why do girls dress to show off cleavage?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, she is showing you the kind of person she is, someone who likes showing herself off, and yielding to social pressure...

 

plenty of girls do NOT want to let their boobs hang out, or only when really dressing up for occasions in a special dress or outfit...

 

so this is her CHOICE to wear something low cut, not a social mandate... if it really bothers you, then maybe you need to find a girl who wants to be more modest in her dress... not everyone wants to let it all hang out all the time...

[Northalius]

I'm sorry I angered you RedQueen.

 

No hard feelings?

 

BeStrongBeHappy, I'm not saying if I met a girl that liked dressing skimpy in public, I'd try to change her. No, that's her choice; I'm just going to avoid getting to know them in a personal relationship. It's very similar to a job interview, I guess.

[TheRedQueen]

I'm sorry I angered you RedQueen.

 

No hard feelings?

Not to worry Northalius, it's just that this topic tends to get me really heated.

[bitbit]

i dress to show off my clevage for my boyfriend. i don't wear anything too revealing though... so if she is... she's trying to get other guys' attention.

[zerohalo]

RedQueen, I feel sorry for you. It sounds like you've had more than your fair share of idiots comment on your (or perhaps a friends) attire. To be fair, your wearing a tank top that reveals that you have larger breasts for your frame will get attention. A lot of us pigs... er guys... just notice that. I don't actively try to be a jerk, but chances are if I saw an attractive woman in a tank top with large breasts I wouldn't look away for at least a few seconds.

 

To the topic at hand!

 

There are lots of reasons why a woman wants to show off the girls, and whatever those reasons are, they're hers. I personally like it when a woman shows off her cleavage because it typically shows confidence, in my opinion.

[TheRedQueen]

RedQueen, I feel sorry for you. It sounds like you've had more than your fair share of idiots comment on your (or perhaps a friends) attire. To be fair, your wearing a tank top that reveals that you have larger breasts for your frame will get attention. A lot of us pigs... er guys... just notice that. I don't actively try to be a jerk, but chances are if I saw an attractive woman in a tank top with large breasts I wouldn't look away for at least a few seconds.

Thanks for your concern, but please don't feel sorry for me. It's just that sometimes I get frustrated by the way women are wrongfully perceived. Rarely do you hear dispute over the way a man dresses, but the second a girl with a nice rack dons a tank top and a skirt, all hell breaks loose!!!

[Northalius]

Rarely do you hear dispute over the way a man dresses,

 

That might be, because men do not have private part(s) on their chest, but down below the waist. To my knowledge, there's no clothing that really is possible to show our private part off to the world. And if there is, it's certainly not in style today! lol

 

I guarantee if a guy came out with a Jockstrap on, "All hell would break loose!"

 

 

[denisemarie]

the answer i got from her was that girls need to dress like that to be "socially accepted".

That is absolutly crazy. I have size 34D breasts but most people wouldn't know it. I think if you want people to look, then wear your skimpy shirts. I if you don't, then cover those bad boys up. If this is how your girl always dresses, and that is what caught your attention in the first place, then your pretty much gonna have to adjust. It's all about style and to each is own. I personally don't want to see someone else's flesh as I'm sure they don't want to see mine, no matter how beautiful we might think it is, unless of course you're at the beach or in bed.

I don't know what kind of social circles you guys hang in but mine are pretty conservative, so I'd say no way to cleavage during the day.

[mike_chppr]

OK, I have a viewpoint on this. Crazyabout dogs seems very conservative and that is OK, but my question is.... How do prostitutes dress? Where is that line. Because a prostitute uses eye makeup and extentions does that delete those options from the rest of the world of a way to flaunt their beautiful eyes. I've seen ultra conservatism in Iraq. There were woman wearing thick black everything socks mittens headdresses eyelid covers, very baggy so that they could save themselves for their arranged future or current spouse or to be clean before God and not having been oogled. Even looking an Iraqi woman in the eyes can make her feel ashamed and guilty, especially from a fair skinned American. Sometimes with all that covering and just their eyes peering out they are attractive. I spent most of my tour deflecting any eye to eye contact or leering at women. I was trying to be very respectful of their culture. So that is the conservative side. I remember the comment made by one of my coworkers when Bush first got elected and how his wife wore these sweaters that swallowed up her neck. In his presidency she has been much more liberal as to showing off her aging wares. I guess the issue here is what is the most attractive thing about women. I think I read a poll in mens health magazine that said "Confidence" was the number one predictor of attractiveness. And I think that works in reverse as well. I know as my STBX began wearing the clothes that I wished she had our entire marriage she became insanely sexy. Unfortunately I didn't get to drink from that glass, but even though I knew we were over I still complemented her when she was showing cleavage 36D is worth showing off to the world. She isn't a beanpole, she is a beautiful curvy woman and I wish only the best for her down the road.

