GF got me a big stuffed animal as one of her gifts for xmas, total turnoff

[evening_light]

Were you expecting something else instead of the stuffed dog?

 

Maybe a car?

 

Just enjoy and have a Happy Holiday..

[Tears May Fall]

sorry for being so rude on this post, you guys are right to an extent about everything you are saying...maybe i just had diffferent expectations so I was surprised. I was harsh in the way i said it to her, i agree. Im jus in a weird mood lately where im kinda in the "i dont want to be cute" phase.

 

My gf is a great girl, and i do appreciate the things she does for me, im can be a jerk sometimes and set my expectations way too high, but thats just my philosophy of going after what you want and not settling. Theres compromise settling, and then theres settling where you're just a wuss and dont speak up your mind and then everyone walks all over you.

 

I think peoples expectations out of a gift or the way they are treated has alot to do with who they are, and where/how they were brought up. In new york, women carry a "rough and tough" demeanor, thats what we're used to, so some of us that are used to that dont necessarily like the soft and sweet stuff all the time, we need it to be all mixed up from time to time.

[Tears May Fall]

the reason i got her a frame btw is because she didnt have one for the two of us, and she had been wanting to get one

the lingerie, her reaction was "when am i gonna put this on" in a smiling, excited tone

All of you that would react with "what am i, a sl** or something," just have a different mentality than which I would carry. Im giving it to her to make her feel sexy, and that she can show off her body to me in a fun, sexy way. Those that responded with that obviously are too conservative and goody-goody. You need to let your naughty side out. You would be if you are sleeping around with other men, not by what you wear, especially in the privacy of your bedroom.

 

And i dont have large expectations for gifts, matter of fact i actually dont like gifts, and whatever i get, i take. Whether i use or not, thats a different story but i NEVER have complained or even commented in any negative way on a gift. I dont like the thought of someone "wasting" their money on me, getting me something that im never gonna use. I feel guilty about that. Thats why i rather not get gifts.

 

Gift cards and cash involve no effort or thought process so it doesnt show a surprise or wow. Theres no expectations from that. Its like ok i wasnt creative enough to think of anything to get u, or i just couldnt make out the time, so here, get yourself something instead. You know how many gifts cards i never even redeemed. People got my gift cards from stores i never even shop at or would enter.

 

My posts are making me out to be a worse person than i am because when im writing them, im usually in the angriest or most upset moods and im letting out some of my frustations into writing. Sorry

[evening_light]

Tears,

 

By all means, you are still a good person.....your worst critics are your friends and that is who we are....your friends!

 

In the ironie of all this, is you will always think about your G/F ( or about her stuff animal) every Christmas, regardless if you're with her or not...

If you ask me ...brilliant on her part!!

 

Now I should by my ex a stuff animal....lol

[Batya33]

I get it - you can judge me for thinking that type of lingerie was tacky but we cannot judge you for your reaction to her gifts?

[Tears May Fall]

everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Im totally with open criticism, i have no problem accepting it. Whether i agree or not, is a different story.

[Batya33]

Actually you weren't totally open - you opined that someone who thinks that type of lingerie is tacky is too conservative and a goody goody. That is labeling me for my opinion. I didn't dislike the lingerie because I am conservative, I disliked it because I have different tastes in lingerie and find what you described to be tacky. But, I did not label you as a "tacky" person for choosing that lingerie the way you labeled me as "too conservative" for saying I would be offended if I received it as a gift.

[Beec]

I buy lingerie for my woman, and I am glad she does not react as Batya33 would, but that's also up to each person. To me lingerie when given in a relationship tell the woman the man wants her. Some women will take it to mean otherwise. You cannot help that.

 

I think that if I were you, Tears May Fall, I would very much soften my stance on the gifts I got and then address the giving of gifts in the future. Not every gift you will get will be something you'll like. Ggetting made at someone for being a bad gift giver is kind of looking at gifts the wrong way. But in relationships gifts are pretty much required. Let this blow over, then teach her to be a better gift giver.

 

She nailed one, didn't she?

