Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

[happy_snapper]

I'm a virgin and I don't care who I tell!

 

...so long as they have no idea who I am and I have no chance of ever meeting them in real life. So yeah, this forum is the only place I've ever admitted it.

[iwishiknew]

How old are you?

[happy_snapper]

The 86 in my username is a clue

[ExcitedtoSleep]

The 86 in my username is a clue

 

Wow! You are 86 years old?!

 

 

Nah. I am guessing you have to do some subtraction.

[iwishiknew]

68 yrs old?

[Capricorn3]

68 yrs old?

I doubt it. I'm guessing he means he was born in 1986, which would then make him about 26/27 years old.

[happy_snapper]

There's no getting anything past you Capricorn. I shall need to be more cryptic next time.

Yes I'm 26, rapidly approaching 27.

 

The way our society looks at virginity is a bit weird isn't it.

For me it's just another item on a long list of things for my social anxiety to focus on. Anxiety makes it impossible to get close to women, without being able to get close to women I'll remain a virgin, being a virgin causes me anxiety, repeat until death.

[junebug123]

Anxiety makes it impossible

 

Recently i had a major break through with my anxiety towards programming. I think what happened was that i got sick and tired of doing the same things over and over and eventually i gave in to my curiosity. I think that's how it is for most people, its just some people never get "sick and tired" of being a virgin so they never make the necessary effort to lose their virginity.

 

Fyi, when i say sick and tired i don't mean just being frustrated with being a virgin, i mean literally SICK, and literally TIRED of living an existence void of sex.

 

What can some virgins do to lose it?

 

BE aggressive, constantly approach attractive people and exchange information until you meet one who is willing to engage in coitus. Can't be that hard, can it?

[annie24]

It just seems to me to be too much of an emphasis on "losing the virginity" - too much so. It's like, "oh, i've never been to italy, there must be something wrong with me. everyone else i know has been to italy..." it's ok if you get to Italy later! you don't have to go there on your high school senior trip! too much hype. just relax and meet someone you can connect with.

[LonelyMoondancer]

I'm 23 and my boyfriend's 27. We'll both be each other's firsts, and we're in no rush.

[MD Geist]

I'm very ashamed to be a virgin at 26. I'm looking to lose it very soon to a pro.

[happy_snapper]

Recently i had a major break through with my anxiety towards programming. I think what happened was that i got sick and tired of doing the same things over and over and eventually i gave in to my curiosity. I think that's how it is for most people, its just some people never get "sick and tired" of being a virgin so they never make the necessary effort to lose their virginity.

 

Fyi, when i say sick and tired i don't mean just being frustrated with being a virgin, i mean literally SICK, and literally TIRED of living an existence void of sex.

 

What can some virgins do to lose it?

 

BE aggressive, constantly approach attractive people and exchange information until you meet one who is willing to engage in coitus. Can't be that hard, can it?

 

I wish it was that easy. I'll just give you a quick example of what I mean:

On Tuesday I was at the gym. I wanted to use one of the small barbells and I noticed that there was one with the weight that I wanted, on the floor next to a pretty damn attractive woman. In my head I decided that I should go and ask if she was using it and maybe try to start a conversation.

So if she isn't using it, what do I say? um.. Well what if she is? It doesn't matter. How do I change the subject and talk to her? What do I talk about. Wait, what if she thinks the weights are just an excuse to approach her? Are they? Well no, I do want to use them. Anyway, what if she doesn't want a weird sweaty bloke to start chatting her up? She's here to exercise, she probably wants to be left alone. Wait, wasn't she talking to that guy earlier? What if he's her boyfriend? Those two girls are standing quite close to her, what might they do when they hear my stuttering attempts at starting a conversation? Wait, why are you even thinking of talking to her? You haven't got the slightest chance of her finding you interesting... What if... Wait! wasn't she on the rowing machine earlier? She's going to think I'm following her around. Yay! I'm a stalker now....

 

After about 2 minutes of this I managed to walk over and ask "Are you using that?", she said "No", so I said "Perfect" and grabbed it. I then asked asked "Were you going to use it later?", she said "no, it was just there.." and so I walked away triumphant with my prize.