 

I guess the thing that gets me is I see your relationship with her as a social status thing with you. If she is attracting other guys attention it makes you feel inferior as you cannot do the same with other girls in front of her. And attractive sexy people attract more sexy attractive people that are well, easy on the eyes and can be pleasant to be around. You may feel that if she dumps you then all that eye-candy goes away. If you treat her with respect all that eyecandy will come your way after you split. The thing isn't going the blame route... "She is wearing that to attract other men" or "She is wearing that to fit in." The way to approach this topic is to express your feelings. It can be something like this.

 

"I love/like you immensely and I feel insecure around you. I feel jealous of other guys looking at you and that I cannot get the same attention. I realize as well that our relationship isn't going to be "the one" but these jealous feelings that I'm having are getting in the way of me being able to enjoy you and learn about life together. I don't expect you to change for me, for you to get my opinion about what you wear. I just want to vent my feelings and work through those, they are my issues, and the only way I can work through them is to tell you. I feel insecure and jealous. I'm relating it to you showing cleavage, but there is probably way more to it than that."

 

Sounds like a deep conversation. maybe like something from television or on the OC. But seriously, expressing your feelings is the path to growth in relationships. It sounds like you are trying to confront them, but you are making it about her... Blame only leads to resentment and discontent, because you never really feed the bug inside of you by trying to get someone else to change. But if you go the feelings right you can experience new things. If you express discontent as I am sure she has as well it can make a breakup a positive experience with benefits from her associated eye-candy, but if you come accross as a blaming controlling emotional freak, then your doom will be certain as well as the possiblilities with her associates.

 

I guess the other thing is how did you notice her, I'm sure she just didn't start exposing cleavage overnight. Some women are more comfortable with it at an earlier age, some women wait well into their 50s before they are comfortable with themselves.

 

It is a confidence in her for sure, even though her reasoning is that it is what she has to do to be accepted is shallow, that is a reason and not necessarily how she feels. So she is blaming it on being socially accepted, and not feeling it as being attractive and sexy. She is doing it, but she isn't aware, and blaming it on acceptance is just like you blaming her for your insecurity. You are both at similar levels and coming clean with your insecurities and feelings are a way to mature. Feelings aren't always about crying. I don't know why guys seem to think that emotions mean crying, there is a time for that and sometimes it is in public. but there are a whole range of feelings and by expressing and accepting each one as you experience them or struggle with them is the way to truly know and understand yourself. How can you share yourself with someone else unless you know yourself completely. It is in these emotional experiences that knowing yourself comes about. You aren't being true to yourself or to her until you express your jealousy and insecurity.... what you are feeling, you are in a way lying by trying to manipulate her to fit you. Telling her that she is showing cleavage she will know conscious or not that it upsets you and she can show more to tick you off or show less to get closer. By you going with blame you have given her a power that she did not have before. And she can poke your buttons like no other human alive.

 

You're young, learn from it, they don't teach this stuff in school.

 

mike_chppr

[musicguy]

what if i opened my fly to well...be comfortable..I'd be arrested.

 

There's a difference between sexy and trashy

[jessicake]

what if i opened my fly to well...be comfortable..I'd be arrested.

 

There's a difference between sexy and trashy

 

yeah thats true.. but its ok for a guy to walk around his neighbourhood topless on a hot day..to be comfortable. but if a girl did it, she would get arrested, or at least cautioned and warned. it goes both ways.

 

i feel that its true that whatever a girl with big breast wear, it will look more 'provocative' than a girl with small breasts.

 

some of my tops are low and show a lot of decollage and (non) clevage. But because of my 32A/B breasts and small frame (i am 5'4 and 100 pounds), it does not attract much attention at all. I do not dress tacky at all... most people dont even notice! lol i'm very clothes conscious, i believe strongly that one should dress for their body shape. Work with what they have and be proud of it. if my friend with C/D cups wore exactly the same thing as me, there would be lots of heads turning.

