Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

[MD Geist]

If thats what feels right to you then do it. Dont go saying its better to sleep around than to be waiting for the right person, thats very subjective, all you can do is decide whats best for you.

 

Why wait? Chances are that other person isn't going to wait either so I might as well go out and have fun before settling down if that even happens.

[sjjohnson89]

It depends on who you are, what are your values, what do you satnd for. For me, sex is a big deal, i dont think of it too much (im still a guy) in terms of just a physical act, rather an expression of love. The way i see it my first only happens once, why blow it on somebody i dont really care for.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I think the best solution for me is to go out and have sex. I highly doubt that anything will change down the line so I might as well make up for much lost time even if its just causal sex.

 

For some reason even the most unstable manwhore is better off than the most untouched virgin out there.

Respectfully, Geist, I don't think this is going to solve anything other than allow you to say you're not a virgin anymore and load yourself up with regrets (you will have regrets if you go the brothel route).

Then who would you say that to?

Go out in public and tell everyone you meet you're not a virgin anymore?

 

Are you gonna even know the woman's name?

 

C'mon, man. You're only 24!!!

Time isn't running out.... yet.

Why wait? Chances are that other person isn't going to wait either so I might as well go out and have fun before settling down if that even happens.

You don't know that. And even if the woman has some experience, why's that so bad?

Most people want to see what life is like.

 

Many do wait, though, so you might find a loving Christian woman who was waiting for the right guy to come along, or one that only had one partner 5 years or so ago she was engaged to and it didn't work out. That's life.

 

You're so hung up on losing your viriginity, I fear you'll lose it in the very first woman you meet, regardless of the relationship has potential. You won't really think about how this woman you lose your virginity to fits into your life plans, you just wanna get physical with her and get it over and done with.

 

Then, months or years after that relationship ends and you find the woman you want to marry, you regret that you haven't waited. Your first time could have had real meaning.

 

So what if that woman you're dating and want to spend your life with had the same attitude as you? She thinks, "...well my real love isn't gonna wait, so why should I...?

She could spread her legs for all sorts of guys - women have more opportunities, you know.

She doesn't know you're just around the corner and that she was going to meet you at a friends' get together?

 

You don't know what next month, next year or even tomorrow is gonna bring.

You could get a better job in a better city (with more eligible single women) and meet the love of your life.

A work colleague could introduce you to a woman he's friends with. He/she knows both of you and knows what this female friend is like and thinks the two of you might mesh.

It happens, Geist!!

 

Trust me, you could find yourself seriously dating someone, engaged or even married in 4-5 years.

Truthfully, I prob. wouldn't have believed that in my mid-20s if someone assured me that. Yes, it's gonna take some time to find good women. I understand that. That was how it worked for me.

 

I finally awoke at 25 and realized I needed to do some work and get myself out there and meet women. That can involve moving to a better city if there isn't much supply where you are, working in a better field that has more women, going to places where women are (church single groups, other singles groups, activities, etc).

 

I kept dating and wasn't always successful. I didn't always mesh with every girl I dated. Many dumped me. That's all right bec. not everyone goes together well or has the same feelings.

 

Felt very lonely in my 20s (esp. during my mid-late 20s) and thought God had forgotten about me. Just 3 mos. after I turned 30 I met my future wife.

 

24 is not very old and many guys my age would kill to trade ages with you, Geist.

 

The woman you want to love could be just around the bend...

 

So your future is as bright as you envision it.

[nikkinoodles]

24 year old virgin.

[sjjohnson89]

Personally i havent got a problem with being a virgin, what i do have a problem with is that i fear i will never meet the right girl and end up a virgin all my life.

[kevin715]

Me. But I'm not as self-conscious about it as I used to be.

[MD Geist]

All women have done to me is play games, led on, lie to my face and laugh behind my back. There's a reason why I'm still a virgin this late in life. Last night as another example of that and despite making some changes to approach women different it doesn't matter. I will get rejected or excuses will be made not to date me. Women are players to, they like to abuse that aspect as much as men do and its horrible when it happens to someone good male or female but it seems like its black and white all the time. Then the girls who do approach me have kids, a boyfriend or husband already. I don't want to be someone's option or back up plan or sugar daddy. I haven't dated anyone out of this whole mess is whats bad. Most people complain about breakups and divorces, I can't even do that!

 

I doubt the future will bring anything good so I might as well enjoy what I have now while I'm still young. My sexual needs aren't being meet and nether are my emotional needs either. I hate not experiening anything while everyone else in life has already been there and done that. If I go to So-cal this summer I'm stopping in vegas to get over it. It's not the best option but sometimes the wrong choice is the right choice.

[The_Seeker]

In that case, make sure you have a condom, get yourself check out after your fun is over at the hospital to make sure you don't get STD, and a good health insurance.

 

Just in case.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Geist,

You never answered my earlier questions.

 

Why are women sensing you're a virgin?

How would they know that?

 

What are you doing to give them that impression?

 

Perhaps it's a self-confidence thing. I dunno. I sure wouldn't tell women BEFORE YOU GET A DATE WITH THEM that you're not very experienced at this kind of thing.

[ClarenceRutherford]

All women have done to me is play games, led on, lie to my face and laugh behind my back. There's a reason why I'm still a virgin this late in life. Last night as another example of that and despite making some changes to approach women different it doesn't matter. I will get rejected or excuses will be made not to date me. Women are players to, they like to abuse that aspect as much as men do and its horrible when it happens to someone good male or female but it seems like its black and white all the time.

This sounds like a pity party, Geist.

Yes, some women mistreated me. That's the nature of the beast. Women aren't like us, Geist!!!

