TijuanaJones Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Everyone, great job! I don't know if its good advice, but consider meeting new people and start going out again... My friends set me up with this beautiful girl and gave me her MSN... I started having a conversation with her this week and she thought I was funny and charming. I made her laugh so hard! Its nice to know you can make other people happy, and it gives you an ego boost to know a beautiful girl is curious to meet you! Tonight Im going out with her. No expectations of any kind on my part, I still love my ex-gf, but I dont think Im gonna waste the opportunity to meet a gal who is fun and appreciative of me... Who knows, maybe she'll become my best friend, or even my new gf hehe. For now it just feels good to have my ego restored, so I can be the fun and confident guy I was before mi ex broke up with me... So yeah, go out, have fun, meet people, and dont pass on the opportunity to meet someone just because your heart is aching. Good luck to all of you out there! Everyday will be easier and its incredible how much strenght you will gain... believe me... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 rsxguy Nice to hear about the filipino girl! Thats the kind of things that help you regain your confidence faster. Go out more often and maximize your chances! Before, I used to complain I had almost no friends, so I decided not to say No to invitations to social events... Now I have a pretty active social life hehe I would wait a week and go back to that restaurant, eat, and then go to this girl and say to her "can you please bring me my check... and your telephone number?" I do things like that and girls smile... sometimes I get a number, sometimes not, but its worth the risk... just a thought take care Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 tj! i gotta try that line out man! hahaha Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 rsxguy Nice to hear about the filipino girl! Thats the kind of things that help you regain your confidence faster. Go out more often and maximize your chances! Before, I used to complain I had almost no friends, so I decided not to say No to invitations to social events... Now I have a pretty active social life hehe I would wait a week and go back to that restaurant, eat, and then go to this girl and say to her "can you please bring me my check... and your telephone number?" I do things like that and girls smile... sometimes I get a number, sometimes not, but its worth the risk... just a thought take care lol thats such a slick line...hahha... Link to comment
luciand Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 day 7: not much happening, watched House most of the day and got a little curious, decided to check my ex's profile and found a few songs listed. Checked out the lyrics and surprise surprise they kind of fit for our situation. Very conveniently placed I might add. W/e, life goes on. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 tonymar75, Thanks for your words of encouragement. Feeling much better today and suspect I will feel better still when I have moved my things tomorrow. I can give you my e-mail if you ever need to contact me. We do seem to have a lot in common and like you I am waiting for the day when he is not the first thing on my mind in the morning and that last thing on my mind before I go to sleep. Glad everybody else is doing good. Parsley, glad you had a great time in Portsmouth! x Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 ending day 12 (well, almost.....the work day anyway) on a good note.... going snowboarding tomorrow so i'm quite excited. things are looking up! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Right - I just looked at his myspace page. But hear me out first, k? Ok, well I woke up a lil while ago and already felt great. Something, I'm not sure what, made me think of the ex, and it felt different to before. Where before, when I thought of him the very instant that I did, I was trying to stop it, this time it just felt like "oh...and?". I didn't really know what to think about this. I can't say that I'm over him, I know I'm not. But then I didn't know why I was feeling like that, or I didn't understand. So I wanted to kind of...test the waters with other things to see if my heart did that kind of jig it did before. I started out just by checking the email account he used to send messages to. Before when I looked at it and saw nothing I'd feel...crap. But now it felt normal, just like checking my inbox before. So with that done I thought I'd try looking at the myspace page. So I did and it, well it didn't feel as normal as looking at the inbox, but it still felt ok. i didn't have to worry about seeing his picture or anything, because the one he uses doesn't look that much like him. So yeah. The rules say I have to post when I do something like that and how I feel - so I did. It was like I had to guage where I was. I'm not over him...but I'm getting there. