Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Based on that, I guess I should never have sex.....but.....everything can have a consequences.

 

I think that experience can help maturity.

 

Nope..there are lots of very immature experienced people out there. Look at Charlie Sheen...loads of sexual experience and relationship experience yet I wouldn't call him the poster boy for maturity.

[ClarenceRutherford]

 

Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs

If you are not mature enough to have a relationship, are you really mature enough to be a father should you and your sex partner accidentally make a baby? Are you really mature enough to deal with an STD?

 

 

 

Based on that, I guess I should never have sex.....but.....everything can have a consequences.

 

I think that experience can help maturity.

Jonny,

I'm not unsympathetic. As I've posted, I was a lot like you in my 20s: unlucky with love, had a hard time forming relationships, very lonely, lived like a semi-virgin, etc.

 

Did have a lot of sex with my future wife after I turned 30, but we were in a committed and monogomous relationship, and weren't promiscuous sex-starved teens or early 20-somethings. Like one of her nieces who has 5 kids from 2-3 diff. fathers.

 

(We had the right motivations)

 

Though we always used condoms, she (understandably) freaked out when we one time had a condom failure.... Despite any intentions (using protection), I would still have been responsible for any child I could have created in her.

And no, neither of us have children nor really wanted to become parents.

 

Assured her I would have married her (that was my plan at the time and we were seriously talking about marriage - we were in a long-distance relationship, seeing each other on weekends), but she wasn't so certain and didn't want to be "forced" to get hitched like what happened all of her brothers and sisters... most of whose marriages ended in divorce.

 

Please consider what Dogs says.

[WorkingInLin]

13 year olds can have sex, and are. Are they more mature than you or I?

 

That was aimed at johnny, by the way.

 

I personally feel I've accomplished a lot in the time I've been on this planet. The pure fact that I haven't had sex, or haven't kissed a girl, means diddly squat in comparison to everything I've achieved.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Sorry I missed responding to this earlier.

Ashley868,

I am the 41-year-old, virgin Christian man. I am still a virgin, mostly because I have had difficulty making friends, falling-in-love, and getting married.

 

I don't know if you are religious or not, but if you are not religious, then think about how casual sex will affect your future marriage, if you are interested in being married.

 

I think a non-religious person could still be an abstinent virgin, until marriage, although this is rare, because of virgin women saying "yes" to men who have tried casual sex and have enjoyed it too.

Good points.

When I was your age, I was interested in love, sex, hugging and kissing.

Sometimes, when I was at a magazine rack, I would sneak a peek at a penthouse

magazine. I never bought one.

..........

I was taught to feel guilty, after looking at porn. I did feel guilty and

tried not to make a habit of looking at it.

That's natural, FriendSoulMate, to have such interest - at any age.

 

Porn isn't natural. Good thing you didn't get hooked on it. Admit I bought a couple of mags. in the 80s. Or looked at women in bras in catalogs.

 

Speaking as a former and now recovering porn user (who got into it with the internet), I wouldn't recommend anyone look at too much porn. It is addicting. I found myself viewing and MB'ing to it up to 3X a day on several occaisions.

 

Yeah, I know guys will always view it. I only know it messes guys' minds up and portrays unrealistic images of women, as women don't act in real life like they do in the porn vids.

BTW- I only looked at the straight, regular sex stuff (foreplay, etc.), not the weird stuff (threesomes, bondage, incest - yes, I saw the diff. categories).

 

You didn't mention masturbation, but please use that as a release outlet over porn.

Like a lot of other guys, I use to use both.

 

Though I deleted all the images and vids from my HD, I tried to do a quick web search the other night for some images I could MB to. Just a seductive pic of a woman in a bikini, or topless (no hardcore porn).

Gave up bec. I realized I was getting aroused without even finding such a pic.

And no, I don't think looking at attractive women in bikinis is a sin or anything...

 

..............there is nothing to feel guilty about MB'ing. It's a natural release for men and women. I used to feel guilty about it in my 20s.

Now I find myself lusting towards my wife -- instead of the women in the porn vids I used to watch -- when I pleasure myself.