 

Like I said, I thought I did everything right. Treated women well, did not press them for sex, and look what it got me: SINGLE AT 30!!! (in 1992).

 

You think you're upset? I WAS THIRTY YEARS OLD AND NOT IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP.... (that would change in 3 mos. though)....

 

Had a lot of tearful nights. Remember crying out to my mother, "What about me repels women?..."

 

24 isn't really that old. If you were 34 or 44, you might have something to gripe about. There still is time to change things and meet the right kind of women.

 

Yes, I too felt I missed out on life. So I took advantage of some opportunities. I had 2 casual sex encounters in my mid-20s. As I said, they were not memorable and just sex - not lovemaking. I really regret those and never have told my wife fully about what happened (she hasn't asked just like I shouldn't pry about specifics with her prev. fiance). Just some "experiences."

 

A NEAR-fiance, a 30 y.o. virgin woman I dated when I was 26 - she literally came to light tears when I told her the truth after she asked me if I was a virgin. 5 encounters 18-30 y.o., with 3 in HS.... 2 encounters through all of my 20s... Real promiscuous, right? Do you think that made me feel good having to answer her?

 

Didn't see it at the time, but that 30 y.o. virgin had some issues of her own, one of them her condemnation of me. (We were each others' first real adult relationship). She called herself a liberal but was so intolerant of me in many other things. I should have just walked out....

 

The only reason I post in these kind of threads and ask questions to you and other guys like you is bec. I was once where you were (shy, lack of self-confidence, awkward at dating, scared of women, a late bloomer) and don't want to see you making mistakes I made.

 

I dunno. About to give up posting in your threads, Geist. You don't seem to be listening.

It's your life. It will be your regrets. I don't have any stake in this.

Perhaps you need to make mistakes yourself and then learn for yourself.

 

Please keep looking and keep a stiff upper lip. You're going to find the love of your life. You're frustrated now and it may take longer to find her than you want, but it will come. You don't want negativity to stop you from finding her.

[fitforlife]

I am going to post in this thread because I am a 24 year old male, a virgin, never kissed a girl, and have never had a girlfriend. However, I have made some serious changes in my life recently and I am FINALLY (!) on the path to victory.

 

First, as far as myself, I rate myself high as far as looks, I'd say a 7.5 or an 8. My confidence level is also really high and any time I see a girl I think is interesting or attractive I will approach and talk to her. I make it a goal to go on at least two dates per month. I have no issues landing dates. You can easily get a date by going to bars/clubs with friends, online dating, meetup groups, and through others (yes, let other people know you are single and looking because they can set you up sometimes). Of course you can get a date in other ways such as malls, work, etc. as well.

 

The closest I have ever came to having sex was a few weeks ago, I already posted here about here:

 

The reason I am a virgin boils down to one thing, and that is because I am always competing with myself. Remember that. There has been countless times I'll get ready for a night out at the clubs, or I'll get ready for a date and tell myself "Alright dude, you're gonna score tonight", and then when it comes down to crunch time, I do the complete opposite. It is a mental battle and not easy to overcome. I go out with the intention of doing one thing and then I actually end up convincing myself to do the complete opposite. Well, lately I have been slowly overcoming this issue, landing more dates/numbers/conversation, and getting more "friends" on facebook. The way I have began to overcome a lot of these issues is to pretend I have an inner self that is constantly trying to hold you down, and give it a name (seriously). Mine is called Harry. Have you ever went out with the intend of doing one thing but you do the opposite? I do that all the time and that's why I'm stuck where I'm at.

 

MANY, MANY times I go out to the clubs (or anywhere in general) and start chatting up with a girl and JUST as I'm about to ask her for her number, or take things even further, or give a kiss, or desire to say something specific, I "bail out". That is Harry doing that. So what I do now on a consistent basis is anytime I want to do something but I feel "held back" from doing so, I tell myself that's Harry doing that, and I say "Okay Harry, you don't mess with me, you don't control me!". Maybe I even tell Harry a few little fowl words, but after that I forcibly go and do what I want to do! Case in point - I was going to attend a meetup group the other weekend and I have never been to one. I was nervous because I didn't know ANYONE. I got there and decided not to go. I started driving back home and I said "Harry just made me leave". I IMMEDIATELY turned around, went back, and went in and acted like I knew everyone. I actually had a pretty good night too. DO THIS every time you feel held back. Harry got a hold of me this weekend as I got rejected about four times, but that's OKAY! It's all part of the game. So now I am continuing to workout, re-energize myself, and feel good about what's ahead in the coming weeks.

 

Something else I want to say, this is absolutely crucial and must be followed. Get your mind off females, dating, sex, etc. Get up everyday, take a shower, brush your teeth, style your hair, shave (or trim up), and make yourself look good for YOU! Dress nice every single day and always sport your favorite cologne. Even if you're going to the store to buy a loaf of bread dress like you are going to the hippest place in town. It's not even bad to have multiple colognes, I have Kenneth Cole, Taylor of Old Bond St, and Escada to name a few. I mix it up occasionally but I do favor one. If you don't have "style" then you need to go out shopping TODAY!!! and change it. I went from a guy who wore Wal Mart shirts and jeans and old mans tennis shoes to now wearing Calvin Klein, Kenneth Cole, Structure, etc. Also, always walk with your headup. So everytime you go out, or you're at work, never look down at the ground. Put your head up and act like you are the man. I used to walk around like a bum, staring at the ground, and now I walk with my head up and act like I am the man, I smile and say hi. I would also suggest getting involved in something to boost your mood and outlook in life. For me I workout five times per week which is a gift. I never feel better in life than when I walk out of the weight room with my muscles and body pumped up and looking/feeling amazing. I am not a bodybuilder or muscular by any means but you can still achieve that pump and high it delivers no matter what you look like.

