Don't know what to do...

[feelingkindacrazy]

I've read this whole thread from beginning to now and even though I think its really sad, I do think its for the best that you move on. I do think she really cares for you though. Maybe your time apart will do you both some good. There is one thing though. I had issues being intimate myself and because of my partners persistance and constant effort to make me see differently I now don't have any of those issues. It opened my eyes and there is no going back. I'd like to say to you to never give up on her if you truly love and want her but she seems like she might possibly be impossible. But time will tell... I'd love to hear that she comes beating down your door professing her love for you. Because you seem like a really great person.

[Wayfara]

Should I go and talk to E? It feels stupid to just throw things away so soon without really giving it time to work on. We were only together one month, I shouldn’t have expected things to drastically change just because we were calling each other girlfriend. Maybe she just needs some more time to melt everything down, she didn’t even know she was gay until me and she did come out to her family, agreed to meet my parents etc, it isn’t like she didn’t make any efforts. Besides her intimacy issues things have gone pretty good, my father didn’t hate her, her family didn’t freak out… Or am I just fooling myself?

 

She said one time that as in-love-feelings were fickle and uncontrollable they didn’t mean anything because as soon the newness faded so did the feelings, that her mother was constantly falling in and out of love, that she didn’t like the inconstancy of the feeling. I think it’s passion she doesn’t like, her mother takes pride in being a passionate woman and she doesn’t want to be like her mother. Anyway is it a good idea if I tell her that if she isn’t comfortable with giving love I’m okay with it, that I was just complaining because I had a bad day that day? Should I settle with the committed friendship type of relationship she wants as it’s better than not having her in my life at all? At least for now? Or does that make me a total doormat?

 

Yesterday night I and my friends went on a party. They asked me how things were with E and I said I wasn’t friends with her anymore and they congratulated me for getting rid of the “witch”. At the party my friends were making out with each other, they asked me if I wanted to participate but I said no. They were like saying that I was so straight that it wasn’t fun They are pretty and so but the thought of kissing one of them feels so off. If E is to be the only female I’m attracted to does it make me a fake bi? Well anyway I was drinking a lot and I was chatting with a guy I know a little. When we began flirting I was feeling a bit guilty, like if I was cheating but then I was thinking like that if E didn’t want me, her loss. When he asked me if I wanted to see his place I said yes so I followed him to his apartment. At his place he started to place kisses on my cheek, touch me. I don’t know what got into my head when I followed him home, I was pretty drunk, I suppose I was thinking of sleeping with him to get back on E for dumping me. But the whole thing just made me so uncomfortable that I couldn’t endure it so I said I wasn’t feeling well and went home without doing anything with him.

 

Now I’m feeling rather sick with myself, it’s a very unpleasant feeling knowing that I let him touch me like that. Well I won’t do that again. I’m feeling guilty too for flirting and going home with him without meaning anything with it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me for panicking whenever a guy does something to me, it really shouldn’t be as big a deal. Well maybe I just need some time before I can feel comfortable doing things with others.

 

Anyway I think I forgot one of my sweaters at E’s place so I have an excuse to go over there. Should I try to work things through with her when I’m there? Or should I just forget about retrieving the sweater and move on.

 

I'd love to hear that she comes beating down your door professing her love for you.

 

Lol, yeah I would wish that too but now wouldn’t be a good timing with my both parents at home, I wouldn’t want to know what they would do if they were spectators to that

[teller-of-tales]

Wayfara: I've been following your thread for months, almost from the time you started it, when you and E weren't even friends. I've cheered whenever you and E seemed to be getting closer, and cried when things didn't look like they would work out well. Sometimes I even feel like I'm actually there growing up beside the 2 of you, lol.

 

Anyway, I think you should give yourself and E another chance. Her intimacy issues are the result of years of influence by her mother, so it'll take some time to work them out. Like you said, it's only been about half a year since you became friends, and only a month since you got together. In fact, for someone who expressly didn't want any friends less than a year ago, much less relationships, I think E's warmed up to you really quickly.

