Getting fatter...

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

My grandma keeps saying i've put on more and more weight. Last time i checked i'd lost some but i guess i've put it all back on. She keeps saying it over and over again. Telling mum i should cut down on my intake. She said that i shouldn't eat anything else cuz i'd had enough today and that really i'd eaten to much. I feel so horrible right now. But whats worse is that if i suggest a diet she says no i'm obsessing with my weight to much. Its like she wants me to stay like this so she can continually pick on me. I feel so huge right now and i was wondering if theres a way to lose weight quickly. So that i can feel good about me and not have my nan on my case.

[bitbit]

yea... ask your grandma how much she weighs. my parents used to do the same thing to me... and it hurts b/c your family members are people you love and trust and you don't think they'd be hurting you intentionally. next time she starts picking on you, stand up for yourself. ask her if it's fun for her to make you feel fat. when she tells you you've had enough food for the day say, "oh, you're right. i'll be right back, i'm gonna throw up dinner".

[NKP]

Hey you dont need to lose weight at all, your great the way you are, i just wished you would see that. Who cares about them, they can go screw themselves, dont let them bring you down all the time, your better than they are

[arwen]

Ugh, that is so not what you need to do! You look great and having some changes back and forth in weight is COMPLETELY normal at your age. You need your food, so please take care of a healthy and balanced 'diet' (I don't mean a diet as in losing-weight-program). If you feel you eat too much fat or junk food, it's good to have a look at that. Tell your mom you don't need these comments of your grandma. Maybe she can tell her mom that she should be more sensitive. Doesn't she remember how it is to be a teen? Or imagine how it is to be a teen in this commercialized and model-oriented society? You're a great girl, and you look gorgeous. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

 

Ilse

[agent1607307371]

Ask your Grandma if she has an eating disorder. Then ask her if she wants you to develop one...

 

Her insecuririties have no place on your body. Make sure she knows that as long as she keeps picking at you, then you have no reason to treat her like someone you want around you.

[justpaisley]

Bless your heart... grandmas sure don't know how to shut up, do they?

 

Let her know that you appreciate her concern, but her comments aren't helping one bit. Tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't take your feelings into consideration, then just ignore her. I also agree with bitbit, although it's admittedly a little passive-aggressive. If she ignores your feelings, go extreme. If you go to her house and she offers you food, let her know you already ate this morning and can't have anything else today, thanks. Or tell her that you'll eat it if you can throw up later. Gotta lose weight!

 

Many older women are fueled by a generation where they were supposed to look their tip tops for men and men ruled how we look. It's a very "you can't be too rich or too thin" mentality. We, thankfully, know that our self-worth comes from within. What your grandma thinks about you doesn't change who you are - it should just let you know that she has her own insecurities that she is projecting on to you, and you should probably feel sorry for her.

[eleanorrigby1]

I saw this and it immediately took me back in time. My grandma used to do it all the time to me when I was a teenager. She used to send me diet books in the post and cut out low fat recipes (I wasnt even overweight! - I had hips and boobs!)

 

Once i was really poorly and I got the bus straight from college to her house (I didnt want to be alone and my parents were at work) she said "oh whats wrong love and went to the cupboard to get me some tablets" then as I sat down on the sofa holding my tummy she said "oooh you have got a right double chin havent you?" and poked my face.

 

It was the straw that broke the camels back I told her that if I was fat it was because i had inherited her 'fat' genes, that her entire side of the family had weight problems. I then said I was sick of it all and I stormed out of the house refusing to speak to her again.

 

The sad fact is, I didnt speak to my grandparents (and my aunties and uncles) for 6 years! finally making friends with them a few years ago. We never mentioned the whys or hows of our fall out, my little sister regularly asks me why i didnt go to family do's for years and i just say "i was stubborn"

 

I accept now that sometimes our grandparents just dont know the impact of what they say. My other grandma is 86, i adore her, i will be devestated the day she dies, but every now and again she says to me "ooh you trying to squeese your huge frame into that little chair!!" (Im a size 14!!) Im not a house!! grrrr

 

Just say "I wish you wouldnt point out my weight constantly, I have a mirror! i know what i look like and I happen to like it, but you are hurting my feelings nanna!!" otherwise learn to ignore it.

[kittysaysmeow]

When I was dating my ex his grandma commented on how I would be a good mother based on my hip size. At first I thought it was kind of a low blow but after talking to her more I realized that she was trying to compliment me. It's a little different than your situation. Just thought I would share.

 

It frustrates me that people make excuses up for older people when they say something mean. I keep hearing "oh, well she's older..." or "she's from a different generation". As if. They learned how to interact socially and not every older person does this. I say it's just rude and you should be frank with her. It's not acceptable and you look great!

