What does it say about you if...

[dvd06002]

What does it say about you if you are someone who has no difficulty making friends, is very likeable, talented, ambicious, has no problem talking to women and has many attrative female friends, and yet is completely ignored by women when it comes to sex or relationships, never hit on by women, never receives reciprocation when he hits on someone, and gets turned down for dates by virtually every girl he aks out?

 

I would tend to think this has a lot to do with looks. My friends (male and female) inisist that I am not unattractive, but I have a very hard time believing them. My friends are hit on by girls all the time when we go out, but I never am. It makes me feel truly awful to be rejected like this all the time and I've been very depressed for the last several months. I'd totally get plastic surgery but I'm in grad school right now and can't afford it.

 

Has anyone here ever experienced anything like this? Was/is it because of your looks or is there something else that I'm not seeing?

[emma34]

Don't get plastic surgery...that won't fix self-esteem issues.

 

From my perspective, you don't have it so bad. I'm good at finding boys to like me, but not to be my friend.

There has definitely been times where I thought "what is wrong with me?? Why ám I not getting any attention from these guys?" To be honest, this often happens when I hang out with my ridiculously gorgeous girlfriends - I can't help but feel inadequate.

 

I doubt your looks is the problem though. I know this guy pretty well who sounds just like you - he's a great guy, and he has asked out girls, but it nenver seems to work out. he's 26 now and never really had a girlfriend. but he could! Maybe your problem is that your too quick to go to the "friend zone". Women will talk to you all night and never leave your if you talk to them like a person...but ya have to make sure they know u are interested in something more.

 

Don't give up hope - you sound like a confident, nice guy. Another thing is...maybe your standards are too high?

 

Good luck

[heloladies21]

I would tend to think this has a lot to do with looks.

Nope.

 

Lots of guys have this mistaken idea that girls think like guys when in reality looks can only help you in getting a girl and is a very overcomable obstacle.

 

You act like a friend to girls. In order to develop attraction, your actions have to be different than the ones you've been doing. More specifically your ability to flirt which includes what you talk about, but more importantly body language, eye contact, vocal tone projection, and pacing. It's all in the way that you do it.

 

If you want a good example of how these things shoudl be done, watch that show hogan Knows with Hulk Hogan. Both him and his son have skill on how to act. For flirting material, check out those Austin Powers movies. Use this type of teasing/sexual innuendo when talking to girls. It's funny and it works.

[itsallgrand]

I agree that it most likely isn't looks. It is probably something you aren't seeing.

You are probably 'the friend'.

 

Perhaps this sentiment is unpopular right now, but guys with a lot of 'girl friends' strike me as push-overs.

It is one thing to have a wide variety of friends, to be likable and friendly - that's good obviously.

It's another to be 'oh you joe, he's such a sweetheart and so funny!'.

The guy all girls 'can talk to' and share with, and he even knows about their relationship details. (is that you?)

 

Sorry if that sounds offensive. I merely wanted to cut to the chase.

 

It is good to take risks, and to have some girls/women not like you because of it. It is good to be rejected, and to reject.

In my opinion, there is no need to have a slew of 'female friends'. Why? Unless you truly have a real connection to these girls as people (think, if they were horribly ugly would you have encouraged the friendship) - it is possible you have other plans in the back of your mind.

Women can sniff this out easily, and it is a turn-off. Insincerity, basically.

 

If you are looking for a mate, you need to act like it. You must make your attention mean something, and not shower your energy all over the place.

Focus where it counts.

 

tc

[dvd06002]

A few years ago that would have described me to a T. But I've tried to avoid that role lately. People have told me that I'm too nice to girls, but I have a hard time seeing where you draw the line between treating women with respect and being the guy who is perpetually stuck in the friend zone.

 

It's not that I have other plans 'in the back of my mind'. If I like someone I try to flirt with her and let her know that I find her attractive. In every case where I've tried being forward, the girl has danced around the question, ends up not really answering it, and several weeks later she's off with some other guy.

 

The other thing I've noticed is that when I try to flirt with women it always seems uncomfortable. Part of flirtation is reciprocation and I find that I almost never get that. That's why I think I end up being in the friend zone. Not for lack of trying but because attempts at flirting always seem to come up against a subtle but obvious brick wall. I've noticed this isn't the case with my friends. That's why I asked about looks being the problem. If you have lots of things in common and that person enjoys your company, what else could be getting in the way besides her just not being physically attracted to you?

[heloladies21]

If you have lots of things in common and that person enjoys your company

These two things also have nothing to do with attraction.