I was really fascinated at how vaginas were all created for the same purpose,

but they were also unique, and looked different, similar to the pedals of

flowers in a garden.

That's an interesting perspective. Have never thought of it that way. I'm more of a chest guy, but lately find myself looking more at womens' faces, as I find that part of their body the sexiest.

[jonny15]

Nope..there are lots of very immature experienced people out there. Look at Charlie Sheen...loads of sexual experience and relationship experience yet I wouldn't call him the poster boy for maturity.

 

And that could be because he has a few chemical imblances in his brain.

[jonny15]

I know accidents can happen, but I just don't have experience with anything other than having random conversations with females.

 

I have no idea how to act in those types of social situations with females.

 

I'm not good in social situations to begin with.

 

I'm not captain decision maker. LOL

 

I believe that having experiences in these areas help you in the long run.

[jonny15]

13 year olds can have sex, and are. Are they more mature than you or I?

 

 

It isn't just about sex.

 

It's about people having experience in dating and everything that goes along with it.

 

And I have to admit that I generally don't act my age.

 

I still for the most part act the same way when it comes to my personality as I did when I was a teen.

 

I personally feel I've accomplished a lot in the time I've been on this planet. The pure fact that I haven't had sex, or haven't kissed a girl, means diddly squat in comparison to everything I've achieved.

 

It's nice that you accomplished alot.

 

I on the other hand have accomplished nothing.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by WorkingInLin

13 year olds can have sex, and are. Are they more mature than you or I?

It isn't just about sex.

It's about people having experience in dating and everything that goes along with it.

You see the problem, Jonny.

Take some more initiative and get out and meet more women.

 

So some say no. No biggie. Move on to another.

 

Right now, your success rate sounds like 0%.

The more you interact with -- and ask out -- the more successful you'll be.

Wouldn't you like to bump up that success ratio to 40-50%?

 

The bolded part is my point. It's not only about losing your virginity. That won't accomplish anything, esp. if it's with someone you don't know or can't say "I love you" to...

Originally Posted by WorkingInLin

I personally feel I've accomplished a lot in the time I've been on this planet. The pure fact that I haven't had sex, or haven't kissed a girl, means diddly squat in comparison to everything I've achieved.

It's nice that you accomplished alot.

I on the other hand have accomplished nothing

Don't sell yourself so short. Your career is likely one accomplishment.

And you can prob. name many others.

 

Once you get some more success in dating, you'll have more accomplishments -- and be closer to finding that love of your life.

[jonny15]

You see the problem, Jonny.

Take some more initiative and get out and meet more women.

 

So some say no. No biggie. Move on to another.

 

Right now, your success rate sounds like 0%.

The more you interact with -- and ask out -- the more successful you'll be.

Wouldn't you like to bump up that success ratio to 40-50%?

 

The bolded part is my point. It's not only about losing your virginity. That won't accomplish anything, esp. if it's with someone you don't know or can't say "I love you" to...

 

It's really not that easy. Espically asking them out.

 

It's pretty stressful. And I tend to try and avoid most stressful situations since i'm easily stressed, and stress makes me feel horrible.

 

And i'm not big on cold approaches.

 

I'd rather atleast think that she might like me before I ask her out, but they never show interest in me.

 

 

Don't sell yourself so short. Your career is likely one accomplishment.

And you can prob. name many others.

 

I can't name a single accomplishment.

 

And my career? What career?

 

I work construction when the jobs are available.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Of course I know you are aware of the risks.

The reason I related that real-life experience was to show you the diff. it makes when you're in a committed, loving relationship.

 

Funny how I wasn't really worried when that happened. Was rather calm, actually. If that had happened with someone I didn't love, likely would have reacted differently.

 

 

If I had just been some guy my future wife was dating (and she never had casual sex), she likely wouldn't have listened to me and would have done what she wanted (without my involvement). She wouldn't have had an abortion (and I wouldn't want her to have one), but believe me, she (and many other women) would never let a guy forget what he had done to her.:sad:

 

You read about how EX-wives treat their guys?

