Still Crushed, 12 years later... need help

[thisisjustsowrong]

And about contacting your ex, I believe you are getting attached to the idea by the day. Maybe you are not going to do to right away, but having that option for some near future soothes you in some way, I think? Is it a good idea? I don’t know, it is not for me to say. Maybe you will never get your closure unless you see her again. Or maybe seeing her will fuel your obsession to the nth degree, ending up destroying your marriage. In any case, disregarding whether it is a good idea or not, you are not even sure that she is in the address that you’ve found. So I don’t think you should get attached to that idea too much. And please think very hard before you do anything. Try to evaluate your motivations in wanting to see her again and your expectations of what will happen from then on.

[secretdarkness]

This thread has been an amazing journey for me. It has felt incredible to vent and share.... yet the harsh realities have been difficult to face and admit to... but overall the support & understanding has always eased the pain.

 

I honestly think you guys have figured me and my situation out to a "T"... (Other than including my wife in therapy with me), I cannot argue with one single comment or suggestion that has been offered up here. You guys have been inredibly accurate in your evaluation of my situation.

 

I now understand that much of this stuff is indeed deep rooted, (and I need a professional to help sort it out), but I am feeling worlds better, and that was my original purpose for coming here. Believe it or not, I actually feel a huge sense of relief compared to how I was feeling just a few weeks ago. Before I started this thread, I admit it... I was becoming irrational, and starting to "lose-it".

 

Right now, after contemplating every single word of advice... I have decided to drop the idea of contacting the ex all together. You guys have made it crystal clear... The pitfalls seem to greatly out weight the possible rewards.

 

Unfortunately, I just can't start therapy right now, ... but I will aggressively continue to get honest, not hold this stuff inside & I will practice mental exercises to help me be more realistc about the ex and my situation. Therapy is still my goal, and I think I have laid a solid foundation for things to work on when I finally get there.

 

I've been trying to repeat theses themes:

 

THE EX

-I was lucky to have had her in my life.

-I will always have beautiful memories.

-I was blessed to have felt such love & passion.

-There was nothing more I could have done to have saved the relationship.

-It wasn't my fault that it didn't work out.

-The experiences we shared (both good & bad) helped me become the man I am today.

-I know she will always love and remember me.

 

Thanks guys... time to have another big cry... this is so hard

[secretdarkness]

Hi,

Yes, crying is good! It's such a great tension-releaser.

BUT please do balance it out with other coping mechanisms as well: laughter!

 

Also, it's *VERY* important not to get too immersed in sorrow and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by these emotions.

 

Cry. BUT then, it's just as important to remind yourself of your wonderful life right now with your lovely wife. That should bring a big smile to your face, wouldn't you agree?!

 

Hang in there.

 

ps. I think I'll cry a bit with you ...

I am feeling blue today

 

Hey Ellie,-- I've always tried to live by Jimmy Valvano's (Former College Basketball Coach) Famous last public words. Facing terminal cancer, with only days to live... he encouraged all people to do 3 things everyday... 1) LAUGH, 2)CRY & 3)THINK... simple advice, but very powerful when practiced on a daily basis. Trust me, I'm as tough as they come... but I've always been able to benefit from a BIG CRY! So I'll gladly share my Kleenex with you anytime!

 

I actually just got back from the Hockey Rink. Talk about letting some frustration out.... I was playing like a man possessed out there today. My buddies were joking around about "what had gotten' into me". I was really trying to get some aggression out, what a huge release! I feel bad for the guys I was playing against.

 

I also sent my beautiful wife out on a Valentines Day shopping spree. I told her to go crazy... I think she probably put ANN TAYLOR out of business today.

 

On a side not, you guys would get a kick out of my wife when the subject of my ex comes up. She thinks the ex might be the biggest idiot in the world for getting rid of me. She has always told me that from day one. My wife always questions why any girl would treat a nice guy like me in such a horrible way. I love when my wife "Rips-Apart" the ex, that always puts a big smile on my face.

 

Ellie, thanks again for everything... I sincerely hope you feel better. I'll be checking in today, if you want to talk.

[secretdarkness]

Hey SallyUSA,-- Sorry I missed your post... I can't believe the responses I've gotten'... this thread has definitely taken on a life of its own.

 

Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read my story, and giving such honest, straightforward Advice. I really appreciate people like you that don't pull any punches. I needed to hear the things you are saying. It is more helpful than you can imagine!

