sweetheart607 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 My boyfriend and i have been talking about having a threesome with a girl (as he is not comfortable with a guy thinks its a bit gay lol also not sure he'd like to see me with a guy), for a while now and i am totally up for it although i want us to find somehow a random so not one of his mates or mine so i am not sure how i am going to do it tho that's not the point. Just wondering if it is a good idea to put fantasy into reality? I am not the jealous type so i don't see that as a problem as i feel confident within our relationship. Does any1 have any good or bad experiences that they wouldn't mind sharing with me. Thanks Link to comment
Stu147 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hi Sweetheart607, I have no experience to draw upon so please feel free to ignore my thoughts and listen to those with experience of threesomes. But every piece of advice I have read on the subject suggests that more often than not the fantasy of a threesome and the reality are completely different. There is the scenario where two members of the threesome might be a little too engrossed in each other leaving the third party twiddling their thumbs (so to speak). You really wouldn't feel an ounce of jealousy if your boyfriend is ignoring you while going crazy on some random girl? Ok, so maybe it wouldn't pan out like this, maybe everyone would get equal attention and satisfaction, but it's unlikely I would have thought. My personal opinion is that if a guy asks his girl to engage in a threesome he is really saying that he wants to get it on with someone else. But as he can't just go out and do that then instead he can involve his girlfriend and get a bit of girl-on-girl action thrown in for free. Your scenario might be completely different, I don't know. Maybe you even suggested it, not him. And some people have very open relationships so they wouldn't have these issues. My advice is to leave this as fantasy, where it is exciting and sexually inspiring but without all the complications! Whatever you choose to do I wish you all the best, take care... Link to comment
jsx730 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I would say that if, on either side, there would be even a HINT of jealousy or insecurity, it's a bad idea. Are you ok watchin him have sex with another woman? Is he ok watching you with another woman? Also, it's important that your relationship is 100% ok in all areas. If your realtionship is having problems, this will just create more. It can be done but ground rules need to be set down beforehand and need to be followed 100%. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 A threesome is going to expose the insecurities that lie in your relationship. As long as you know that this could potentially end the relationship then you can make an informed decision if you should have a threesome or not. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hi There, I have to say that I do not think a threesome, for most couples, is a good idea. Obviously there are some who do it and enjoy it, but there seems to be many complications that can arise from it. Some things to consider are insecurity, jealousy, feelings that develop between the third party of one person from the relationship, that partner sleeping with the third party without the other relationship partner (and if it was OK while you watched, it is a thin line/grey area why it's not when you aren't around.) I am concerned because your boyfriend wants to sleep with another girl in your presense but isn't comfortable with another guy because he doesn't want you to sleep with another guy- don't you think this is a bit of a double standard? Ask yourself, will you truly be OK with watching your boyfriend having sex with another woman? And the feelings and risks that go along with that- are you prepared that more may develop? Link to comment
blender Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Bringing a third party into your relationship, might be a curiosity/fantasy, but ACTUALLY MAKING A CHOICE TO ACT ON THIS, is NOT a good idea. You will not only lose the cherished and respectful intamcy you share with your partner, you will also lose something even more important, and that is your "sense of self". Once you do something like this, you will laugh less, you will cry less, you will feel less, and lose the respectful cherished intamcy in the relationship. All that loss for some physical experiment or gratification of some fantasy??? Instead of "wondering if you should do this", try asking yourself "Are you are okay being with someone who desires a juggling act in the bedroom". Do you wish to define yourself as someone who "really wants' this? You are so much better off being with someone who can share fantasies of a threesome and talk about them, but who would never ever make the disrespecting choice to ask you or for you to ask him to actually act them out.. this is a HUGE choice...that will affect YOU emotionally.. deeply. AFTER THE ACT, you will be left feeling you've compromised your values/standards only to feel so empty afterwards... STAY AWAY from this "temptation to fulfill" fantasy... because the "reality" of the aftermath may be a dark emotional place for you.. is that worth it? NO. Hopefully your "SELF RESPECTING INSTINCTS", are yelling from inside your heart, so listen to them: "I have too much self respect to engage in compromising myself, my heart, my soul, my body for a few moments of indulging a fantasy, so out of love for our precious intamcy, I have to decline any consideration of a "threesome"." Maybe this is how you respectfully feel deep down inside? Maybe? Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 If you have eachother why bother with a threesome. Making love is between 2 people showing their feelings. 3 is a crowd in my eyes. Link to comment