 

Right now there is a girl who I am interested in, and we have already seen each other about five times. I am going to be honest with myself, I see this girl being my first potential girlfriend. She is four years younger than me, and had I not been introduced to her through a friend, she is probably not someone I would have ever approached on my own. But I am glad we were setup, because she is much different than the girls I usually date, which might be a good thing. She is four years younger and I enjoy her presence more than the girls I date around my age (or older). We are going on another date in a week and a half which could be the best yet. I am finally convinced (and motivated) to go in for my first kiss after this one. Even if I do a terrible job (which I won't know since I have nothing to "compare" myself with anyways), I will most likely feel amazing and receive an extremely huge mental boost because I finally did it. I already know Harry will be in full force that night trying to hold me back, but I am prepared to do battle.

 

I will post how I did for sure.

[nikkinoodles]

Are there any other people out there who feel the same way I do about my virginity? I do not feel a strong need to go out and lose it, i dont care what others think of it. I just believe that I want it to be with someone I love, I am happy and comfortable with. I want it to be the next step to a deeper emotional connection. why is everyone so fixated on the physical side of it? I want want the physical side dealt with I can sort that out myself.

[MD Geist]

In that case, make sure you have a condom, get yourself check out after your fun is over at the hospital to make sure you don't get STD, and a good health insurance.

 

Just in case.

 

Should I do this of course I would be protected.

[MD Geist]

Geist,

You never answered my earlier questions.

 

Why are women sensing you're a virgin?

How would they know that?

 

What are you doing to give them that impression?

 

Perhaps it's a self-confidence thing. I dunno. I sure wouldn't tell women BEFORE YOU GET A DATE WITH THEM that you're not very experienced at this kind of thing.

 

And why not?

 

Most girls are already talking about their EX's. Its kind of hard to relate to them when you have no past of your own.

 

When you cannot answer a simple question they will ask have you never had a girlfriend.

 

 

This sounds like a pity party, Geist.

Yes, some women mistreated me. That's the nature of the beast. Women aren't like us, Geist!!!

 

Its one thing to say some but I can say pretty much all women have mistreated me. They have come off as very unforgiving and heartless from every experience. I cannot see anything else beyond that at this point. Its almost expected from the opposite sex now from me to be lead on, lied to and games played.

 

Like I said, I thought I did everything right. Treated women well, did not press them for sex, and look what it got me: SINGLE AT 30!!! (in 1992).

 

This is why I do not favor being the nice guy anymore. Its got me no were.

You think you're upset? I WAS THIRTY YEARS OLD AND NOT IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP.... (that would change in 3 mos. though)....

 

Being 24 and NO RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE is something else I cannot begin to comprehend other than it could be a diease as far as I know cause I sure get treated like I have one.

 

 

 

24 isn't really that old. If you were 34 or 44, you might have something to gripe about. There still is time to change things and meet the right kind of women.

 

The sad part is its not to far away before you know it Ill be in that age group. only difference is ill have more money, more establishment, hopefully better health.

 

 

Yes, I too felt I missed out on life. So I took advantage of some opportunities. I had 2 casual sex encounters in my mid-20s. As I said, they were not memorable and just sex - not lovemaking. I really regret those and never have told my wife fully about what happened (she hasn't asked just like I shouldn't pry about specifics with her prev. fiance). Just some "experiences."

 

I think having casual sex is probably the best approach for me. Like I said not the best option in the world but it might be my only one. I have yet to see anyone fully be successful in my position. Its kind of sad.

 

I

A NEAR-fiance, a 30 y.o. virgin woman I dated when I was 26 - she literally came to light tears when I told her the truth after she asked me if I was a virgin. 5 encounters 18-30 y.o., with 3 in HS.... 2 encounters through all of my 20s... Real promiscuous, right? Do you think that made me feel good having to answer her?

 

I don't know. I would prefer saying that to a woman than telling I'm still a virgin. I take it this happened during a generation were women were more understanding and realistic about things. Now adays if you aren't keeping up with the times you get left behind. I can't find a woman with no experience. Most girls my age have kids now adays! I don't know what to do and I'm willing to say you had it much better than I currently do. Even my mother agrees considering 3 out of 5 girls I meet in my age group have kids, married or in a relationship or have something else in their lives going on thats just totally out of control. She didn't have these issues growing up, nether has my older brother who's about 6 years older than me. For all I know it can be a generation deal. Women are all looking for the wrong things in men, I've tried to be good guy and I normally end up being an option only for her to come 5 years down the road with 2 kids and debt for then she wants to be in a relationship with me. Then she wants to make things right instead of staying with the bad boy. I deserve much better than that. Why should I remain in prestine condition if she's going to come to me with a lot of mileage and baggage?

 

I feel the best thing for me to do is finally break it and move on with my life even if its not quite the best way of going about it. Things have not worked for me or they don't currently look like it will happen anytime soon as in 30 years old. I refuse to be 30 years old and a virgin. That is were life is taking me at the moment. I will be moving to a bigger city next year hopefully but its not going to be easy and by the time I get settled in I will probably be 27 or 28 by then. Its just time to face the facts and do something about it while I still can.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Why are women sensing you're a virgin?

How would they know that?

 

What are you doing to give them that impression?

 

Perhaps it's a self-confidence thing. I dunno. I sure wouldn't tell women BEFORE YOU GET A DATE WITH THEM that you're not very experienced at this kind of thing.

And why not?

Most girls are already talking about their EX's. Its kind of hard to relate to them when you have no past of your own.

When you cannot answer a simple question they will ask have you never had a girlfriend.