 

In your previous post you said you were thinking about breaking up because you weren't sure whether she's really into you. Judging from her actions - kissing you, undressing you etc., I don't think you have anything to worry about. Plus, she's also told you directly that she does 'like you that way', and she broke up with you she was close to crying, and she admitted she would be jealous if you got together with someone else, and that she didn't think she could stand to see that. She wouldn't have done or said any of those things if she didn't have feelings for you at all. If she doesn't seem to be as physically affectionate nowadays (compared to when you first got together), I think it's more because she thinks she's already gone too far with you and she doesn't like that, so she's been holding herself back. Her feelings for you haven't changed. That would explain why whenever things get heated up, she suddenly stops. I doubt she's doing it on purpose just to play with you or turn you on, she doesn't seem to be the sort who would play games like that.

 

In any case, I think E just needs more time to get over her intimacy issues, just like how she needed time to get used to the idea of having a friend, of you liking her, and of herself liking you that way. I'm not really sure how you can help her to overcome her intimacy issues (maybe it would help if feelingkindacrazy could elaborate on how her partner helped resolve hers) but in the meantime, you don't need to to be in a rush to have sex with her. Relationships don't always have to involve sex so quickly, and there are other ways of expressing your feelings other than being physically intimate. Besides, I think having sex when both of you are ready for it would be a much better experience, wouldn't you agree?

 

So yeah, I think you should try and work things out with her. As far as I can tell from what you wrote, she only broke up with you because she thought you wanted to break up with her. Now that you know she definitely has feelings for you, as long as you're willing to let the physical side of your relationship proceed at her own pace, there's no real reason for you two to break up, is there?

 

In other words... Don't give up! We'll be cheering for you!

[aquatic]

RE: knowing she's gay, I think she's known even before you came into her life, so to your mom's relief, I don't think you were the clincher

 

When I said experimenting, I didn't mean 'playing with you' experimenting, but more of she's trying to estimate or study herself through you. Know what I mean?

 

Since it wasn't exactly an official break up (not even mutual), maybe you'd want to toe the ambiguous not-so-ex-but more-than-friends line Just go over there like normal, bring a tub of ice cream and you two just enjoy a movie marathon. If "the talk" comes up, tell her what you wrote here, that while you do have concerns, being with her is weighs more to you and you'll give the relationship time to grow without pressure if she's also willing to do so.

[Wayfara]

In your previous post you said you were thinking about breaking up because you weren't sure whether she's really into you. Judging from her actions - kissing you, undressing you etc., I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

I’m a bit worried that she has kind of friends-with-benefits-feelings for me, that she cares for me, feels attracted to me but nothing more.

 

as long as you're willing to let the physical side of your relationship proceed at her own pace, there's no real reason for you two to break up, is there?

 

Yeah maybe you have right The break-up happened so sudden, if I had had more time to think I would have told her to give things more time.

 

RE: knowing she's gay, I think she's known even before you came into her life, so to your mom's relief, I don't think you were the clincher

 

I have asked her if she had always known that she was gay (not that she was very willing to talk about it). She said she had had doubts about her heterosexuality for a long time, as she never went through the boy-crazy stage, and that being gay had passed her thoughts as everybody else assumed she was one. But as she had never gone through a girl-crazy stage either she had assumed she was a late bloomer. So she had had signs but not really knowing. I, in other hand, never had a clue about being bi before getting weird daydreams about her lol.

 

When I said experimenting, I didn't mean 'playing with you' experimenting, but more of she's trying to estimate or study herself through you. Know what I mean?

 

And what do you think she wants to find out by studying and estimating herself through me?

 

maybe you'd want to toe the ambiguous not-so-ex-but more-than-friends line Just go over there like normal, bring a tub of ice cream and you two just enjoy a movie marathon. If "the talk" comes up, tell her what you wrote here, that while you do have concerns, being with her is weighs more to you and you'll give the relationship time to grow without pressure if she's also willing to do so.

 

I’m worried about being a doormat but as I think the ball is in my court it would probably be me who has to go to her. So I go there and act like nothing then and I don’t say anything about the break-up unless she does? Yeah it’s a good idea, saves my pride a bit. Maybe I'll do that

 

But if she keeps saying that she can only see us as some kind of roommates in the future should I still give this a go? I think she’s serious when saying it, but she could still change her mind later but I don’t really know that.

[Flux]

Hey Wayfara

I havent posted for a couple weeks I don't think..