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Parsley: I'm glad the inbox is starting to feel normal for you, and the MySpace page is getting easier to look at. It's Day 8 for me, and I started the challenge 13 days ago. LUCKY 13!! In the middle of the night, as always these days, I woke up to thoughts of my ex tumbling around in my head like big, sticky snowballs. (Okay, it was also storming at the time). Why did he leave? What is he doing these days? etc. But there was one major difference. After about 45 minutes of going over the same things, I asked myself the million dollar question: would I take him back? No. Is there anything he could do to make me change my mind? A little more difficult, but still 'no'. What?? Well, for me the break-up is leading me to really work on myself and deal with some cold hard facts about how I date, who I date, what makes me happy, and what constitutes a good life. He isn't taking the break-up as an opportunity to reflect, grow, etc., but just to rebound and slide into the exact same patterns. In and of itself, this isn't terrible...but added along with how malicious, thoughtless, and arrogant he's been since the break-up....well, I guess there's the tipping point. The other thing I've been thinking about. Yesterday, one of my friends who I haven't seen since before the break-up told me I'm doing eerily well, and she was surprised because I'm such a sensitive and emotional person. I thought about what she said, and being well doesn't make me any less sensitive. SuperDave is right: it feels like a choice. I could be sensitive to the pain of a break-up, or I could be sensitive to all of the pleasures that life has to offer. And I choose Door #2. I choose to be excited by the snow on the ground, by my dates this weekend, by living life to its fullest. So today I'm doing the usual. I'm going to get some work done, run, do some chores, and see some friends tonight at one of my favorite bars. Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 The ex phoned me "for work reasons" today and when she asked how I was I told her I was fine and asked her how her mother is... She lives on a docked boat on the south coast of England - There were gale force winds in that area yesterday so she was in my thoughts. She told me her mother is fine and then started to chat more and more... I cut it short. I feel bad as I've been ignoring every attempt of hers to contact me and now I've gone back on that I suppose, I don't want her to think I'm playing games, I was just genuinely concerned about her mother. I hope she doesn't now think it's "ok" to contact me. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Zombiain, If the concern was genuine, I think it's better to have asked your ex about her mom than to keep strict NC. Sure, you risk sending a mixed signal, but all you have to do now is stay firm about NC. I guess just think carefully about your motives for asking... Link to comment
littlebylittle Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Zombian - I shouldn't over analyse it. I work with my ex and have taken two weeks off in an attempt to go with NC before going back to work to face her. I logged on today to check my work emails and there was one from her asking about my sister (she's undergoing treatment for cancer at the moment) - I didn't think it would be fair to ignore it, that's just cruel. I don't see it as breaking NC as ultimately I've just updated her and left it at that, I ignored all her other questions. So, what I think I'm trying to say is, don't worry about it, if she does start contacting you again just ignore it again. Don't take it that you are starting over, it's simply a case of beinga caring bloke and checking on her mum. You can't say fairer than that. If you actually want her back then the fact that you are still caring, albeit about her mum rather than her, then this could work in your favour. Bottom line, don't beat yourself up. I think too much emphasis is put on total NC sometimes on these forums, there are always times when it's sensible to break it - regardless of what some say about no excuses. If you hadn't checked then you'd be doing yourself a dis-service. (I'm assuming you did it for genuine reasons and just for some contact!). Sounds to me like you did what was needed, for YOU. All good. Take it easy. Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Day 2...Part Dos! Well after sending the message yesterday I still have no regrets, and I still feel better that I did. Today has been good so far. Although something has been bothering me lately. At night I have been having dreams with her in them...however its not like they used to be when we were together. When we were together I would have romantic dreams about us..But now they are just turning strange.Just stuff I cant really explain... It sucks because I can totally control my daily life without her in it, but there is really nothing i can do about my dreams. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. But anyway I woke up and felt better to be able to start my day as usual. Tonight a bunch of us are going out to hear some live music in the area...it should be a good time. I always look forward to Fridays as they are a good way to take my mind off her. Another thing I forgot to post awhile ago. I saw awhile back that someone had posted a picture of her with her new guy online, she deleted it very soon after probably thinking that I didnt see it. If she was seeing this guy and I knew it why would she delete the picture. Just a question not really a big deal. Hope everyone is having a great day. TGIF!!!!! -KR Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 krnelson, I totally had weird dreams about my for about three weeks after the break-up whereas in the past they were much more fun. The dreams were stressful, made my sleep uncomfortable, and sometimes left me feeling crappy when I first woke up. To deal, I force myself to think about other things before falling asleep....but I think because we tend to push our exes out of our thoughts during the day, the info unfortunately gets dream-processed! It's a kooky theory, I know. About the picture: also experiencing something similar. My ex spends almost every day with the woman he cheated on me with. Even when we talked about our feelings, he's lied and said he's