Top University in the Nation....or....my Boyfriend?

[ashley001]

I'm a senior in high school right now and I've worked my tail off to get where I am. I got a 2150 on the SAT and my weighted GPA is a 4.6, I'm 2nd in my graduating class of 500...I got a full ride early admissions to Cornell University in New York...which is one of the top medical schools in the country, I've dreamed about going there since I was 8. I also got a full ride early admissions to UCSF, in that case I would be about 5 hours away from the boyfriend.

 

I've talked to my boyfriend about this and I know he doesn't want me going out of state...previously we had to go 9 months without seeing each other because I had something to attend to in MIchigan. and that was really hard for us..., but he SAYS that he wants me to do whatever I want to do. He's a year younger so he's staying in California. But, we've talked about our relationship status if i did go to new york, and we'd probably lose each other...

 

I don't know what to do...I'm madly in love with him, I've been with him for 2 years and if I let this go then I'll always wonder what if...I want to marry him, but then again I'm only 17 and all I know is this little space in California, but maybe I am destined to be here...but if we break up...I'll always think about what could have happened at Cornell...

 

I have no idea where I want to go...people also say that college is a new beginning and that relationships are different?

 

I'm just really lost and I need some guidance from anyone who's even been in this situation...

[Siriana]

Go honey, you really need to go.

 

You are waaaay too young to sacrifice something important as this.

And way tooo young to be able to know what's your life choice in love going to be.

And you need to see the world first.

 

I think it's immature that your bf wants you to pass such a good opportunity. That's right - if you brake up you'll wonder about Cornell.

 

This is a huge chance for you and a dream that not so many people can accomplish!

 

Once again GO you worked so hard for that. You deserve it. See what else there is in this world. The more you see the more you learn.

[Mr Mister1]

You gotta go to uni, you can't pass up a chance like this. What would you do if you didn't go career wise? Is there any suitable alternatives where you are? If not then it would be a LOT to sacrifice.

 

Also what would he do in your position?

 

Nah gotta take the opportunity, if it's really "meant to be" with him it will somehow work itself out later on.

[SarahRose]

Absolutely 100% go!

 

Never ever give up you education and career goals for a man!!!

 

Speaking from experience here. I put my education on hold and I could be sooo much further along in life if I hadn't. He was immature and jealous of my intelligence and successes in life and did his best to hold me back. I'm not even with him anymore.

 

So please go! If he really wanted what is best for you he would be happy for you and encouraging you to go.

[ashley001]

In response to Ellie...

 

I want change, all my life all I've known is southern california and i want to get outside of the little world i know and see what's out there and grow...

[Caer]

I don't want to tell you that your relationship, and you wanting to marry this guy, is unimportant, but in general people change a lot during university. As a statistic, you're unlikely to stay with the guy you met and started dating at 15. That may seem naive looking back after a few years.

I haven't been in your situation - ha, I wish I was that smart - but gaining independence and going through university changes most people a lot, I can say that much

Seriously, I'm not belittling you - neither who you are now nor your current relationship - just offering some perspective to help you make your decision.

[Momene]

I can see both sides of this but with you being 17 and him being 16, the chances are that you won't eventually marry. You will both change a lot and so will e world around you in a few years.

 

I think you're both right that you moving will probably mean you'll break up. You will probably mix with totally different people and he may no longer interest you.

 

If you were older, married and had kids, my advice would be very different and I'd be telling you to put the family first.

[musicguy]

Go to college, you worked your butt off to get your grades..this is a HUGE opportunity for you. Guys can come later. Besides there are a lot of guys that you'll get to meet when you're in college

[annie24]

just a question, if you are 17, how did you get admitted to UCSF? they are not an undergrad institution.

[ashley001]

we've talked about webcam and talking to each other every night and seeing each other over the break...we just know that it won't be the same...we're very intimate, not with sex and all, but cuddling and kissing and holding hands, we're constantly doing it and without it i don't know what our relationship would be like because we're both the type of people who need that affection..

[Caer]

Yeah, I too am the sort of person that can't imagine a long distance relationship . Also Ellie made the excellent point that you can always transfer - factor that into your decision-making, either way. It's easy to transfer between Unis in Australia, I assume it would be the same in the U.S.

[vermilion]

I know there have been tons of replies but I just have to butt in and say:

 

ARE YOU KIDDING!?

I and many other students would murder to get into Cornell let alone get a friggin' full ride!

 

I think you'd be wondering "what if?" even more if you didn't take this opportunity. Not only for your education but to get to the east coast- life's too short to stay in the same place forever.

 

And LD is tough. You're young and maybe you two should save each other the agony and break it off for college. It's going to suck walking around campus seeing all the cupples kiss and cuddle. If you're really meant to be together, you'll come back to each other one day.

[shikashika]

you've worked hard for it... go go go go!

 

not trying to be pessimistic.. but the vast majority of people we are with when we're 17 are not the people we end up..

 

If you give up this for him (and to put it bluntly.. you'd be CRAZY to!!!) you will regret it forever..

 

and you get it for free too?!?!?!?! Most of my friends who are my age... late twenties, early thirties are still paying off their student debt.. When you graduate its one less rope around your neck and that money can be used for something YOU want.. like traveling, down payment, whatever you want!

 

Congratulations on getting accepted!

[sophie274]

I'm pretty sure Cornell early decision is a binding program, i.e. you are REQUIRED to go now that you are admitted?

[Momene]

I know there have been tons of replies but I just have to butt in and say:

 

ARE YOU KIDDING!?

I and many other students would murder to get into Cornell let alone get a friggin' full ride!

 

I think you'd be wondering "what if?" even more if you didn't take this opportunity. Not only for your education but to get to the east coast- life's too short to stay in the same place forever.

