happening around the world. If there's a murderer or rapist living down the street from me, I'd like to know so that I can be SAFE. And I'd like to keep my cats safe as well.

There are too many unknowns on the bus. The last time I rode it, there was a creepy older man who seemed to have some sort of mental illness; he was babbling nonsense language to himself and seemed unaware of anyone around him. Hand him a knife, and he could have snapped and killed someone.

Riding public transit is not as harmful as many make it out to be. As someone who grew up using the system, I would tell you that your fears are mostly anxiety related. True, that horrible murder on the trans canada highway freaked out a lot of people, including me. However, you can also get maps online from the transit companies, call ahead to plan out your routes and know that there will always be strangers, idiots and weirdo's around you no matter where you go. It doesn't equate to you being harmed in anyway.

I guess I need to accept that nothing is certain. I recognize that these fears hold me back. Shoot, I'd like to be able to ride the bus ANYWHERE. I just fear going through some of these neighborhoods, not to mention the people that get on the bus from those neighborhoods.

I wish I could be like my mom, who's unafraid of even shopping in a bad neighborhood store. Me, I would be looking over my shoulder to see who has a gun.

Hey LightbulbSun, could you try taking the bus route with a friend a couple of times? I used to have SA and I found that the more familiar I was with a situation, in this case the bus route, the less anxious I'd get. Just try taking the route you'd take to work with someone you trust who can help you navigate it a couple of times and see how that goes.

I guess I need to accept that nothing is certain. I recognize that these fears hold me back. Shoot, I'd like to be able to ride the bus ANYWHERE. I just fear going through some of these neighborhoods, not to mention the people that get on the bus from those neighborhoods.

 

I wish I could be like my mom, who's unafraid of even shopping in a bad neighborhood store. Me, I would be looking over my shoulder to see who has a gun.

I know what you mean. When I was 22, I lived above a bar, and bartended there on the weekends as a side job. Business had been steadily declining, so the owner/landlady started letting in EVERYONE and their mother - Which basically meant it became a gangster bar.

Well, while most of them were respectful towards me, I had an issue with this guy one night(pretty sure he was on coke). He kept making really perverted comments, touching me. He touched me one too many times, and I snapped and splashed my drink in his face. It happened so fast I didn't even see it coming, but he punched me in the jaw and it knocked me down. He got on top of me while I was still lying on the floor, screaming in my face that he's going to kill me. He pulled out a gun from a holster he had on his ankle. The other bartender was behind him trying to pull him off, and knocked it straight from his hands and got the guy off of me. Someone called the cops and he was gone by the time they got there.

Well, first things first - I definitely quit and moved out of there within the week. For a long time I walked around paranoid. I was forever looking over my shoulder and scared to go anywhere alone. Finally I got so sick of it that I took some self-defense classes. Not that it's fool proof, but it gave me a little bit of my independence back. And if someone is going to shoot me...Well, they're going to shoot me. I'll defend the hell out of myself but there is no guarantee. That's a risk I'm willing to take so I don't let my fears stop me from living a full life.

So I say...Arm yourself(not LITERALLY). I get that you're a pacifist, but do you support emergency defense? If so, think about taking a class. I think it might help you feel a little more confident(doubt you'd ever need it). Bring your maps, who cares if you look like a tourist? The GPS will be an awesome aide for you, too.

People here gave a lot of good suggestions.

But, in the end, the only way to overcome your fears is facing them. Yes, you can use a map, a GPS, go along with someone you trust...all these will help you. But, as you keep on facing that fear, you'll slowing stop needing all that and going all by yourself, fearless, as if it always were as natural as going to bed at night.

Don't push yourself too much. But face it. You can do it.

I was experiencing the same fears as you when I was 15. Don't worry, just try to blend in and no one will look at you or notice you. Don't let anyone get too close to you. That greyhound bus thing was indeed a scary thing..I feel scared to ever take a greyhound..but still, it's a rare case and that just reminds everyone to be cautious at all times. After that incident, whenever I ride trains or buses, or streecars I would check the person behind me..and look to the side and everywhere...go with your gut feeling..usually it is the right answer. As long as you blend in and count to 10 you will relax and repeat to yourself "I'm calm, I'm calm, repeat...and then slow down your breathing and you will feel an inner calm.

That's really difficult, and sounds like a major phobia. I would maybe get professional help if I were you to deal with your fears. Your posts sound like you're justifying not getting out there and living (by posting specific incidents). I know how you feel, I'm scared of flying because of crashing, but statistically it's an incredibly safe form of transport. Think of all the millions and millions of trips that people are taking every day on buses without ever having any harm! I have caught the bus my entire life (in the UK) and never ever had any problems, seen any problems, experienced anything other than mild annoyance when the bus is late!

Same with the cat; yes there are a tiny majority of people who are mean to cats, the vast majority are not. It's not fair to the cat to keep it shut away because of these fears, and it's not fair to you to keep yourself shut away because of your fears.

I would strongly recommend that you talk to someone about this professionally - the extent of your fears mean that you are limiting your life severely. I hope you can find help and get over this.

Get on the bus and instead of being fearful, turn it into a humorous ride by having weird Al Yankovic's song running through your head: "Another one rides the bus" which is a spoof of Queen's song, "Another one bites the dust"

Riding in the bus down the boulevard

And the place was pretty packed (Yeah!)