Geist, maybe it would help if you told us how your conversation goes with women when you first meet one you might want to go out with.

 

Why is your virginity coming up so early in the process?

 

That's really none of these womens' business. It would be as inappropriate as you grilling a woman about her sexual experience.

 

How are you responding when this subject comes up?

How about saying you've dated women before and the rest isn't any of their business or is private. You have your pride. Defend yourself in these kind of situations where someone's trying to trip you up.

Originally Posted by MD Geist

Its one thing to say some but I can say pretty much all women have mistreated me. They have come off as very unforgiving and heartless from every experience. I cannot see anything else beyond that at this point. Its almost expected from the opposite sex now from me to be lead on, lied to and games played.

Respectfully, Geist, all woman aren't like this. Maybe the women YOU meet, but not all of them.

This past weekend, I was telling my wife how easy we had it when we dated in our early 30s. I told her how I had read women and men play games and it's a good idea to remain "non chalant" with your dates so you don't appear to needy and repel women.

You know, the push-pull theory. Pull away and act less interested and the woman suddenly becomes more interested.

 

She had never heard of this and I hadn't until recently reading ENA and Love Shack forums.

So exhibit A shows you not all women are like the ones you're running into. You need to look elswhere for a better breed of girl.

 

Originally Posted by MD Geist

This is why I do not favor being the nice guy anymore. Its got me no were.

Being 24 and NO RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE is something else I cannot begin to comprehend other than it could be a diease as far as I know cause I sure get treated like I have one.

That's a TEMPORARY thing, Geist. You can remedy this. Just get a girl to go out with you. A simple date like dinner or a visit to an arts and crafts fair or a lecture or activity at your local college.

 

All they can do is say no.

So one rejects you? You gonna turn your tail between your legs and cower in the corner?

Get yourself out there and start asking more girls out. One is eventually going to say yes. Persistence pays.

 

Yes, you may lose your virginity to one of them. That's your business. But I think that way will be far better than paying a woman for sex.

 

About being a nice guy, be respectful but don't be a doormat. Know what you want and pursue that. Exhibit confidence and act like you have your act together. Women respect that.

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

24 isn't really that old. If you were 34 or 44, you might have something to gripe about. There still is time to change things and meet the right kind of women.

Originally Posted by MD Geist

The sad part is its not to far away before you know it Ill be in that age group. only difference is ill have more money, more establishment, hopefully better health.

Geist, you're only as old as you feel as age is a state of mind.

 

You may find yourself a more mature person at 30.

Many people marry later in life, like in their 30s.

 

You may not think that would be so great (I sure didn't at 25!!!) but as you get older, you have more experience, knowledge and know much more about life.

You'll find you're more comfortable with life and more importantly, yourself!

You'll also know what kind of woman you want (and don't want).

Originally Posted by MD Geist

I think having casual sex is probably the best approach for me. Like I said not the best option in the world but it might be my only one. I have yet to see anyone fully be successful in my position. Its kind of sad.

What's really sad is someone YOUR AGE ( 24 ) thinking life is almost over bec. you're still a virgin and can't get a date. You earlier posted how you are a Christian. Christians have a greater hope. Think on those kinds of things, Geist.

 

Casual sex is not your only option, Geist.

Originally Posted by MD Geist

I feel the best thing for me to do is finally break it and move on with my life even if its not quite the best way of going about it. Things have not worked for me or they don't currently look like it will happen anytime soon as in 30 years old. I refuse to be 30 years old and a virgin. That is were life is taking me at the moment. I will be moving to a bigger city next year hopefully but its not going to be easy and by the time I get settled in I will probably be 27 or 28 by then. Its just time to face the facts and do something about it while I still can.

Again, you're not getting old.

I agree in principal with what you're saying above. You do need to change things. But it's the way you're going to go about it.

 

So you meet a prostitute and lose your virginity.

What after that?

 

Are you gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself?

All you did was pay a woman for sex.

You're still gonna have all these lonely feelings. Been there. Done that.

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

A NEAR-fiance, a 30 y.o. virgin woman I dated when I was 26 - she literally came to light tears when I told her the truth after she asked me if I was a virgin. 5 encounters 18-30 y.o., with 3 in HS.... 2 encounters through all of my 20s... Real promiscuous, right? Do you think that made me feel good having to answer her?

Originally Posted by MD Geist

I don't know. I would prefer saying that to a woman than telling I'm still a virgin. I take it this happened during a generation were women were more understanding and realistic about things. Now adays if you aren't keeping up with the times you get left behind.

Geist, I only posted that experience to show you how there are virgin women in their 30s. I didn't like her judgementalism and looking back, am glad she dumped me, though it hurt like hell and I felt like I was gonna die.

There are women with high standards and ones not willing to drop their pants for just anyone. They want to fall in love and have feelings for the guy, which I totally respect.

I can't find a woman with no experience. Most girls my age have kids now adays! I don't know what to do and I'm willing to say you had it much better than I currently do. Even my mother agrees considering 3 out of 5 girls I meet in my age group have kids, married or in a relationship or have something else in their lives going on thats just totally out of control. She didn't have these issues growing up, nether has my older brother who's about 6 years older than me. For all I know it can be a generation deal. Women are all looking for the wrong things in men, I've tried to be good guy and I normally end up being an option only for her to come 5 years down the road with 2 kids and debt for then she wants to be in a relationship with me. Then she wants to make things right instead of staying with the bad boy. I deserve much better than that. Why should I remain in prestine condition if she's going to come to me with a lot of mileage and baggage?

I agree it's hard to find women similar to you.

