I can't prove he is Cheating, But I feel it..I need your Help

[missmar]

Hello,

 

My guy of 6 mos has been acting weird the last two weeks. We spent Xmas together and then he stood me up on my BDay and New Years Eve.

 

We got in a big fight and I would not talk to him. He called endlessly and I finally talked to him. I accused him of seeing someone else and he swears he is not. I went back with him. He says there is only me and he really cares about me

 

Since then he has been acting differently...two weeks ago he starts calling me his friend (instead of girlfriend) When I am at his house he does not want me out on his deck....his lives in a condo...so I thinking he is interested in one of his neighbors...also he won't let me look at his cell phone...The sex has also gotten to the point where it's just about him, he can't make it last to please me.

 

I tried to spy on him and he is just too clever...I can't catch him. He finally takes me out last night and I broke it off with him. I told him I feel that something in going on and I don't trust him...told him I did not want to see him for awhile. He got REAL DEFENSIVE....told me he was not seeing someone else and if he was he would tell me. I told him that maybe he is not currenlty with this person but wants to be, just hasn't bagged her yet. He got furious, dropped me off at home and said that he would never call me again...

 

He called me this morning and I asked me to reconsider what I said and told me he is not seeing anybody else and he really cares about me. I was wreck and took him back. He came over, we fooled around...once again it was bad...he did not please me... just was over really fast.

 

He spends the whole afternoon with me and leaves at 8:30 saying that he was going back to his house....which is right down the street. I said well I'll come with you and he said he just wanted to go home and sleep...we were sleeping all day.

 

I am so confused. Is he cheating? if so why will he not let us break up. Will a man just keep two women...how does he benefit from this??? Please help with any advise. I feel like I am losing my mind.

[need2bme]

Maybe he doesn't have 2 women and just need a break from you two, as a couple. Hey, I am not one to preach, as I have done my share of snooping and I can tell you this, if he is cheating, you are not going to like it when you find out.

 

If he is cheating, are you going to cry and beg and want him back?

 

I would agree that the whole not going on his balcony thing is really weird, but you have no right to see his phone.

 

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, then you guys should take a break.

[missmar]

Thank you for your response Need2bMe

 

No, I would not cry and beg for him to take me back. I would drop him and I think I will be miserable for awhile. I have really grown accustomed to him...He is the one that really keeps us together and puts the effort in. He complains that I never call him and that he has to always call me. He hates that and says that I need to call him more often.

 

Also, he goes through my stuff (my email, cell call list) and excused me of cheating and thought I was breaking up with him so I could be with this other guy.

 

On a personal note after we have sex he is running in the bathroom and washing himself off....he never used to do that before. I am a very clean person so this makes no sense to me. I think it is because he feels guilty or just does not want any evidence that we were together.

 

He goes crazy whenever I won't talk to him. I am truly confused about all of this....don't think he may like somebody at his complex and he is just stringing me along until he seals the deal... Have you ever cheated on anyone before?

[doyathink]

His behavior does seem rather odd. Did you tell him all the things that come accross as 'different' with him? What did he have to say? Ask him...why are you all of the sudden washing yourself ...and you never used to?

[Rabican]

Just call him out on his behavior, and say look what am I supposed to think? Either something is going on, or you are acting like something is going on... either way its not productive to the relationship you have with him.

 

Id tell him flat out, give me your phone, let me check it right now, stop hiding me, stop calling me your friend, stop blowing me off, if you cannot make those changes were through. Period.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

doesn't matter if he's cheating with someone else... if he's standing you up EVER after 6 months, especially on your birthday, new year's eve, etc., he doesn't really care about you... time to find someone who does, and who cares about you, because he is not showing respect and caring for you, which you deserve. actions speak louder than words, and he is acting disrespectful, not matter what words he gives you.

[annie24]

doesn't matter if he's cheating with someone else... if he's standing you up EVER after 6 months, especially on your birthday, new year's eve, etc., he doesn't really care about you... time to find someone who does, and who cares about you, because he is not showing respect and caring for you, which you deserve. actions speak louder than words, and he is acting disrespectful, not matter what words he gives you.

 

ditto to everything BSBH said! stood you up, on your birthday and new years'? DTMFA (Dump the MF already)

[PregnantLesbian]

If you feel like he's cheating then he is. Don't ignore the signs, or your feelings and intuition. That's what your instints are there for. Face it, men like {mod edit}, especially the kind that comes on a regular basis and without much effort.

 

Now, all is not lost, Diss him like he dissed you. Make him sweat, and not just for one or two days. Make him wait long enough, and beg until you feel he can appreciate you and the sex you give him.

 

All men are the same, and unfortuantly most of them do cheat. That doesn't mean he loves you any less, cheating it's enate in a mans DNA. LOL. If you can make yourself comfortable with that idea, and make and effort to teach and train him not to cheat, then he's the one for you. If he's not worth the effort or time, then don't waste it on him.

 

Bottom line is this: All men want you to give them direction, they want you to run them, but not run over them.

 

Men are like children, they will take advantage if you let them.

Don't let him.

[Joneysnai]

it's not cool that he stood u up but from what i have read it seems like u don't have any trust in him at all. if u don't why do u want to be with him? yeah u have been with eachother for six months but that is still a short amount of time, if there is this much doubt in your relationship with him at such an early stage, it will only get worse.

