phone sex

[b5007953]

my husband is addicted to a phone chat line, in addition to general chat it offers one on one access for private chat. Is it cheating? to have phone sex with someone you have entered into a relationship with on the phone? or with a total stranger you just started talking to? looking for opinions.

[Kalika]

I would say it's bordering on cheating... Regardless, it's definitely not appropriate.

[EvaGina]

I dont think its ok.

Maybe as a one-off thing one day when feeling adventurous, but being "addicted" and forming relationships with these people is not cool imo.

[honeyspur]

I think it is a sign that it could lead to cheating - keep your wits about you - but don't jump the gun.

You might want to offer going on the chat line with him and see how he responds.

[Meow18]

I think it is cheating. If he has a wife, he shouldn't be talking sex (even if they aren't literally having sex) with anyone else.

 

But really, it's all about what you feel is appropiate.

[Beec]

I don't really see it as that different from msturbation, which is really what he is doing. Unless, he is just talking. However, if it interferes with your sex life with him, then it needs to go.

 

If he uses it as simply an extra release, and you get all you want, then perhaps it is a good thing keeping him satisfied without having sex with someone else, especially if he needs a lot and you do not.

 

The other factor is of course how does it make you feel. If it makes you feel such that you just don't want him, feel unwanted, etc., then there's something you need to question.

 

I see this issue as balancing your needs and wants and his needs and wants.

[EvaGina]

I don't really see it as that different from msturbation, which is really what he is doing. Unless, he is just talking. However, if it interferes with your sex life with him, then it needs to go.

 

If he uses it as simply an extra release, and you get all you want, then perhaps it is a good thing keeping him satisfied without having sex with someone else, especially if he needs a lot and you do not.

 

The other factor is of course how does it make you feel. If it makes you feel such that you just don't want him, feel unwanted, etc., then there's something you need to question.

 

I see this issue as balancing your needs and wants and his needs and wants.

 

If there is personal communication, if he is developing a connection with one or two girls, then I see a problem.

 

I have NOTHING against porn or internet webcam things, until things start getting personal, then I think a line is crossed.

[melrich]

It doesn't matter if it is cheating or not. In many ways that is just semantics.

 

How do you feel about him having phone sex?

[Batya33]

Agree with melrich. It is not adultery but it is inappropriate and inconsistent with a marital relationship.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

phone sex is definitely not legal grounds for divorce, and at least if he is doing this he won't give you a nasty disease from it like physical cheating might...

 

but if he is doing this as an obsession, or neglecting you, or spending tons of money on it, or anything that makes you really uncomfortable, then you definitely need to talk to him about, and first try to understand why he is doing it without getting too accusatory, or he will just shut down...

 

sometimes people who do this are ashamed themselves about doing it, but are missing something sexually in their marriages, and maybe if you talk to him about it and tell him how you feel you can work something out with him such that he won't feel the need to call these lines.

 

it could also be a sign that he is thinking of a more physical cheating, but hasn't got there yet, but not necessarily. some men never proceed beyond this phase to actual contact with someone else, but best to bring it out into the open and try to resolve this as it is making you uncomfortable.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I have no idea why you havnt tied him up with gaffer tape to a chair.

 

Waved a sharp implement in his face.

(Its very threatening, and yet obscurely sexual, and as he has an obsession thatll get his attention)

 

Cut up the phone line, and threaten to do the same to his face.

(But not, as you don't want to be arrested for GBH!)

Then leave?

 

I swear to the good God that's what I'd do - COMPLETELY wrong, has the world gone MAD?

[Aleadragonhawk]

Phone sex with other women? Cheating. Hands-down, flat-out cheating. If I found my fiancee doing this, I'd crucify him. Having sexual conversations with other women is no where near right. Don't doubt how you feel about this one.

[midnightrambler]

Phone sex with other women? Cheating. Hands-down, flat-out cheating. If I found my fiancee doing this, I'd crucify him. Having sexual conversations with other women is no where near right. Don't doubt how you feel about this one.