When I was 30, a married professional woman I knew from a prev. woman I dated came to my office for a professional visit and over lunch, I happened to confess to her how frustrating it was that I couldn't find women similar to me in this small-medium-sized town I lived in.

 

Women were either in their early 20s (I couldn't relate to them) or in their 40s divorced/kids.

 

She told me she had a friend in the nearby metropolitan area, but that she was a little shy.

Would I be interested in meeting her?

 

Of course, I jumped at that and we went on a blind date with her friend and her friend's husband. The rest is history and we dated and got engaged and later married.

 

So I know where you're coming from.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Wanted to go point-by-point to your response. I've cut and past this part here as my prev. answer was very long.

------

 

Geist, I just cannot believe that going to a whorehouse is gonna help you other than removing the virginity label from you.

 

I think your problem is you live in a small town or a military town where there aren't many single women.

I know many women on these boards and some in real life that aren't with kids or may not have lots of sexual experience before they turn 30.

 

That's what I think you want - a girl who isn't highly experienced. That's what many men want.

 

Think also about this: you can fall in love with anyone. You may even fall in love with a highly experienced woman or one that has a kid. Women make mistakes, too, Geist.

If you two really love each other, you can overlook or tolerate her experience just as if she really loved you, she wouldn't laugh at your lack of experience.

 

The question is what will you do with this breathing and beautiful woman setting accross the restaurant table with you and willing to take a chance with you and spend her life with you?

Will her "past" be more important to you than your love for her?

 

 

TBH, I'm not trying to be argumentive but to spur you into not giving up so easily.

I don't know you personally and have no dog in this fight. I don't want to see you lonely and only want the best for you. I was, as I posted, a lot like you in my early 20s.

 

You have worth and women will see that. You just haven't met the right women yet.

 

Just keep dating, move to other places to find more women or look into online dating.

Go to church or other singles groups. Get involved in activities where you might meet young ladies.

You're not in a crisis and you're far from being too old.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Are there any other people out there who feel the same way I do about my virginity? I do not feel a strong need to go out and lose it, i dont care what others think of it.

 

I just believe that I want it to be with someone I love, I am happy and comfortable with. I want it to be the next step to a deeper emotional connection.

 

why is everyone so fixated on the physical side of it?

I want want the physical side dealt with I can sort that out myself.

Nikki,

You are doing the right thing.

You are right in that you want to wait until it's the right person. That is the proper thing to do.

 

Sex isn't everything. It's more about how you treat people. If it feels right and both agree, you'll know it. But both have to agree. If one feels conflicted, that's a sign it isn't the right time.

If someone pressures you to do something against your will - sex or other things - you'll know this isn't the right relationship as both have to want it.

 

As I've said over and over, like a broken 45 RPM record, 24 is not old and someone in their mid-late 20s isn't getting too old.

 

 

As I've posted, I wasn't a virgin in my 20s but had very limited experience. I do regret the sex - not LM (note the difference) and wish I had been a virgin. I actually lived as a semi-virgin during my 20s.

[MD Geist]

Geist, maybe it would help if you told us how your conversation goes with women when you first meet one you might want to go out with.

 

Why is your virginity coming up so early in the process?

 

That's really none of these womens' business. It would be as inappropriate as you grilling a woman about her sexual experience.

 

How are you responding when this subject comes up?

How about saying you've dated women before and the rest isn't any of their business or is private. You have your pride. Defend yourself in these kind of situations where someone's trying to trip you up.

 

Well a lot of women by this age already have had sex and have had kids. They know what they want and are more open about it in this generation. If a girl wants to discover ones sexual past shes going to ask and figure that out on her own.

 

Respectfully, Geist, all woman aren't like this. Maybe the women YOU meet, but not all of them.

This past weekend, I was telling my wife how easy we had it when we dated in our early 30s. I told her how I had read women and men play games and it's a good idea to remain "non chalant" with your dates so you don't appear to needy and repel women.

You know, the push-pull theory. Pull away and act less interested and the woman suddenly becomes more interested.

 

She had never heard of this and I hadn't until recently reading ENA and Love Shack forums.

So exhibit A shows you not all women are like the ones you're running into. You need to look elswhere for a better breed of girl.

 

I don't know were else to look. The clubs and bars have been the only places I haven't checked.

 

That's a TEMPORARY thing, Geist. You can remedy this. Just get a girl to go out with you. A simple date like dinner or a visit to an arts and crafts fair or a lecture or activity at your local college.

 

All they can do is say no.

So one rejects you? You gonna turn your tail between your legs and cower in the corner?

Get yourself out there and start asking more girls out. One is eventually going to say yes. Persistence pays.

 

That is easier said that done. Most of the time they are either married or they won't make time for me at all. I don't keep my standards high at all.

 

You may find yourself a more mature person at 30.

Many people marry later in life, like in their 30s.

 

I actually prefer women in their 30's than ones in their 20's because they are out of the club and bar scene typically and they like to have fun the simple way.

 

What's really sad is someone YOUR AGE ( 24 ) thinking life is almost over bec. you're still a virgin and can't get a date. You earlier posted how you are a Christian. Christians have a greater hope. Think on those kinds of things, Geist.

I haven't had luck dating christian women, in fact I have had more success dating some outside my religious beliefs than those who share my views. Most of those girls are to busy out chasing bad boys now, but in 5 years I'm willing to bet they will be trying to make their way back into my life because that bad boy they wanted will have used and abused them and now she needs a father for the kids. I'm not gonna be that guy.....

 

 

So you meet a prostitute and lose your virginity.

What after that?

 

Are you gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself?

All you did was pay a woman for sex.

You're still gonna have all these lonely feelings. Been there. Done that.