 

Your ability at flirting needs to be improved.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Oh dude, sounds like me, stuck in friend zone lol. I'm way to close to everyone i've liked basically for things to get anymore. It sucks real bad lol. Ok firstly i very highly doubt it has anything to do with looks at all. Are you shyer then most of the other guys? Or are you totally outgoing? Either can be very good but also make girls think. Outgoing guys can sometimes be intimadating to alot of girls and make them think that they must be already taken, and shy guys can sometimes be over looked or seen as the sweetie not a possible date. At the same time lots of girls love the chase of the outgoing guy or the cuteness of a shy guy just depends. Someone out there will like you you just gotta find em As for being to nice to girls... Don't be a pushover but please don't turn into another stuck up jerk. The world has way to many of them already!

[Markers]

 

[if you have lots of things in common and that person enjoys your company]

 

These two things also have nothing to do with attraction.

 

Your ability at flirting needs to be improved.

 

I disagree. They do have a lot. It's a lot harder to flirt with a person who you have basically nothing in common with, or does not like your company. You can do it, but why bother with someone you have nothing in common with? or someone who doesn't like you?

[dvd06002]

I disagree. They do have a lot. It's a lot harder to flirt with a person who you have basically nothing in common with, or does not like your company. You can do it, but why bother with someone you have nothing in common with? or someone who doesn't like you?

 

Yeah but the point is that I do have lots of things in common with the girls that I'm reffering to and since they keep calling me and wanting to hang out I'm assuming they enjoy hanging out with me...they just don't want to be anything more than friends. That's where I'm concerned that looks might play the deciding factor.

[Kevin T]

I highly doubt it's your looks that are the problem, but if you're that certain it is... post a picture of yourself. We'll tell you what we think!

 

If looks were everything as you believe, then I would never see good-looking women with ugly guys. Yet I have, and do. And the same applies vice versa, too (which is even stranger since men are more looks-oriented than women). I've seen really good-looking guys with ugly, UGLY women. I mean, the girls were not at all good-looking, yet the guys they were with were! So it works both ways.

 

So, while looks play somewhat of a factor (of course, let's not be stupid), they aren't everything. If they were, then I would NEVER see the things I see everyday. Yet I do. I think it's safe to say that what you think about yourself is hurting you more than it's helping you. If you're that concerned about your appearance, then do something to fix what's wrong. Work out more, eat better (or less, I don't know), dress nicer, smell better, smile more, etc. And if you're doing all that already, then I highly doubt it's anything to do with your looks.

 

It's probably not how others see you that is the problem, it's how YOU see you.

[dvd06002]

]

 

There you go. I'm in good shape. I work out a lot. I run. My hygiene is fine I assure you.

 

I'm not saying looks are everything but it really kills your self esteem to have women ignore you all the time.

[Kevin T]

Didn't work.

 

Anyway, you're the man. You're supposed to be the one PURSUING women, not the other way around! (Believe me, I know where you're coming from though.)

 

Maybe the women can sense your lack of confidence and that drives them away, even?

[jessicake]

mmm i couldnt see the picture either.

 

but i really doubt its your look.. especially when all of your friends say your not unattractive.

 

i agree with most here who are saying you are stuck in the friendzone. some guys just have a whole pile of female friends but not girlfriends.

 

they are also the men that i would not go out with or date for an extended amount of time. because i would feel that i am not really special, and that i am just another girl-friend, not a significant girl other. perhaps that may be a problem? especially if lots of ur female friends are v. attractive, maybe it will intimidate girls u want to date?

[CaptainPlanet]

Yes, just suck it up and take it like a man. Keep trying and work out heaps.It really does help, women will lie to you do not believe them. Work out like crazy and keep trying.

[dvd06002]

the link didn't work for you guys?

[dvd06002]

image removed

 

Ok, how's that?

 

Honestly, I'm surprised at all the people who have suggested that my looks have nothing to do with this without even seeing my picture. I'm certain there are many instances where a guy can be unattractive and still elicite attention from women. There are plenty of guys who are outgoing and funny who can use those assets to over come their lack of good looks. I, however, am not one of those people. I excel in the arts and sciences. I'm a grad student working on protein kinetics in a biochemistry lab. In my spare time I write songs and paint. I enjoy intellectual discussions and get excited debating sociology, philosophy, and theology. I'm not completely akward in a social setting but I'm not gifted with a great sense of humor or an exceedingly extroverted personality.

 

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I agree with the popular sentiment that in this game looks aren't everything. However, if your talents are not within the social spectrum, and you don't have any looks to back it up, then it's like fishing with a naked line.

[heloladies21]

Dude, you're good looking enough to get any girl in this world. It's the other things you need to work on.

[Kevin T]

You're not a bad looking guy. I've seen far worse looking men with hot girls, so I don't believe it is your looks, but rather, how you have been down on yourself about them. So stop it!!!