 

As long as a girl is not wearing something disrespectful to herself or her friends, i say go for gold! if a girl is showing her clevage she should not show much leg and vice versa. but if she is showing both then it does suggest that she is looking for male attention. and when a girl does that, perhaps she is quite insecure and craves attention... maybe you should ask her what her intentions are in a subtle way... i would recommend talking about it indirectly because a lot of girls are very defensive about what they wear.

[charley]

I find the OP very interesting, especially his reactions.

 

First, let me quote some premarital advice that I heard a preacher give to one of my cousins who was going to marry a very beautiful woman who is also a double delight.

 

I'll have to paraphrase the preacher because I don't remember his exact words. He said something like this:

 

If you're insecure or the jealous type, then you have no business marrying a beautiful woman. If you're insecure or the jealous type, that's your problem and your failing, not hers. Men will look at her and that is natural and normal. If you can't deal with that, then be fair to her and don't marry her. When men look at her, you'll either have to ignore it, or be proud of your wife's beauty. But don't get into confrontations with other men or with your wife over it. That's how life is. If you can't deal with it, then you have no business marrying her. If you can deal with it and be happy, then marry her, but I want you to think about this issue carefully before you decide to get married.

 

The preacher told him that over dinner in front of his family and his fiancee. I thought it was a very enlightened view.

 

Now to your OP. If you can't deal with it, then you have no business dating her, IMO. It doesn't sound like she's doing anything unusual and it's her business.

 

Personally, how my GF or wife dresses is her business within reason, and I'm very liberal about reason. If other men or women looked at her, I'd be proud of her beauty. I would not ever assume she was looking for another guy. What a horrible thing to assume about someone you supposedly care for and trust. Now if it turned out that she really did leave me for another guy, well then she wasn't ever really mine anyway. Life is to short to worry about these things that may never happen. Also, how can you ever love someone, unless you can trust them?

 

As for why she likes to dress how she does, that's her business, but I'll venture a few guesses. Women do judge each other somewhat on looks. Men also judge women somewhat on looks. So she wants to look attractive (IMO) so that other women and men will perceive her in a more positive way then they otherwise might. Actually, I think she's making you look better by being with you while looking attractive. Try to appreciate that. Also, don't be so jealous or insecure. It's really unattractive, IMO.

 

If you were positive about it (proud, or at least not insecure), I think you'd be much more attractive to her. Then there's love. How can you ever be mutually in love without trust? You can't. Have some trust man.

[charley]

P.S. - for those women who don't want to show any cleavage, that's fine to. It's womens' business how they dress, IMO.

 

If a guy doesn't like how his woman dresses, then what is he doing with her in the first place? He should be dating a woman who likes to hide those things, if that's what he wants.

 

Why do people date someone they're initially attracted to and then want to change them into something else? Can't people see how unfair that is?

 

To OP, you should learn to accept her as she is and be happy. That's only fair, especially since you already knew how she dresses before you started dating her. You have no right to pressure her to change who she, or how she looks or dresses.

 

If you can't accept her as she is and be happy, then you're dating the wrong person, or she is. If you want a woman who hides her body, there's plenty of them who do (and they have every right to if they want to). You could date a woman who likes to hide it all, if that's what you want, but don't try to change someone to suite you.

 

Every woman has her own style and each man can see what her style is before he asks her out. So he knows her style of dress upfront. He does not have the right to try to change her style later, nor put her down for it. You wouldn't buy an apple and later insist it change itself into an orange would you?

[TheRedQueen]

This is a wonderful post, and I whole-heartedly agree with it!!!

[chantal]

cuz they have no self respect and dont care if men think iof them as a sex object!!

[musicguy]

cuz they have no self respect and dont care if men think iof them as a sex object!!

 

I totally agree

[rosie76]

um, hello, we're *all* sex objects. men and women. we're also all lots of other wonderful things as well. do you lot really not get that?

 

how a person chooses to dress themselves is a matter of personal choice, period. these blanket statements judging women by what they have on are only a few steps away from ideologies where women have no right to show any part of themselves. in some cultures you're judged as having no respect for yourself if you show an ankle, or your own hair, etc. etc. etc.

 

as said very well by charley, if less conservative dressing is a turn off for you, you've every right to not be attracted to people that are dressed that way. what you've no right at all to do is to define those people based *only* on how they are dressed and your own prejudices.