This snappy repartee is significant because, aside from my personal trainer (who I have a reason to talk to), that's the longest interaction I've had with another gym member since I joined 14 moths ago.

It took me 2 whole minutes (well, technically it's more like 14 months) of frantic preparation to be able to walk up to somebody and ask if they were using a piece of gym equipment. Even though I managed 2 whole questions and an exclamation, I think there may be a few steps between this and asking somebody if I could insert my genitals into them.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

What is shameful about being a virgin? Relationships are about people and personalities, not sex. So why is sex the primary issue for so many virgins?

[happy_snapper]

What is shameful about being a virgin? Relationships are about people and personalities, not sex. So why is sex the primary issue for so many virgins?

 

Because society (well, mainly the media) constantly tells you that it's an incredibly big deal. "Virgin" is used as a term of ridicule.

When the entire world seems to be constantly telling you that you should have had sex at least once by now, you start to feel like there's something wrong with you.

 

Let TvTropes explain: link removed

[jonny15]

What is shameful about being a virgin? Relationships are about people and personalities, not sex. So why is sex the primary issue for so many virgins?

 

Because I myself want it, because my horomones are still at a decent level, and they say they want sex.

 

I also want that physical closeness people have when they have sex.

 

Also, the feeling of being wanted is something I desire.

[junebug123]

that's the longest interaction I've had with another gym member since I joined 14 moths ago.

 

Seems to me like you are a thinker not a doer. First rule stop thinking and start doing. You could have just walked up to her and said , hello. wait for response. My name is *blah, blah* i was just wondering if you were going to use that weight? No, okay, well thanks. Sorry i didn't catch your name . Okay and you can leave it there.

 

This is harder then it seems without being creepy. The trick is to be genuine and be interested in simply introducing yourself and establishing a rapport with the lady in interest. Now, that you have introduced yourself the next steps would be just being friendly and saying hi and gauging yourself. Eventually if you do this with enough women, there will be one of those women who will want to engage in coitus.

 

The problem, is not saying anything or just not introducing yourself. I think, you are right, it is harder then it seems but by 26 you should have some sort of conversational, social skills in order to deal with other people appropriately, and if you don't have those skills you should be practicing them.

[junebug123]

What is shameful about being a virgin? Relationships are about people and personalities, not sex. So why is sex the primary issue for so many virgins?

 

You don't need to be in a relationship to have sex. That's first. Second, you don't need a personality either. Those two things just make accomplishing the task easier. No one said being a virgin is shameful but not fulfilling your life's ambitions or desires can be a nightmare. Everyone should be able do three things in their lifetime: establish a relationship, have sex, make a baby (hopefully).

 

For those who cannot do even the first thing, well: life can be very lonely. I am talking from personal experience and those are alone by nature want to establish meaning social connections with others. That's why being a virgin isn't necessary shameful, but i think that by 30, it isn't necessary healthy either (in terms of the social paradigm).

[AMWHOIAM]

Because society (well, mainly the media) constantly tells you that it's an incredibly big deal. "Virgin" is used as a term of ridicule.

When the entire world seems to be constantly telling you that you should have had sex at least once by now, you start to feel like there's something wrong with you.

 

Let TvTropes explain: link removed

 

Peter, you hit the nail on the head my friend. This IS why so many of us feel so bad about the way we are. Our respective societies and the news media CONSTANTLY bombard us with the idea which states that "if you're not having sex, then something's wrong with you." Sadly, alot of Americans (and I'm sure alot of Britons accross the pond are the same way) buy into this stupid line of BS which makes guys like us feel really bad about ourselves. And yes, just an FYI, some cities and towns really do make it alot harder to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Demographics and a city's local culture play a tremendous role with respect to being able to find somebody.

[823freckles]

I "lost" my virginity at 24. I was waiting until I was in a relationship, trusted the other person, and felt loving and loved. We both got tested for all STDs first as well. I wish the relationship had gone better, but I can't say I regretted waiting.

