Why is it so hard to find a nice guy????

Hello,

Does anyone else feel like me? Where are all the nice guys who want something a bit more then fun? I do get out a lot and meet guys but no one seems to be looking for relationships. Very annoying feels like people just want fun fun fun.

Nice guys are boring, plain and simple. They'll throw themselves off a cliff to have a girl love them, so when they finally find that girl, she'll be a goddess.

It's not the guys fault, it's the girls, you choose the guy. Nice guys get the shaft, but, they're not hurt like others. Mmk

I don't know...maybe because it's hard to get that deep attraction to a nice guy because they're just so...nice.

Why do you want so bad to be in a relationship in the first place?

Because it's nice to feel wanted and loved plus been single for a while now. It's nice to share and be intermite with someone that has feeling for you.

I'm a nice guy and I've been looking for a nice girl forever. I'm all about a relationship and no games

There are plenty of 'nice' guys that are not into games just honesty and fun and something real.

Being 'nice' doesnt mean you are a pushover either who cant stand your ground when necessary.

You sound like a "taker" (as in, very interested to see what the nice guy can offer and give to you)

 

Truly "nice" guys out there, are "givers" and givers are looking for other givers, not takers.

I am not a taker! I'm a giver! When i was seeing my ex i was the giver and he was the taker i gave him all my love and spoiled him rotten. Sorry your wrong about that.

maybe you just haven't found the right guy. I know I have been on a ton of dates with guys looking for relationships, but somehow, the "click" wasn't there. I'm sure when you think back, you've met a ton of guys also looking for relationships, but for some reason or another, you didn't want to have a relationship with them.

So, I don't know... just keep looking! and enjoy your life and have fun.

I think serious relationships should have a serious emphasis on fun fun fun. Most of the men I have dated wanted a serious relationship with me right off the bat. I think it depends on where you go to meet people, how you carry yourself, the types of people in your social circles (and the types of people they know), what your interests are, etc.

skyblue, i was in a similar situation as you- i am a true giver and the guy was a taker. i didnt realize that for quite some time (a very wise friend actually used those exact words, giver and taker), but that was the reason for my misery.

i made it my goal to never date another taker. and i promise you, there are givers out there. i finally found one. being in a relationship where you feel like youre on the same team rather than opposite teams is a relief. but youd be amazed at how many people are in relationships where they put up with things like that

maybe its true, those really nice guys get overlooked. but i think many girls dont make the effort to find nice guys the way you are. many girls just get swept off their feet without really thinking about what qualities the guy possesses/lacks... and teh charming guys that sweep you off your feet are not necessarily the nicest ones

so, i wish you the best of luck. what about online dating? there are PLENTY of guys on there!

a lot of girls seem to like the ones who treat them like crap and emotionally abuse them

I don't think it's hard to find a nice guy....just hard to find a nice guy that you actually want to pursue a relationship with. I think it's difficult to meet people you "click" with, doesn't mean there's a lack of nice guys looking for a relationship.

Why are nice guys "boring" ??? Is it not possible to be nice and exciting as well?

The nice guys exist, but a lot of them are their own downfall. I know plentely of the nice guys, but they have the complex that women don't like them because they're nice. A lot of my guy friends had to watch me date jerks, losers, etc. By constantly complaining and being negative, it is just a huge turn off. I recently lucked out with finding a nice guy who *doesn't* complain about how "nice guys finish last" and all that jazz. They're hard to find, but they exist.

girls complain about how their boyfriend's treat them and how nice a nice guy is.."ohh why can't my boyfriend be like you"

You can find nice guys at church, doing volunteer work, at bookstores and yeap, even at bars and clubs.

I'm seeing more and more that in order to find someone to fall in love with you shouldnt be looking for it.

Orlander

Well, sometimes it helps to look a BIT if your usual schedule doesn't take you to single-friendly places! (no dates to be had on the couch in front of the TV, eh?)

