Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

[MD Geist]

Superficial sounds like another term for power trip. Somehow I always interact with these girls when they come out of a relationship such a marriage or long term and they feel the need to prove themselves and what they can do to others.

 

I will remain skeptical when I meet women and interact with them no matter how nice they will be, Everytime I allow them to get close they hurt me. Some of them did it intentionally.

[sjjohnson89]

Superficial sounds like another term for power trip. Somehow I always interact with these girls when they come out of a relationship such a marriage or long term and they feel the need to prove themselves and what they can do to others.

 

I will remain skeptical when I meet women and interact with them no matter how nice they will be, Everytime I allow them to get close they hurt me. Some of them did it intentionally.

 

I understand this, i know how that feels. Letting someone get close to you to only hurt me later. I have no trust in people so i am always guarded around them. Someone truly has to earn my trust so to speak for me to even begin to open up. This is trouble within relationships, intimacy is hard to obtain with me because of this lack of trust. So, basically what im saying is i understand what you are saying. Just dont go judging all women, you havent met every women so you cant judge.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I have never been to college. And I couldn't do that stuff anyways.

 

I'm not very good with school work type stuff.

 

I can't even do fractions much less all that stuff they make you do in college.

 

Heck, I was in resource classes in school. LOL

 

And, as you can see from how I type, i'm not very bright.

 

That stuff is not for me.

You have talents and can likely do well in other fields.

 

Meant to bring this up earlier but forgot

On college and considering other careers, why not go to the local community college and ask to speak to a "guidance" counselor or someone in the college's "careeer resources" area?

 

Talk with one of the counselers there. She/he may ask about your current career, your skills, what you could see yourself doing, what you once thought you'd do for a living when in HS, etc.

 

Even if you only get to look through the books that show diff. career choices (aviation, hospitality management, sales, real estate, military, airline mechanics, HVAC repair, lawn maintenance, woodworking, electrical engineering, paramedic training, law enforcement, etc.), it would be worth your effort and give you an idea of things you could take courses in (or receive specific training for) and find a better career.

 

 

 

Know myself of several careers that pay big money but require surprisingly little coursework, like becoming a chef or working in food science, etc.

 

Know of an industry-sponsored institution that trains people to be managers in bakery science, for example. After the 6-week course (if I recall correctly), graduates get job offers for very high-paying jobs, like in the $45k range.

Then there are the culinary schools for chefs. Maybe they have scholarships.

(I can PM you the name of the bakery science outfit)

 

Am sure there are other institutions that offer traiining in other fields.

So check them out. You don't have to go to college and maybe could gain some training/ certification through some industry-sponsored courses.

[ClarenceRutherford]

If thats the case then what is? Keep in mind it's beyond the 200 I've mentioned it's practically all women I've come accross.

Geist,

You're keeping tabs on all the women you've approached -- the ones you've asked out and most said no?

 

Recently, in my mind I came up with a list of women I went out with in all kinds of dates-- not women I was in relationships with, but the number of women I actually went out on dates with.

 

30 or so from 16-30 before I met my wife. That "list" didn't include the women I asked out but they said no. These were 1 date - long term dates.

4 (including future wife) - long-term relationships that went over a month or so....

Am not gonna count the number of women who rejected my invitations.

4: the number of women ever had sex with 17-30....

 

Was shocked to see periods of my life where I lived in a strange town for a year or less (my career had me frequently moving), knew few people outside of work and hardly had any dates...

Yes, did ask 1-2 women out but you can guess the response.

What was wrong with me then?

 

 

Keeping lists of rejections like that won't help your confidence.

 

You need to think positive and remain optimistic that the next woman you're gonna ask out will say yes...

Truly, some will, Geist, and you'll get into that relationship you want.

[annie24]

Keeping lists of rejections like that won't help your confidence.

 

I agree totally.

 

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

link removed "

 

This is one of my favorite quotes ever!!

[ClarenceRutherford]

Jonny,

Realized I hadn't addressed these pts. you made.

 

 

Of course there are risks to everything.

 

But being in love with a girl, or having some feelings for her, that makes things soooooo much better.

 

One night at 25-26, had sex with a woman who lived in my apt. complex.

We never went on a "real" date-- another bad sign.

 

Vividly remember that evening (as I do with all my sexual experiences)... what I did, how her body responded, etc.

That was 1 of only 2 sexual encounters I had from 19-30 (had 3 in HS), so as a lonely guy, was sex- and relationship-starved.