[shelaluna]

Oh my mom used to do that to me, until I told her how much it hurt to hear that. If you've been losing the weight then don't take any of her critiques to heart. I don't care how old she is- commenting about someone's size is just plain rude! Any way to lose weight REALLY quickly can't be too healthy. Once I went on a diet of all veggies and fruit. I lost about 7 pounds in a week, but you can bet I gained it all back the following week. I know it may not be the best advice, but just keep doing what you're doing (bleh, i sound like a mom). Let your grandma know what she says really hurts you, if she doesn't care or keeps doing it then be a * * * * * right back! (or.. something along those lines)

[rocio]

I feel so huge right now and i was wondering if theres a way to lose weight quickly. So that i can feel good about me and not have my nan on my case.

 

There is no good way to lose weight quickly. If you lose it quickly, it's because you are going on some crazy diet that you obviously won't be able to maintain for the rest of your life. So you will lose muscle (if you lose weight quickly, you lose muscle as well as fat), and then you will put the weight back on again when you start eating normally again. In the end you will have more body fat and less muscle that when you started. Bad idea.

 

Try to find good habits that you can keep for life.

-eating whole grains instead of white bread and pasta and breakfast cereal

-eating fruit every morning for breakfast (helps to control sugar cravings)

-have a bowl of soup before supper (you seriously eat half as much this way)

-have lots of fresh veggies around and less junk food

-learn to make new, delicious kinds of salad (like greek salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, feta cheese and balsamic vinegar with olive oil...mmm...)

-cook more, instead of eating pre-made, microwavable foods

-drink 100% real fruit juice instead of sugary juice or pop.

 

These are some things that I've been able to maintain for the last few years. Overall, I lost 50 lbs. It took me a long time. I never lost more than about 8 lbs in a given year! But I never put the weight back on after I lost it.

[Juliana]

When she talks like this, walk away from her. You have to politely train her not to do these things, and refusing attention is a behavioral conditioning tool that is quite effective. In about three months, she'll reduce her fat comments to mumbles, and when you walk away from the mumbling, she'll get angry, but she'll stop. I know. I had one that did this too. I weighed about 115 lb at the time.

 

People who make comments about your weight, regardless of their relationship to you, are exhibiting poor interpersonal control. Your weight, your body, your hair, your appearance -- are nobody's business but yours. Enforce that right.

[Princess_Lisa]

Don't let her say things like that to you! If you're happy the way you are tell her that! Being your Grandma she should accept you for who you are, alot of old people i know nitpick at everything, its in their nature i think. If my Gran ever said anything like that i'd just say "does it matter? as long as im happy with my weight you should be".

 

To be honest teenagers don't need adults saying this to them, i know my parents have said "oh you've put weight on" in the past, they meant it in a good way because i threw myself into dancing when i was about 16/17 and didn't eat during the day, my Mum said i looked like a skeleton at one point, i took this to mean "You're fat" which is the way our minds work and it disturbed me greatly until my Mum explained that they meant it in a good way.

 

Your Gran should NOT be speaking to you like this, it's disrespectful and you will grow up thinking "my Gran thought i was overweight". It will affect your relationship to each other if she carries on. I agree you should just walk away if she starts, show her you're not interested in the comments and you're not taking them on. Dont let it affect you, from your picture you don't look overweight at all so i wouldn't take her comments seriously, it could also be that her grand-daughter is young and beautiful and she is jealous, it happens! It doesn't mean that she loves you any less, if she is jealous she needs to get over that, she is making you miserable and no-one ... relative or not has a right to do that!.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I'm not happy but hey i don't need people consintly pointing it out. I hate going out with my mates cuz i know im bigger then them but geee i thought your family was ment to love you no matter what and support you. All i feel like right now is going away and throwing up everything i ate today. I was out with a mate so i did and gahhh i wish i hadn't i feel so disgusting. I hated buying food cuz it felt like everyone was watching me. I even freaked out when she finished her chips before me and i thought people would think i've eaten more then her even though shes half my size. I can't help but be obsessed with it now.

[rocio]

You sound dangerously close to developing an eating disorder. I had a friend who died from throwing up her food. It burned a whole in her throat and she choked on her own blood in her sleep. She was 15. I just saw her mom last month. The poor lady. She was her only child. Seriously, it's not worth it.

 

Why don't you talk to your grandma and your mom, and tell them that your weight has been bothering you. Tell them that you are trying to eat more healthy and cut out junk food, but that your grandmother's comments are not helping. Grandmothers come from a different generation when young women weren't under so much pressure to look thin. They don't understand that making rude comments about a girl's size is inappropriate and destructive.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

They don't care. Nana just says i'm over reacting. I can't help but take it to heart, gahhh never mind me i'll be ok

[caro33]

Arrgh, how frustrating. I'm not sure how easy it is to train difficult family members but worth a try.

