do guys like to be approached first?

[spirits]

see that's another thing i'm worried about. he does seem like the shy type, and there are always people on the bus, and no one really talks to each other so it's pretty quite. if i strike up a converstation, then everyone will be able to hear and he may feel a little uncomfortable, which may come off as cold. i don't want to embarrass him in front of everyone, but there really is no other way than the bus, so i guess i just risk it

 

That's the ONLY thing for me if i were in your shoe. I'm sure the bus have some areas where only 1 or 2 people can eavesdrop on your conversation. When he's sitting at those spots, go up to him and talk. Try not to make the first few sentence sound as if you JUST KNOW HIM. Talk as if you already know him so you won't feel as though other people are listening intently to this amazing scenery of a girl approaching a guy.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

just put everything - all thoughts of his reactions - aside...

sont think about him being mean or others hearing..

seriously thats the best and easiest way to do it...

 

though if its a local bus (ie. sum days there are more and sum days less people on it), than try to do it when they're not that many.. it'll just help ur nerves..

 

i was in that situation for about 6 months until last month, i just told myself theres nothing to lose and when she was sitting alone (there were some ppl at the back of the room but she wasnt wuith any1), i just went up to her and had a chat..

 

turns out she already has a boyfriend so i'm trying to be friends with her now..

 

trust me, its not common for a guy to be approached so if u do it, i am sure u wont be disappointed (unless he's not interested)..

[scotty77]

I think approaching him in the way you intend to [on the bus ] is totally cool.Unless he is completely brain dead he will immediately[or should ] think that you might be interested in him[why else would you initiate a conversation??].Think of things that you might be able to converse with him about[prepare ahead of time]I wouldn't worry too much about him mentioning that he has a girlfriend ,obviously if he does he likely isn't interested[at the moment!!].If he is shy it might take a few attempts at conversing with him[the next day or a few days later].If he is polite,seems friendly ,hasn't mentioned a girlfriend after conversing a few times but still won't ask you out ,he is likely shy and you might have to do it.Good luck.

[Arro]

I feel like we're bombarding you with advice, but I think you should go for it. It's probably your spring break week anyway so you probably haven't seen him in a while. (It's spring break for my college anyway)

[Clanger]

DO IT!

 

This may be a silly suggestion... but if you have an unusual phone and youve noticed he has one.. why not try something along the lines of

wandering up.. do you mind if i sit here? noticed you have the same phone and i cant work out how to work the walkman/radio/camera etccc on it

Should get you chatting, you'll soon tell if hes interested or not.

If thats too scary just say hi to him when you get on the bus a few times before trying a proper chat

 

Me & my now husband of 10 years spent weeks grinning shyly at each other around town before i finally got the nerve to offer to buy him a drink when we both happened to be in the same bar - i was soooo nervous, but hey it worked out allright

 

Good Luck

Cx

[bvnstar05]

I feel like we're bombarding you with advice, but I think you should go for it. It's probably your spring break week anyway so you probably haven't seen him in a while. (It's spring break for my college anyway)

 

our spring break isn't until the week of the 19th so i still have some time...however, i haven't seen this guy for over a week!! it's funny, because as soon as i finally know what i'm going to say and how i'm going to approach him, he's never there! it's so frustrating...that and i sorta miss him (pathetic, i know, after all i don't even know the guy's name i just feel like i missed my chance at a great opportunity...but who knows. so now i'm more concerned about actually seeing the guy again so that i can talk to him. i don't like this waiting...

[Arro]

our spring break isn't until the week of the 19th so i still have some time...however, i haven't seen this guy for over a week!! it's funny, because as soon as i finally know what i'm going to say and how i'm going to approach him, he's never there! it's so frustrating...that and i sorta miss him (pathetic, i know, after all i don't even know the guy's name i just feel like i missed my chance at a great opportunity...but who knows. so now i'm more concerned about actually seeing the guy again so that i can talk to him. i don't like this waiting...