not seeing anyone. I think he's doing it for some combination of the following reasons: 1. he doesn't want me to be hurt 2. he doesn't want to deal with explaining himself 3. he doesn't think it's my business 4. he wants me to like him still 5. he wants to keep his options open Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Shaker- Thanks for the response. I think you are right about the dreams, although I rarely think about her before I go to bed, I try and fall asleep to a movie so I am so tired I just crash. About the picture I think you are right about her still wanting me to like her and not wanting to hurt me. But the thing is (it was on facebook) the picture would have been sent to him too so he knew it was on there. Another thing people have been asking her to put up her pictures from her birthday last weekend (he was there) but she hasnt yet. I dont know if she is so into moving on it just seems that she would be doing these things and not worrying so much about me, especially after the message I sent her the other day. Thanks again -KR Link to comment
andreap Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Hi everyone, Today is DAY 31 of NC...day 15 of the challenge!! At times I am o.k., but yesterday I just kept having this bad feeling that something is wrong....like something happened to him....and last night I had some really bad nightmares w/ him in them.....ugg!!! I think a lot of this is because this whole drama has been going on for soooooo long!! I also think my ego is a little bruised b/c deep down I thought for sure he would have tried to contact me again by now....maybe I truly hurt his feelings that day he approached me in the parking lot....but all I did was tell him that I really didn't want to talk to him about the same old nothing again and told him I had to go inside and wished him a good day??? whatever. I think at this point I am dangerously close to breaking NC as I am wanting to know how his Dad is doing and if everything is o.k.....but I'll try to get through ANOTHER day. Hope everyone else is hangin in there....I think this is now officially the longest I have gone NC since the initial breakup in May 2005!! or it's at least getting close to it. Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Thanks, to you and Shaker. I thought long and hard about whether I should ask and what my motives were. It was genuine, her mum is lovely and just wanted to make sure she was ok. It wasn't some lame attempt to "remind" the ex how caring I am - if she didn't firgure that out while we were together, nothing I can do in the aftermath will open her eyes! She has since attempted to talk to me 3 times today, but I haven't responded. Crazy - if it were so important to her to keep me in her life the mind boggles to understand why she's dump me... Anyway, not thinking about her motives anymore - she knows the score, if she wants to try again she may contact me, if she doesn't she may not. Link to comment
littlebylittle Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Sounds like your head is in just the right place. Like the rest of us I'm guessing your heart is somewhere else altogether. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 The Key is to SYNC your heart to your head. Sounds silly ...but it's true.....ask anyone that has gone thru this. They will tell ya.. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Truth be known, I'm doing well. Feeling pretty good. I've learned a great deal about myself in the past couple of months, I've hit the gym - looking the best I've ever looked (even if you don't agree - I like the hat n' hair!) I've made plans I intend to stick to. Don't much fancy dating yet as I'm really working hard on being the best Zombiain I can be and don't need a "partner" to validate my existence. When I'm feeling completely happy within myself, then I'll start getting out there again. Having said, that if I meet someone else then so be it. Que Sera Sera. Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 i really need to talk to someone private..please PM me.. Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 i really need to talk to someone private..please PM me.. I'm at work, Bunnie, so PM is hard right now, but I check this thread occasionally during the day to give me strength. I just wanted to tell you that you have the strength in you to get through this tough time. I know you know that, but we also all know that it helps to hear it... Sending postive vibes your way... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 ok lemme see day 15?...lol i began to lose track of the days...i have to read my previous post just to keep to date.. anyways!! again, woke up too another beautiful day...bestfriend call to see how im doing...weird how its the 3rd consecutive day he has called me to chat. lol so i entertained him on the phone for a bit...went to get food and return some movies..felt real nice..visit my church for a bit...and yeah so far the day has been well for me, and I'm feeling well...im just so eager to get my new damn phone in the mail...lol..i guess for me as long as the weather feels great, i feel great..haha..man this weekend is gonna suck, my brother is going to a retreat up in big bear with our church, i guess i gotta maintain busy and find some stuff to do with some people this weekend..or i can fall back spend QUALITYYY time with my parentals..who knows? update this later on tonight..i hope everyone is having a swell day! Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Day 9 for me...and it's hurting just as much as it did the day he left me. Link to comment
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