 

I have decided to stay away from contacting the ex... It has been made crystal clear, that going over to her house is just a Huge mistake on so many levels. I'm still struggling with this whole situation, but I can honestly say I'm feeling better & moving forward.

 

I'd love to hear more about your situation, ... if you want to share, I'll be around today. Thanks again!

[Cyprian]

Hey there SD,

 

Just checking in to see how you are doing! How is everything?

[secretdarkness]

Hey there SD,

 

Just checking in to see how you are doing! How is everything?

 

 

Hey Cyprian,-- Thanks for asking Dude! Seriously, ("knock on wood") ... I think I'm "finally over the ex". Honestly, she still pops into my mind from time to time... but it is nowhere near as obsessive as it was.

 

The Big Change has come about for acouple of reasons: Getting Honest about it, coming here and getting great advice & support, and researching the psychological issues has "set me free".

 

Also, in a somewhat "new-development", I started to realize that there was a huge sexual element to this whole thing. I would associate sexual memories with the ex with the (percieved) loss of my "old self". I would use sexual-imagery of the ex, as a way to sooth my troubled mind. During those lonely sleepless nights, my brain would lock in on the memory of this person.

 

Ofcourse, it is/was more complicated than just that... but I'm feeling better. I've been very proactive (reconnecting with old friends, playing ice-hockey, being tankful for what I have, etc.)... Basically I'm staying busy, doing things to be healthy, and I'm feeling really happy & confident.

 

I still want to see the ex on some level, just out of curiosity... but it can wait. I've been reconnecting with so many people lately, I'd like to try to do the same with her as well... (with my wifes blessing this time).

 

I love my wife even more after going through all this. I've always treated her great (this situation never impacted her, never!) but now I'm even more appreciative & dedicated, it is clear that that I did the right thing by doing the NC with the ex back then, and moving far away with my new girl. Starting over was the best possible thing. Look how great things have worked out... that all the proof I need!

 

Enough about me, how's it going with you? Are you feeling any better? I would love to hear the latest... catch me up when you get a chance.

 

Peace!

[omayra]

i think u should forget ur ex. ur married she probably is also

[Cyprian]

Hey Cyprian,-- Thanks for asking Dude! Seriously, ("knock on wood") ... I think I'm "finally over the ex". Honestly, she still pops into my mind from time to time... but it is nowhere near as obsessive as it was.

 

Glad to hear it. However, I believe it will take a long time for you to fully get over this. Afterall, the last 12 years you have been convincing yourself of certain things, and moving your thoughts in one direction - now you need to take time to move yourself back to a healthy perspective. I think you are on your way, but give yourself time for this!

 

Also, in a somewhat "new-development", I started to realize that there was a huge sexual element to this whole thing. I would associate sexual memories with the ex with the (percieved) loss of my "old self". I would use sexual-imagery of the ex, as a way to sooth my troubled mind. During those lonely sleepless nights, my brain would lock in on the memory of this person.

 

Ofcourse, it is/was more complicated than just that... but I'm feeling better. I've been very proactive (reconnecting with old friends, playing ice-hockey, being tankful for what I have, etc.)... Basically I'm staying busy, doing things to be healthy, and I'm feeling really happy & confident.

 

I think you'll get through this just fine. I wish I could explain to you how jealous I am of your situation. You seem to have a wonderful wife, and a wonderful life with her. Cherish it...cherish it as often as you can.

 

I still want to see the ex on some level, just out of curiosity... but it can wait. I've been reconnecting with so many people lately, I'd like to try to do the same with her as well... (with my wifes blessing this time).

 

Of course - you are only human. I think at some point in the future, when you are FULLY over this whole situation, you and your wife should meet the ex and her family. Don't think about it now though...

 

I love my wife even more after going through all this. I've always treated her great (this situation never impacted her, never!) but now I'm even more appreciative & dedicated, it is clear that that I did the right thing by doing the NC with the ex back then, and moving far away with my new girl. Starting over was the best possible thing. Look how great things have worked out... that all the proof I need!

 

Things have worked out great for you...you should be proud!

 

Enough about me, how's it going with you? Are you feeling any better? I would love to hear the latest... catch me up when you get a chance.

 

Peace!