Campy Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Any relationship is based on a certain ammount of trust. As time slips by, trust either grows or decays based upon how we treat the relationship, ie do we invest in the other person, reveal more about our true inner selves etc. Any time we allow other people into this trust area, we can impede the growth potential of intimacy with what could be our "soulmate". Casual encounters are fun at first but carry a long-term penalty. Proceed cautiously, in my experience this stuff is a future relationship killer. Link to comment
chloe09 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Idk it sounds kinda kinky. It might be fun... but make sure the other girl is really ugly so he doesn't become attracted to her. Link to comment
blender Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 As "chloeO9" casually stated: It might "sound kinda kinky, it might be fun" I understand this type of "thinking", HOWEVER this is not about judgement, it's about YOUR PRECIOUS SENSE OF SELF, this is MOST important, I lovingly suggest that you ask yourself is that how (kinky/fun) you wish to respectfully "define" yourself as a person? Poets over the years, great observers and writers of life throughout history when writing about the "experience of threesomes, or unemotional sex" say that "you lose a part of yourself afterwards, that is so difficult to re-gain, you cry less, you laugh less, you feel less". Make sure it's okay and wise for you to separate your body and mind/soul for a moments physical pleasure... because the fact is it will have an emotional affect on you afterwards... think this through.. Link to comment
rocio Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I'm going to disagree with everyone here and suggest that you go ahead with it if it's what you truly want. There is absolutely no reason why it should have to ruin an otherwise healthy and strong relationship. My only concern is your health and safety. You probably wouldn't want to do it with a friend. That would just become awkward, at best. And sleeping with strangers is always risky. So be careful. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I wouldnt do it again, it was frustrating and not that enjoyable. Mine was 2 girls and a guy, I dont like the idea of 2 guys and me... its freaky Plus, Im just way to jelous for that Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Ooh, interesting. My personal reaction would be no, it's not for me. I don't think that would change. That said, I *do* have friends who have tried it, and said it was fun. No lasting damage - except their relationships didn't work out (but not because of the threesome, just didn't work out, if you see what I mean). Hmmm. If it were fun and a one-off, possibly. But then how would you feel if he wanted another one in say a month's time? I think there are too many variables in this scenario, and quite a lot of potential to get hurt. Plus I am personally waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too jealous/self-protective to want this. It's never been one of my fantasies either - although Brad Pitt and Daniel Craig? Possibly. Think about it carefully - are you doing it for you or him? Could you get some of the thrill by talking about it, using toys etc, but sticking with just one person. Take care of yourself, don't rush into anything. Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Sweetheart, I have to agree with the rest of the posters. Not a good idea. You have to know that a threesome isn't something that you just have to deal with at the time it is happening but after the fact, you will also need to deal with any repercussions that result. Also, ask yourself, Why are you doing this? To please your boyfriend? If this is the reason you are doing it, DON'T DO IT. This will probably lead to regret and resent. If you choose to go though with it, you have to be open to the fact that it could possibly ruin your relationship. Link to comment
kr356 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 personally i have had a threesome, but i wouldnt put my relationship in danger for one, i think they are best left to three people that are no way seriously invovled, sure it may work out great for you, without any STD's and you may have a better relationship afterwards.. but I dont know if I would take that chance with my current guy.. maybe I would with my ex's but I never saw a future with them.. good luck for whatever you decide, in the end it's your choice, and i think what other people have said about how you will feel about seeing your boyfriend engaging in sex with another woman.. sure you may not be the jealous type but a situation like that can change things.. I think what everyone is trying to say is, while it's your decision in the end, don't rush into it Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Maybe there are other ways to get some of what you're looking for in a threesome without having one: 1. Go to a strip club with him and get lap dances. 2. Watch porn together as a way of inviting other people's sexuality into your world. 3. Experience the voyeuristic part of a threesome by having 'wake the neighbors' sex, or risk getting caught in public... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Maybe there are other ways to get some of what you're looking for in a threesome without having one: 1. Go to a strip club with him and get lap dances. 2. Watch porn together as a way of inviting other people's sexuality into your world. 3. Experience the voyeuristic part of a threesome by having 'wake the neighbors' sex, or risk getting caught in public... These are really good ideas The third one especially Link to comment
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