THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Benjyh]

7 Days - Made it to a week, which is damn good for me, but not feeling much different, guess i will have to wait and see if she can leave me alone now, im guessing not, i give her 2 days before she leaves me another kind of message somewhere like she has done for the last month....

 

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

 

Woo 100th post....is that good or bad...

[Muzatsu]

Day 32

 

Heard about a friend having problems with her own SO, made me think about my own ex and the problems we used to have. Seems that all the couples around me are falling apart. Does not seem encouraging.

[CrapAtNC]

I'm doing OK!

[orchidrose]

Today is day 22. I had a minor breakdown on Saturday at my mom's house, but it felt good to get that all out. I was starting to get back into the mindset of a possible reconciliation, which just isn't going to happen (God, I don't even want it to). I've been talking to a guy online in the last few days that will probably not go anywhere, but it's good to know I could get excited about someone again. The whole month of August is going to be very tough; we started talking about a year ago today, went on our first date a few days later, and got together officially on my birthday, the 26th. Just trying to get through this month and I think I'll feel a lot better come September.

[Milk You]

I broke NC two days ago, talked with my ex about minor things like getting a new puppy and work. I don't really have feelings for him while I'm talking to him, but I think about him more when he's not around. Odd. I decided to go NC again until these were sorted out.

[brook7lyn]

I'm definitely in! I need all the support I can get with this NC thing. I'm technically 11 days into mine, but it might take him some more time than 30 days for him to forgive me anyway!

THANKS for the great idea!

[JeckyllNHyde]

Day 16 of NC...

 

Im doing ok.

Just really still miss talking to the ex and seeing what he is upto, having our long talks...

Dont really have an urge to contact him first though, specially since I wouldnt really know what to say or if he even thinks about me.

 

Still cant really picture myself dating anyone new even though me and this guy only dated 2-3 months.

Been going to the gym and also working on losing a few pounds like i have wanted to for quite some time.

I still have a positive outlook on the future though

[CrapAtNC]

Doing OK today, but need to go take my fish oil and vit B supplements, as I'm feeling just a little sad ... :sad:

[macgyver4ever]

+4 months

 

I doubt many of you remember me on the NC Challenge, but it was very hard for me. It took me 2 months, and 3-4 tries to finally complete it. Not talking to her wasn't that hard for me, because she treated me so poorly, and had changed into a person I no longer wanted to know.

 

It's 4 months of no contact later ( almost 6 months since the break up) and things are a little better. We were together for 4 years, so I am still not 100% healed. I am still suffering from the shock and pain from the betrayal, and trying to learn as much as I can from this along the way. Things have changed. I no longer Hate my ex, or the guy she is with. I'm still very hurt by what happened, but am trying to come to terms and accept that the decision she made was hers. I wonder if the girl I fell in love with ever came back, or what she has turned into. I've had no contact with her, her family, or any of her friends in the time. I miss her family more than anything, and hope they are well. Near the end of the relationship, I was closer to them than she was, which caused a rift between us.

 

So I know many of you are still questioning if NC is right for you. I feel I did the right thing for myself, and for her, but not sure if it was right for our relationship. I many ways I feel like I gave up on it, but honestly at the time our relationship was a lost cause. It was causing me more pain and stress than I could bear, and I needed to end it. My ex is probably still with this other guy, and even if she wasn't. she would probably not call me because of shame, guilt, and stubbornness. I may contact her, relieve the air of tension and anger that seems to be over our past, and see how everyone is doing. The ball is in my court, in my control, and I can contact her when I am ready and willing to put myself through any pain it may cause.

 

Focus on yourself, and on the new and wonderful future you all will have. It's an exciting, yet scary road to travel, but it will get better.

 

Take Care.

[bubblyblonde11]

26 day NC and still going strong have no urges/desires to contact him. I'd rather spend my time contacting people who want to hear from me or even act like they do!