Remember her telling me I "didn't need to wear a condom" and could do like her EX did, just "pull out" shortly before I came.....

Glad I used one as I usually didn't last that long... and likely wouldn't have pulled-out in time...

She didn't have children so I guess her withdrawl method worked for her, but would have hated to have been the exception.

She asked me to do oral before I climbed aboard....

Had never given a woman oral (nor ever heard of it, TBH), so at 25, learned some things about women and sex.Didn't know women could orgasm either.

See, Jonny, I was naive and a near-virgin as well..

 

She had some other issues which I won't go into detail here, like smoking weed (I never did that).

Immediately after releasing into her ... felt funny about her.

So great a guy I was, I got up immediately after completion and left.

Though she wanted me to call on her again, and wrote a tearful letter (in 1989) wondering why I wasn't interested anymore, I think her giving-in so soon turned me off toward her....

 

She might have been "the one" for me (at that time)..

Look how I ruined things...

She wanted to date me... yet I turned away from her....

 

I blame myself for ruining that relationship -- not her.

Ran into her a year later. She confided it was the sexiest night she ever had....

It was okay and I got some sexual satisfaction.

 

She confessed that having sex with me "wasn't such a great (moral) thing to do as a Christian woman...."

..........A Christian guy myself, I couldn't find a decent Christian woman if it killed me.

I didn't know she was a Christian !!!!

 

We hardly had time to get to know each other.

What a stupid thing to do... rush into having sex with someone you hardly know !!!

What a great thing to have on my conscious !!!! Taking advantage of a woman like that for my sexual lusts !!!! And a Christian woman !!!

I really changed in my late 20s and did some things I'm not proud of, not necessarily sexual things (like forgetting to show up for a 1-day moving job like I'd promised) and began fearing God had forgotten about me.

What good me being a gentleman to women did... Thinking of their needs first, not pressing for sex, etc....

They hardly noticed I was alive.

Started doing things FOR ME and MY BENEFIT... AND PLEASURE like that night with her...

 

Can't tell you how much I've tried to find her name online and contact her and apologize for being so blind and how rude I was to her...

But her name is similar to a celebrity ( ala Julie Roberts vs. Julia Roberts) and unless I want to search through 1,0000s of pages of results.... Plus she may have married... I don't live in the same state now...

 

FWIW, I never did the casual sex again...... and declined some offers some women made for me to come to their hotel room at night....

 

So I hope I've "made up" for a couple of mistakes in the sexual arena....

[jonny15]

That's nice and all, but I don't need love nor some religious validation to have sex.

 

Sex with someone who I like that is attracted to me is enough.

 

Knowing there is a woman who is attracted to me would be quite a confidence boost.

[ClarenceRutherford]

That's nice and all, but I don't need love nor some religious validation to have sex.

Jonny,

Only posted my experience to show you what can happen if you get too sexual too soon with someone you hardly know.

 

As most people in this country identify themselves as being of some faith, the religious element I included in the story shouldn't be odd. Wasn't saying you needed to think of religion or your own beliefs in sexual relationships. That's up to you.

 

Being virgin may not feel so cool, but there are worse things, like not knowing the woman you're with that night has a child (or wants one

 

Try to get into a relationship where you can find the love you so need AND get the LM....

 

Being in love with someone or having feelings for her makes it sooooo much better.

Trust me: it's like no other experience being able to tell the one you're having sex with how you love her during the act...

You'll especially enjoy the look of contentment in her eyes while you tell her your feelings during the foreplay and caressing --- especially at that critical moment where you take your relationship to places it's never gone.....

 

Sex with someone who I like that is attracted to me is enough.

 

Knowing there is a woman who is attracted to me would be quite a confidence boost.

Me too. Most guys would feel flattered.

No argument there, jonny.

[jonny15]

I'm sure being in love makes it better, but it's not needed for sex, or losing ones virginity.

 

I'd also use a condom no matter what.

 

No way could I go unprotected.

 

I'd rather have sex with someone I don't know that makes me feel special than to not have it at all.

[sunnyduffy]

Was a virgin until age of 30, 2 blissful years ago I had a medical condition which stopped me from having sex and finally got over that when i met who i thought was the love of my life but turned out to be a bit of an ass. Ive had a few one night stands, been in a few relationships since then and im lovin it. Cant believe i wasted my 20's not having sex. Those of you who say your not missing much ..... YOUR NOT DOING IT RIGHT just kiddin, it is better with someone you know and love, im with my current bf for 11 months now and the sex is wonderful. But life is for living, we arent all going to meet our soulmates and do you really wnat to die a virgin??

