Good Guy vs Jerk...Girls Tell me...

[herbal]

JERK vs GOOD GUY WAR...... What is the real myth?

 

The girls like men who mistreat them, then they complain about. But still stick there

 

1.When you treat a woman well,she doesnt appreciate that and ends up leaving you for the jerk!

2.Is it that women love suffering at the hands of these jerks?

3.Is it true a woman cannot fall in love genuinly with a good guy?

4. What do women mean when they say they need a man who treats them well? yet woe onto the man who does that because he will be left with a broken heart and ego.

5. Is it true good men finish last?

6. Do i have to be a jerk for a woman to fall in love with me?

 

Is there anyone else who has experinced the above......i have!

Ladies what is the real story

[Cloud802]

1.When you treat a woman well,she doesnt appreciate that and ends up leaving you for the jerk!

That woman is pretty much asking to get treated like crap, I don't know why people do it, but anyone that does this isn't worth your time.

 

2.Is it that women love suffering at the hands of these jerks?

No, most women do not. Sometimes the jerk lures them in by acting like a good guy and then bashes on their self esteem until they finally submit.

 

3.Is it true a woman cannot fall in love genuinly with a good guy?

Not at all, women fall in love with good guys al the time.

 

4. What do women mean when they say they need a man who treats them well? yet woe onto the man who does that because he will be left with a broken heart and ego.

If someone did this to you then do your best to move on, because that woman doesn't know what she's missing.

 

5. Is it true good men finish last?

Once again, no, they finish latest but greates, trust me on this one.

 

6. Do i have to be a jerk for a woman to fall in love with me?

If you do that you are devaluing yourself as a person and any potential for a good relationship will be lost, do not fall down that road or woe really be upon you.

[dil]

I fall for jerks. But..it's a side effect liking guys with extremely high IQ's that are amazingly brilliant. They have a name for those guys..the ones that say: "Let's go kill stupid people". Elitists.

 

They are so talented and confident and funny, but they are also pretty dang cruel.

 

-just from my experience.

 

And yes, they do bash at our self esteem. I have a funny feeling I try to find guys who will destroy my self esteem for me.

[Cloud802]

It is more complicated than a black and white issue I'm sorry to say.

[laboheme]

1.When you treat a woman well, she doesnt appreciate that and ends up leaving you for the jerk!

Some women enjoy the chase, and when you treat her too well, she doesn't get that excitement, so she leaves. But a lot of women DO appreciate being treated well.

 

2.Is it that women love suffering at the hands of these jerks?

No. Maybe those with masochistic tendencies...But I think a lot of women want to think that they can change the jerks and make them into good guys, so they stick around...

 

3.Is it true a woman cannot fall in love genuinly with a good guy?

SO FALSE.

 

4. What do women mean when they say they need a man who treats them well? yet woe onto the man who does that because he will be left with a broken heart and ego.

There's a difference between treating someone well and being a doormat. In order to have a healthy and lasting relationship, the good guy needs to keep any doormat tendencies in check...

 

5. Is it true good men finish last?

A good guy can definitely get a wonderful girl. Unfortunately, it seems like some guys are just too good and settle for women who don't deserve them...out of compassion, I guess?

 

6. Do i have to be a jerk for a woman to fall in love with me?

NO NO NO!!! The world needs more nice guys!

[CarnelianButterfly]

1. I appreciate things done for me by anyone, including strangers and even the smallest gestures are meaningful.
   
2. Nope, I think someone's a jerk, male or female, I don't put up with it.
   
3. I have.
   
4. Respects me for who I am. Understands I am not perfect. Is caring of my feelings. Doesn't expect me to change.
   
5. He should either finish last or save enough energy to make sure I am satisfied.
   
6. Nope

[herbal]

I still dont get it,if we do a poll now,women will say they want a good guy....but on the ground they would still go for the jjjjjjjjjeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!! yes,that......

Im one of the good guys,but am sure u had guessed, and yes a girl i really liked,not one but two left me for Mr. J, well they got hurt,after hurting me. But i wud bet they'd still do the same if given a chance.................

So people,why does this thing have 2 b so complicated.

 

And im yet to meet a girl who wud really really really fall in love completely wit a good guy.