 

I am not feeling much better. Time is my only friend, and it is also my worst enemy. I look to time for healing, and I can't stand the ticking of the clock all day long. I think about her all the time, and cannot function properly. Soon I think I will slowly get better and better...but as of now I am in the first stages still. It has only been 20 days or so, so it is still very early. I am getting help by hanging out here on ENA and talking to all of you, and I am thankful for it.

 

I kind of wish I could read all the good stories out there - we all know many people are happy. The happy people don't come here to post on ENA, they don't worry about the fact that they might be "alone" and need "e-not alone" to show them they aren't. I have to just imagine that there are happy people out there, and hope that I will be one of them soon. That is why I am so happy for you - although you have a huge dilemma to go through here, you are still happily married, and you seem to really love your wife and vice versa.

[secretdarkness]

Cyprian,-- As you know, I've been on a quest to reconnect with people from my past... It became clear, that I was not only struggling with the memory of my ex, but I had a huge gap missing in my life as well. When I disappeared back then, I lost all my friends.

 

I was missing my past & old self not just the ex. My mind wraped itself around the ex, but in reality it was much, more than that... well the journey continued last night! I finally spoke with one of my greatest friends from days gone buy. Not only was she a great friend, but we had quite a passionate secret romance as well. It was a very complicated situation back then (many people got hurt when it got exposed)... but I always considered her one of my greatest friends ever!

 

I've always been deeply attracted to her, we have a history but the true friendship we shared has always stayed in my heart all these years. Anyway, last night we had the greatest conversation! We had a no holds barred talk... and what do you know? Add another ex to the list that thought I was the greatest guy in the world. She went so far as to say, the single biggest mistake/regret she has ever had was losing me. She says she has been haunted by my memory all these years!

 

Life is so funny & complicated sometimes. I'm on cloud 9 again, because all these people from my past are accepting me back into their lives. This girl last night told me how deeply she loved me back then, and how not a day has gone by that she hasn't thought about me. My wife has given me her blessing to reconnect with all these old friends, everything is out in the open, and I feel great.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this... my mind (heart) was playing tricks on me for all these years. I've recently learned, when I thought I was obsessed with the ex, it was really my subconscious mind dealing & coping with stress, sadness & frustration. I became completely focused on the ex, but it is/was bigger than that... she only represented all my loss, but it wasn't really just her that I was missing.

 

So there is Hope for both of us! You will get past this because you are learning from mine (and countless others) mistakes (here on ENA). It is all about you, not her man'! I guarantee she will regret what she did to you, and in the long run... she will be the one suffering, when you have moved on.

[secretdarkness]

... also the hardest thing I'm going through now is letting go of the actual pain & anger. I swear, I've stopped focusing on the ex for the first time in awhile. But now I'm just learning to let it all go... let the anger go.

 

Those themes of "I'll F*/cking Show Them (they were wrong about me)" became part of my subconscious mind. As you know I used this as a defense mechanism & motivational tool for years... now it is disappearing more each day. I feel different without those constant forces in my head, but I'm getting used to it as well.

 

Mentally I'm starting to group the ex in with my other ex girlfriends in my mind... Girls that I think very fondly of, with no obsession B*/llSh*/t . I'm trying to filter out the bad memories and only think of fun, cool stuff.

 

Honestly Dude, I'm starting to get over it. -- I used this thread, I confided confidentially in 2 friends at work, I read numerous on-line psychology(obsession) articles & and even saught my parents advice. All this stuff helped.

 

F*/CK my ex anyway!!! (That felt good!) She blew it big-time with me. Nobody could ever love her the way I did, NO ONE. All these others ex's couldn't be wrong about me, could they be? I guarantee my ex in this thread is haunted by me, if she isn't, Oh Well... her Loss!

 

You are going to start to feel much better real soon! There are girls out there right now who could help take your mind off of the ex. Trust me, once you start going out a little you'll see.

[lovehaunts]

I have been in some turmoil myself and a situation identical to yours in a few ways. I have been searching high and low for answers and then stumbled accross this forum which came as a blessing right in the nick time cos i was just driving myself insane.

 

I've been married 9 years with 2 kids now and mine was a rather unusual one. I kind ended up with my hubby after feeling betrayed by the love of my life. Just turned out I was very immature and hasty.

Anyway, i have been in touch with my ex since day one of being married cos the fault was all mine and I couldn't just take up and leave given the culture I come from. Don't mistake me, i was not cheating or have never on my husband. My ex and I just made a pact to remain friends.