[sjjohnson89]

Was a virgin until age of 30, 2 blissful years ago I had a medical condition which stopped me from having sex and finally got over that when i met who i thought was the love of my life but turned out to be a bit of an ass. Ive had a few one night stands, been in a few relationships since then and im lovin it. Cant believe i wasted my 20's not having sex. Those of you who say your not missing much ..... YOUR NOT DOING IT RIGHT just kiddin, it is better with someone you know and love, im with my current bf for 11 months now and the sex is wonderful. But life is for living, we arent all going to meet our soulmates and do you really wnat to die a virgin??

 

I dont think anyone wants to die a virgin, that said, some people see and value sex differently. Some people hold out for religious reasons, some people hold out because they want their first time to be with someone special to them.....etc. There are lots of reasons why someone wouldnt just go out and have sex, some through choice, some not. Personally, im still a virgin and im glad, as im currently in a LD relationship with someone who is special to me and i believe my virginity will be lost to her. But, if it werent for an accumulation of issues/shyness and ok, some values, i would have had sex by now. But, its always been in my head that ive wanted to wait until i meet a woman special to me, im not 'usual' so finding a connection with somebody has always been rare for me, connection is in fact a BIG deal with me and forming friendships/relationships without it has become increasingly hard as ive gotten older. My point though is everyone is different, we each have a different path to walk and too many people get bogged down and sucked into social expectations. For some people, sex is just an act therefore there is no reason to wait for that someone special to have sex, they may as well just enjoy it lol. For some others is about values and religion, therefore it is very important to them to build from other areas of a relationship and leave sex to last. Others sex is a symbol of expression, an expression of intimacy, love and caring and therefore has high emotional value to them, blowing it away on just anybody will feel cheap and likely a person like this will remember this always with regret. There is no ONE way, everything is relative to the individual.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I'm sure being in love makes it better, but it's not needed for sex, or losing ones virginity.

 

I'd also use a condom no matter what.

 

No way could I go unprotected.

Good. That's smart.

Remember that woman in that ONS wanting me to just "pull out?"

I was naive, had hardly heard of OS, yet even then I knew having unprotected sex wouldn't be great.

Esp. as young men at that age usually can't last that long, so you really need protection for other reasons as well.

I'd rather have sex with someone I don't know that makes me feel special than to not have it at all.

Many can have sex without feelings.

I had casual sex 2X... oddly, within a month or two of each other @25, but those two times were all it took to realize casual sex or sex with someone you don't have feelings for leave you empty and feeling worse than before.

Wasn't a virgin (had sex 3X in HS) but lived like one, so it's not the physical act that's going to "make you" feel better.

It's the relationship.

 

You can do what you want, Jonny, but realize you're not going to be able to tell a casual sex partner you love her and it won't feel special, particularly if the woman has had a lot of guys and you're just one of a long list....

[Voguester]

I actually think being a virgin is hyped up and overrated. Have sex, don't have sex...what does it matter? It doesn't make someone more pure or more holy because they are a virgin. It's like withholding chocolate, it's nice so why wouldn't you wanna have it sometimes?

 

I DO however think it's better to do it with someone you love and who loves you back, that makes it special and worth it.

[annie24]

or people who have anal sex to maintain their 'virginity.' ok - if you've taken it up the butt, i'm sorry, you can't call yourself a virgin anymore.

[Voguester]

It's kind of funny how the word 'virgin' is so hard to define to a lot of people. Having or receiving oral sex for the first time, is that considered losing it? lol I must admit, this even puzzles me a bit.

 

So what is the clearest way to define it?

[jaysmaury]

That's nice and all, but I don't need love nor some religious validation to have sex.

 

Sex with someone who I like that is attracted to me is enough.

 

Knowing there is a woman who is attracted to me would be quite a confidence boost.

 

Well said.

 

Sex is natural, people! So many people put so much stock in the minor DETAILS of religion and lose sight of the larger picture. For me, my religion tells me to do good; find humility; help the weak; love my enemies. My religion doesn't tell me anything about having casual sex. Waiting until marriage is part of TRADITION - not religion.

[jonny15]

Many can have sex without feelings.