 

Anyway, I think tellor-of-tales made a good point about E's emotional progress (thats sounds really shrink like) In the space of half a year she's suddenly the two of you have become friends, and in the last few weeks shes been in a relationship with you, and its all been a bit sudden. And with her veiws on sex, loves, intimacy and everything else they have all changes slightly from before the two of you were friends. And it may have scared her...

She has made it apparent she likes you more than a friend, and when she ended it she was almost crying. But she is pretty hard to figure out, so I can see why you wouldn't know if you were coming or going. I think if 'the talk' comes up to say what you want to say and be forward about it. She has a very forward family and she probably wouldnt clock something if you were bieng subtle or hinting. but thats just my opinion on it...

[Wayfara]

Well I went to her place Wednesday but she wasn’t at home so I went again yesterday. She did look a bit surprised when she saw me. I had brought some DVD-movies and I asked her if she wanted to see them with me on her computer, it was a bit awkward but she said okay and so we did. Afterwards we talked a bit and "the talk" came up. I said that I would want to give the relationship more time to grow if she also wanted that, that I wouldn’t put any pressure on her to do anything she was uncomfortable with. She was all smiling, cupping my face saying that I put sunshine in her life and she hugged me

 

But then she said that she didn’t want to be someone I entertained myself with until I found someone better but that was what our thing would be, merely something to pass time, as we would never make it long-term. I asked how she knew that we wouldn’t make it long-term. She said that she didn’t think I really understood was she meant with that certain things would never happen, that she really meant never and not later, that if I was hoping that she eventually would change I would be wasting my time with her. That she didn’t want to disappoint me but that if we would try again she would inevitable do precisely that. That it had been simpler if it was only to bake a daily cake to me or something of that sort, but that some things were against her sense of self so she could impossibly make me happy. I said I wasn’t demanding things from her. She asked me if I really could imagine being with her for long-term as she was like now.

 

I asked what it was she wanted. She told me to not be stupid, that a relationship would be a perfect arrangement for her, having me all by her own and not sharing me with any guys, not having bad conscious for not so platonic kisses etc, but that she didn’t want me going around discontent. Well she told me to think about it before deciding anything.

 

Well I think she means that she only wants to have a relationship with me if I would be happy even if things continued being like they are now. I don’t know what to answer her yet.

[Flux]

Well, at least you know where you stand now...well -ish.

 

I agree, you should think about it before you make a decision. Although its what you want and its worth working for, but with it the way it is, will it make you truly happy? I didn't want to make that seem negative, I'd love for the two of you to work perfectly together and live happily ever after, but sometimes the real world is different...

 

Anyway, think it through, I know you already are but still. Just works out the pro's and con's of everything and give her an answer. Good Luck

[aquatic]

Good luck with the decision. All I can throw in is that things can always change, nothing's set on stone

 

If this is the ending, at least it's on a better note. If this is the continuation to another chapter, yay for communication.

[Wayfara]

We argued a bit Saturday, I said she didn’t give wholeheartedly when she was with me and she was like: “You give everything and then what?” She said that giving wholeheartedly was the most stupid thing one could do because sooner or later when the relationship ended the person who gave his/her heart would never be the same, he/she would have lost a piece of themselves. Later, on the night when I had been out with my friends drinking, I got the fantastic idea to go E’s place again and tell her some words of truths. The plan was to tell her that I had decided to move on but I don’t remember if I did tell her that, but I do remember that I vomited on her floor…

 

Anyway I woke up in her bed, it was she who woke me up as she couldn’t get out of the bed because I was embracing her in my sleep Needless to say I was really embarrassed, especially when remembering how drunk I had been the night before too. But she was very nice, I’m really glad she doesn’t seem to hold any grudge against me for the vomiting etc, I really should watch out for the alcohol or I’ll become an alcoholic as my father. She did tease though for having insisted on hugging her the night before even when I almost couldn’t walk and that she had to hold me up so I wouldn’t collapse on her, I only have a blurry memory of that. I had a bit of a headache but we had fun Sunday.

 

I did tell her about the guy I followed home the weekend before, well she was just quiet so I asked what she had to say about it. Well she just said that I did what I wanted with guys, that it wasn’t her business when we weren’t together. But then she said that if I slept with someone while we were broken up it was okay but that she wouldn’t take me back me if I did. I said she couldn’t see it as cheating, she said that she didn’t see anything wrong with it just that it would make our break up real and permanent if I did.