Imagine how b**chy a woman who had to bear your child -- and didn't love you and was reminded of the mistake she made with you every day in her child's eyes -- imagine how that kind of woman would treat you every time you met to exchange the child (which you would be responsible for as well).

[jonny15]

What i'm getting from this is that you should be in love before you have sex?

 

Who says I would ever fall in love?

 

Love is just some chemicals going crazy in your head.

 

Sex is a wonderful act you do. Not something you can't control.

 

And there are risks to everything.

 

There is a risk you could drive in your car today, and have an accident that puts you in a wheelchair.

 

Is that gonna stop you from driving?

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Don't sell yourself so short. Your career is likely one accomplishment.

And you can prob. name many others.

It's really not that easy. Espically asking them out.

 

It's pretty stressful. And I tend to try and avoid most stressful situations since i'm easily stressed, and stress makes me feel horrible.

 

And i'm not big on cold approaches.

I'd rather atleast think that she might like me before I ask her out, but they never show interest in me.

 

 

I can't name a single accomplishment.

 

And my career? What career?

I work construction when the jobs are available.

Did you go to college?

If not, could you go to college and earn an associates degree (in a diff. field) like at a jr. college? Even night classes?

 

The reason I mention college, student loans are so easily available now and entering that world might help change things for you.

 

Also, you're likely to meet more women in a college setting, as many return to or go to college the first time in their late 20s and 30s.

 

I know some women facebook friends I went to HS with (they're 49 now) who are finishing college. I don't think they went to college after HS and may have dated the "bad guys" and raised children... if you know what I mean... So it's never too late to change your career.

 

***********

 

We will go over some of the other things you said about your dating experience and making "cold calls" later... Am at work now, Jonny.

 

25-26 was when I "woke up" and realized I couldn't just "expect" love to find me.

Had to do me some work. Didn't know it at the time, but going to grad school out of state to change my career and moving from the smaller city I lived in helped...

[jonny15]

I have never been to college. And I couldn't do that stuff anyways.

 

I'm not very good with school work type stuff.

 

I can't even do fractions much less all that stuff they make you do in college.

 

Heck, I was in resource classes in school. LOL

 

And, as you can see from how I type, i'm not very bright.

 

That stuff is not for me.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I have never been to college. And I couldn't do that stuff anyways.

 

I'm not very good with school work type stuff.

 

I can't even do fractions much less all that stuff they make you do in college.

 

Heck, I was in resource classes in school. LOL

 

And, as you can see from how I type, i'm not very bright.

 

That stuff is not for me.

I don't see anything wrong with what you wrote here , Jonny.

 

I write for a living, but I'm no grammar expert. And I certainly hated (and was scared of) math. (I still have to look-up online how to correctly figure percentage change, etc.).

I barely squeeked by on math (just passed, with Cs and Ds).

My strengths were in other areas.

 

One course in my field, people said, "Fla. Man, don't take that your last semester. If you fail, you can't make it up later...

I took it and got a B+ in it. Media Law. Was no big deal.

 

As you don't like math and science, do some looking into other careers that might interest you, ones that don't require extra degrees (Masters, Phd's) or a lot of math like hotel and restaurant management, education (teaching) or technical fields like the trades you could learn in a jr. college (masonry, electricity, AC repair, etc.).

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It isn't just about sex.

 

It's about people having experience in dating and everything that goes along with it.

 

And I have to admit that I generally don't act my age.

 

I still for the most part act the same way when it comes to my personality as I did when I was a teen.

 

 

 

It's nice that you accomplished alot.

 

I on the other hand have accomplished nothing.

 

Dating and relationships don't change a person's maturity level. Immature people remain that way even in relationships. Acting your age comes from a desire to present yourself as a mature person to the outside world and to yourself. It has nothing to do with dating and relationships. Perhaps the real issue is that you feel you have accomplished nothing in your life...maybe you should focus on accomplishing things...work, hobbies, travels etc..then you would feel happier within yourself and not see relationships as the be all and end all of existence.

