my husband cheated with my sister, please help!!!

Someone please, anyone. Are you out there? I need some help. I need someone to talk to. I am very hurt right now. A few hours ago I found my sister sleeping with my husband. When I walked into the room, he had her pinned against the wall and both of them were completely naked. When I ran to my mother for help, she threw me out calling me an unfit wife. She told me that I deserved what I got. She said that I nag him and that it's my fault he strayed. I am so hurt right now. I don't know what to do. I'm pregnant with my first child by him. He told me he would never hurt me and he goes and sleeps with my sister. Not just my sister, but my beautiful charming sister. She has the looks the personality everything that a man could ever desire.

I never liked her coming around because she's always touching and feeling my husband. When I confront her about it, she acts like I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm crying this very moment. I didn't know where to turn. I'm so hurt. My own mother is taking my sisters side. She has done awful things in the past, but I never thought she'd do something like this to me. I took her in when she was homeless. I bought her clothes so she could get a job. I feed her every night and day and this is how she repays me. What should I do? I can't afford a divorce lawyer and I am pregnant and I still love my husband. What should I do? Can someone please help me?

yikes. this is terrible. the fact that the betrayal is coming from the 3 people who you'd imagine should be the most supportive of you has got to be devastating. i really don't understand where your mother's coming from on this. nagging someone is absolutely no justification for that sort of behavior. * * * . i'm so sorry this is happening. no one deserves this, no matter what they are saying.

OMG...I am so sorry!!!

What is your husband saying? I don't know who i'd be more angry with... and your MOTHER siding with sister? Horrible. My advice to you is to find yourself a good therapist ASAP...you need to evaluate whether or not this is forgivable.

I don't have any good advice for you but I just wanted to say I'm sorry

If your mums still living with you, kick her out, she isn't healthy to have about. Your husband is worth you. get an abortion, or do something with your child, and get rid of your husband, any man who does this, is not worth your time.

talk to us as much as you need, we're all here for you.

*hugs*

I really have no experience in the legal junk and all that, but I just want to tell you i'm very sorry about that. Reading your post made me so sad, I know you probably know this but regardless of what your "mom" said, none of this is your fault. Your husband has every screw in his head loose. I know you love your husband but i'd find it extremely hard to trust him after this, so all i can think of is talk it out with him, ask why the heck he did this to you, then get a divorce lawyer some type of way. Ask anyone, neighbors, friends, for advice? Apparently he isn't doing much for you, so stay strong for you and your baby. You dont need him. What a moron, i'm sorry but this is how i feel about him. Hopefully another poster can help you with this better than I can.

That is just awful, hon. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. Its easy for me to just say drop him...but in truth its not that easy. You love this man and you're pregnant with his child??? Two choices here...If it was a one time thing some might say you could try to work it out provided you truly felt you could trust him again. I somewhat agree with this because I've always imagined that if I were married and my husband cheated on me ONCE then I would try to see it as a mistake and over look it. I'd like to think I could do this, since I wouldn't want to throw away an entire marriage over it. But I think cheating is very serious...So second choice, gather up the strength I know you have and find a way to kick him to the curb. Some might call this manipulative but...stay with him till you get on your feet if you have to, and then walk away and never look back. There are more options for you I'm sure, but I don't know what they are at this time. I'll leave it to others here to share their insight. You came to the right place.

Wow, that is terrible. I cant imagine the pain you are in.

I don't know about you but I think that is pretty unforgivable. And the only silver lining I can see in this, is that if thats the kind of husband he is imagine the kind of father he would be. Hopefully in the long run you will be able able to look back and be glad that this man is out of your life.

Either way, good luck and take care...

This is quite terrible. It's very depressing actually. I don't know a long term way to help you out at the moment, but right now, I think it's best if you left the house for a few nights...or even just for tonight. Do you have a close friend to stay with? Do you have anyone at all to talk to? You need to go somewhere to think...and to relax your mind.

: But I think cheating is very serious...So second choice, gather up the strength I know you have and find a way to kick him to the curb. Some might call this manipulative but...stay with him till you get on your feet if you have to, and then walk away and never look back. QUOTE]

 

If you decide to leave him, i agree with this choice. I'm sorry and i hope you can maybe find a friend or someone to stay with for this night, as one poster has just stated. Have a heart-to-heart with someone else you are close to, or maybe just know. I wish you lots of luck

It just disgusts me what your husband did to you. That is the worst thing you can do to your wife. And your mother is making things even worse. I'm glad that where I come from, infedility is not NEARLY as widespread as it is in other places.

I'm sorry to hear about what's happening to you. If I were in your place, it would be over. You will either have to get an abortion or raise this baby. Either way it's going to be hard. I will pray for you.