 

I went to get some things from home, besides for that I spent the whole day with her, looking at some movies, going out for pizza etc. I slept over at her place, but as usual even though we shared bed she didn’t sleep near me. Anyway it feels so peaceful when she’s sleeping in the same room as I, calming. In my dreams we would sleep together every night, but a little bit closer to me, beside me, it would be wonderful.

 

Well I had done the pros and cons and decided to end it, to settle with someone who doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to take to take the relationship to the next level ever (not even in the distant future) would be foolish. But I can never stick a decision, I’m having second thoughts again. I know the smartest would be to move on and wait to fall for someone else who hasn’t these issues. But I don’t really want that, I want her. Now I’m thinking that I could give things more time, be very patient, not complain, not putting pressure and maybe slowly she’ll change her view on things. I knew that I wanted to be with her pretty early, I don’t believe in “the one” but the feeling I was feeling was like if I had met “the one”. If she hasn’t had a feeling like that for me yet is that a sign she probably never will feel like that for me?

[Wayfara]

Right now I’m feeling like an idiot all over again. She didn’t seem angry but when thinking about she would probably pretend like nothing in my presense, I would probably do the same if one of my friends visited me drunk and threw up on my floor. But inwards she must think that “Oh what a psycho, coming here and vomit on my new-mopped floor” (well I don’t know if it was new-mopped but anyway). It’s probably not an incident she’ll forget about in any near future at least

[Wayfara]

I saw her short today, apologized for my behaviour. She said that I had already apologized enough with times and she told me some drunken stories about her mother which made me feel a little better. She basically said that as long I didn’t make it a habit it would just be an amusing memory.

 

Well I’ll try to have a better check on the alcohol from now on I wasn’t planning on getting that drunk, I was just drinking with my friends, drank as much as they did but I had hardly eaten anything that day. That I went to E’s place was out of pure impulse, we were walking by the entrance to the building where her apartment lies and I got the idea. E said I didn’t say much when I came, that throwing up was about the first thing I did and the rest of the time I was apologizing and begging for hugs and when I collapsed while hugging her she brought me to bed where I fell asleep almost immediately.

 

Anyway I said I had thought about us and that I still wanted to give the relationship a chance. She said that she also had thought about it and that she wasn’t sure if it was very fair to me to make me bend for her rules when I could get a normal relationship with someone else that would meet my needs much better, that she felt like she would be depriving me of things. I said that just being with her was enough to make me happy, that although all the rest would be nice too I could live without it for now, that I couldn’t know for sure how I would be feeling about it years from now but that I was ready to take a risk if she also was willing to do so. Well she chuckled and said that she didn’t want to be a coward so she was in.

 

So we are back together again. At first I was thinking that the smartest would be ending it but I don’t want to live with regrets of what could have been, I’ll give it another chance, if it’s meant to be it’ll work out (with a lot of work of course), if not at least I’ll know for sure

[Flux]

Hey, congrats on the two of you getting back together. I hope it goes well.

 

And bieng drunk, well thats just things that happen. I've done it about 10 times and I'm not even old enough to buy alcohol for another 2 months. But I once was terrible drunk and had my head in the toilet crying for an ambulance. My mother wasn't amused... LOL. Some of my drunk stories are really hilarious.

 

But just try and drink sensibly for a while and you should be fine, and of course good luck for you both

[Penny_Lane]

Wayfara, like many others I have read this thread from beginning to end and I feel like I'm reading a novel. I've just become so invested in your story that I think about it when I'm at work, in the shower, at the store, etc.

 

Anyways, I think that E reallly does feel for you and I think that her body does want you sexually but her brain doesn't. So everytime her body acts on it and she gets carried away her brain comes back in and tells her its "bad" and "disgusting". And thats probably because of her upbringing, the influence her mother had on her, etc. But just remember, that even with all these issues, E has already come a long way from where she first started out.

 

Also, I must say, I can totally see why you are attracted to E, I think I would be too, from the way you describe her, it's like there's just something about her, I can't quite put my finger on it...but she's a very likeable person!

 

Hey and dont rush into the whole "trying to figure out your sexuality thing". Sexuality can be pretty fluid, so just go with the flow and do whatever feels right.