Couldn't find a seat so I had to stand

With the perverts in the back

It was smelling like a locker room

There was junk all over the floor

We're already packed in like sardines

But we're stopping to pick up more, look out

(Chorus)

Another one rides the bus

Another one rides the bus

Another comes on and another comes on

Another one rides the bus

Hey, who's gonna sit by you

Another one rides the bus

There's a suitcase poking me in the ribs

There's an elbow in my ear

There's a smelly old bum standing next to me

Hasn't showered in a year

I think I'm missing a contact lens

I think my wallet's gone

And I think this bus is stopping again

To let a couple more freaks get on look out

(Chorus)

(cool sound effects)

Another one rides the bus

Another one rides the bus ow

Another one rides the bus hey hey

Another one rides the bus hey-ey-ey-ey ey ey eyyyyyy

The window doesn't open and the fan is broke

And my face is turning blue (Yeah)

I haven't been in a crowd like this

Since I went to see the Who

Well I should've got off a couple miles ago

But I couldn't get to the door

There isn't any room for me to breathe

And now we're gonna pick up more yeaaah

(Chorus)

I love that song, lol!

Hey Lightbulb,

I used to suffer from SA in the past and one of my fears was public transit, esp the bus. What helped me was what someone already suggested -- have someone ride with you on the routes with which you want to familiarize yourself. Then when you ride by yourself, you won't have nearly as much anxiety. Also, keep in mind, random violence from the mentally ill -- though it does happen -- is really quite rare.

I have worked in the public transit agency for 20 years. I used to ride the bus to and from work when I didn't have my car. My teenage boy rides the bus everywhere and has never experienced a problem with any passengers.

The buses are usually quite safe. Most of them, at least in my company are equipped with cameras and if there is ever an emergency there is a panic button that the bus driver can press to summons help quickly.

Yes it's true, you can and will see homeless people on the bus riding around but it usually to escape the extreme weather. Many of them are simply trying to get to social service agencies or shelters as they are usually provided bus passes or tokens to travel from one agency to another.

Most drivers are very helpful if you have questions about getting lost and you would be suprised at the number of passengers that will be eager to assist.

I hope you can overcome some of your fears, there are such wonderful places to experience and what better way than to see the sights while riding the transit.

can you take short journeys. go on a day when you are not needing to be somewhere so that you are not anxious about being late. if you get lost and are not too far from home get a taxi home.

you seem to be trying to deal with a lot of problems all at one time. take the bus ride first, you dont need to go into a shop in a neighbourhood you dont know.

if your extremely nervous and looking over your shoulder the other passengers may wonder what your up to. stay on the bus as long as your comfortable even if its one stop. when your comfortable go 2 or 3 stops.

could you run a marathron on your first day or would you let yourself adjust to the situation. take small steps that you are comfortable with and build on that. maybe you'll meet someone 'awful' like me, i talk to strangers on the bus people are so interesting i love bus journeys.

happy travelling!!

all the people who said ask the driver are correct, i always do if in a new neighbourhood, the drivers have always been delighted to help,as long as you dont try to ask questions when they are driving.

I had a very urban/city upbringing, and have been riding public transit busses since I was an adolescent. Even now, it's my main form of transportation (aside from carpooling). You could say I have built up tolerance towards riding public transportation.

That said, I know I cannot relate. However, if it is a fear, like any fear, sometimes the best way to go about conquering it is to take baby steps to getting over that which makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe go with a friend and an iPod and travel a short distance (like several stops). Most bus commuters, at least in my city, tend to preoccupy themselves with headphones/music, a book, or what have you. Sit at a window seat and look out.

I think that buses are very safe and only 0.1% of the time something bad happens. A lot of the worse stories i hear tend to be very late at night, when someone is alone at a bus stop, and some people go and mug them. even still, i've taken the bus lots of times at night, and never had a problem.

in addition to going with a friend to get used to it, how about maybe going by yourself on a route you know, to somewhere you know. even if it's just 5 blocks during the daytime, maybe you can try to get used to it.

if i am taking a bus route i've never taken, i look it up in advance, plan out where and when to take it, and i get directions as well. i do have an iphone as well, should i get lost, i can check google maps or call and ask for directions.

confidence is something that can be faked. i think it's important when you are walking by yourself at night to not look scared, but look confident like you know what you are doing and where you are going. i think when people seem scared, that can make them a target. be alert, but not crazy paranoid either.

confidence is something that can be faked. i think it's important when you are walking by yourself at night to not look scared, but look confident like you know what you are doing and where you are going. i think when people seem scared, that can make them a target. be alert, but not crazy paranoid either.

Word.

Confidence is not necessarily arrogance, but an essence of authority, head held high and with good posture. However, don't mistake authority for negativity. Authority can be shown threw love or peacefulness.

I play music every week in the university district of the city I live in. Not the arm pit of the city, but you do encounter homeless people, drug users, what have you. It's a 10 minute walk from the bus stop to the bar. If I pass by some thug-looking guy who gives me a look, I'll give a quick "Sup?" nod and carry on. Every now and then some random person will say just as I walk by, "Hey man, want some weed?" I usually respond with, "Nah man, I'm good" and continue walking.

In other words, being friendly, but just being part of the vibe. Sometimes, the most difficult thing to do is express love when you would be inclined to respond with negativity. Takes practice, and being around people who behave in similar (or more admirable) ways.

I still have this fear, but am getting over it.