[kellbell]

Maybe next year, try having a Christmas list. My boyfriend has wishlist on a website he frequents, things ranged from $2-$90. Thank GOODNESS he had one and it was stuff HE picked. Why not have a wishlist put together from your favorite stores and/or websites and set a budget on how much you can spend on one another?

[Portage]

I think you should both agree to disagree on this gift business. She meant well, maybe you should apologize for jumping at her the way you did, I think we all are entitled to making a wrong decision in the gift giving area.

 

Just remember - It is ALWAYS the thought that counts.

 

PS - send it my way, my daughter would love it

[VeganBohemian]

I personally would never date a guy who criticized a gift I gave him.

[Batya33]

I buy lingerie for my woman, and I am glad she does not react as Batya33 would, but that's also up to each person. To me lingerie when given in a relationship tell the woman the man wants her. Some women will take it to mean otherwise. You cannot help that.

 

I think that if I were you, Tears May Fall, I would very much soften my stance on the gifts I got and then address the giving of gifts in the future. Not every gift you will get will be something you'll like. Ggetting made at someone for being a bad gift giver is kind of looking at gifts the wrong way. But in relationships gifts are pretty much required. Let this blow over, then teach her to be a better gift giver.

 

She nailed one, didn't she?

 

Please don't twist my words. I love lingerie as a gift. I do not like tacky lingerie as a gift and I would find the "santa claus" lingerie he described very tacky and mildly offensive (because it would be obvious to me that he didn't take my tastes into account). I love fine silks in beautiful colors that are flattering, sexy and classy all at the same time.

[turqoise]

I agree with blender.

You probably aren`t on the same page at a deeper level. If you are thinking this now (whether it`s her presents, or how she`s too cute all the time), it`s only going to get worse. Not only will you find more things bother you, she will also feel more upset ..unless you both see this as a casual relationship I`d take this opportunity to think about making yourself available to someone that suits you better, and her too.

[Beec]

Please don't twist my words. I love lingerie as a gift. I do not like tacky lingerie as a gift and I would find the "santa claus" lingerie he described very tacky and mildly offensive (because it would be obvious to me that he didn't take my tastes into account). I love fine silks in beautiful colors that are flattering, sexy and classy all at the same time.

 

I did not think I was twisting your words. With regard to lingerie, yes, the woman's tastes should be taken into account, at times, and sometimes she should accept what he buys and wear it, even if she doesn't like it. If he buys what she likes, that's for her. Sometimes, shouldn't she wear what he likes? Or is that out of the question?

 

The message behind a gift of lingerie should be considered before the actual item.

[BellaDonna]

Please stay on topic.

 

Remember, this thread is about:

 

"GF got me a big stuffed animal as one of her gifts for xmas, total turnoff"

 

And not about types of lingerie. You are welcome to discuss lingerie in a separate thread.

 

Let's focus on the original poster's issue.

 

Off topic posts will be deleted from this point on,

 

 

BellaDonna

[Siriana]

You were disrespectfull and rude to her. And ungreatfull.

 

She gave you several presents and you are getting upset because you got a stuffed animal as one of them? She bought you nice presents and she putt effort in it and you reacted the way you did.

 

Honey, stuffed animal is not a turn off, your reaction is a turn off. And be happy if she cools off. I wouldn't in her position.

[Siriana]

Sorry, yes I was flaming.

[handsdown]

I have to say I agree with others in that how you reacted was pretty selfish (ie. telling her you were offended by the puppy) That must have REALLY hurt her!

 

BUT, the fact that she got it for you when you say you don't like being a soft guy means that she probably doesn't know you very well, so, maybe an issue there. Sorry if I missed this being said before, but, how long have you been together?

 

My boyfriend and I are the same age as you and your girlfriend and I would never buy him a stuffed animal and I would never want a stuffed animal from him. We both agree it's pretty tacky (and let's face it, it is! stuffies are something I got from boyfriends when I was 14 along with hickies and bracelets that said "best buds forever") Sooooo, maybe you and your girlfriend are at different levels, thats a big problem. On the other hand, maybe she just made a small mistake in judgement.