 

And LD is tough. You're young and maybe you two should save each other the agony and break it off for college. It's going to suck walking around campus seeing all the cupples kiss and cuddle. If you're really meant to be together, you'll come back to each other one day.

 

I've never actually known anyone who dated in high school, broke up and got back together later. I honestly think you will go to uni but, within a term, will realise that you've outgrown him and your home town.

[Maygikal]

Hey Ashley... I feel your pain.

 

I'm in an extremely similar situation to you right now; I have the same SAT score, similar rank/GPA (my school calculates it weird, but that's a WHOLE other issue), have dreamed about going to Cornell for years, and want to enter the medical profession as well. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little more than a year and we had plans to attend the same college, until one day he told me that he didn't want to anymore (ouch).

 

That said, it's important for you to choose a college that's right for you, not based on national prestige or where your boyfriend is. Granted, both are factors, but they shouldn't be the most important. Ironically, my boyfriend's brother is currently a sophomore at Cornell on a full ride as well, so I've gone up to visit the campus with his family 4-5 times. Even though Cornell is still one of my "top schools," it wasn't exactly as suited for me as I thought.

 

I'm not sure what other advice I can give, because I need basically the same advice myself!

 

 

 

Hey, if all goes well and I get into Cornell with a decent amount of money (what it comes down to for me now) and you end up there too, we can help each other cope with this whole transition

 

 

And to Momene:

I've never actually known anyone who dated in high school, broke up and got back together later.

 

My parents did... they broke up for a year, but realized how much they missed being together and transfered to schools closer to each other. And it's a good thing, or else I wouldn't be here today! =D

[Momene]

... but did they date anyone else in between? I see a lot of potential for jealousy issues of who did what when you weren't together.

[Maygikal]

... but did they date anyone else in between? I see a lot of potential for jealousy issues of who did what when you weren't together.

 

They had made a mutual agreement to have a "first date" with other people during college, but once it progressed any further they would have to let the other party know. To me it sounds like a crazy arrangement, but hey, it worked for them. According to both my mom and my dad, dating other people only made them want each other more. I'm not sure exactly of the whole arrangement they had, obviously, but it shows that things have a funny way of working out sometimes.

[Daligal83]

How did you get a 2150 on the SAT? It's out of 1600...

[Maygikal]

How did you get a 2150 on the SAT? It's out of 1600...

 

The new SAT is out of 2400, they added a 800 point essay section.

[Daligal83]

Oh wow...I feel old!

[Daligal83]

I forgot to offer my tidbit of advice in my shock.

 

I've been through the decision you are making. I got into grad school about 3-4 hours away from the guy I was dating in undergrad. I also got into the school we were both attending at that time. He didn't understand why I wanted to go to the school farther away, and claimed I was running away from him. What I tried to explain to him (and what he never understood) was that it wasn't about him or our relationship, it was about my education. This was a better school with a program that had a concentration in the field I wanted to go into. It was just a better fit for me than our school. We did break up when I got here (doesn't mean you guys will though...this guy was a complete jerk), but I do not regret it for a second.

 

Now I am dating a guy who goes to where I went to undergrad, so we're doing the LDR thing. It's such a difference between the two relationships, so it's all about what you make it. If you guys have a strong relationship and a plan to eventually be together, you have a good shot. You are young, so it's not a gaurantee that you'll make it, but this is your future you are dealing with here. I think someone else already said this, but what if you stay in CA and then you guys break up for other reasons? You will have sacrificed your education and future career.

 

One quick question...have you been to Cornell to visit?

[hosswhispra]

I can see both sides of this but with you being 17 and him being 16, the chances are that you won't eventually marry. You will both change a lot and so will e world around you in a few years.

 

I disagree. Actually most people do go back and marry people who they knew since high school. I see it happen all the time. Usually the people go off and do their own thing (which I encourage the OP to do) have other relationships etc...but amazingly somehow circle back to eachother--5, 10, 15, even 20 years down the line.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Please, please, please, go.... If your love is all that strong, I don't see why your boyfriend isn't actively encouraging you to go pursue your dreams, and the two of you will find some way to stay together. Why would he ever want to stop you from following that dream, especially since there is nothing stopping you from being together in a year.

 

Tons of people go that length apart when someone is in the military service or special jobs etc. If the love is strong, it will stand, if the love is not strong enough, then there is no reason you should be giving your life's dream up for someone who can't make a short sacrifice for a lifetime of your happiness.

 

I know way too many people who have turned down an incredible opportunity for stay with someone they *thought* was true love, only to have the true love dump them a couple months later for someone else. You are only 17, and that scenario is probably more likely than not, since people that age tend to want to date around and eventually find someone else they want better than their high school sweetheart.

 

so please don't turn this down... just makes plans for him to move out in a year... if he can't wait that long, then he won't stick by you through life's other challenges either...

[Batya33]

Go honey, you really need to go.

 

You are waaaay too young to sacrifice something important as this.

And way tooo young to be able to know what's your life choice in love going to be.

And you need to see the world first.

 

I think it's immature that your bf wants you to pass such a good opportunity. That's right - if you brake up you'll wonder about Cornell.

 

This is a huge chance for you and a dream that not so many people can accomplish!

 

Once again GO you worked so hard for that. You deserve it. See what else there is in this world. The more you see the more you learn.

 

Completely agree- I had a similar decision to make 17 years ago. I didn't marry him thank goodness. My parents have been married almost 51 years. For the 4 years they were engaged - she was 17 when they got engaged - they were long distance while my dad worked on his doctorate (an 8 hour train ride - no plane travel) - there was no internet and phone calls were expensive and maybe once a week. they saw each other once a month. Worked for them.