 

I don't think its a bad thing, most people lose their virginity in a wrongful way anyways. It seems like those people are better off being jacked up than being a virgin. I see the people on here and they are just caught up in a bad cycle vs some of the players I know who seem to be slightly happier but that makes a huge difference in their lives.

 

 

Wanted to go point-by-point to your response. I've cut and past this part here as my prev. answer was very long.

------

Geist, I just cannot believe that going to a whorehouse is gonna help you other than removing the virginity label from you.

 

I don't know were else to go from here on or what else to do after exhausting all my options. I could be a virgin until 30 with the up and coming tranistion that I'm about to experience, I won't have zero time to go out and "Prospect" dates.

 

 

I think your problem is you live in a small town or a military town where there aren't many single women.

I know many women on these boards and some in real life that aren't with kids or may not have lots of sexual experience before they turn 30.

 

I wish I didn't live here, I'm working on leaving (Hints the transition) but it can still be another year or so before that happens. But Your right there's not many options out here for a good relationship.

 

Think also about this: you can fall in love with anyone. You may even fall in love with a highly experienced woman or one that has a kid. Women make mistakes, too, Geist.

If you two really love each other, you can overlook or tolerate her experience just as if she really loved you, she wouldn't laugh at your lack of experience.

 

I don't mind a woman who's not a virgin, but a single mother yes I refuse to date someone who has kids. I feel that i shouldn't be paying for someone's past mistakes. Having a child in her life is not the same as having a Dog or a cat. Its something I'm not willing to over look.

 

The question is what will you do with this breathing and beautiful woman setting accross the restaurant table with you and willing to take a chance with you and spend her life with you?

Will her "past" be more important to you than your love for her?

 

It depends. If kids are involved I simply won't date them. If they are clean from an HIV or STD sure I can over look they may have more experience than me. Sex isn't everything.

 

 

 

Just keep dating, move to other places to find more women or look into online dating.

Go to church or other singles groups. Get involved in activities where you might meet young ladies.

You're not in a crisis and you're far from being too old.

 

 

I have done pretty much all those things, its kind of difficult when its all limited and you have to work with what you've got. Especially when its next to nothing. I rarely meet someone I'm truly compatable with. 3-5 girls I often meet have kids or are in a relationship, the other 2 aren't exactly a good fit for me. Maybe that 1% is were i could hopefully find someone and if I do get around to asking her out on a date all the time it has been a No. ](*,)

 

The other dates I have been on has been all compromises I have made meaning I'm not attracted to the person or they just don't fit me at all. During the dates they have been very dull and boring, had I gone out a date with someone I "Click" with I believe its possible things will work out better.

 

I'm not asking for to much or have high standards at all but I sometimes wonder if trying to date someone without kids is to much these days cause most girls I meet already have kids.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Well a lot of women by this age already have had sex and have had kids. They know what they want and are more open about it in this generation. If a girl wants to discover ones sexual past shes going to ask and figure that out on her own.

Geist, you mean to tell me in initial conversation - even before you go on a date - they're asking you your sexual experience?

I find that very odd.

I'd tell them that's private and none of their business.

I don't know were else to look. The clubs and bars have been the only places I haven't checked.

I wouldn't recommend those areas.

Have you tried online dating? I don't date so I don't know what online is like, but I have work colleagues that met that way.

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

All they can do is say no.

So one rejects you? You gonna turn your tail between your legs and cower in the corner?

Get yourself out there and start asking more girls out. One is eventually going to say yes. Persistence pays.

That is easier said that done. Most of the time they are either married or they won't make time for me at all. I don't keep my standards high at all.

Don't know what to tell you here, Geist.

I actually prefer women in their 30's than ones in their 20's because they are out of the club and bar scene typically and they like to have fun the simple way.

That's a good strategy. When I was in my late 20s, I found myself going for the women a couple of years older than me. I figured most of those single girls in their low 30s would be more mature - and hence - more interested in a relationship than the ones in their early 20s.

I haven't had luck dating christian women, in fact I have had more success dating some outside my religious beliefs than those who share my views. Most of those girls are to busy out chasing bad boys now, but in 5 years I'm willing to bet they will be trying to make their way back into my life because that bad boy they wanted will have used and abused them and now she needs a father for the kids. I'm not gonna be that guy.....

You don't need to be that guy, Geist.

I think you have good standards. I didn't necessarily want divorced women with kids. Still don't want kids and never had them.

 

On Christian women, I understand you're looking at church. Can you try some other, larger churches, ones that may have more single women? Try the leading denominations in your regions. Ala, Baptists are big in the south, Catholics in NE, etc.

 

If what you say about the Christian women you meet is true, I would say that's not a good thing. You'd expect better from that type of women.

I don't think its a bad thing, most people lose their virginity in a wrongful way anyways. It seems like those people are better off being jacked up than being a virgin. I see the people on here and they are just caught up in a bad cycle vs some of the players I know who seem to be slightly happier but that makes a huge difference in their lives.

It's your life, Geist, but I wouldn't recommend losing it to someone you don't care about. That's what most advise you and the other women in that other thread advised you the same.

I don't know were else to go from here on or what else to do after exhausting all my options. I could be a virgin until 30 with the up and coming tranistion that I'm about to experience, I won't have zero time to go out and "Prospect" dates.

Respectfully, you're still young, Geist. 24, as I said, is not old. Otherwise, I'm some old geezer!!!

I was at a professional reception tonight. Many of the guys there are older than me.

When one of the women was talking about a guy she knows close to turning 50 whose having a midlife crisis, I said, "Watch out.... I'm going to be 49 this month...>

They all said I'm still young.

I wish I didn't live here, I'm working on leaving (Hints the transition) but it can still be another year or so before that happens. But Your right there's not many options out here for a good relationship.