 

i have had phone sex with two married women and if they were married to me i would flip out

[TwistedSister]

I am going through the EXACT same thing right now, and am completely devastated. Several times a day, sometimes an hour or more. It makes me sick. It is an addiction, and needs to be dealt with as such. Someone mentioned whether or not it affected their intimate relationship. IT DOES!

 

Originally I kept going back and forth about whether or not this is cheating. After many painful think sessions I have concluded that it IS cheating. It is SEX with other women. Who cares if it's oral sex, phone sex, cyber sex, actual sex??? IT'S SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN! PERIOD. Bring on the porn all day long...but any form of sex with another person is a deal breaker.

 

Again, I am going through this as we speak. I know how much it hurts and I feel for you. Stay strong. Personally, I have concluded that I deserve better than that. Even though he swears it wont continue...that trust has been destroyed.

[midnightrambler]

certainly TS you don't put phone and cyber sex in the same category as physical sex.

[TwistedSister]

certainly TS you don't put phone and cyber sex in the same category as physical sex.

 

No, not the same category, but both are a form of sex...as is phone sex. It is a sexual act with another person.

[jengh]

Before I state my opinion, I agree with Beec saying it's TECHNICALLY just a form of masturbation...as long as there's no emotional connection involved. It's sort of like a more personal form of porn

 

Is it cheating? I feel like if YOU consider it to be cheating and it bothers you, then yes it's cheating. Relationships vary drastically. Some couples don't mind the open relationship, swinging, cyber sex... but a vast majority do.

 

In MY opinion, it's VERY borderline. If my boyfriend/husband was doing this, it would be incredibly bothersome and I would be very hurt by it and end the relationship. I would DEFINITELY consider it to be cheating.

 

I think it's something that you as a couple have to decide whether or not it's okay.

[midnightrambler]

No, not the same category, but both are a form of sex...as is phone sex. It is a sexual act with another person.

agreed. is one easier to forgive than another or is both a deal breaker

[midnightrambler]

Before I state my opinion, I agree with Beec saying it's TECHNICALLY just a form of masturbation...as long as there's no emotional connection involved. It's sort of like a more personal form of porn

 

Is it cheating? I feel like if YOU consider it to be cheating and it bothers you, then yes it's cheating. Relationships vary drastically. Some couples don't mind the open relationship, swinging, cyber sex... but a vast majority do.

 

In MY opinion, it's VERY borderline. If my boyfriend/husband was doing this, it would be incredibly bothersome and I would be very hurt by it and end the relationship. I would DEFINITELY consider it to be cheating.

 

I think it's something that you as a couple have to decide whether or not it's okay.

 

so having cyber sex with an online partner is different than having phone sex with a 1-900 number?

[jengh]

so having cyber sex with an online partner is different than having phone sex with a 1-900 number?

 

no, i didn't say that.... if it was taken that way, that's not how I meant it...

What I was saying is that is varies from couple to couple what each deems appropriate.

If my boyfriend was having cyber sex or phone sex, i'd castrate him.

[midnightrambler]

no, i didn't say that.... if it was taken that way, that's not how I meant it...

What I was saying is that is varies from couple to couple what each deems appropriate.

If my boyfriend was having cyber sex or phone sex, i'd castrate him.

 

but not leave him? if he was having a physical affair what would you do?

[Cassie]

This is my personal opinion - it is wrong on varying levels. In essense, it makes a mockery of the sacred intimate bond shared between man and wife. I would not tolerate this type of behavior with my future hubby (nor would I want to be involved with someone who would repeatedly engage in these types of activities).

 

However, other couples are much more relaxed and 'adventurous' in the sensuality department. Phone sex would not be wrong if both partners had a mutual agreement to view it as relatively harmless, as something extra to add spice and enjoyment into their sex life together.

 

How would hubby react if you were engaging in phone sex, I wonder?

[midnightrambler]

well spotted