[ClarenceRutherford]

As you don't like math and science, do some looking into other careers that might interest you, ones that don't require extra degrees (Masters, Phd's) or a lot of math like hotel and restaurant management, education (teaching) or technical fields like the trades you could learn in a jr. college (masonry, electricity, AC repair, etc.).

One of my wife's neices, she got into some trouble her Sr. year of HS and started rebelling.

Became pregnant. Then had other kids from diff. guys.

 

Something turned her around, however, and she went to the local community college and earned an associates degree in the medical field. She also has a fiance, who was homeschooled (he doesn't have kids himself).

 

In her mid-20s, she's doing well in her field and earning good money.

 

Don't know your likes or career interests, but thought I'd give you some ideas here.

 

So don't think it's ever too late to learn a new field or try to improve your career.

Doing that, you may meet a woman...

[jonny15]

Meh....most of my skills involve drywall taping. Electricity does involve math.

 

I guess I did ok with my electricity class, but that was probably because the teacher was horrible.

 

Trade stuff would be easier for me since the other stuff is simply to difficult for me to do.

 

The money would be scary tho.

 

I know people that are still paying off student loans 20 years later, and they didn't even finish college.

[jonny15]

Dating and relationships don't change a person's maturity level. Immature people remain that way even in relationships. Acting your age comes from a desire to present yourself as a mature person to the outside world and to yourself. It has nothing to do with dating and relationships. Perhaps the real issue is that you feel you have accomplished nothing in your life...maybe you should focus on accomplishing things...work, hobbies, travels etc..then you would feel happier within yourself and not see relationships as the be all and end all of existence.

 

I personally see getting a relashionship and actually having one that is sexual as quite the accomplishment.

 

And I guess i'm not a mature person, nor probably will I ever be then.

[jonny15]

One of my wife's neices, she got into some trouble her Sr. year of HS and started rebelling.

Became pregnant. Then had other kids from diff. guys.

 

Well...I never did any of that.

 

Theres never been a moment of rebellion on my part.

 

I wasn't even in a position to rebell as a teen anyways.

 

Heck, I never even spent a night at at another persons house like most did.

[ClarenceRutherford]

 

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

One of my wife's neices, she got into some trouble her Sr. year of HS and started rebelling.

Became pregnant. Then had other kids from diff. guys.

 

 

 

Well...I never did any of that.

 

Theres never been a moment of rebellion on my part.

I wasn't even in a position to rebell as a teen anyways.

 

Heck, I never even spent a night at at another persons house like most did.

Johnny,

Wasn't saying you did rebel and do all the things people do when under alcohol, etc.

Told that story to say it's never too late to change your career.

 

I know you're a virgin and unlucky at love, like I was in my 20s.

 

Like you, I didn't really rebel against my parents either, though I did tell my dad off once when I thought he was getting too negative and whiney.

 

I imagine you've never been drunk either. TBH, I have never gotten intoxicated (don't really want to, my wife has though), never got a taste for beer but like to drink wine.

Took a sip of a martini at a conference last week... It nearly knocked me out.... it was so strong!!

[jonny15]

I imagine you've never been drunk either. TBH, I have never gotten intoxicated (don't really want to, my wife has though), never got a taste for beer but like to drink wine.

Took a sip of a martini at a conference last week... It nearly knocked me out.... it was so strong!!

 

I've never been drunk in my life.

 

The taste of alcohol is horrible to me.

[ClarenceRutherford]

 

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

I imagine you've never been drunk either. TBH, I have never gotten intoxicated (don't really want to, my wife has though), never got a taste for beer but like to drink wine.

Took a sip of a martini at a conference last week... It nearly knocked me out.... it was so strong!!

 

I've never been drunk in my life.

 

The taste of alcohol is horrible to me.

Hey, we're both "virgins" on getting gassed !! "Except, I'm a 49 y.o. alcohol virgin !!