My marriage was initially rocky because we hardly knew each other well but we were determined to make it work and it has infact gotten much better.

 

lately my feelings for my ex have been very intense. I know this is wrong and that we will both hurt our families.

 

Oh ya, we live in different continents now so its only mails about how are families are and what we have been doing with out lives.

Off late the conversations are taking a more personal turn and that worries me a great deal. We are both intimately not satisfied with our spouses and also have never gotten over each other.

 

Please help me understand what I'm going thru. No, i can't see a therapist cos that might mean the end of my marriage. I want some perspective on this cos the past keeps haunting me and dragging me back.

 

Thanks,

[secretdarkness]

Hey Lovehaunts,-- Firstly, I'm so glad you found this incredible forum! As you can see by this thread, I have received a wealth of beneficial information & support... this place has assisted me in getting to the bottom of my issues, and it has helped me make some major changes in my life.

 

I truly owe a great deal to eNotAlone!!!

 

Well, all I can say is that I feel your pain completely. The never-ending Heart-Ache, The Guilt, the Frustration, the Weight of living with Secrets, Depression, Regret, ALL OF IT !!! As you will discover around here, YOU ARE definitely NOT ALONE!

 

Presently I'm feeling much better, (way better than when I first started this thread... back then I was completely desperate and literally at my wits end)... but right now, I'm being extremely careful not to fall back into any old traps...

 

Unfortunately, I'm not really in a position to give you any advice just yet... (I'll leave that up to the great posters around here!) but I do highly recommend acouple of things: You must get completely honest with yourself, you should try to gather as much information on the psychological issues that you are dealing with, and lastly you should go easy on yourself.

 

Remember, You have done nothing wrong! I know you may be tortured inside, and the guilt can be a heavy burden to bear, but trust me, there is a definite reason for what you are experiencing... the goal is to get to the bottom of it... and create a gameplan to feel better.

 

Please keep sharing your story, I suggest starting another thread with your situation... I'm certain you will get tons of good feedback!

 

Good Luck!!!

[Cyprian]

Sounds great man. I am glad you are finally putting the pieces together.

 

 

 

Yeah, hope indeed. I am learning from others mistakes, but what I realized lately is that I am really learning a great deal from my own mistakes as well.

 

 

 

Well you should be glad, for yourself, that they were wrong about you. You shouldn't hold it against them though, I don't think that would be healthy for some reason. You seem to have this all figured out, and the fact that your wife is letting these old friends back in your life sounds great. I'm glad for you man, really.

[secretdarkness]

Sounds great man. I am glad you are finally putting the pieces together.

 

 

 

Yeah, hope indeed. I am learning from others mistakes, but what I realized lately is that I am really learning a great deal from my own mistakes as well.

 

 

 

Well you should be glad, for yourself, that they were wrong about you. You shouldn't hold it against them though, I don't think that would be healthy for some reason. You seem to have this all figured out, and the fact that your wife is letting these old friends back in your life sounds great. I'm glad for you man, really.

 

You deserve to "let it go", and feel better Man'. There are plenty, and I mean plenty of new Incredibly Beautiful Girls out there.. Trust me on this... you need to Hook-up with someone new immediately. It may be awkward and emotional... Do-It Anyway !!!

 

Seriously, your ex will regret her Big-Mistake. I bet she comes begging back. ... But you'll of moved on, and she will feel like the betrayed sucker this time!!!

[secretdarkness]

Cyprian,-- Yeah, The Mother & the Daughter were definitely "Wrong" about me Brother!!! I've accomplished more than those two money-grubbing !@#$%^&'s ever could of imagined.

 

This is difficult, because I'm very Humble in everyday life... but I'll toot my own horn here for a minute just to give some detail to the situation here for a minute.

 

(This is the truth)

 

Career wise:

 

I've won prestigious Awards in my field

I've had multiple Polititians visit my job location

I've been covered on Television (Local News)

I've been discussed on Radio (National)

I've been observed in multiple newspapers (Local & National)

and... there is a book being written about my place of employment. (Pending)

 

Enough Said!!! I've been pretty Successful, ... something they really, really questioned me about.

 

Personal Life Stuff:

 

College Degree(with Honors)/State License

 

Great Marriage!!! Everyone that knows us says that. We started from humble beginnings, far from home. --Beautiful, Successful Wife (makes 3 times what I do).