 

4more days and I've done the challenge but I won't stop there and going for record breaking NC

 

Do I get a prize or a little gold star........pllleeeeeeaaaaasssseee

 

Lol

[orchidrose]

bubblyblonde -

I never realized how truly similar our situations are. Today is day 24 of NC for me, too! I have come such a long way. NC for this long seemed impossible immediately after the break-up; now, it's just a way of life. I have no urge to contact him. If he wants anything, it's all up to him now. I had a very good appointment with my therapist today where she pointed out to me that I keep wanting someone to take care of me, keep giving all this love, and no one ever does. He certainly never did. Everyday seems to be getting easier and easier, and I couldn't be happier! I literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me when I left therapy today.

 

My biggest concern right now is that he will show up. My birthday is 2 weeks from Sunday, and I'm afraid that if I don't hear from him then, I will soon. I don't know what I'd do, but the therapist & I are going to talk through it next week.

[CrapAtNC]

More than a week! Woo hoo!

 

But, her MSN sig says she's looking for someone to take care of her cats - I guess she's going away on business again. That means I'll be getting a call soon, as I'm the one who usually looks after her cats. Not sure what I should do. She looked after my cat when I went away. Any suggestions?

[TMinCali]

More than a week! Woo hoo!

 

But, her MSN sig says she's looking for someone to take care of her cats - I guess she's going away on business again. That means I'll be getting a call soon, as I'm the one who usually looks after her cats. Not sure what I should do. She looked after my cat when I went away. Any suggestions?

 

Good grief.. look after her cat if that's what you want to do. Just don't do/say anything stupid. Be the guy she fell in love with. And that's the guy that was sweet, caring, funny and attractive. By attractive, I mean someone she wanted to be around.

 

Now if you said you didn't want to watch her cat, how would she perceive that? I know it should be more about you, but if you want her back, don't let her know you're avoiding her or might possibly be still hurting. That's a major turnoff. Especially if it has been some time since the break up.

 

If it's been awhile and she's responding positively to you, it's up to you to turn these positive interactions into something that could be more. WE have to change their minds by OUR actions. Never forget that they left us for a reason. Don't remind them that they made the right decision.

 

Good luck!

[jimbobdaley]

I broke NC after 8-9 Days

 

She messaged me to tell me her mum has an anurism on the base of her brain.

 

That is really really sad, shes going to call me tonight

 

I messaged back and saying sorry to hear etc, what time will you call?

 

then she wrote "I only want to call you to talk about money etc" how slack

 

I'm not ready to talk to her

[CrapAtNC]

Thanks, TMinCali!

 

I see you're right. I was going to ignore the calls or refuse to take the cats (last time she told me it was a business trip but she was also going away with the rebound guy). But I can see that, as she would be making contact and also wanting to see if I have changed, I should do what I want to do, which is look after the cats with no questions asked, and be bright and cheery about it, which I am now anyway.

 

Let's see if she contacts ...

 

Thanks again.

[Coyote9]

About 4 months out now, with one indirect phone and text message a couple weeks back regarding a sudden death in her family. I feel so clear now about how lousy this relationship really was, how unloved I felt for so much of it, especially the last year, and how we simply never really were on the same page. What I miss is not so much her, but the dream of what I hoped she and I could create together. She shared that insofar as she fell hard for me first, and I was the skeptical one, given her committment issues in her past and her very recent divorce.

 

I know I would forget her tomorrow if I was to meet someone I was truly interested in who was also strongly interested in me. But my dating life is laughable at this point and I can't seem to transition from the world of a steady and committed relationship, bad as it was, to the casual world of dating.

 

So it's all about being with myself at this point, without the constant pain of thinking about her or wanting to contact her, what is left is a profound sadness and a sense of being truly sick and tired of this...or writing about it, talking about it and thinking about it. Perhaps that's the beginning of apathy? I certainly hope so....

[Muzatsu]

broke contact, GAHHH.

Tomorrow is day one again.

[CrapAtNC]

Duct tape! Duct tape!

 

After more than a week of appearing offline on MSN, today I came online a couple of times so she could contact me re. the cats ...