 

Wow, you guys take your spring break late!

 

Try not to think about this guy too much right now; you'll make yourself crazy. And when the time comes and you have your moment, don't let yourself chicken out. If you feel that nervousness wash over your stomach (that happens to me a lot), try applying that energy to making yourself go forward. As someone else in this thread put it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[Altruist]

YOu could try waiting for him at the bus stop. It might sound stalkerish but at least you'll get the chance to talk to this guy. I think it's worth it.

[dreamz]

I think u should just go ahead n talk to him

I personally would love if some gal came over n talked to me

I guess,it just boost our confidence(maybe our male ego too)

[prozzack]

wipe sudoku out of a newspaper and do it and rant to him about how stumped you are and if he says anythign like y are you doing it say somthing that you were influenced by your room mate

 

everytime he sees somepme playing sudoku he will be thinking of you

 

if he already plays sudoku you set cause you got ground to work with

[cpc28655]

I'd just as soon see the girl make the first move. That way, I never get accused of harassment. Maybe this guy is that same way. What do you have to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

This is not necessarily true. This is why we have words like "setup."

[cpc28655]

YOu could try waiting for him at the bus stop. It might sound stalkerish but at least you'll get the chance to talk to this guy. I think it's worth it.

 

This isn't a bad idea. However I would add one thing; don't tell him you waited. Personally, that would freak me out in ways I can't even describe.

[Superfreak]

To answer the title question, I would love to be approached first by a girl. I don't think at all its "un-womanly" or "desperate" or whatever other title girls that are too chicken to approach guys themselves give it.

 

On the contrary it would tell me your confident and it's a *huge* ego boost for the guy, probably much moreso than the reverse. In fact, I might even consider dating a girl that asked me out that I wouldn't consider dating if I had to ask *her* out.

 

Guys will also probably more understanding if your nervous while you ask him out because he will understand how hard it is better than women do.

 

Good luck !

[cpc28655]

To answer the title question, I would love to be approached first by a girl. I don't think at all its "un-womanly" or "desperate" or whatever other title girls that are too chicken to approach guys themselves give it.

 

On the contrary it would tell me your confident and it's a *huge* ego boost for the guy, probably much moreso than the reverse. In fact, I might even consider dating a girl that asked me out that I wouldn't consider dating if I had to ask *her* out.

 

Guys will also probably more understanding if your nervous while you ask him out because he will understand how hard it is better than women do.

 

Good luck !

 

Ego Boost? I don't see how you are getting that.

[Superfreak]

You don't see how a beautiful woman being so enamoured with you that *she's* the one willing to walk up to you and ask for a date would be an ego boost?.....Well your the only one.

 

Knowing full well that the vast majority of women can sit back and wait to be hit on, I don't understand how any guy wouldn't feel especially attractive if a woman instead hit on him.

[cpc28655]

You don't see how a beautiful woman being so enamoured with you that *she's* the one willing to walk up to you and ask for a date would be an ego boost?.....Well your the only one.

 

Knowing full well that the vast majority of women can sit back and wait to be hit on, I don't understand how any guy wouldn't feel especially attractive if a woman instead hit on him.

 

If it were actually rare, then I could see your point. It is not.

 

Granted, it is not as common as the other way around, but it is not this rare treasure either. It happens, especially in cities where the females outnumber the males. Spend a couple of weeks, in Charleston, SC. That is one of the cities where the females outnumber the males. I spent 4 years of college in that city. Trust me, it happens. Just not to me, lol.

 

We live in an increasingly liberal society (Thank God). This is actually a predictable outcome. As a result, it will become more and more common (again, Thank God.)

 

All that being said, I personally don't see females as anything to be nervous about; nor do I feel privileged when one takes notice. 5 years of marriage has taught me that they are just like us, only built different. They are just as loving, and just as evil as we are, lol. My ego remains unchanged.

[Arro]

So bvnstar, any recent news?