 

I know my mother has enjoyed going on about my weight all my life - she likes to compare us and when I am lighter than her I get all these jealous questions about what I weigh and when I am heavier I get lots of smug 'don't put on any MORE weight, I'm your mother, I can tell you' rubbish. And I'm mid-30s - these things can last a lifetime.

 

All I can advise is to try and see these comments for what they might be, and that's just jealousy and selfishness. Some people are genuinely jealous of youth. It may not be personal, and it might also be something that they just cannot understand is affecting you so badly. I have started to see the comments I receive for what they are - reflections of my mother's issues - rather than for what they always felt like, which was a deep and personal criticism of me. It is hard to stay distant for sure, but it's worth trying to do that as much as possible.

 

You look lovely, try and do whatever you can to keep positive about yourself. I know it's easy to get into a self-hate cycle but as others said, it's really important not to let this escalate into a dangerous relationship with food.

 

Keep your distance from Nana if that's what you need in the short term. She might even get the message.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My grandmother once greeted my six year old sister with "hello, tubby".

At 13, I knew that my sister was an active, sporty healthy kid who wasn't really overweight by much at all, so I said back loudly and clearly "I don't think anyone wants to heasr nasty rubbish like that". It was in a hotel lobby at a family gathering, so she was very annoyed.

 

But she deserved it.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Yeah my nickname from my sis is either fatty-boombah or fatty boomsticks or just plain fatty... I can't help not be like her, pretty perfect and smart. Gosh i've tried with all my heart trust me it doesn't work. I just want my family to be proud of me.

[SarahRose]

Yeah my nickname from my sis is either fatty-boombah or fatty boomsticks or just plain fatty... I can't help not be like her, pretty perfect and smart. Gosh i've tried with all my heart trust me it doesn't work. I just want my family to be proud of me.

 

Umm but you aren't fat at all???

 

Ignore your Gran. You have to for your own sanity.

 

My mum used to do that to me but the opposite! Everyone was fat so she thought everyone else should be fat too.

 

I remember after having my 2nd baby and I worked sooo hard to get the weight off and she made some snide comment about me losing too much and being too thin! She would always make rude comments about how I was destined to be fat and there was nothing I could do about it.

 

It took years and years to realize that just because she was my mum that didn't mean she wanted best for me. I realized she was a quite jealous woman with a mean streak in her.

 

I finally learned to ignore her. I am well past the age where she said I would be big as the side of a barn and I'm normal weight and this is a tad bit naughty but there have been a few times I've rubbed my slenderness and other things in her face to get her goat.

 

One response for Gran is to say you doctor says you are fine and you trust what your doctor says and then ignore ignore ignore.

[Juliana]

Even if you were 300 lbs of beautiful girl, the fact is, your mother and grandmother have huge boundary issues -- huge! You really have to put your foot down, at least in your own heart & soul, and say to yourself, "much as I love these women, they're not always right about everything, and this is one of those times." Someday you won't have to deal with them, but if you get an eating disorder, you'll have to deal with that. Don't make their issues your problem, please.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'd like to, if its allowed, point you over to link removed . . comes a close second to ENA for Saving Emily's Life!

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

thanks for that website, I don't have an ED though. I'm perfectly ok Just know i have to lose weight and i know i have to i don't want to i have to it just isn't seeming to happen i don't have enough control thats all. I'll get it soon

[mitch17]

well ur hot as ok! well if u want to watch what ur eating i can help

 

have ur 3 meals a day and snack bewteen everyone of them. but have like nuts or fruit instead of chips or what ever. depending on how u normally eat, if u ate heaps from when u was born till now, ur metabolism is super good. peope think that people who eat heaps are fat or gonna get fat, but the metabolism adjusts itself to ur intake. have vegetables with dinner even tho no one really enjoys them. eating something with alot of carbs will fill u up and will sit longer and heavier, like potatoes, nuts, pasta. It tells ur brain that ur full for longer. regular exercise is good

 

never eat till ur bloated, and never starve urself, never go bulimic as u will do no good to ur insides, but coming from a red blooded male teen. ur hot as hell! u dont need to change!

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Thanks Thats really sweet of you. And i used to eat alot but i haven't in like 6 years so my matabolism is proboly all over the place! But yeah thanks for the reply I'll test what u say out maybe.

[CharlesF]

The only way is for your mother to make nutritios meals for you every night. Then, you can eat whatever you want the rest of the time and not gain weight.