[tiredofvampires]

Sadly, alot of Americans (and I'm sure alot of Britons accross the pond are the same way) buy into this stupid line of BS which makes guys like us feel really bad about ourselves.

 

Since you realize it's stupid BS, why not reject it? Easier said then done, but if you mentally denounce it every time the same negative self-talk starts, you will be ending your subscription to BS. And wouldn't that be a good subscription to end? Seems you already know that you have bought into something you need to stop buying into.

 

By the way, I don't agree with the article linked by peter. I don't see any sympathetic protagonists in either movies or books who are bullying, sexually seductive Casanovas or Femme Fatales. As a matter of fact, these are often the villains, while the shy, awkward girl or the "nerd" is the sympathetic protagonist. I can think of any number of movies where the rich, handsome a-hole gets his in the end, and the geeky, sweet, good-hearted protagonist wins in the end. The beautiful, sexually-provocative, and sauve people are not treated kindly in literature, either, UNLESS they have some deep fault that causes them to suffer in their exploits.

 

No one wants to read about or cares about a hero who has it all, and such characters do not make heros. And sexually-conquering male or female characters who are emotionally devoid tend to be anti-heros.

 

So these archetypes are reflections of our deep collective psyches.

[annie24]

And yes, just an FYI, some cities and towns really do make it alot harder to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Demographics and a city's local culture play a tremendous role with respect to being able to find somebody.

 

I know a man who met his wife while they were working in Antarctica. Do you know how many people live in Antarctica over the winter? Do you know how many women there are there?? Talk about bad demographics to meet a woman, but they met. You can blame your city/surroundings for only so long, when it comes down to it you are the common denominator.

[tiredofvampires]

No one wants to read about or cares about a hero who has it all, and such characters do not make heros. And sexually-conquering male or female characters who are emotionally devoid tend to be anti-heros.

 

Um, I mean, "heroes." Hellloooo, internal spell-checker, lol!

 

Well, I do agree that demographics have a lot to do with ease with which you can meet people that could be likely candidates. Some places DO make it much, much harder, if the geographic area predominates with a particular culture that doesn't match you well. Such is the case for me. And I'm sure that it would be even worse if I lived in some tiny backwater town in the south or midwest. You are not guaranteed meeting someone right for you in the best of places (and that might be due to luck, or internal issues you haven't sorted out, or both), but that doesn't mean being in the worst of places won't seriously hurt your chances.

 

In the case of Antarctica, the couple was already working together. So that's a bit different. It's not like they just bumped into one another randomly in a social setting and hit it off, or were working miles apart and met through professional networking. That would be impossible in Antarctica. But getting to know and fall in love with a colleague there (especially when one thing you share is being so isolated)? Not surprising at all.

[annie24]

In the case of Antarctica, the couple was already working together. So that's a bit different. It's not like they just bumped into one another randomly in a social setting and hit it off, or were working miles apart and met through professional networking. That would be impossible in Antarctica. But getting to know and fall in love with a colleague there (especially when one thing you share is being so isolated)? Not surprising at all.

 

Sure, right place, right time. It was good luck. Is it surprising when 2 coworkers fall in love when they are in close quarters? No, not really. Are the odds stacked against you meeting and wooing one of the only single women on an icy continent during a 6 month winter? yes! I'm just pointing out that you can only blame the city where you live for your dating woes so much.

[Capricorn3]

It just seems to me to be too much of an emphasis on "losing the virginity" - too much so. It's like, "oh, i've never been to italy, there must be something wrong with me. everyone else i know has been to italy..." it's ok if you get to Italy later! you don't have to go there on your high school senior trip! too much hype. just relax and meet someone you can connect with.

*high 5 annie* - awesome comparison, lol. I second this. I don't get what the big deal is as I don't think anyone really cares. It's not like people have a stamp on their forehead advertising who is/is not a virgin. Who really gives a hoot? So much hype over nothing, imo. Those who make a big deal out of it, it will become a big deal (as is shown in this thread).

[Pisces in Love]

I'm a virgin and yet i see that it's very hyped up. I do not want to lose my virginity until my true love comes. Although, that true love is my boyfriend and he is NOT a virgin which pisses me off so much