 

Congrats on being back together with E, I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[aquatic]

\\ Good luck, you two.

[Wayfara]

It’s a little more than a week since I last updated, it was going very good. She has been very sweet and so. Last week she said that she knew she sometimes could be unreasonably rigid on some things and that she was willing to compromise on certain things if they were things I really wanted us to do, as with the hand holding, as long it wasn’t anything as babying and pet name calling lol. I said I would tell her if I came up with something.

 

Well yesterday my parents were away so I invited her over. We decided to play some chess but it isn’t very fun when it’s only she who wins every time we play so I thought I would improve my odds a bit. I asked her if she didn’t want to some martini while playing, just a little. It took awhile before she noticed that I had only drunk very little and yet been filling up her glass numerous times.

E: “How evil.”

But by then she was already all giggly.

 

Anyway while we were playing she out of the blue told me that I was beautiful. I wasn’t sure if I had heard right (she never comments on my appearance normally) so I asked her what she had said and she was like “nothing” and she was all serious for a couple of minutes until she got giggly again.

E: “Wayfara?”

Me: “Yes?”

She was leaning forward, then she seemed to change her mind and leaned back again. I asked her what she wanted to say and she was like “nothing” again but then she just leaned and kissed me, I was like in euphoria. We began exchanging kisses and then touching each other under the clothes. I always let her touch me all she wants but she only lets me touch her back, shoulders, arms. When I moved my hand lower down her back she just froze and ceased kissing me altogether and then we were just looking at each other in silence without doing anything, very awkward, I was so angry with myself for ruining it. Then she just asked me if we would continue the chess game, anyway we did (she won).

 

When we had finished playing she said that she would go home and was just about to leave just like that.

Me: “Aren’t you giving me a hug?”

She returned and we hugged for awhile, it was very cosy. Well we began making out again, she kissing me down my neck, pulling off my jumper, I was very turned on. But then I heard my mother coming home, I thought I would have a heart attack! Well E picked up the jumper for me and we were lucky that I managed to put it on again before my mother came in through the door. My mother saw the bottle of martini and said it didn’t surprise her anymore how fast the martini in the house was running out and E was looking super guilty, looking down all red, fortunately my mother only thought it was because of the martini.

 

When I followed E home she wasn’t very talkative. At her place I asked her what was wrong.

E: “You know what’s wrong.”

I told her that I didn’t have any super human ability to read thoughts. I asked her if it was my mother almost seeing us. She said that my mother’s coming home was just good. I asked her what it was then if it wasn’t that.

E: “The disgusting truth is – I want to rip your clothes off. There you have it, happy?”

She said that if she would be disgusting honest she wanted to have her way with me and that I shouldn’t trick myself into finding something romantic about her creepy confession.

E: “You may go now.”

Well I didn’t know what to say and she was looking at the door just waiting for me to leave so I just did like she wanted.

 

I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel angry. As she has said that our fooling around had nothing to do with affection before and now that she wants to have her way with me I'm beginning to worry that she means that her feelings for me are solely based on hormones. Well maybe she was just expressing her disgust for the event. I admit that I have been half hoping that one day she would get carried away to be intimate with me. Is it wrong of me? Maybe the right thing to do would be to help her with not getting carried away.

 

I also don’t understand why she doesn’t like me touching her as she does to me. I could understand if it only was her not wanting to get undressed as it could be insecurities, not that I think she has anything to be insecure about, she’s in good form and so. And she hasn’t really complained about her appearance either (as many of my friends do about being too fat and so, even the really thin ones lol). I know though that she doesn't like showing skin and never wears anything low-cut, but beside for that fact she does wear normal fitting clothes and so. Anyway even if she would have insecurities of her looks it wouldn’t explain that she not only doesn’t want me undressing her, she doesn’t want me to touch her much either.

 

And bieng drunk, well thats just things that happen. I've done it about 10 times and I'm not even old enough to buy alcohol for another 2 months.

 

Lol. I can buy beer from the store but it isn’t until I’m 20 (two more months to go) that I legally can buy out stuff with more alcohol in from the State liquor shop.

 

Also, I must say, I can totally see why you are attracted to E, I think I would be too, from the way you describe her, it's like there's just something about her, I can't quite put my finger on it...but she's a very likeable person!