I am so sorry you had to see that, I'm so sorry it happened, can't imagine the pain and confusion you're feeling right now.

Di9d you say anything to both of them? I would'nt say leave the house and stay somewhere else, maybe for tonight but overall i'd tell him to, tell him you need to think this through for a while and don't want him near you while you do. He's betrayed you and right now you owe him nothing, he owes you, YOU take as much time as you need.

As for the baby, i'm guessing this is something you want, please don't only stay with him because of the baby, thats probably what he's expecting and i've never thought it was right, I was brought up with a man who mum stayed with just because of the baby and it was such a resentful atmosphere it was untrue. I think right now you know what you should do, you should'nt be with him, he does'nt deserve you atall and thats how you need to keep thinking.

Its not wrong you still love him, you've probably gone into shock, who knows if it'll turn to anger or not but right now you should'nt act, just go somewhere safe, stay with someone just for tonight, then tomorrow get the bottle up to maybe talk to him if he pursues it... try not to yell, try to understand and find out why? If after you've cooled off, and spoken about it, you still want to try to work things out, then we'll be behind you, noone will blame you for trying to keep something special and make it work

You cannot blame yourself for this

There must be some way you can seek a divorce lawyer? you should speak to someone, get some advice... I don't know where you're from but if you're in the uk you could go to the local CAB (Citizens advice bureau) maybe? or equivelant?

Breathe, you will grow past this, it is overwhelmingly painful right now to accept all that has happened, but please trust that it has happened for a reason, I know that sounds not so comforting, but FATE is nudging you away from these people, and you are pregnant, so now is not the time to think about 'your husband" but instead think of YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY.

Do you have a friend whom you could confide in? Is there a church or some kind of counseling center you could go to?

You need some help, and you have to gather up all your courage in this very dark moment and trust that you will get through this.. you may "feel" desperate, but try to remember that is a "feeling" not a fact, because you are not desperate you are overwhelmed right now by a feeling of betrayal, but just know they betrayed themselves not you.. you are a victim, and you will get through this, you will, you are the one who can walk away from all this with your pride and the integrity of your own heart and the joyful precious gift of a baby.

Your sister is sick, emotionally ill, and your husband is weak and he's a coward, and your mother is very unhealthy if she can not find a way to comfort you and love you as much as she does your sister...

You may "feel" like you're going crazy, but rest assure you are the only sane one in this group..

I am so very sorry this enormous challenge has been put in your path, but some higher power must believe that you can handle it, and grow past all this one small step at a time.. and these people have been fully revealed to you and they are pathetic, uncaring, weak, and no longer worthy of your precious energy.. I am so sorry you are going through this.

first thing is to get someone who can help you, a friend, anyone, stop at a police station and ask for any kind of free therapy or help in your area, you need to talk to someone so you can get some guidance and assistance in trying to get through all this.

I understand you still love your husband, but right now you have to love yourself and your expected baby WAAAAYY more than you love him... and that means taking some steps to walk away from this situation, or kicking him out and changing the locks.. you have to consider what your SAFE options are for right now..

Do you have any of your own money, savings account, who owns the house you live in? Go to the bank and make sure you money is safe, take his name off of any accounts if you can, and try to get the house in your name.. or at the very least make sure you name is on all and every account and that he can not access or withdraw anything without your knowledge.

Can you talk to your ob/gyn and see if the Dr. or a nurse in the office whom you can pour your heart out to will guide you to some therapy or assistance? Reach out to anyone whom you feel you can trust, and get someone to emotionally support you through this..

Let us know how you're doing.. our thoughts and prayers are with you.

I wouldn't give a cheating husband another chance...especially if I witnessed such an act as you have a few hours ago. It would be stuck in my thoughts the whole time.

This is a good time to rely on your close friends. Be independent and strong for yourself and your baby.

I wouldn't give a cheating husband another chance...especially if I witnessed such an act as you have a few hours ago. It would be stuck in my thoughts the whole time.

 

This is a good time to rely on your close friends. Be independent and strong for yourself and your baby.

Yeah...This is probably the best answer. Its ok to consider working things out. But I think your best bet is to just leave.

This is by far the hottest thing I have ever read....Wow.....In all seriousness, I don't think this is real, if it is, this is some white trash thing....If it is serious, well, i would recommend you run away from this craziness.

I cannot get an abortion because I am too far along. I would not even if could because this has nothing to do with my baby. I would never take this out on an innocent child. My unborn little girl is getting me through all of this. I will stay strong. I am just so hurt right now.

I'm staying in the house. He didn't put up an argument, when I told him to get out. I'm really not ready to tell anyone else, I'm too ashamed. I know it's not my fault for what he has done, but I just need some alone time. I need some time to think about what I'm going to do. I have been searching the phone book for divorce lawyers and I will attempt to call around on Monday.