Moving prob. is a good idea.

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Think also about this: you can fall in love with anyone. You may even fall in love with a highly experienced woman or one that has a kid. Women make mistakes, too, Geist.

If you two really love each other, you can overlook or tolerate her experience just as if she really loved you, she wouldn't laugh at your lack of experience.

I don't mind a woman who's not a virgin, but a single mother yes I refuse to date someone who has kids. I feel that i shouldn't be paying for someone's past mistakes. Having a child in her life is not the same as having a Dog or a cat. Its something I'm not willing to over look.

 

It depends. If kids are involved I simply won't date them. If they are clean from an HIV or STD sure I can over look they may have more experience than me. Sex isn't everything.

That's reasonable. If you don't want kids or women like you described, don't date those kind of girls.

There are single women in their late 20s out there, so try for them.

 

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Just keep dating, move to other places to find more women or look into online dating.

Go to church or other singles groups. Get involved in activities where you might meet young ladies.

I have done pretty much all those things, its kind of difficult when its all limited and you have to work with what you've got. Especially when its next to nothing. I rarely meet someone I'm truly compatable with. 3-5 girls I often meet have kids or are in a relationship, the other 2 aren't exactly a good fit for me. Maybe that 1% is were i could hopefully find someone and if I do get around to asking her out on a date all the time it has been a No.

What about the other 2 doesn't appeal to you?

What are these women like?

Is it looks? Personality?

If it's not a "dealbreaker," like smoking or obesity or kids or divorced, you shouldn't write them off.

The other dates I have been on has been all compromises I have made meaning I'm not attracted to the person or they just don't fit me at all. During the dates they have been very dull and boring, had I gone out a date with someone I "Click" with I believe its possible things will work out better.

The dull and boring could be lack of conversation. Can you not keep the conversation going? Ask them what kind of things they like, then talk about that. Keep the focus on them and let them do most of the talking. Soon, they should ask you some questions.

On the "clicking," it's prob. because of lack of available women in your area.

I'm not asking for to much or have high standards at all but I sometimes wonder if trying to date someone without kids is too much these days cause most girls I meet already have kids.

I agree with you, you're not asking too much. Like NewWave who used to post here, she didn't want to date divorced dads and divorced dads with kids. You don't need to put yourself through that.

I just think you're not meeting the right women.

 

Try other churches, try church singles groups, other singles groups, other civic groups that might attract women.

If there are professional organizations in your field that meet monthly for lunch, say the Chicago Marketing Assn., get involved with them. You'll meet young professionals focused on their careers - and networking for jobs - but you could use those groups to "network" for dates as well. There may be single women there.

 

On online dating, have you tried the Christian sites? NewWave said she was looking into a Catholic online dating site and I've seen ads for several of religious online dating sites. May be worth a look.

 

Have some other advice but will post later.

Please also respond to my PM. If you don't respond to those questions I asked you in the PM, I plan to ask you them in this thread next week...

[MD Geist]

I wouldn't recommend those areas.

Have you tried online dating? I don't date so I don't know what online is like, but I have work colleagues that met that way.

 

I have been doing online dating. the only time I have ever been out on dates and thats with women in which I'm not interested in or not attracted to at all in other words I have comproimised.

 

 

 

 

On Christian women, I understand you're looking at church. Can you try some other, larger churches, ones that may have more single women? Try the leading denominations in your regions. Ala, Baptists are big in the south, Catholics in NE, etc.

 

I go to the largest church in my area, it has actually been in the media before. There's a wonderful event that include 3000+ people my age that meets weekly, problem is women want status guys, they typically end up dating and marrying Air Force Cadets.

 

What about the other 2 doesn't appeal to you?

What are these women like?

Is it looks? Personality?

If it's not a "dealbreaker," like smoking or obesity or kids or divorced, you shouldn't write them off.

 

Obesity is not a problem with me as long as its not out of control. I'm considered by my doctor to be "Obese" and realistically I'm not going to be searching for a bikini model like some other men out there with beer guts and nasty habbits will try and do. Smoking is something I don't like but again I will deal with it, same with divorced as long as its not going to affect my relationship with them.

 

Now kids is a different story. I don't want to be a dad anytime soon yet I keep getting the oppertunity to do so. The moment the relationship becomes serious with a single mother is when you become their step dad. I refuse to be nothing more than an option. A woman with kids will not love me on the same level as she did the previous lover did. The kids come first and will aways be first in the picture, you should have had a chance to be that first priority before the kids came along. Then there's the committment, I have to bond with the kids and pay for their things even if she says their father does all that it is still expected from me. So pretty much I don't see any true positives in this picture unless I want to be a dad soon which I don't at this moment. I could do great things for a child as a result of dating a woman with kids but then id be giving up on my own personal goals and dreams in life.

 

 

The dull and boring could be lack of conversation. Can you not keep the conversation going? Ask them what kind of things they like, then talk about that. Keep the focus on them and let them do most of the talking. Soon, they should ask you some questions.

On the "clicking," it's prob. because of lack of available women in your area.

 

Thats kind of hard to do when they start talking about their ex's and you have nothing to talk about. You are a 100%virgin. You could always lie right?

 

Try other churches, try church singles groups, other singles groups, other civic groups that might attract women.

If there are professional organizations in your field that meet monthly for lunch, say the Chicago Marketing Assn., get involved with them. You'll meet young professionals focused on their careers - and networking for jobs - but you could use those groups to "network" for dates as well. There may be single women there.

 

You know I have been networked deeply since 2008. I do go out to different events, meetings and groups quite often. It's just that difficult to meet single childless women.