 

I have many times tried to analyze why I’m so weak for her. I do like the dark, tall, light eyes combination in guys, I suppose it isn’t too weird that I would like the same in a girl. But beside physical attraction I never thought I would go for an introvert. I can’t really tell what it is but it’s just something about her I find irresistible, lol. She can be so cute and nice sometimes. She gave me a muffler a few days ago, when she wrapped it around my neck smiling so happy I was just melting.

 

Well anyway if it really is that she’s just having the hots for me and nothing else then she’s with me for the wrong reasons. I don’t know yet what I should tell her tomorrow, I suppose I’ll figure something out when I’m there. If she doesn’t say anything about what happened yesterday I think I’ll just pretend as nothing. I don’t know what’s with me, I am angry with her but not very angry and I’m thinking that I maybe should be angrier.

 

Sorry for making this so long, I usually mange to short down my posts by half (I'm talkative by nature) but I'm feeling too sleepy to do it now.

[Deviant_Kate]

Anger won't help anything, kiddo. Don't be angry. Take it as a compliment that she can barely resist you.

 

It's tough to know the best course of action in this situation. It's got to be incredibly difficult to keep your hands to yourself when she's yanking your clothes off, but you should probably try...it's so unfair to you, but there's nothing fair about E being so emotionally scarred either...

 

I hope someday she can appreciate all that you're trying to do for her.

[Jlizzy]

Not sure what to say really or what the right thing is to do. I emphathise with you though. I guess if a chance arise perhaps put your heart on your sleeve and say sorry for the crap and take it from there ie if she responds positively maybe it can turn into friendship and who knows more?

 

To me it sounds like you've indeed discovered you are into women not men.

[aquatic]

Eh, maybe it's how she said it, but if that "i wanna rip your clothes off" line came off the way I imagine it, I would probably have convulsed with giggling and said, "Yes! VERY happy." Well, it's all about tone....

 

If you really are willing to go through the whole nine yards-- as of now, an important objective is to let her know thinking of those things shouldn't shame her. She should get comfortable with that first, before anything else can happen. So, instead of equally getting upset and mad at her, maybe next time you can be more reassuring/relaxed about it to show her you don't find it offensive.

 

I probably sound like a broken record here, but, I'd like to say it once more-- you have to be more understanding right now (and from the looks of it, you've been doing a great job-- E's now willing to compromise duly, noted. Relish that a bit, Wayfara )

[candy_the_confused]

hi wayfara, obviously E has an emotional attraction to you and now she is admitting that she has the hots for you too! yeyyyyyy!

 

maybe her way of admitting it is a bit weird but at the end of the day this is her

 

i think what she needs is a bit of encouragement, a bit of patience from your side ( and you've been doing a great job ), and re-assurance that it's ok to be intimate. choose the right times to talk to her gently. no need to be angry, she just doesn't know how to express her insecurities in a better way.

good luck to you two!

[mgirl]

I think you have done a stellar job. You have been honest and to tell you the truth, i think E is protecting her own self-interests (in appearing to be self-sufficient and distant). I haven't read the rest of the posts, i am only up to pge 2 (i couldn't help but respond, your story is so touching ). But, i really think you have done the right thing. I hope this story unfolds well for you. You seem like a sensitive person to me and E seems like an intelligent person and well aware of her surroundings, so i wouldn't be surprised if this thing turns out for the best for the two of you, if not together, but also alone. You could learn really good life-lessons from this .

 

Take care and the best to you

 

 

[Flux]

^^ Page 2. You've missed all the good stuff, haha!

And Aquatic had me laughing my socks off!

 

Right well, back on topic...

 

I think that she isn't as introverted as she once was, shes becoming gradually more open. As to admitting she wants to rip your clothes off, she wouldnt have dared to say this to you a few months ago. Though I think the martini did ease her on a bit (I don't think she would have said this if she was sober). We did all say she would open up and change her ways eventually, she just needs to come to terms with it, and she is. She gradually becoming more and more willing with you, and she's showing compromise.

