Cyprian Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I have been having quite a hard time. I almost called her the other day, but I got a hold of myself. I broke NC one time, I don't even remember when...I started NC on February 1st, and I assume the one break in NC was about halfway from the 1st of February until now...NC is supposed to be very hard at first but to help a ton in the long run so I am going to stick with it! Shes looking forward to the life that she thinks she is in for, and although I don't want her to be hurt, I sort of hope that this fantasy life she is creating will blow up in her face. It helps to read here on ENA, see how many other people are dealing with similar things, and live vicariously through other people (like you... Link to comment
secretdarkness Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 I have been having quite a hard time. I almost called her the other day, but I got a hold of myself. I broke NC one time, I don't even remember when...I started NC on February 1st, and I assume the one break in NC was about halfway from the 1st of February until now...NC is supposed to be very hard at first but to help a ton in the long run so I am going to stick with it! Shes looking forward to the life that she thinks she is in for, and although I don't want her to be hurt, I sort of hope that this fantasy life she is creating will blow up in her face. It helps to read here on ENA, see how many other people are dealing with similar things, and live vicariously through other people (like you... When is she leaving for Europe exactly? I think you guys should have one last face to face meeting before she leaves... is that possible, or something you are even considering. You guys were together and best friends for a long time... I think you two should have a chance to say good-bye properly. Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Well first of all, I don't know exactly, but if i know my ex like I think I do, she will be leaving a few days after she graduates. I don't know what my plan is yet, if I wanted to I could definitely meet with her. I don't know if it would be a good or bad thing...last time I was physically in her presense, I had no clue she had been cheating on me. She simply told me she needed space. I'm not sure how I would act in person after knowing all the facts. I also don't know if meeting with her would be a good thing for me, or my future, or for her, etc. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I can't help but feel that a married person looking up an obsessed-over ex is playing with fire. I have relationships that ended without closure for me, but I prefer to let sleeping dogs lie. I'm super glad that everything appears to be working out well for now in your case; I just hope than one or more of the three of you don't end up getting burned in the end. Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 could you elaborate about your post Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 could you elaborate about your postI certainly will, although I thought it was fairly self-explanatory: the OP is maintaining contact with his ex and intends to continue, even though she professed her desire for more than a friendship - which fact I'm not sure is known to Mrs. OP, who has been tolerantly biting her lip about this all along but surely can't be happy about it. A little movement, a slight change of heart by either of the two married people, and the whole house of cards, which secretdarkness has (in my personal view) self-indulgently built with the justification of trying to understand himself, comes tumbling down. It all validates my decision not to pursue such things, and to leave the past where I buried it. I don't wish any of them anything but the best; I just think it may yet prove to be a big mistake for the OP not to have let it go. I honestly hope things remain stable, but it doesn't seem like a healthy situation for either woman and I wouldn't be half surprised if this is not the end of the story. Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 sorry I just misread your message - I thought you were talking to one of us. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Well, secretdarkness is one of us... Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 lol - I meant one of us who were trying to help Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I know that, silly. I just didn't want the OP to feel left out. Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 ok - just making sure, little sensitive these days. Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Uh, unless I missed something, SecretDarkness is no where close to leaving his wife for his ex! That is probably the most ridiculous idea anyone could mention to him... Although this situation certainly could blow way out of proportion, the truth is that in this specific case, any feelings that SecretDarkness has for his ex have been DEMOLISHED! The only thing I see coming from this whole situation is friendship, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that...correct me if I am wrong. Oh, and Shiva, if you don't stop posting beautiful pictures of you and your dog, I might just turn into a stalker! Link to comment
secretdarkness Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 You guys are Hysterical Nobody's marriage is in jeopardy!!! Nobody is on the verge of getting Hurt! I'm certain this thread has gotten too long, and 's are only reading the last page or something? ... because posters' are starting to get my story all wrong. I thought I would get some "props" for the way in which I've handled this... but the opposite seems to be happening. very, very quick recap/update 1)- Surprisingly the ex and I have reconnected... a new "older & wiser" friendship' has developed. (via email-only). I swear to G*/d!!! It is an honest genuine friendship, NOTHING MORE!!! Sorry if some people here just can't accept that for what it is. 2)- Surprisingly the ex really wants to see me, but we both realize the complications, and potential problems with our mates. The ex seems to think we can work through this... I on the other hand, HAVE NO INTEREST in taking this any further. 3)- My wife gave me specific permission to look this person up, but i decided not to tell her. This seems to have caused the most controversy on here. 4)- I got my Closure & Validation !!! All this "Still Crushed 12 years Later" & "SecretDarkness" stuff is now D-E-A-D !!!! 5)- ***NEW DEVELOPMENT***... Soon my wife will no longer be gone M-F!!! Starting this summer she is coming home permanently. Our plan worked perfectly. It was difficult being apart, but we were strong enough to work through it. She got a Huge raise & promotion, and now she can move back home. PEACE!!! --SecretDarkness Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Ah, I loves me some happy ending. Best of luck to you, the Mrs. and your ex-lover/secret penpal. And mad props, no doubt, for your decision to pass on an affair; and instead continue to reciprocate on your wife's many years of steadfast loyalty. Link to comment