 

Either way, I can feel your resentment in your post, and resentment of whatever cause has no place in a relationship. I'm afraid you need to address what is really going on deep down. I love my boyfriend and if he made a mistake gift buying, we'd probably both laugh about it! It's a gift, who cares, there will be millions of gifts to give and receive in your life together, the problem is how angry and insulted you got from your girlfriend's innocent misjudging. There is something wrong.

 

ps. I buy my boyfriend flowers all the time, and he loves them, it's our little secret though, if any of our friends ask, he bought them for me; and he's a muscley tall sexy manly man who plays rugby, watches hockey and drinks beer soooo... he also likes cats more than dogs EEEEEK! HE MUST BE FLAMING GAY

[Caterina]

Okay, so she didn't get you a cool gift. I totally understand that because yeah, a stuffed dog is a stupid gift to give someone for Christmas. I don't think it has anything to do with a lack of maturity on her part. How did you tell her you didn't like it? How long have you known each other?

Also, your gift wasn't exactly the greatest either. I mean, come on, it was only for YOUR pleasure...not hers. So why are you complaining about her gift?

 

If you've been together for a while, then I'd say it would be okay to say something NICELY, in the arena of, "Honey, I love you but why did you get me a stuffed animal...I just don't feel very manly when you get me a gift like that..." And after that, communicate and reach a conclusion.

 

Seriously though, you're making too big of a deal out of it. And I don't think that an entire relationship should rest on the shoulders of something like this.

 

If you haven't been together very long...I'd just let it go b/c you're likely to make her angry for a stupid reason.

 

Also, on an aside, whining about the gift she gave you isn't exactly manly either.

[April_TxAggie]

I completely agree with you. That is a very odd gift to give your adult boyfriend. How long have you two been together? Hopefully she will come to her sense that she should understand where you are coming from. Cheers in the New Year to you both.

[handsdown]

Catarina, there was nothing wrong with his gift to her. Women benefit from lingerie as well, makes them feel sexy and fun. Since when is feeling and looking sexy in the bedroom strictly the man's pleasure?

[unknownLover]

I think this shows a lot about your relationship. You don't like the "cute" girl. That's fine. But that's how your girlfriend is. You're all about not settling. That's fine too. But if this is the case, then why are you staying with a girl who is not what you want? It's not about maturity level, it's just her personality. I feel like I have been in a similar situation. My ex-boyfriend would go on and on about who he loves independent, femme fatale type sexy women. And I'm definitely the sterotypical "cute" girl-next-door type. I constantly felt pressured to live up to who he wanted me to be, and this ended up with feelings of insecurity in both myself and the relationship. Now I'm with someone else who I can be completely myself around, and he thought it was ADORABLE that I put a little stuffed penguin on top of his gift for Christmas. I don't pretend to know your relationship, and there may be many things keeping you too together, but maybe it's time to seriously think about what those things are.

[agent1607307371]

Catarina, there was nothing wrong with his gift to her. Women benefit from lingerie as well, makes them feel sexy and fun. Since when is feeling and looking sexy in the bedroom strictly the man's pleasure?

 

That tends to be in regards to lingerie the woman has bought herself that reflects her own tastes rather than some theme underwear bought by a bf. That can actually be a very offensive gift. Especially if it's not done with a thought to the woman who has to wear it.

 

Frankly, neither of them got what they wanted, rather gifts that were not suitable for the others personality as opposed to who they want the other person to be.

If you find a puppy gift offensive, work out exactly why it made you react so badly and if that has any application to your relationship.

[queenofvalidation]

My sweet friend/ex-bf is a super masculine type who proudly showcases his stuffed animals in a glass case for all to see. One is a pink monkey I gave him a while back...he draped it's long arms around the black monkey he already had & put them together so they appear to be hugging. That gesture made me very happy. I find him to be very gracious. Just one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, you want sexy siren type girlfriend, and she wants cuddly huggy bear type boyfriend... if what you perceive as valuable in a partner is too far apart then, well.... maybe you want different things, don't appreciate each other and the gifts you each want to give... don't criticize her, just recognize you expect something different from a partner... talk about it, and if there is no common ground, then recognize you are better off with a different kind of person, and move on...