 

A good point about not drinking: another niece, who according to her facebook posts drinks a lot in college.... she told us recently that her shoulders were "getting heavier" or "fatter" bec. of beer. I'm not skinny but I'm not overweight either (could stand to lose a few pounds, though), so good I didn't let beer do things to my body!!!

 

On that martini, it was a conference trade show. They had blue martinis at one booth. Those looked nice and thought it might be tasty...

Just like that "hard cider" I once drank, not knowing it was alcholic (really thought it was apple cider I couldn't stand the strong taste... The hard cider knocked me out and had to go take a nap that day...

[jonny15]

Hey, we're both "virgins" on getting gassed !! "Except, I'm a 49 y.o. alcohol virgin !!

 

A good point about not drinking: another niece, who according to her facebook posts drinks a lot in college.... she told us recently that her shoulders were "getting heavier" or "fatter" bec. of beer. I'm not skinny but I'm not overweight either (could stand to lose a few pounds, though), so good I didn't let beer do things to my body!!!

 

If I did like drinking, i'd probably be really huge.

 

I'm fat enough as it is, so I could only imagine what I would look like with all that in my system.

 

On that martini, it was a conference trade show. They had blue martinis at one booth. Those looked nice and thought it might be tasty...

Just like that "hard cider" I once drank, not knowing it was alcholic (really thought it was apple cider I couldn't stand the strong taste... The hard cider knocked me out and had to go take a nap that day...

 

I guess you learned. LOL

 

I once had a virgin dakeri. Or however it's spelled.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

On that martini, it was a conference trade show. They had blue martinis at one booth. Those looked nice and thought it might be tasty...

Just like that "hard cider" I once drank, not knowing it was alcholic (really thought it was apple cider I couldn't stand the strong taste... The hard cider knocked me out and had to go take a nap that day...

I guess you learned. LOL

I once had a virgin dakeri. Or however it's spelled.

Was that any good?

 

I do drink margaritas on occaision, when I'm at a Mexican restaurant.

Like strawbery, mango maragaritas.

 

There's also sangaria, which I've had at restaurants with a group after church. That's tasty.

 

I can handle that kind alcohol, but as I said, I've never been drunk, nor wish to be.

 

Back to the topic, I could end my "inebriation" virginity pretty quickly by going to a store and....

But guy/gals in their late 20s and 30s, their circumstance is much more difficult, finding the right partner, and wanting to do it for the right reasons, STDs, pregnancy, not wanting to be viewed as "easy," (for the gals) etc.

[ClarenceRutherford]

What i'm getting from this is that you should be in love before you have sex?

Yes. It's usually much better. And I am speaking from experience. Have had casual (2X in my late 20s) and then at 30, I ML with my future wife.

Even if she broke our engagment off, I still would remember my time with her and how special it was, the connection we felt between us. It was even better when we got married bec. you know you're committed to each other.

 

Of course, not everyone is in love when they have sex, but having feelings for the other definitely makes a more grand experience. === Rather than meeting someone in public and going back to their place to have sex... That seems too rushed...

 

In casual or "quickie" sex, you can't really say you love the other person if you don't really know them that well....

Who says I would ever fall in love?

That's up to you, Jonny.

Methinks you're lonely and really do want a relationship. Most people do want that connection.

Love is just some chemicals going crazy in your head.

Sex is a wonderful act you do. Not something you can't control.

You're right. You can control who you have sex with.

 

I think sex is more chemically-related than feelings of love. Yes, love can be mixed-up emotions, but long-term, love is based on friendship and care for the other person, not just wild feelings or hormones running wild. Sex may be more hormone-based, though I'm no scientist or sexologist.

And there are risks to everything.

There is a risk you could drive in your car today, and have an accident that puts you in a wheelchair. Is that gonna stop you from driving?

There are risks in falling in love. Everything could be going well, you two have set a date and announced your engagement. Then, out of the blue, she awakens one day and discovers she doesn't really love you. Leaving you crushed and devastated.

But I think the the reward is worth more than the risk.

 

Sure, a guy could have sex with anyone. Am just saying use some common sense here and try to do that when you truly have feelings for the other person.

You won't regret it.