 

Another thing if you are too nice,not doormat, does it mean you have to occasionally mistreat your girl to ensure she hangs in there!!!!!!!!

 

Its so complicated i agree, but why? i ask

[bobo85]

I think girls aren't attracted to the "nice guys" who are kissing their * * * * * all the time. Girls find these guys to be wussies and are more attracted to guys who are confident...treat women with respect but doesn't kiss their * * * * *. Girls sometimes like a challenge and the "NICE GUY" presents no challenge while the "jerk" who isn't really a jerk...he's just more confident and isn't afraid to tell an attractive woman off if he thinks she's wrong.

[laboheme]

Another thing if you are too nice,not doormat, does it mean you have to occasionally mistreat your girl to ensure she hangs in there!!!!!!!!

 

No, no! Don't mistreat your girl, or anyone else for that matter...Not being a doormat just means holding your own against her demands. You have to know that it's okay to say no sometimes. For example, if you have plans with friends, don't cancel them because your girl feels like hanging out. A doormat would drop everything and run to be with the girl...And a jerk would cancel plans with the girl to hang out with his friends (although that does not automatically make someone a jerk!)

 

Just make sure to maintain your own identity in order to not be a doormat...and it's okay to want to do some things for yourself, not always for her, her, her.

[musicguy]

I've been asking myself these questions for the longest time

[heloladies21]

All of your observations are false because they look at the wrong qualities. It is true that the "jerk" gets girls while the nice guy gets nothing, but whether a guy treats a girl nice or not is ireevelant. It's just not what girls are looking at when deciding on whether or not they want to stay with a guy. But one of the qualities they do look for is how ginuine a guy is, and this is usually directly linked to how nice a guy is or how much of a jerk he is.

 

For example, a nice guy will sometimes hold back his feelings for a girl in the fear that expressing his emotions will either scare the girl off or harm her in some way. The girl never gets the idea that the guy is interested, so a relationship never forms. The jerk on the other hand, has no problems sharing his true feelings, so he expresses his interest in a short time and thereforeeee doesn't come up with the problem of being put into the friendzone.

 

Also, nice guys try to win the affections of a girl by being nice all the time, even when being disrespected or niceness isn't called for. Anger and jealousy are normal human emotions, and when a nice guy surpresses this, it tells a chick that you're not being 100% honest with how you feel, so she thinks that you're BSing her. How can she believe that you're being honest with her when you're being nice to her if you're not being honest with her in other situations? She's gonna doubt your true intentions. Jerks let girls know when they're unhappy and are willing to cut their losses and walk out of a relationship if things aren't the way they want it. They stick up for themselves and don't let anyone walk on them. Even though they might not be honest guys, they are very honest about the way they feel.

 

So for you, I'd recommend taking a hard look at exactly how honest you're being with women when you meet them. Are you just being nice in order to get them interested in you? Women are very adept at sniffing this out so this needs to stop. When you get jealous and upset, do you just hold it inside and say nothing? This pushes girls awy and tells them that you're a fake. Do you have problems sticking up for yourelf? This is a very big problem because you only set boundaries with someone who you care about. If you don't care, then you let them do whatever they want all the time. This is not a good thing when a girl is taking advantage of you.

 

You gotta explain a little bit more about your specific experiences to tell where the real problem is, but in the end your statements are false. In the end, you don't need to be a jerk to get girls, you just have to #1 be good at flirting and #2 be a ginuine guy. Whether you're manipulative, cheating, abusive, or just an all around bad guy doesn't play into this equation and is usually a non-factor is a girl's decision on whether she's interested in being with you or staying with you.

[johnagent1911]

Trust me don't be a nice guy... It comes back and gets you.

[herbal]

Well the last girl,we had something developing,felt it was genuine,i am a very genuine person,speaks openly about what i feel, well i had to leave for a semester in college and wen came back she had gone to her first love. So is this just a normal girl leaving boy for another man,or the jerk thing since i understand the guy is a 'player' but she insists she loves him.

[herbal]

I've been asking myself these questions for the longest time

MusicGUy i read your post on how you rarely get girls and yet you are a musician,well i dont presume we have the same problem because i am no musician,but i have a feeling you understand where i am coming from.

[Goldfish6888]

I've always fallen for jerks but it was on the misreading that they were genuine.

