do guys like to be approached first?

[bvnstar05]

hey guys (and girls), it would be awesome if i could get some advice. i'm a college student and ride the bus from a parking lot to campus. there is this guy that i keep seeing on the bus b/c we have the same schedule and we get off at the same stops. i think he's very attractive and i know this may sound lame, but we have the same cell phone, which i find ironic b/c i've never seen anyone with my phone before (it's kind of rare, not like a razor or anything common). but anyways, i find this guy really attractive and he totally seems like my type. my roommate keeps telling me that i should just casually sit by him and start up a conversation but i'm sorta old fashioned and would much prefer if guys approached me first. my question is...do guys like being approached first by girls (casually, not like a pick up line) or do they think it's a desperate attempt? i just wanna get to know him, so i don't have any intentions per say. please help me out with what i should do! thank you!!!!

[NKP]

I agree with your friend just sit next to him and just talk about anything and take it from there

[SquareWheel]

Speaking only for myself, I'd love it. Nothing could be more flattering than to have a woman show interest in me. Don't know how typical I am, and of course there's no predicting how he'll feel, but I would think he'd like it.

 

Heck, in these more open and liberated times, I'm very surprised that women don't do a lot more such approaching than they do.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

If the guy is like me, then the only way to get to know him is going to be to be the first one to do the talking. There are basically 2 kinds of people, bold and shy. Whether its a guy or a girl. "old fashioned" women are just to imbarised to make the first move.

 

To get back to the question... be brave and talk to the guy. Whats it going to hurt.

[Daddy Bear]

I'd just as soon see the girl make the first move. That way, I never get accused of harassment. Maybe this guy is that same way. What do you have to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[musicguy]

Id rather have the girl make the move first so that I know she's interested in me.

[Leonhart]

I'd say go for it. You have nothing to lose.

[J6hn]

Agreeing with everyone else here.

Go for it. The worst that could happen is a conversation leads nowhere and you sit in silence until you get there, which may be what you do anyway.

Besides, you seem to have at least a little in common, you can easily discuss the campus, your schedual, that kinda stuff, simularities and opinions. Just talk to him already!

[bvnstar05]

i suppose i don't have anything to lose. my only other concern is the always the popular "i'm sorry, but i have a g/f" comment which i sometimes get from guys when i talk to them, even though i have no interest in dating them. what do you do when someone tells you they're already taken, or what if i think the guy may be into me, only later to find out that he has a g/f?

[onlineguy]

The Answer is YES. Guys do like a woman to aproach them first.

 

It is flattering to a girl to be asked out and the same holds true for a guy. But when you do this you face the same possibility of rejection that a guy faces, so just talk to him and let him know you like him. He will give you indications that he does or does not like you.

[cpc28655]

The Answer is YES. Guys do like a woman to aproach them first.

 

It is flattering to a girl to be asked out and the same holds true for a guy. But when you do this you face the same possibility of rejection that a guy faces, so just talk to him and let him know you like him. He will give you indications that he does or does not like you.

 

Not all guys. Personally, I do NOT care much for it. There is NOTHING wrong with it, its just a personal preference. just like preferring coke over pepsi. Don't ask me why, I don't know. For some reason it just makes me very uncomfortable.

 

That being said, I agree with the others on this. Ask him. Even given my feelings on this matter, I would not let it get in the way of getting to know a nice lady.

[kevind345]

I see a lot of yeses and i have to throw my opinion in also.......it is GREAT when a girl comes to me and shows interest, and if your confident and know your attractive, I highly doubt he would be rude or not interested. I prefer a girl to approach me much more actually ...because it always the traditional girls are hanging around with there friends just standing there looking good and we have to approach....

[bvnstar05]

alright then, i suppose you all have convinced me...if i get on the bus on monday when he's already there, i will just have to push all inhibitions aside and just talk to the guy. the worst thing would be to do nothing at all, right?

[bvnstar05]

so i sat one seat over from him and could not manage to work up the courage and just talk to the guy!!!!! what's the deal?? should i just make my presense known first or what? i'm so lost!

[Altruist]

Try talking about your similar cellphones

[chad91]

bvnstar05...

 

i have been reading this topic... and you sound so just like me and many other people i know.... excpet the fact that i am a guy ;(

 

in my case, I always set my mind that i am gonna talk to her but when I just see her, the thought keep going through my mind..... what happenes if she feels bad? or what if others make fun of me and especially her? etc

 

i would just like to tell you, be nice, be bold, i think a guy really likes a girl to approach him, and like its been said before

 

you have nothing to loose, but everything to win ....