 

u say u have a hunch he is cheating on u, but when u ask him he keeps denying it. instead of just asking him, 'r u cheating on me?', why not be more detailed and direct. bring up the change in his behavior and ask him about it, if he doesn't show u his cell phone, tell him u think he is hiding something. maybe then he will show it to u.

 

on the other hand maybe he doesn't want to spend as much time with u because in his eyes u might be overbearing, as in constantly asking him and accusing him of cheating on u. that might be driving him away further from u. i don't know him like u do but playing devil's advocate here, i think the best thing for u to do is just voice your concerns and if he still doesn't answer u and is treating u the way he does, something is probably going on.

 

either way, it doesn't sound like there's much trust and communication in this relationship.

[yeawutever]

All men are the same, and unfortuantly most of them do cheat. cheating it's enate in a mans DNA. LOL.

Bottom line is this: All men want you to give them direction, they want you to run them, but not run over them.

 

Men are like children, they will take advantage if you let them.

Don't let him.

 

No not all men are like that, some people cheat, others don't. Just a while ago there was a guy posting on why girls cheat . Maybe you had a bad experience but don't use that to blame it on the whole population on the opposite sex. Chetaing isn't put on someone's DNA, it's a pattern of reckless behavior, eitehr b/c the person is selfish or simply doesn't love their partner.

 

As for the poster: If there's no trust in a relationship there's nothing. He might or not be cheating, but the main point is he's disrespecting you and it shows he doesn't care about you. Either have a final talk with him on this and say something like "Either you put your act together and show me your phone or it's over".

[candy604]

dump him if he's not treating you right. If he's allowed to go through ur phone etc..why can't you? As for washing himself off, that's disrespectful, something is definitely going on. I watched this dr.phil show once where this guy stalked his fiance all the time but had gf's on the side. Claimed he loved her etc..but in the end, he just had alot of anger and emotional problems to deal with.

 

hrm..i definitely think there's something going on. If you dont' think he's the right guy for you, break it off. There's so many guys out there to meet that will treat you right

[Hope75]

I especially love how you lump "all men" together, say that most of them cheat, and that they are like children.

[Rabican]

I especially love how you lump "all men" together, say that most of them cheat, and that they are like children.

 

Ya really, threads like that should just be deleted for waste of bandwidth

[radioheader]

i think some men will not give up a woman entirely until they have another sure thing to go to...he is treating you badly and it sounds like he may be trying to get with someone else but maybe she is not a sure thing yet so he wants to hold onto you until it is...since you aren't married, i'd move on but that is for you to decide...godd luck!

[treefrogkate]

I especially love how you lump "all men" together, say that most of them cheat, and that they are like children.

 

If this was a guy saying this about women, everyone would be all over him.

 

Generalizations don't help anything.

 

To the OP, I agree with everyone that said to talk to him and ask him what is going on. Maybe there is an alternate explanation for why he is acting the way he is, but you'll never know without talking it out.

 

Try not to come out sounding accusatory, though. I would say "Listen, I've noticed a lot of changes in your behavior lately, and I'm worried about you, and worried about us."

 

I do agree that the washing himself after sex thing (when he never used to) is rather odd.

[cantexplain]

OP - dump this guy! he sounds controlling and mean. ask yourself why you are in this situation so you attract better quality people in the future.

[CallingAllAngels]

Always trust you GUT...if you GUT tells you that he's cheating, then he probably is.

 

My husband lied to me about an affair he had (and that ended) 6 years ago. I ALWAYS "felt" like something was going on with this other woman, but he denied, denied, denied. In the end, it turned out that I was right. Believe me, I did NOT WANT TO BE RIGHT.

 

Anway, like someone else said "if you think he's cheating, then he probably is..."

 

Again...always listen to your gut instincts. Mine have always been right.

[cantexplain]

Always trust you GUT...if you GUT tells you that he's cheating, then he probably is.

 

...always listen to your gut instincts. Mine have always been right.

 

Yes I want to share that last night I reflected on some threads here with the question of spying on others when we feel there is something wrong.

 

What I accidentally realized last night, while going over my own romantic history, is that EVERY time I have spied I DID FIND that which I had initally feared IN MY GUT. (All my other failed relationships -- in which I did not suspect infidelity -- there were other reasons to the end, I'm quite sure For what it is worth, what is nice about these is that the feelings of love and friendship eventually were able to return. Its harder to really talk deeply with any of those who cheated, we seem to drift away on all levels in time.)

[ILovePasta]

Maybe he would just rather play video games or watch TV. That was my reasoning... though I lost the girl because of it. At the same time, if I really did care about her, I don't think I would've rather played video games or watched TV in the first place.... just saying.

[Big Jim]

I say you put him on the spot, say he's been acting weird and you feel that something is going on. Ask to see his phone "i know its stupid and nosey, but im freaking out and this would help me so much". Serious gfs had asked that of me and i handed it over, sure you can say "but if they really trust you..." , but in reality, everyone has periods of freaking out (called for or not). If its not a reoccurring thing, i never have had a problem, because i have no secerts. I would be pissed if i found my girl just snooping around because of the fact she went behind my back, however if she came to me and asked, i'm perfectly fine with it. People only worry when they have things to that would hurt the other person, which is a small part of a much bigger problem. Trust me, you want the truth as bad as it may be, so you will not waste anymore time either with him or worring.