 

They appeared genuine - opened doors, called me immediately to see if I got home okay - kissed me passionately - said all the right things - behaved in a gentlemanly fashion.

 

Then there is the nice guys - who are similar to the jerks in their treatment of me, but I never fell for them. WHY?

 

I guess there is a fine line between being nice and then TOO NICE. Someone described "courting" or "dating" someone to me as "a dance." It is all about sussing someone out. You give out too much and they shimmy away from you. You give them a little something but pull back and they are shimmying toward you.

 

This "pulling back" is not playing games - it's about taking the time our to figure someone out and see if they are worthy of being something more than a date!

 

So that's where the "not giving too much" at the start works. You give a little taster and you pull back. Do you ever notice it's not always the good looking guys who get the girls - sometimes its the average guy with great personality and confidence.

 

Confidence is really attractive to a woman and that combined with being genuine but not "a walk over" or a "desperado" will win you the gals!!! I promise!

 

G Fish

[Daligal83]

I have dated the jerk. He started out treating me really well, and that made me fall for him. He then slowly began to reveal who he really was and by the time he was totally exposed...I was in really deep. I believe I stayed for a few reasons.

 

1) He was my first boyfriend and my first love, I was inexperienced and naive

2) I was terrified of being single

3) He would say things to make me feel bad about myself like "If we ever broke up, I'd find someone faster than you would" and "I could cheat on you and you'd never find out"...didn't exactly give me the self confidence I needed to make a break

4) I clung to the moments he was good to me

 

Now I'm dating the nice guy and I couldn't be happier. I've gone on dates with nice guys in the past and ended up not wanting to be with them. I think the difference is that with those nice guys, they came on WAY too strong and it freaked me out. With my current boyfriend...he's the perfect mix. He's absolutely amazing to me (I woke up to a love poem today), but he isn't at my beck and call. He teases me (in a good way), lives his own life, and isn't afraid to be his own person.

 

I think girls do want a nice guy, but they aren't as immediately noticeable as the jerks. The jerks definitely stand out because they make themselves noticed. Also they think they're so great, that it makes other people think the same. They have confidence. I believe the older a girl gets, the more she realizes what she wants and tends to go for the nicer guys. Unfortunately, you just have to be patient!

[rmpavlock]

The last guy I was with was a jerk. It sucked, and I have no plans to go back to it. I think it never crossed my mind to go for a nice guy. Okay, that sounds weird. Honestly though....I think most women, when they fall for a guy, don't plan on falling for a creep. We assume that the guys we are going to like will be the nice ones. Why would we like a jerk, after all? It's like in the book "He's Just Not That Into You" where Liz says something along the lines of....we think we met this great guy. Then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us, and so we make excuses for them because the last thing we want to think is that this great guy that we were so excited about in the beginning is in the process of turning into a creep.

 

There is also a big difference between being nice and being walked all over. If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, then it appears that you don't have enough self-respect to stand up to those women who you claim to care about so much. When other women see that, it's a major turn off.

 

Also, I hate to say it guys....but just because you SAY you are a nice guy doesn't mean you are. It really grates on my nerves when guys say that. If you are such a nice guy, you don't have to advertise it. I'll see that(especially after being with a jerk). When you go on and on to a girl about how girls fall for jerks, that's a turn off because you are putting that girl you are with in a category with other women. If I'm on a date with you, and you are nice then clearly I'm trying to date one of the nice ones. If you keep going on and on about, I'm not going to think you are so nice.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

let's look at your questions from a different perspective... has it occurred to you that you are only attracted to and pursuing *women* who are jerks, and not trying to date nice girls? hence the jerky women treat you badly and you are interpreting it as they don't want a good guy, when that's not it, they are just behaving badly?

 

so no matter how nice you are to a woman who is a jerk, she will treat you badly, chase other men, never commit to you, etc. etc. so a woman who is a jerk would meet ALL of the conditions you listed by treating you badly, and it may have nothing to do with whether you are a good guy or bad guy, it has to do with the woman herself being a jerk...

 

so look at your own choices in women and choose a nice girl, and she'll want a nice guy and treat you well...

