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audrey28

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Everything posted by audrey28

  1. audrey28
    Thought this is funny: Don’t cry bec it’s over, smile bec it happened and he didn’t get you pregnant. On second thought, though, you’d probably kind of like that to happen on some level.
  2. audrey28
    I’m sad and I miss you. It was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?
  3. audrey28
    Hey. I feel awkward reaching out to you bec, well, you seem to have just disappeared. I’m not angry but it was confusing. I thought we had at least open lines of communication. Not sure what’s going on but whatever it is, I hope you’re fine. Be well.
  4. audrey28
    panda2008, i hope so too....it's just difficult thinking that everything i ever planned is not coming true anymore
  5. audrey28
    hi panda2008. let's use our anger to our benefit.....it's tough huh....we're both on day 3. sigh.....
  6. audrey28
    day 3- i woke up feeling a lot better than yesterday (i cried my heart out yday). the reality is not sinking in yet....that this may really be over. i am still angry and hurt at what he did and how he made no attempt to apologize.....i cannot even begin to imagine how i will tell people that my plans...our plans....may not push through. more than anything, the pain is just overwhelming....i am just taking it literally minute by minute.....i feel lucky i have a job so at least i'm not focusing on this heartbreak every waking second.
  7. audrey28
    cr44hill....we're on the same page....very tempted....it's my day 2 as well...
  8. audrey28
    day 1 of nc background: we had a fight and i wanted to clear my mind....i got a very cold response. i need to do nc to reflect on this relationship. i feel i have done my part and if this were to work, he has to take the initiative. i feel i have done a lot of the heavy lifting already. i feel terrible....very insecure, full of fear. i am terribly afraid of being alone, of the prospect of being single, having to tell everyone that our plans will not push through...thought of people's pitying looks is unbearable.....but i need to be in a relationship for the right reasons....i need to be respected and listened to and valued and appreciated. someone who does not want to listen to how i feel does not deserve me. i'm a catch and i should not put up with this. i feel like crying and apart from this forum, i don't really want to tell anyone else how i am feeling right now.
  9. audrey28
    i feel somewhat ashamed of being back here again. the first time i found this forum, i did NC for like a month....then the bf and i got back together. things were better in some ways but the fundamental problems were still there. now we have broken up again....NC for a few weeks and then back to talking to each other regularly. i think i am still in denial...a part of me still wants us to get back together but i am realizing things about myself...my co-dependent behaviors, the pattern in this relationship and my family background...and i just don't want to set myself up for failure anymore. with that said, i recommit myself to NC. i hope to have the strength to follow through, to conquer my fears, to just feel the pain when it creeps up, and to heal the damages that were done. it's not going to be easy but i must let go.
  10. audrey28
    start of day 5 for me he is still on my mind a lot. i check my email constantly...hoping that i would get an email from him. i miss him very very much and i am having a really hard time accepting that it's over. i have to remind myself of the reasons why i am better off (he was not there for me when i needed him most, he made me feel not only unappreciated but stupid when i help him out with favors etc, he did not make me feel that our relationship was a "team effort, i was the one who always initiated apologies even if he was the one who did something wrong...). i also have to remind myself that when we were still in a relationship, i wanted out but just didn't have the courage to face my fears. i am going to be traveling i a few days so hopefully that will help. i am seriously depressed and i find life pointless right now. every minute just seems so damn long. i feel so alone in my suffering. i torment myself with thoughts that he is moving on happily... yesterday was better because i hung out with a few friends. but even then, at the back of my mind, i'm still consumed by thoughts of him.... i just wish i can suddenly wake up and realize i no longer feel the need to have him in my life.
  11. audrey28
    day 3 for me of NC....it's been tough..... i feel very restless and lonely. when i'm home, i can't wait to leave the house. when i'm out, i can't wait to go home thinking crying would give me some relief. i realize i may be co-dependent...addicted to relationships that do not meet my basic needs..... i am online most of the time because i somehow want to see his name light up on messenger.....even though i know he has already blocked me....i know bec i received an email from him a few days ago....he appeared offline even as i just received his email. i am feeling very desperate and alone in this world. i know i have to deal with the loneliness...but it is quite hard....
  12. audrey28
    start of day 22.... time flies. i am feeling ok about things. however, i had a friend who got into a snowboarding accident. went to the hospital, saw all the sick people, and now i'm feeling that life is really short....and rethinking the past relationship.... i guess i am ok and moving on (somewhat). at the same time, i am getting more and more unsure of how i feel now about the ex....
  13. audrey28
    i feel the same way...there is a part of me that hopes i an be with my ex again... for me though, i know it's not going to work.....and i am thinking now that i am actually addicted to this relationship more than anything else....i've always known the problems, yet i carried on for the temporary relief the relationship offered. a lot of what i'm feeling right now is loneliness....the feeling that i am all alone in this world.