 

Be strong, Crap. Be strong!

[bubblyblonde11]

Duct tape! Duct tape!

 

After more than a week of appearing offline on MSN, today I came online a couple of times so she could contact me re. the cats ...

 

Be strong, Crap. Be strong!

 

Why not block and delete her, its hard but I did it to my ex, after a few days you forget a little and then it cannot wind you up so much hun.

[Loris]

5 days today. My previous best was 3 days so this isn't bad for me. She came in to see me at work yesterday after she finished a meeting. Didn't last long and then she text me last night saying she bumped into one of her ex ex's in the supermarket! I hope, by looking at her ex ex she realised what a catch I was

[SoulDestroyed]

i thinks it's time to sign up to this challenge! Day 2 of NC for me. The break up was two months ago and I tried NC, the longest was 12 days but then my resolve broke and I called him far too much. I hope I can last 30 days!!

[CrapAtNC]

Why not block and delete her, its hard but I did it to my ex, after a few days you forget a little and then it cannot wind you up so much hun.

 

Thanks for the input, bubbly. It's been hard enough just not contacting!

 

For me, I am over the break-up, over the pain, over the heartache, and I have been working on myself and really enjoying now making myself and my work the focus of my life. If I block her completely, that would be because I am having a hard time with it all, which I'm not. Plus, I am open to reconciliation with this lady, and so I leave the door open. She's not the best one at communicating, so I don't want to make it any more difficult for her to do that.

 

I will respond nicely but politely to all communication from her. That's it.

 

Not sure if I'm presenting a good argument here ...

[Enn]

Accurately speaking, I'm at day 28 (as dumper of someone who was being unbearable - pushing then pulling, spending loads of time with other women 'friends').

 

I keep having moments of extreme panic, as I work with this man. He works freelance in here and though he isn't in now I have panics every time I look at ANY female co-workers. He has a lovely practice of emailing

all female new-starters when they join. He builds up all these marvellous friendships and quite often gave the impression he was single.

 

When he's in I'm obsessively looking at his screen and feel like crying every time he's on Facebook - and when I see this other woman looking at Facebook I feel like doing something too. It's very probable nothing is going on but I am a nervous wreck. How do I stop this?! I've felt like this on and off for the two years I've known him. He seems addicted to the attention of women.

 

When I finished it he said he 'wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.' All I wanted was an apology, a proper one and an assurance that he wouldn't do it again. Then...nothing. Arghhhhh.

[CrapAtNC]

She found someone to look after the cats, so I can go back to moving on now ... ho hum.

[surfjon]

9th day of NC, absolutely "0", the kids each have cell phones so I can arrange logistics of seeing them directly with them. I don't have to talk to her at all, she moved out after 19 years of marriage, said it was to be "temporary", then signed a 1 year lease and moved herself and the kids there. She wanted some "space" so I'm giving her space and because we both deserve it, may be the only chance to save things.

 

I wont lie and say it's been easy, I still breakdown several times a day, it's been hard as hell because when I'm in that state I want to hear her voice, but I clench my fists so the can't dial, I dig my fingernais into my palms and squeeze hard, so hard infact I drew blood a few days ago. I breathe deeply, get on-line and read some posts, maybe reply to a couple. The point is, I don't call, I don't send the sad-sack email, I don't send the desperate text message, and I thereforeeee don't have to hear the cold voice, dont have to read the stressed email saying "we've gone over this", and I don't have to wait for the text message that never comes.

 

So I wait.........like everyone else.........

So I go to work, go to the gym, ride my bike, go out at night and play at open-mic nights, go home and try to sleep and then repeat the next day.

It's hard to even eat, someone else pointed out it's the "chewing" thing, it's easier to have protein shakes, smoothies, soups, etc. to avoid the chewing

aversion, as a vegetarian it's easy...............can't imagine how you meat-eaters could eat a slab of meat at a time like this

 

Confucius say "Man who sit on toilet all day have crappy outlook"