I don't think I can handle all of this. If I stay with him, he might think I'm naive and do it again? If I leave him, I couldn't stand to see him happy with another woman. I keep on asking myself what I did wrong. Maybe I did nag him too much?

Why didn't he choose someone else? Why did it have to be my sister?

Why did he pick your sister? Because he's a self centered ass! Thats why.

Listen, he will fall on his face, you have to know this. This thing between him and your sister will back fire, and they both will get what is due to them!

Now, you have to take care of this child who is growing inside of you. Just feel lucky that you found out! So many ppl don't find out their SO had an affair on them till years later, and some have STD's from their SO now.

I don't see how you could stand to stay with him after this, but ultimately, it's your decision. But understand this, if he had balls enough to sleep with your sister, in your home......he will do it again and again. I would bet you.

Now, no need to rush this with a divorce. You may want to take some time to think this over. You may want to let it cool off first. It may benefit you to stay married till the baby is born if he is the one with health insurance.

It's good to hear from you Helen2Sweet. I'm glad you would not take this out on your child. Are you alone in the house? Is your mother or sister there too? Don't worry too much right now about leaving or staying with him. The sad part is, usually when people get cheated on, they tend to blame themselves even though it wasn't their fault. You did not do anything wrong. No one deserves to be deceived like this. Let's say you did nag him. So what? Is the solution supposed to be to cheat on you? Or is the solution to talk about that behaviour with you? Cheating is never a solution.

Does it matter if he cheated with someone else or your sister? He still cheated. The act has been done. Would you feel better if he cheated with someone else? Probably not. You sister was the most available person around. You even said yourself that she got touchy/feely with him. You even said she's attractive, and sadly, some men cannot resist a "beautiful temptation". It's sickening, and I'm sorry to type that...but it's true.

Maybe this is a new beginning for you. This situation will definitely make you stronger and more independent. Show your husband, sister, and mother that you can handle this. I'm sorry you had to go through with this. If you'd like, you can privately message me about anything, I should be up all night. Take it easy.

Helen, I just wanted to tell you that it isn't your fault. You didn't nag him too much and drive him to it - he made the conscious choice to have an affair with your sister. The blame for this lies solely on their shoulders, not on yours.

What deeper pain could a person be feeling than what you are feeling right now. Instead of telling you how sorry I am for you...which I am, you need advice on what to do now.

I'm not quite clear on your living arrangements or you financial security at this point, but because you are married and he has strayed you can get legal help fast. Do you know anyone who is a lawyer or anyone who knows a lawyer? If so, I would seek council fast.

First and foremost though, you need to find solice in close friends and their families. If there is even people in your family that you can trust, who can hold you tight right now, please find help in them. Your friends can help guide you on this horrible journey you are on and help you to make decisions that you need to be making at this point.

It's understandable that you still love your husband, obviously because you married him. But...this is something that you will ultimately never be able to work through - I know how hard that must be to read, but it's true. It's not like he cheated on you with a stranger - this is your sister and your mother is allowing it in her home.

At this point seek the Lord, find him and ask him to guide you. He will be the only way you can get through this. Forgiveness is not something that you need to think about now, but I think a clean break with a new start for you and your child will be best.

There is a lot of help out there, hopefully you will find it and know that you can find help here. If you need anything please let any of us know...we're all here, rooting for you and praying for you.

God Bless You

First of all I want to tell you that I'm very sorry this is happening. No one deserves to be cheated on no matter what excuse they give you. It doesn't matter. I take marriage vows seriously and to break them is unforgivable in my book. I can tell you I truly understand how you feel because I'm going through a simialr situation myself. Instead it's not my sister my husband is cheating with but just another woman in general. I came here for help and to find some kind of answers or even support because of how lost and alone I'm feeling. So I say to you..stay here in this forum. There are alot of women here going through the same situation as you and we are all here to support and help each other as much as we can.

I would plan to divorce your husband if I were you. I take cheating very serious that is unforgivable. Giving your body to another person (who is not your spouse) while you are married?? That is not right. He, your sister and your mom will definetly get what's coming to them for treating you this way. Especially while you are pregnant.

Your mom is totally wrong for telling you that this is all your fault. Having your husband step out on you and cheat is never going to be your fault. Don't even waste your time trying to analyze the situation to see where you went wrong. The only thing you did wrong was believe that this man could love you. Because if you truly love someone, you would never hurt them in this way. Believe me, I'm feeling it right now. Seek professional help with a lawyer in your town and don't worry if you can't affod it. Your husband can! I apologize if my views aren't approatiate, but it's just the way I feel.

Stick around a long time here......