 

On online dating, have you tried the Christian sites? NewWave said she was looking into a Catholic online dating site and I've seen ads for several of religious online dating sites. May be worth a look.

 

Have some other advice but will post later.

Please also respond to my PM. If you don't respond to those questions I asked you in the PM, I plan to ask you them in this thread next week...

 

I tried link removed and I must say I was disappointed after 30 days. I got zero responses from women, I don't think any other paysites will make a difference.

 

I have not had no time to read your PM but Ill get around to it tonight or tomorrow morning so please hang tight, i'm behind on a lot of things at this time.

[annie24]

Thats kind of hard to do when they start talking about their ex's and you have nothing to talk about. You are a 100%virgin. You could always lie right?

 

in this case, i think that playing coy is to your advantage. if they ask about your past relationships, say, "i don't kiss and tell" or "i'd rather leave the past in the past." it's not their business anyways about how many times you've had sex, where, etc..... really not their business!!!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

in this case, i think that playing coy is to your advantage. if they ask about your past relationships, say, "i don't kiss and tell" or "i'd rather leave the past in the past." it's not their business anyways about how many times you've had sex, where, etc..... really not their business!!!

 

I agree that it is none of their business and they should not be asking these kinds of questions and yammering on about their past relationships. Telling them that you would rather leave the past in the past not only shuts them down from their invasive questions, but also will suggest to them that you have the experience and just don't want to talk about it. And when the time comes that you do get physically intimate with someone you are dating, you don't have to tell that person you are inexperienced. If you fumble a bit, all you have to say is that it has been a while and you are a bit rusty. I agree that many many people (and you see it here on ENA) do regard virgins, especially older ones, as if something must be wrong with them...and that a woman or man with a string of failed relationships and a string of children from different partners is more highly regarded than a virgin..because sexual experience for many, is the be all and end all of existence. Now, just because that is the sad mentality of the masses, doesn't mean you have to go against your values and have a "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em mentality. What you can do to protect yourself is to not tell a potential partner about your lack of experience, just like they will not be honest with you about all of their experiences. This is information you keep to yourself and simply use the response that Annie mentioned.

[SimplyMeee]

I married as a virgin - my hymen was still intact anyway. Some Christians would say I was a tarnished virgin, depending on where you draw your sexual lines pre-maritally. Our was intercourse.

 

Me & then boyfriend/now husband dated for 8 long years, met him when I was 15, the only way we could handle this was to still "touch" each other "to release" -what we would call mutual masterbation. I have no regrets, other than feeling ashamed & guilty because of our religious beliefs-- this did us no favors once we got married, I was not able to turn off this "sex is dirty' thoughts in my mind.

 

Our story is very odd in the fact, once we married, we had much trouble with my hymen, it was so stubborn that at 3 months married, he still could not get it IN all the way ! Stressing at this point, went to the OBGYN, was scheduled for a Hymenectomy (surgery) but learned I was pregnant- so that was out ! So it took another 5 full months (8 months married) for my husband to FULLY penetrate me ! As he did not want to FORCE himself in there, since I was 'with child" . Crazy story I know, but utterly true. Virgins likely will not have that blissful Honeymoon they have in thier minds. It will hurt !

[ClarenceRutherford]

I tried link removed and I must say I was disappointed after 30 days. I got zero responses from women, I don't think any other paysites will make a difference.

 

I have not had no time to read your PM but Ill get around to it tonight or tomorrow morning so please hang tight, i'm behind on a lot of things at this time.

The PM wasn't that personal. Didn't want to embarrass you by answering the questions in the thread (if you're embarassed). We can do it through the thread, but will await your PM response.

 

On the dating sites, there are Christian sites I see advertisements for like EHarmony and Christianmingle. A woman I PM on Love Shack uses mingle and found a guy through it.

 

Heck, even Sean Hannity's radio program has or had a "singles" section where he hooked up single people (last time I listened, a long time ago). So did a great local radio host on KMOX, 1120 AM, St. Louis. He used his Fri. eve. show to bring people together. (That station goes all over the Midwest at night).

 

Just trying to help here.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Why are women sensing you're a virgin?

How would they know that?

 

What are you doing to give them that impression?

 

Perhaps it's a self-confidence thing. I dunno. I sure wouldn't tell women BEFORE YOU GET A DATE WITH THEM that you're not very experienced at this kind of thing.

And why not?

 

Most girls are already talking about their EX's. Its kind of hard to relate to them when you have no past of your own.

 

When you cannot answer a simple question they will ask have you never had a girlfriend.

Geist, what is the "simple question" they're asking you?

Can you tell us?

 

Are you saying it's wise to bring up your lack of experience to them?

 

If a girl starts talking about her EX, try to change the subject.

Say something like, "That's interesting, but I'd like to know .... (then ask about the other subject)..."

Get her off talking about her EXs. That's rude to bring up former GFs/BFs on dates.

And as the other posters stated, an invasion of privacy.

 

When you cannot answer a simple question they will ask have you never had a girlfriend

Why are they asking you about your past GFs? What business is that of their's?

What's the question that's got you hung up?

 

I'm sure you've had GFs, even though you may not kissed one before.

Didn't you have a girl in HS or Jr. High you were close to and acted like BF-GF?

Carried her books home from school? Sat next to her on the bus or in the cafeteria?

Went to the HS dance with?

 

Maybe wrote a "love note" to or wrote her name on your tennis shoes?

Or gave her a valentines card.

Did you ever "go steady" with a girl or did one tell you that you were her boy friend (even just lighthearted, or a short term thing).

So you can say you had a GF or have dated.

 

If the q. is about your experience, go with what CrazyAboutDogs and the others recommened on "not kissing and telling..." Their advice should help.