 

As for her only bieng with you for the physical attraction, I dont think this is necessarily true, else she would have gone furthur by now. Because she's telling herself she doesn't want to even though she does, (does that make sense) There is an emotional link between the two of you, though she doesnt say it out front, if it was just the physical attraction I think it would have pushed you away for good, because its against what she *wants*

 

I'm not sure if that makes sense, I've been rushing so I might have made some mistakes

 

 

And wow, you can buy beer but not anythng hard liquor thats well weird, I hate living in England, stupid laws

[Wayfara]

Eh, maybe it's how she said it, but if that "i wanna rip your clothes off" line came off the way I imagine it, I would probably have convulsed with giggling and said, "Yes! VERY happy." Well, it's all about tone....

 

Well her tone was angry/irritated but yeah I should have done that lol. I got a bit surprised by the forwardness, she has said weird things before but not like that, I was a little flattered at first. I think my smile annoyed her and it was then she proceeded with telling me how it was so not anything romantic about her creepy confession and when she then wanted me to go just like that I got a bit upset.

 

You seem like a sensitive person to me and E seems like an intelligent person and well aware of her surroundings, so i wouldn't be surprised if this thing turns out for the best for the two of you

 

Thank you, it means a lot.

 

As for her only bieng with you for the physical attraction, I dont think this is necessarily true, else she would have gone furthur by now. Because she's telling herself she doesn't want to even though she does, (does that make sense) There is an emotional link between the two of you, though she doesnt say it out front, if it was just the physical attraction I think it would have pushed you away for good, because its against what she *wants*

 

Yeah you’re right. I’m getting concerned over nothing. If she only was in for physical stuff I suppose she would have done a lot more by now.

 

Well when I saw her Tuesday last week she wasn’t talkative at all and made my visit short with telling me that she had a lot of works for school she had to concentrate on. I went to see her again the weekend and things were less awkward, we stayed up late watching a couple of movies I had brought. She let me sleep over. The next morning she was very jovial, teasing me for my morning hair etc. After breakfast she was looking at me with a teasing smile saying that I was almost like a stuffed animal and she lifted me up and hugged me. She's much cuddlier now than she was in the beginning Anyway I tried to talk about what she said the Sunday the week before. Well she just told me to forget about it, that the martini had made her speak nonsense, well, well.

 

If you really are willing to go through the whole nine yards-- as of now, an important objective is to let her know thinking of those things shouldn't shame her. She should get comfortable with that first, before anything else can happen. So, instead of equally getting upset and mad at her, maybe next time you can be more reassuring/relaxed about it to show her you don't find it offensive.

 

i think what she needs is a bit of encouragement, a bit of patience from your side ( and you've been doing a great job ), and re-assurance that it's ok to be intimate. choose the right times to talk to her gently. no need to be angry, she just doesn't know how to express her insecurities in a better way.

 

Should I try to talk about it again with her? And what should I tell her?

 

It's tough to know the best course of action in this situation. It's got to be incredibly difficult to keep your hands to yourself when she's yanking your clothes off, but you should probably try...

 

I’ll try to keep my hands to myself next time but I still think it’s weird why she doesn’t like me touching her as she does to me.

 

My friends still think that I’m single and try to set me up with various guys. It’s getting hard to make up excuses to why I won’t go out with any of the guys they suggest. I’m thinking that I maybe should come out to them and tell them that E and I are girlfriends but I don’t know how they would take it. They’re open minded but if I told them that I had a thing going on with E they would think I had gone crazy. I would really have liked if E and my friends could go along, well, well it isn’t much I can do about that. I’ll try to figure out a way to tell my friends.

 

My mother has been telling me that I should think about the influence E has on me, that I shouldn’t drink just because she tells me to and that alcohol loosens up the inhibitions and that E could have a “plan” behind our drinky visits. I have told her that it always been my idea that we would drink but I think my mother thinks that I’m just protecting E with putting the blame on myself.

[aquatic]

Should I try to talk about it again with her? And what should I tell her?

No more, you've already said your piece (uh, kinda). Let it go for now. It's one thing to communicate, but another to have 'A Talk' every time you see each other. I'd pull my hair out if someone did that to me, lol. Just let it be a guide in the future.

 

Hee, maybe one day you should tell your mom you feel guilty because you turned E gay. lol.

 

Good luck with your friends. Hard enough it's a gay relationship, AND it's with someone they really dislike. Well, just go with what makes you happy

[candy_the_confused]

i agree with aquatic