Try not to allow your thoughts to go to a place where "he might be happy with someone else".. he won't be, because no matter where he goes, or who he is with there HE will be, he will always run into himself, over and over again, and no self respecting, emotionally healthy woman will have anything to do with him.

Now start to think about how happy YOU WILL BE with yourself, and your baby and eventually you will attract the RIGHT MAN into your life.

Your husband did not "choose your sister over you", he's just a lazy man, she was conveniantly "there', he allowed himself to be a victim of circumstance, without any self control, no values, no morals, he is NOT a man who is worthy of YOU..

There is no "shame" here for you, the only shame would be if you choose to stay involved with him right now. You can choose to conjure up all your self respect and personal strength and seek some advice and help from someone who is outside this situation, and to open your hurting heart to help from others so you can distance yourself from this very unheatlhy group of people, do this out of love for yourself and your expected baby.

Your sister is left with nothing, nothing but her own eventual remorse, and your husband doesn't "want her" in any realistic way, yuk.. he's just a lazy man without any self control and who CHOOOSES to give in to his "small brain at the end of his you know what".. and he would do this behavior no matter who the woman was he was married to, because it's who HE is, it's not about you or what you did or didn't do, he's just an icky guy..plain and simple.. he has to live with this choice now, let him suffer the consequences of his own choice, and that means he loses the opportunity to have YOU in his life, and he also loses the precious honor of sharing the pregnancy of his own child. HIS loss, not yours.

Your mother will live to regret her own choice to CHOOSE one daughter's issues over another daughters, because you seem to be the ONLY sane healthy one here, they all can't live up to your standards so instead they protect thier own lameness by sticking together..they are sad people..just sad miserable people.. pray for them and let them go..

Take care of YOU, one day at a time, shake any irrational issues of feeling "shame" because YOU are allowed and justified in holding your head up high, calling someone and saying "could you help me, I'm pregnant and my husband made a choice to cheat with my sister, and my sister made a choice to betray me and my mother is as sick as both of them and I need advice and assistance to help myself move on from this mess".

Taking action to heal yourself and make a life for you and you baby is something to be PROUD of, and it will lead to you having a better more fulfiilling life that will ATTRACT emotionally healthy people to your side.. no more "shame", it's not an option, it's not appropriate, it's a waste of your energy to allow yourself to be embarrassed because the FACT is you did nothing wrong, and now you are going to do RIGHT by yourself and for your baby by reaching out for help and getting some steps on how to heal and take care of yourself in a self respecting healthy way. The miracle will be yours.. you deserve it..

If I leave him, I couldn't stand to see him happy with another woman.

Honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I know this fear all too well. Because it was realized for me. My SO cheated on me and left me for the girl he cheated on me with. This was 3 years ago. They're still together and it causes me pain almost daily to this day. I keep hoping that he'll "get his" but I've been hoping for 3 years and its looking like that just won't happen.

That's not to say that your husband won't get what's due. If you decide to leave you need to do it with the hope that he'll feel pain like you did one day. And you need to know that he deserves it more than you ever did.

Empathy, I am so sorry you went through so much pain, and that it still lingers, but try not to put any thought energy into "hoping he'll get his".. who's to know what his life is like on a daily basis, instead think about you getting what you want from life. Wishing ill will on another is only draining yourself of precious energy..so take care of you, same goes for our OP.

People who cheat and choose to start a relationship on that level, usually do not feel fulfilled inside, sure they may "seem" all together, and all set and better off, but if we compare it only leads to despair..so try not to allow your mind to wander to "hope he gets his pain". Celebrate YOU and all the wonderful possibilities in your life, what YOU value and cherish.. because it's obvious that your S.O. does not share the same values.. and you deserve someone in your life who does.

Concentrate on your own strengths, your own healing, your own values, and try not to put too much thought into what will become of him.. he's no longer worthy of your precious energy..so do NOT allow him to have any of it.. take care of you.. FATE has a way of allowing us opportunities to grow, and yes sometimes it's through very painful circumstances, we all are faced with different versions of "emotional challenges" they come in all different scenarios, and we either embrace them, learn, grow, respect ourselves and let go of those who do NOT cherish us, OR we can allow these challenges to stop us.. and wallow in anger, resentment, jealousy, but who is that poisoning, but yourself.. so don't choose to allow it to stop you, you've got so much to offer....so much love to give, a baby on the way, and your own life to live. He lost YOU, not the other way around.

Hello Helen. I know it has been years since your situation but I recently made my own account on here and for some reason it took me straight to your post. You may have long forgotten about this since it says 2008 but I just wanted to know how are you now? You may not want to answer but I think you seem strong enough to do something in your posts. Are you still with him? What happened with your "relationship" with your mom and sister? And most importantly, how is the baby girl!?