 

(I'm a quite conservative dresser, by the way, I just find this kind of small-mindedness really sexist and grim.)

[ProtestTheHero]

No, we are not all sex objects. Some people are not gifted with a great body and face. As a result, sex is the farthest thing from one's mind when they meet a person like that. The old, "Ew..yuck" feeling.

 

I've tried to avoid girls who dress that way because a lot of times it shows me how important their own looks are. I remember on Beauty and the Geek the guys had to turn their backs on the girls before they picked partners, and some of the girls didn't like that because then they couldn't "win" people over. To me, a woman's body symbolizes manipulation.

 

But I think it's fair that you understand my perspective. Luckily I have a fast metabolism so weight has never been an issue, but all of this is coming from a guy who covers himself up as much as possible. I have no pride in my body at all, so I guess I'm a little envious when people start talking about their positive physical attributes.

 

I guess I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for someone whose problems derive from the fact that they are beautiful. Seriously...wanna trade?

[rosie76]

well regarding 'sex objects', by definition as men and women we are all sexual beings - i was just making the point that this is true of everyone regardless of how they dress. there is no problem, in my mind, to being thought of sexually so long as that isn't ALL you're thought of as.

 

for the rest of it, i'm sorry you feel so unattractive. at only 17 you don't yet know how you will look as a grown man and what women might find attractive (e.g., I know most of the men I've dated are not conventionally attractive, but I thought they were fantastic). how you feel about yourself WILL effect how attractive you are to others, though, far more than your body will and I hope you grow out of this negative self-image.

 

the whole woman's body equals manipulation thing, as well as an earlier post saying how resentful you were of female beauty is disturbing - women cannot help being in the bodies they are any more than you can help being in yours, so how can you be angry at us and ascribe negative attributes for something which is, truly, skin deep.

[ProtestTheHero]

I can agree with you on some of your points. First off, you needn't be sorry about my physical unattractiveness. That blame would be more aptly placed on the genes of my parents or God, depending on your beliefs. I would trade my academic success for beauty in a heart beat. It seems to me that that is the only thing that is universally valued. We are defined nowadays by what we are, not who we are and what we do.

 

My own perception of myself does not change anything but my attitude. I've said this a lot: You can paint crap a pretty color, but it still smells.

 

I think it's fairly obvious that a woman's physique equates manipulation. A pretty girl can get out of traffic tickets, and most of the time guys will help her with things. It happens at school all the time. You see it in advertising. It is almost predatory.

 

I am not angry at women solely because of their beauty, just how they use it.

I am disgusted by the "I would date me because I am beautiful" stuff...the vanity. They will have no problems attracting men ever, while I have to do anything and everything just to work up attraction. That's real fair.

 

I am ugly, so I don't trot around pretending I'm a catch or something special. I am a realist. I no longer expect any female attention at any point of my life.

 

As for this being a stage I will "grow out" of, well, I have to say that my own feelings are a direct result of my circumstances and experience. If I didn't have any experience to validate my "disturbing" opinions, then I would consider my post off base. I can admit at this point in my life that I do resent all women and how they evaluate me just by looking at me. Some guys have nothing but attraction to their name, and they will always turn heads and be valued.

 

Forgive me. This is not the time or the place. I do not wish to derail this thread as a result of my anger.

[mike_chppr]

Does your mother look at you as ugly? or does she see herself as ugly? What about your dad or siblings?

[ProtestTheHero]

No. Both of them dated like crazy...neither had any problems in that area.

[TheRedQueen]

cuz they have no self respect and dont care if men think iof them as a sex object!!

How right you are!!! *dons burka, beaming with self-respect and chastity*

[lizziebee]

For that matter- why do some men wear tight t-shirts and walk like apes with their arms so far from their bodies they act like they may dislocate something...OK back to the boobs. Being a pretty colorful woman I dress for my mood, my confidence level, and body type...ok low on cleavage, OK? I tend to draw stares first because I am tall and second because, and this is when I am with the bf, I WANT TO LOOK REAL GOOD FOR HIM. But truly? I DRESS everyday...and have such fun putting it together! So enjoy and buy her some J.LO double sided tape...just in case!

[musicguy]

we just like to look hot...doesn't everyone?

 

not me, I don't dress to impress anyone