Many self-professed nice guys also have a lot of insecurity and constantly put themselves down. Nice is good, but a lot of insecurity is a turnoff. You want a nice, fun equal without feeling like you need to be a counselor (once in awhile, yes, everyone needs a boost, but I have enough insecurities of my own without shouldering someone else's constantly!).

I do appreciate a nice, shy, introverted guy who is also comfortable with himself and knows how to have fun too. Sometimes the real jerks are good at pretending to be a nice, confident guy, but eventually their true colours show when the girl is entangled with him. Very few women actively seek jerks. Many just have good camoflague.

The obvious answer is usually the right one. You cant get to know someone unless you get involved with them. You aren't going to get involved with someone unless you are initially attracted to them. Nice guys do exist, thus > you do not find nice guys initially attractive. Most girls are naturally attracted to the "bad boy" or something of the like, the guy who knows how to push pull correctly (among other things). Its too bad more guys dont cultivate both those sides of their personality, and its too bad a great number of women are hard wired to be attracted to a wild guy and later want a nice guy.

i've meet some nice men but these men have women issue.

I wish they came with a sign " Good guy here" but they don't So you just have to spend a little time getting to know them.

You can tell a good guy by how he treats you. Does he make time for you? Call when he says he will, show up when he says he will? I'm thinking the quickest way to a good guy is by not wasting much time on the bad ones...

Go out, have fun, and don't be TOO desperate to get into a relationship. That could lead you to disaster. Take your time and weed out the bad ones. You'll find him

Best wishes

If nice is a nice way of saying pushover, people pleaser, doormat, non-assertive, passive then that isn't very nice.

Some people like the thrill of a rebel, a "bad boy" or "bad girl" and accept the tradeoffs that come with being in a serious relationship with someone like that. Some people will never be attracted to the person inclined to bring him or her baked goods on an early date. That's cool - there's someone for everyone.

Absolutely there have been times I thrived on the thrill of the "bad boy" - luckily I never allowed it to get so far that I had my heart broken -- I have never been attracted to "nice" guys as described above. I do like a combination - I love when my boyfriend teases me/makes fun of me - I can take it, and I like it (because I know underlying it he absolutely respects me and cares for me - there is no negative "edge" to it) - I like a man who can keep me on my toes a bit, who puts me in my place - but not meanly! - when needed, and who lets it be known by his very presense that he has certain limits and boundaries beyond which he will feel disrespected and assert himself in an appropriate way.

The "nice" guys are typically those who, when really really pushed, will scream, curse, maybe even get physical - because in the name of being "nice" they repressed those feelings. Ick. Not for me.

i would have to disagree, batya. are you saying that "nice guys" are all icky, mean and nasty on the inside? that makes no sense! i think maybe we all have a different interpretation of what nice means, and mine is different.

a nice guy is one who calls you when he says he will, doesnt play games, doesnt get mad over stupid things (ie is mature), will be patient and kind with you even at your worst moments. someone who makes you calm and happy and doesnt allow you to feel upset/nervous about silly things. he puts your happiness as one of his top priorities. this is what nice means to me.

many girls fall for the not so nice guys and stay with them because i feel like the highs are very high but the lows are very low. those high, good moments keep them coming back and then they fall so hard when things get bad. but its a vicious cycle and girls get used to the situation when they dont realize one very important thing: IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD!!

life is too short. dont waste your time on people who bring negativity into your life

If you read the first line of my post I defined "nice" in a specific way - because often when people complain they are too nice and get walked all over, the issue isn't niceness but passivity/non-assertiveness.

I agree with your definition of nice but I will add a healthy dose of self confidence to that so that the treatment you describe comes from that place rather than a people pleaser place.

I have a question for you, Batya33: Do you equate niceness in men with shyness?

If you read the first line of my post I defined "nice" in a specific way - because often when people complain they are too nice and get walked all over, the issue isn't niceness but passivity/non-assertiveness.

 

I agree with your definition of nice but I will add a healthy dose of self confidence to that so that the treatment you describe comes from that place rather than a people pleaser place.

That's not always true. I think assertive, altruistic people can, and probably will get walked on.