  14. audrey28
    Day 17: I am starting to notice a pattern. I wake up feeling good about things, and experience the "lows" when I get triggers (e.g. getting an email from his friend). i am anxious about night times because this is the time of the day we used to spend together. i've been going out everynight and just changing my routine....i am thinking of the small advantages of being alone (as opposed to being with him) such as having my place exactly the way i want it, having my dvd collection alphabetized, having a smoke-free environment etc etc. boston23: yes, i am definitely reflecting on my life right now...decisions i've made, the future etc. fortunately for me, things are looking up career-wise. i am getting leads/invitations for better opportunities and i feel that these are things i can readily explore. looking back, i realize that i was sacrificing other options for the sake of the relationship...that maybe i didn't even consider the possibility of relocating because there was another person to think about. tijuanajones, i actually got a bold haircut hahahaha!
  15. audrey28
    start of day 15 for me. the weekend was generally good. i find that there are times of the day it's actually quite easy, and other times of the day when i get restless and really want to call him. i go so far as to think i should "cheat" the challenge and no one will really know anyway. i just deal with it by putting things into perspective. so far, the "one minute at a time" mentality has worked wonders. good luck everyone and hang in there!
  16. audrey28
    ending day 12 (well, almost.....the work day anyway) on a good note.... going snowboarding tomorrow so i'm quite excited. things are looking up!
  17. audrey28
    i am on day 12 today....you are farther off than i am....i don't know how to get to where u are (2.5 weeks)....but you did it, so believe that you have the strength to go on. i look up to ppl who are farther off than i am and i get this encouragement. u were strong and u can continue to be so. we're here to help each other, and in the process we also realize that we have this inner strength that helps us carry on. just always remember that you're not alone in this. there are people in your life who care about you- friends, family, people in this forum. and there is a future. 10 years from now, the pain we are experiencing now will be a distant memory. the time will come when we will be thankful that we were strong enough not to give in...because the rewards of being at peace with ourselves is worth the wait.
  18. audrey28
    TonyMar75, i know it's not easy...but we're all here in the same dilemma....and we'll get through this together too. I understand the abruptness....it really is difficult to let go. we are not just letting go of a person, but a whole idea of our imagined futures, our routine, our habits, our comfort zone, our dramas, even our victimhood. but it can happen! it will happen!
  19. audrey28
    right on!!!
  20. audrey28
    start of day 12 for me. i am proud of myself for getting through day 11. yesterday i had a really hard time. i was very tempted to break NC. these were the things that helped me NOT break NC: 1. i reminded myself that i can just take one minute a time. if i can manage NOW, i will be ok 2. i don't want the past 10 days to go to waste 3. my competitive nature just won't allow myself to post here and say i'm back to zero 4. i asked myself why i felt the need to talk to him. do i want to be with him again? no. so it's clear that calling him will accomplish nothing 5. i tried to focus my energy elsewhere. although i didn't get to do anything (i wanted to read but couldn't concentrate, went out with a friend but my mind was elsewhere), it helped that i at least tried i know it will get easier in time....and this forum is a great venue for me to really express the pain i'm going through.
  21. audrey28
    Middle of Day 11: Ex still on my mind...but coping relatively well (meaning, still wondering about him but know that it's NOT going to work out and i should NOT call).... Somehow felt really sad in the morning on my way to work...cried a little bit...but i'm ok now...just letting myself go through the changes in my moods and emotions
  22. audrey28
    day 10 is almost over..... but it is just so hard....i am SO tempted. i really have to take it one second at a time.... i'm off now....i'm going swimming, then yoga....so i can sleep well later.....
  23. audrey28
    hi virgo25. i know very well what you went through....that feeling that you tried so hard and you are already tired of putting in the effort. enough is enough! i can also relate to your frustration when he said you should just change and be more like him.... people are very different- personalities, upbringing etc etc. but despite that, a lot of the problems in relationships ARE relationship issues (not personality issues), which can be resolved if both your core principles are geared towards the same direction...or at the very least, you understand and respect your differences. i know these things are so easy to pinpoint if you're the outsider looking in. but from my own experience, i know it's not that simple. we have feelings and attachments and ideals that we can't let go of. it's hard to reconcile that the people we love and care about are not necessarily right for us at the stage they are now, or at the stage we are now, or ever. we just really have to love ourselves and think long term. we all deserve to be happy and to have healthy relationships!
  24. audrey28
    Now would be a good time for you to really process your relationship. Just be very honest with yourself.
  25. audrey28
    jasrosy, i am sorry for the pain you are going through. i think in these trying times, we really can't think of anything else but the pain that we're feeling and the cause of it. weep if u must, but give yourself credit- you are a strong woman. you are not a victim. you will make the choice of letting go. it's going to be hard but we are here for you. do not call him anymore. concentrate on your life. love yourself. love your baby. it may seem hopeless now but this pain will pass eventually. you take care ok?
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