[JimmerJammer]

Actually Helloladies had it pretty darn close to what it was. When you're a typical nice guy, you supplicate who you are and what your desires actually are JUST so you can make a good impression with her. You don't want to offend her so you hold back on what you say, you don't admit feelings because you don't want her to run away, you do nice things because you want her to stay. In other words, you're trying to MANIPULATE her into having feelings for you too.

 

The jerk DOESN'T manipulate per se. I mean maybe he's good at recognizing how he can go after what he wants and get it so then there's no real need to care because he can just do it again with the next girl. BUT he is honest with his feelings and desires. It depends on how he does it. If he's respectful in the sense that he comes from a place where he can joke with a girl and not be serious about it, then she'll understand that its because he's not seeing her as someone special that he should hold back who he is. Get it? Think about this. If you act one way around someone and a different way around another, what does that mean? Are you not changing who you are to be accepted of others?

 

The thing that the nice guy does is try to be everything he THINKS the girl wants when really all she REALLY wants is a man who isn't AFRAID to open himself up. When he doesn't take himself seriously, when he looks past her and doesn't see her as an object, when he has ambition that he seeks out, she trusts his integrity more and more. Its the guys who aren't real with themselves or hide who they really are that are the untrustful kind, EVEN IF the jerk is beating her up or not appealing to her self-esteem, at least he's HONEST. Messed up hey? But think about it, at least she can trust the jerk to be the jerk, with the nice guy, you can't tell if its real or if at any moment he's just going to take off and try doing it to another girl. Even though the jerk could do it to the girl too, at least he's open and honest about it. They feel like you're only doing it JUST so you can get them. Afterall isn't that WHY you're doing it?

 

That is the difference my friend and that is why nice guys get LJBF and why it seems like we're making it out that you should be a jerk. Not true, you need to be honest with yourself and honest with who you are. Don't lie, don't say things to sound good in her eyes, don't make it "easier" for her by doing things you wouldn't normally do to "show" how worthy you are. Be honest and open with your intentions and with who you are. That is what they really want and when someone says that women like personality, you better bet that unfortunately you may have to work on it.

[stillwantinhim]

The best way I can put it to you is like this men should act like men and women like women.girls love nice guys who know when they feel bad or are upset..women love strong men (in the heart strong and mind as well)ex i tell you to set down and shut up and up do it you are not being he man in the relationship are you and she is not acting like a women is she all i can say is know your place in the relationship and there should not be any problems in that way not to say there want be any but it will make what problems you have easy to handle....think about it

[Batya33]

The problem is I think that a non-assertive, wimpy person is sometimes labeled "nice" or a "good person." I think that label is inaccurate - in fact many of the non-assertive doormat types I know are acting that way not because they are good people but to be manipulative or solely to seek approval - that kind of behavior makes me uncomfortable -I do not want to be showered with gifts or phone calls or be "yessed" - I want someone who speaks his mind with respect, is reasonably assertive and confident and is "nice" to people when those people are worthy of that kind of treatment.

[cypress]

I always thought it was more of an attraction to "bad boys" not jerks, and that was when I was younger. I think most of the ladies on here have hit the nail on the head. Assertive, confident men are attractive. Strong men are sexy. We are animals after all.

 

If a man is confident, interesting/interested, passionate, HEALTHY, and "nice" that is what I'm attracted to.

 

Younger girls I think are more into the chase, and getting people to accept them. When we get older our priorities change a bit. Same as you men.

 

 

[Cloud802]

Well, I'm not talking about a goodie tooshoes guy, just someone that doesn't treat his girl like crap, I think that's the nice guy the poster was talking about.

[Aida2]

I think I fell for one of the biggest jerks this life has seen, and the more people tell me hes no good the more I want to stick up for him and the more I want to go back to him, so who knows.

[EvaGina]

There is only one man I have ever really loved on that level that is more than just very good friends with a whole lot of sexual compatibility.

that man is NOT a jerk... he is kind, loving, sweet and intelligent.

He is the best partner anyone could ever hope for and I love him so much I let him go becuase I know I am not right for him.

 

I am awefully selfish, so for me to love someone that much is huge... and he is the nicest guy I have ever met.

 

So no, they jerks dont always win

 

Although, I think sometimes the attraction to horrible guys, is that if they DO treat you like a princess, you know htey mean it. If a nice guy treats you well, its not really a big deal... as they are nice, they treat all people well, its what they do!