Inureyes Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hi secretdarkness, I don't know if it is late to reply to ur thread, but i just wanted to ask you how did you stop ur updated communication with ur ex? I had the same problem as urs, I'm married for 11 with 3 kids and my ex is married for 12 yrs and has 2 kids, and i contacted him since 2 years and we r still writing emails to each other and in these 2 years we saw each other only 3 times and really nothing happened, but i just can't put an end to this thing so that's why i'm asking...and i have to say that i really do love my husband alot and repect him.... Any help?! Link to comment
secretdarkness Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hi secretdarkness, I don't know if it is late to reply to ur thread, but i just wanted to ask you how did you stop ur updated communication with ur ex? I had the same problem as urs, I'm married for 11 with 3 kids and my ex is married for 12 yrs and has 2 kids, and i contacted him since 2 years and we r still writing emails to each other and in these 2 years we saw each other only 3 times and really nothing happened, but i just can't put an end to this thing so that's why i'm asking...and i have to say that i really do love my husband alot and repect him.... Any help?! Hey Inureyes,-- I guess my communication with the ex is still ongoing, but once I decided that "getting-together" wasn't such a great idea... things have cooled off the last couple of days. Alot of people I trust have really been urging me to end this thing now that I received my validation & closure... this has been such a long journey, now that I'm feeling better, I just don't want to do anything I'll regret. My obsession with the ex was fueled more by the unknown, I guess? Once I connected with this person... once she told me all the things I needed to hear, it has actually been surprisingly easy to move on & walk away (so-to-speak). It has been exciting rekindling this friendship, but there are just too many potential traps & pitfalls. I understand your situation completely... I wish you luck trying to sort it out. There are so many scenarios where someone can get hurt... my only advice is to be careful & and put your husbands feeling first. Good Luck!!! PEACE!!! --SecretDarkness Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Inureyes: I also suggest starting a thread here at ENA. Look how much feedback SecretDarkness has gotten on his thread! (He even advertises it in his signature SD: What are you doin up so late? ? Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Humm ............................. Link to comment
secretdarkness Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Inureyes: I also suggest starting a thread here at ENA. Look how much feedback SecretDarkness has gotten on his thread! (He even advertises it in his signature SD: What are you doin up so late? ? Hey Cyp',-- LOL, I wish.... actually I "wake-up" around 4-5am M-F, what a drag... but I've been doing it for years. Small price to pay for a successful career, I guess? I'm actually used to it, and I barely need an alarm clock. (In reality I hardly sleep anyway, so it doesn't really matter). As for Drinking... I'm an Angel everyday except Sunday (Ironic). After Ice-Hockey on Sundays, I've been known to "Bend-The-Elbow" alittle bit, know what I'm say'n !!! LOL --SD ps- Isn't it crazy how many views & hits this thread has gotten... last week I printed the entire thing out (I plan to bring it to therapy one day, if need be). Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 lol...i guess im the only crazy person who stays up till 4 drinking! The truth is that for some reason, I have been staying up till 4 5 or 6 in the morning every day and sleeping until noon, 1, 2, 3, or 4 PM... Its very odd, but when nighttime comes around, I am simply not tired at all. I;m going to stop drinking for a while as well...going to try to not drink (except a glass of wine at dinner) for as long as possible. Link to comment
secretdarkness Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 lol...i guess im the only crazy person who stays up till 4 drinking! The truth is that for some reason, I have been staying up till 4 5 or 6 in the morning every day and sleeping until noon, 1, 2, 3, or 4 PM... Its very odd, but when nighttime comes around, I am simply not tired at all. I;m going to stop drinking for a while as well...going to try to not drink (except a glass of wine at dinner) for as long as possible. Hey Cyp',-- You sound like a (drunken') Vampire, j/k'ing LOL !!! Dude, You know my history, ... I used to be a Wild-Child, and a total Party-Animal... now I only drink acouple of Beers ("cough", 10) on Sunday after Ice Hockey (which is what I'm doing right now). I'm so happy I solved the whole "Secret-Darkness" thing, but I'll be sad to see this thread DIE. It was so helpful, and I really leaned on it in a time of need. My new goal is to help as many people on here as possible... including you! So how are you feeling overall?... I know you're not ready, but I'm going to keep encouraging you to "Hook-Up" with someone new if at all possible. I think this would do you a world of good. I'm not asking you to move on or forget about your ex... but I think some meaningless sex might make you feel alittle better. Surprisingly my ex was kinda' hurt that I didn't want to get together with her... it's funny to have her mad at me after all these years... I just didn't want to deal with her jealous Husband... I'd be uncomfortable if I was him as well... I mean, I wonder what she told him about me? Too Funny!!! Anyway, hope you are feeling better... talk with you soon! --SD Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Lol. Drunken vampire, that about sums it up...seriously... This thread will never die, SD. It tells a complete story of recovery from beginning, middle, and end. It is truly incredible reading the painful posts towards the beginning and now seeing how you look at the whole situation. At this point, you really seem to have gotten through your secretdarkness, and in all seriousness, I could not imagine a better ending to this whole story. Can you? What would you have wanted to happen? Exactly what DID happen, right? (except you probably feel a tiny bit of guilt making your old friend feel hurt, but the truth is that you are totally correct, if I were her husband, after hearing many stories over the years, I would want to have nothing to do with you!) I'll PM you. If this thread ever discontinues to get action on it, don't worry, it will never 'die'...I don't think they kill threads here, do they? Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 that's a good question, do they? does anyone know? Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 It doesn't seem like they do any thread cleaning...there are some old posts still here, right? Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 yep! I always have to go to last page, Cyprian you're back you night owl, how are you??? Link to comment
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