 

good luck

[pacman]

if hes a shy guy, he will especially appreciate it if you initiate. Dont worry, you need not put your self out there too much, just starting up a conversation is enough. Simple small talk will work wonders. Having a conversation and making eye contact during that conversation, you should have enough of a feel to gage if he has any interest or not in you.

[Salucious]

I, like most guys I would imagine, find it flattering for girls to approach us. It shows guts and interest since it isn't common and there's pressure for girls to sit and wait for the guys. Trust us, he will be flattered. Maybe a little flustered at first, but I'd bet he would be bragging to his friends later that girls come up to HIM. (I would)

[Karhu]

Go for it!

 

my only other concern is the always the popular "i'm sorry, but i have a g/f"

 

Just be a friendly outgoing person that talks to anyone, male/female, old/young etc. you’re out in the world making friends, and who knows, with meeting so many people, maybe you’ll click with this guy, or another. If you seem relaxed then nobody can call your game that you are asking him out, so you won’t get any GF/BF comment. Working with body language you can build connection, reciprocate their body language, and you’ll most often know if they are interested in you. If they are in love with their BF/GF then they’ll probably not give the body language signals to come onto them more then just being friends, and then you know you don’t need to go there.

 

But when you do this you face the same possibility of rejection that a guy faces, so just talk to him and let him know you like him. He will give you indications that he does or does not like you.

 

Why are people so scared of possibilities of rejection? That’ll only ever happen if you don’t pay attention to body language.

It’s not like you walk up to a stranger out of the blue and say “do you want to go on a date?” “can I kiss you” etc. if you read the body language well then you can normally be 90% sure before you make any action.

 

Girls normally do make the first approach, with their eyes. Guys will sometimes not even notice a girl, until she gives the strong eye signal a couple of times. And then they’ll be thinking about that eye signal, and you’re already in their head, and with some guys that is enough to get them to do all the work. Sometimes they don’t even realize it that it was the girl that initiated everything, and they just follow blindly.

[bvnstar05]

thanks for all the awesome advice, everyone! it's so helpful! unfortunately, i haven't seen the guy on the bus for a few days...prob just getting there at different times. however, the day i did see him this week, i got off the bus i could feel him looking at me, but for some reason i couldn't force my eyes to look at him...even though i wanted to so bad!!! i felt like i failed myself after that day, and i knew that if i had just looked at him and given him a little smile, that would have been a big help. but i didn't, i was too nervous/scared. so now i feel like i missed one hell of an opportunity, and i only hope that i will get another very soon...

[VirginGirl85]

Well I consider myself pretty shy but others say I am out going I just call it being nice to people when I say Hi! Anyways I approached my current boyfriend first. I gave him my number, I asked him out, and I initalized our first kiss. The way I see it if you want something bad enough you should try for it. You might fail but its been then wondering what if your whole life.

[spirits]

Reminds me of this girl who talked to me on the bus and asked me some questions about the campus' direction. Then we chatted a little about which faculty we're in. I thought that was a good experience. She looked a bit disappointed when we depart our own ways. To be honest, i was even more devastated.

 

If the talk-to-him chance is available, i suggest you don't strike up the conversation in the crowd where people can eavesdrop into you guy's conversation. It makes the guy very uncomfortable in the situation.

 

I've also strike a conversation up with a girl on the bus before. Try not to focus on making him your boyfriend, otherwise you'll create this big event out of a simple conversation.

 

Just go up to him, get your cellphone out, and show it to him and say "i got the same cellphone as you", then follow up from there.

[WrongTurn435]

Do you get nervous at the thought of anything occurring? If so, why? More specifically, in what other circumstances do you experience a similar level of anxiety?

 

To get to the point, would you agree that if you were to embrace that experience, you'd be significantly better off? What would it take to get you to jump out of the plane? Or how about jump from the bridge and hang from the bungee cord?

 

The point is that once you take the dive, you'll be so exhilirated and happy that you'll want to do it again and again and again!

[bvnstar05]

see that's another thing i'm worried about. he does seem like the shy type, and there are always people on the bus, and no one really talks to each other so it's pretty quite. if i strike up a converstation, then everyone will be able to hear and he may feel a little uncomfortable, which may come off as cold. i don't want to embarrass him in front of everyone, but there really is no other way than the bus, so i guess i just risk it

[DanNy1607307547]

Dunno about you, but I love to be approached first.

Although I'll make the first move if I have to, I did on my last relationship.