I had casual sex 2X... oddly, within a month or two of each other @25, but those two times were all it took to realize casual sex or sex with someone you don't have feelings for leave you empty and feeling worse than before.

 

That is how you feel.

 

It is subjective, because not everyone is gonna feel empty about it.

 

 

Wasn't a virgin (had sex 3X in HS) but lived like one, so it's not the physical act that's going to "make you" feel better.

It's the relationship.

 

If you were a virgin who's never had a female show an ounce of affection towards you, you might feel different about that.

 

particularly if the woman has had a lot of guys and you're just one of a long list....

 

Truth is, at my age, most women are gonna have a few guys under their belt, so there isn't much I can do about that.

[indigoblue]

I'm 21 and still a virgin. I thought I would lose it to my ex... but we didn't last and I didn't want to lose my virginity yet.

[Miss Kitty]

I'm not a virgin and I don't really think it's hyped up at all, but I do agree that you have to be ready. Sex can be fantastic, but if you're not ready for the consequences, the joy can be short lived.

 

At 33 though, I really think it's time you had some sex dude! Let yourself live a little. Enjoy.

 

PS: If your nervous, check on here, there are some great posts on sex that can give you great ideas for how to make that first time really special.

[Miss Kitty]

I heard in class that 90% of people over the age of 22 have had intercourse.

 

I guess that would put me in the minority then. I am in no rush to lose it, because I actually value my chastity. Meaningless sex is just that - meaningless. I would rather die a lonely, sexless old geezer than as Wilt Chamberland. Sadly, I don't believe there is any middle ground for me. But that's okay.

 

Sex is something I'm losing interest in more and more all the time.

 

O.o Really??? I cannot relate to that feeling at all. Without sex, I'm cranky as hell! I can't imagine ever losing interest in sex.

[jonny15]

I really think people who lose interest in sex that haven't even had it are either asexual, or having some horomone problems. Cause sex is something your body is made to do.

[jaysmaury]

I really think people who lose interest in sex that haven't even had it are either asexual, or having some horomone problems. Cause sex is something your body is made to do.

 

Yes - definitely. Who is not hardwired to crave sex?? That blows my mind.

[sjjohnson89]

We are all 'hardwired' to have sex, to feel the need for it yes. But, like most things in life, a lot of people dont take into account that everyone is different and sees things differently, values different things. Sex is just an act for some, for others its a symbol of something deeper and more meaningful (being in love) and so on. There is nothing wrong with being highly sexually active with little commitment, there is nothing wrong with waiting to lose your virginity with someone special to you, as i said a couple of pages ago, there is no ONE way to live. On a side note, if someone is losing interest in sex, well, thats not good. That means something chemically is going out of balance in your body, im a virgin at 22, im glad this is so as for me, sex is a symbol, sex on its own would be cheap for me. But, dont get me wrong, i feel the need for sex everyday, im actually a highly sexed person and it does get really frustrating, REALLY frustrating. I haven't gone out and had sex a million times before because i dont have a sex drive, i sure do lol, i haven't had sex yet by choice, because, of what i value.

[ClarenceRutherford]

If you were a virgin who's never had a female show an ounce of affection towards you, you might feel different about that.

Am not unsympathetic, Jonny.

I didn't get a lot of female attention either, as I've posted.

 

Recently counted the number of women I went out with 17-30...

Came to about 20. Or less.

Not GFs and not sexual experiences (which were VERY limited), but women I went out with at least one date.

 

Only had LTRs with 3 women before I met the one I married.

Many women, I couldn't get a second or third date with. Or they quickly lost interest, especially in college.

Now 20 women single-dates may seem like a lot, but in counting realized there were times in my life where I didn't even get ONE date or dated very little. Was shy like you, Geist and many others.

 

There are many guys like us, and some of us marry the first good one that comes along.

 

Truth is, at my age, most women are gonna have a few guys under their belt, so there isn't much I can do about that.

That could be true as well but there are older virgin women. Just read some of the posts here.

 

You will have regrets. That's the reason I posted my experience. Your mileage may vary.

 

My postings, BTW, aren't always directed at you, but are also written for others in similar situations reading these threads.

[jonny15]

Most older virgin women are doing it for religious reason, and if they came accross another virgin, they would most likely expect it to be someone who was waiting, not a desperate dork who doesn't know what to do with women.

 

And you still did get experience and some sex. I haven't gottin any attention at all, and it just plain makes me feel like crap.