 

Picture Perfect Big, Nice House in the Country.

Fancy Vehicles

 

We live very comfortable.

 

Physically:

 

I'm very Lucky, Chicks have always dug me on some level. Also, I still play Ice-Hockey at age 37... N'ff Said!!! I look good when I'm in Shape... I'm in decent Shape right now.

 

Guaranteed I could talk my ex back into Bed right now (given the opportunity, plus we always hooked up on the rebound from other relationships during the first couple of years. We had our best moments together on the REBOUND, definitely.)... Kids, Marriage, All that... doesn't matter at all!

 

Posting Drunk is fun, once in awhile... my bad!!!

 

Cyprian, You will survive this.

[Cyprian]

I'm proud of you man. And i don't even know you

 

I have lots of stuff to figure out, but I know in time I'll be fine. I was always a happy person before...and I will be happy once again.

[secretdarkness]

From the BBC

 

Unrequited love can be a 'killer'

 

Lovesickness can kill and should be taken more seriously as a legitimate diagnosis, according to health experts.

Frank Tallis, a clinical psychologist in London, is among those calling for greater awareness of the "illness" in a report in The Psychologist magazine.

He said many are "destabilised by falling in love, or suffer on account of their love being unrequited" and this could lead to a suicide attempt.

Few studies deal with the "specific problem of lovesickness", he said.

Physical exhaustion

Prof Alex Gardner, a clinical psychologist in Glasgow and a member of the British Psychological Society, agreed that doctors needed to be more aware of lovesickness as a possible diagnosis.

He said: "People can die from a broken heart.

"You get into a state of despair and hopelessness."

He said as a result of love, in some people it could lead to an extreme state of physical exhaustion.

In extreme cases lovesickness could drive people to take their own life, he added.

Dr Tallis said that before the 18th Century lovesickness had been accepted as a natural state of mind for thousands of years.

He said in modern day terms the symptoms can include mania, such as an elevated mood and inflated self-esteem, or depression, revealing itself as tearfulness and insomnia.

Aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder can also be found in those experiencing lovesickness, such as preoccupation and obsessively checking for text messages and e-mails.

 

I'm getting a little nervous here....

 

From Wikidpedia:

 

Unrequited Love

 

Overview

Falling in love produces a very different hormonal and psychological state than that of an established, mature love, even when such an older love is very happy and fulfilling. .Many people crave this feeling so badly that they repeatedly look for new objects of infatuation and even break off old relations when this causes them great emotional trauma (often repressed). Many accidentally discover the much less traumatic ways of attaining the "high" they crave by flirting or by looking for an unattainable object of love Especially poets and other artists often do this deliberately — in fact, many are not able to be productive otherwise — and they often know that this way of loving and living was much more common in past centuries.

 

For probably most people, however, being in unrequited love is a tortuous experience. For them too, however, it can simultaneously be a source of great joy, sometimes providing the lover a sense of fulfillment for having somebody to love, even though that love is not returned. The lover may feel this satisfaction is worth the emotional distress they must suffer. They may prefer to stay in love rather than move on. However, for the majority it can be a very frustrating and upsetting situation to be in.

 

 

Outcomes

Unrequited love can last for decades and result in obsessive behavior such as stalking and even transform into hostility toward the object of desire if the love is rejected. These sorts of behavior can lead the afflicted person to be seen as "perverted" or "creepy".

 

Unrequited love has also been the inspiration for and topic of many great works of art. Such works have brought hope and inspiration to the lovelorn and romantically inclined for centuries.

 

There has been some movement towards treating prolonged unrequited love as a kind of mental illness, an illness that has led some people to commit suicide.[1]

 

Man this is what I've suffered from.... I'm going to try and not get Depressed here, but it is Frightening... I've experienced alot of this.... (The talk of Hostility Scares me, Being viewed as Creppy and Perverted is just plain pathetic, and very sad... I don't want to be that guy) this has been Hard over the years. I honestly feel better right now, I think it'll last, I hope it'll last.

 

I'm all confused... did I have a broken heart or an I missing my old self... or both???? ... and they are saying I'm mentally Ill, Great?

 

WT/F is going on?

[brokenbird]

..........................

[Cyprian]

You're past this man. This is where I am now...wow. Thank you for this post...I think...