[bvnstar05]

guys i appreciate all the advice so much! i've been checking this thread regularly to read everyone's ideas. thanks so much!

 

unfortunately, the last time i saw the guy was that one tuesday where i couldn't even manage to make eye contact w/ him. so i prob haven't seen him for over a month and now i'm on spring break. i hope that when i get back i'll be able to see him more often, as classes get back into their normal schedules and professors don't tend to be so laid-back w/ attendance. so no juicy details quite yet...but please continue the advice!!! it's so great! thanks!!

[bvnstar05]

so here's the latest:

 

i finally saw the guy today. but i didn't see him initially so i sat down where i usually do. then i look up and see him sitting accross from me and i'm thinking "damn it...i didn't see you". so i thought that getting up to sit by him was too weird so i just sat there. opps. i did manage to make eye contact this time and he made eye contact as well so that's a good sign i hope. then i get off the bus and he follows but i look over my shoulder and out of my peripheral vision i see this guy walking behind, but oddly close to me. and he followed that way until we had to go separate ways.

 

does this mean anything or am i just imagining it? usually people don't walk that close to me or anyone else for that matter. should i read this as some type of body language or what??

[NaNOx9]

do guys like being approached first by girls (casually, not like a pick up line) or do they think it's a desperate attempt? i just wanna get to know him, so i don't have any intentions per say. please help me out with what i should do! thank you!!!!

 

I LOVE it when a girl has the gall to actually do the approaching, if it's done in a casual manner like you say. If it's overzealous then it's a turn-off, like at a club if a girl grabs me and throws herself at me I don't care how hot she is I'm thinking "you're weird, go away."

[NaNOx9]

I wouldn't read into it but that's good you didn't get up and sit by him. That would have been weird, but the eye contact is good. Did you smile? If I were you I might next time make eye contact, smile, and say hi. If you're sitting accross from him you can make some casual conversation, doesn't matter what you say really, comment on the weather or something. Might seem corny but it'll work.

[Tony426]

bvnstar05, you MUST talk to this guy lol. It's great when a girl breaks the ice and inniates conversation. It makes it so much easier, especially if he's a shy guy like me.

[Blackhawk2009]

as a guy i would love if girls approached me sometimes lol

[definitely_maybe]

I love meeting girls on the bus. I have a 20 min commute to school, so some pleasant female company always makes it more enjoyable.

 

I am very approachable, and love when girls strike up a conversation. Sometimes i am the first one to speak, sometimes not. You don't need to think up anything too creative. "hi! I see you an awful lot, so I figured i may as well introduce myself. I'm *your name*"

 

Sometimes the chemistry is just not there, and you can't carry on much of a conversation, but sometimes personalities match up nicely. Even if the conversation does not go far, at least they no that you are approachable.

 

Seeing the guy repeatedly definitely makes it not strange. I am sure he is very aware of you, and will be happy you finally broke the ice.

[bvnstar05]

ok so latest uptake. it has taken me a very long time to talk to this guy b/c i kept getting mixed vibes from him. but anyways here's what has happened...

 

today was probably the last day i could see him on the bus, cuz finals start next week, and he gets on the bus after me and it's pretty crowded but he manages to snag the seat in front of me. a while ago i had written a note and kept it in my bag in case i would run into him and was too scared to say anything. so since it was the last possible time, i gave him the note, which said:

"so, i see ya on the bus a lot. we should chat" with my name and number underneath.

before he got up to get off the bus i tapped him on the shoulder and said, "hey this is for you". he was kinda caught off-guard which i totally don't blame him for that but he took it, which is the important thing. then i got off the bus and just walked straight for my classroom w/out looking back.

 

so, my question is, is this note sitting in some trash can somewhere? and if not, and say he was interested, would he even call? and is there a rule as to how long you should make a girl wait once she gives you her number? if nothing happens, i'm totally fine w/ it. i'm just glad i finally did SOMETHING...even i didn't really talk.

 

let me know what you guys think!