[secretdarkness]

i got the OCD

"yeah you know me"

Checkin the blak-ber-ry

"yeah you know me"

my-Ga, how can this be

"i got the OCD"

you didn't email me....

you didn't email me....

you didn't email me...

 

***if the answer is mentall illness, atleast your not the only one!!! Awesome Post...

 

Hey Brokenbird,-- Thanks for that!!! Too D*/mn Funny !!!

[secretdarkness]

You're past this man. This is where I am now...wow. Thank you for this post...I think...

 

I'm feeling way better, but I'm still not quite "over-it". I've had so much success reconnecting with all these old friends (and ex-girlfriends) lately... I just want to do the same with the ex in this thread.

 

If I could just e-mail her, or talk to her on the phone... I think this would satisfy me, and I would be able to move-on... but I just cannot retrieve this information.

 

All I have is an address (she is out of state, but only an hour away)... I desperately don't want to be a stalker' ... but my curiosity is still running rampant.

 

I know I would be crossing a line by going over there, but I need to get closure. I just want to talk with her....

[brokenbird]

.....................

[Cyprian]

True, but her husband might open the letter...and although there is no harm intended, it might be something that hits the husband's nerves. You should be able to find her phone number through her address, right? If you can't find it with a free service, you should be able to use something like link removed for a few bucks...and if not, hire a PI for a couple hundred!

[secretdarkness]

hi...

 

you have her address...try the "old school way" and write her a letter. let her know you'd like to catch up...see what happens.

 

just showing up at her house, most likely, not a good idea.

 

good luck!

 

 

Hey Brokenbird,-- How's it going? ... Thanks for taking an interest in my situation, it is very much appreciated! Writing her a "snail-mail" letter is a great idea, and I have thought long and hard about it for awhile now.

 

The one major draw back, is if the address is out dated (a 50%/50%chance IMO) and it gets returned to my house.... and then my wife opens it.

 

I've been so honest & forthright lately with my wife & trying to reconnect with my past... I don't want to screw this up, or take any unnessessary risks.

 

Maybe the letter would be forwarded to a new address? Maybe the ex will get it? Maybe the ex's husband will get to it first? I've got to be real careful here.... maybe I'll use my work address? ... or maybe I'll just make the letter total vanilla, so no one gets offended/hurt no matter what?

 

This situation is coming closer to a head, thanks for the input... if you have anymore ideas let me know.... I'll definitely let you know what I plan to do when I decide!

[secretdarkness]

True, but her husband might open the letter...and although there is no harm intended, it might be something that hits the husband's nerves. You should be able to find her phone number through her address, right? If you can't find it with a free service, you should be able to use something like link removed for a few bucks...and if not, hire a PI for a couple hundred!

 

Whats up Cyprian,-- How's it going Man'? ... Hope you are feeling better today, I know it'll take some time, but you are on the road to recovery IMO my Friend! Your situation is always in my thoughts... I'm really rooting for you. I'm positive one day soon, you'll either be telling me about some new girl that has blown your mind, or you'll be in a somewhat more complicated situation when your ex comes crawling back begging for a second chance! Either way, you will be Happy & feeling better real soon, No Doubt!!!

 

Thanks for the suggestions, here are my thoughts/comments:

 

-I originally located the address I have now on one of those free search sites, (which I think is tied into the link removed site you suggested).

-I just don't want to use a pay site on the internet... for security reasons, and it would also leave a paper trail that could potentially hurt my wife.

-Hiring a Private Investigator would probably give me the info I desire, but it just ain't going to happen. I'd just hate to waist money on this, and again it would be difficult to pull this off without my wife finding out.

-I've tried the reverse address search thing and it never works.

-I've tried phone #'s that I've located, and they never work either.

-I've tried the white pages in her area, no luck.

-I've tried calling information(411)/the operator and that has come up empty.

 

I've already put way too much time and energy into this... I'm feeling guilty & sleezy... but I'm so close right now, I'm going to do something real soon so I can finally turn the page on this nightmare.

 

ON A SIDE NOTE:

 

I had such a funny dream about the ex last night... She looked HORRIBLE !!! Fat, Bad Teeth... 3 screaming kids holding on to her ankles, Bad 80's hair... the whole 9 yards !!! In all these years, I've never been able to picture her like this. It has always been the opposite vision. The truth probably resides somewhere in the middle I guess? We shall soon see, because I am going to hunt her down... I NEED TO KNOW !!!

 

THNX AGAIN!!!