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Goldfish6888

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Everything posted by Goldfish6888

  1. I just want to add something to this thread, which was posted last September. I was in a very different space then. I would never, ever, ever do this again. It was a horrible mistake and I can't blame my state of mind or my depression or loneliness or drunkiness. It was my decision alone and I should have listened to my inner values, when I did not. Instead I choose to block out their incessant warnings and act selfishly and totally "out of character" for me. This was the one and only time i will get myself into this situation and I'm hoping that if anyone reads this post, they will learn, that when we make decisions for ourselves, it can sometimes affect others and their lives. I made the wrong decision, albeit a drunken and blurry one, but the wrong one nonetheless. I read this post and in a way, I feel sorry I've admitted this to the ENA. But maybe, if someone can learn from it, it won't be a lost lesson. It is certainly one lesson I won't be repeating. I cannot believe also that I contemplated even being friends with this man afterwards. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Thanks to everyone that answered this post, both good and bad. I stand here to apologise to myself, to his wife and kids (who I don't or didn't know) and most of all to God. I have let myself down and my beliefs in a very fundamental way. Thank you all G Fish.
  2. Don't be hard on yourself. It will take some time to feel better. But here is a little practical advice If you feel crap...and everytime your thought pattern goes back to her or how things were just start to visualise how you life WILL BE. 1) See yourself HAPPY and in a really great fulfilling relationship. Visualising is a great way to get yourself out of the thought pattern of...."if only"....and "how it was"....and remember when.Visualisation also helps us get out of negative thought patterns and sadness and feeling down 2) Write a list of all your good qualities. All the things she has missed and will miss out on. And you know what some other lucky gal is going to get to benefit from! 3) If you feel really tearful - take a run around the block.....and listen to some really energetic happy up music..on your iPOD..Nothing like breaking a sweat to let it all out of you. 4) Finally why not contact people who you haven't been in touch with for a while and arrange to meet up. It's often good to see people who don't know your ex and who you have neglected to see cos you've been really busy. 5) Take up something new. I took up surfing..... Good luck. It all happens for a reason. Keep posting when you feel down....ENA is always here for you. G FISH
  3. Sorry to say this but this guy sounds like he wants to keep you there as a "fall back plan", but you are on no priority list. Sounds just like my ex. These guys tend to appear to be the nicest in the world, full of manners and gentlemanly moves. In fact, they pride themselves on being so nice and also make comment about it. Saying things like "I want to treat you right". It didn't suit him to meet you when he was in town, as "other" things and I'm surmising probably other women cropped up. You are a little fall back plan for him which is why he checked in when he got home. Its a little trick to keep you interested. But he's not putting any eggs in your basket. I can almost bet as soon as you back off from contacting him completely, he will be there...emailing and calling.... This guy has problems and thats why I got out of it. It's tough I know. But some people seriously knock your head against a brick wall and they are to be avoided at all costs.... have fun out there!!
  4. I know Rosie76. I am jealous of people that say they don't want kids. At least they don't have to face up to the whole " will I meet someone soon enough to have them" Nature has played this cruel trick on us, whereas men are never faced with this dilemma....they can be bachelors until they are 60 and still leave behind a little Mini-them - a little reminder of they once walked the planet!! My sister just had a baby and it's difficult as soon as I heard, i started crying - happy for her - but also thinking will it happen for me? It was an emotional time. I know there is always the sperm bank route, but I just don't think that is for me. Having a kid is part of the package with someone you love and I'm quite traditional about that! What can we do really?....I guess just enjoy our single lives.....and make them as full as possible...see the world....etc....but we shouldn't settle for second best in terms of a partner....we still need to be picky even though we imagine on the next date.....Is he the one? Maybe we need to block that thought when it comes into our heads!!! And anytime it does come into our heads remind ourselves to be realistic...that there is no one....there are many....and we just have to get out there and be open to them.
  5. I totally identify with everyone here. I just got invited to my best friend's wedding in Switzerland - this girl wasn't the settling down type and now she has found a fantastic man for herself...and it makes me think.....why not me? Thats the million dollar question.... I truly feel the whole "biological clock" ticking thing. I want kids and feel like time is running out. In a way, I wish I don't want kids so i wouldn't think so much about meeting someone! But the one thing about being single in your 30's is that you know who you are and it's better to be "single and happy" than "married and unhappy". Of course, I would love to meet my soulmate tomorrow. And who's to say I won't! Everyday is a new adventure! I'm going on a ski holiday at the end of January on my own. First one ever - I now have the confidence in my 30's to do this, which I would NEVER have had the nerve to do in my 20's! I have no ties, no kids to think of - only myself and two weeks on the slopes and all the fantastic adventures I'm going to have. I have no broken marriage, no real baggage and a lovely apartment, a kind of cool job, lots of friends....lots of weekends away.... Its a pity I HATE CATS!!!!
  6. I hate this stringing along thing. It's happened to me before. I feel for you but don't let him contact you again. If if you feel, ah well I'm over it and I've forgiven him and no hard feelings. He has made his bed now, let him lie in it.
  7. Thanks Zombiain!! You look a bit like that famous guitarist, who always has a cig in his mouth. Can't think of his name though. Cynicalguitarist - I hope this is your YEAR!! The more you believe it...the more it will be.
  8. Thanks guys! I'm still on the fence. I think it is empowering to know I no longer need him and can meet him and just feel plain sorry for this guy who just doesn't know what he wants
  9. Well, that post was just for a little fun...just for tongue in cheek! Sometimes having a little fun online, takes the seriousness out of "finding the one". I believe online dating should be fun anyway...it's a lottery really. I too believe that it's not their words you should listen to it is their actions... We all at some time or other say " yes, I'll definitely do that" and then you flake out. Sounded good at the time. I don't agree with the term "He's not that into you". It always annoyed me when it came about from "sex and the city". Why label it Hes just not that into me when it could be a number of reasons ; and you could go crazy thinking about what it was. But thanks it's good to see different people and different approaches! Have a great year G Fish
  10. Hi, I posted here some time ago. About six months to be precise. I've well and truly healed from a toxic LDR relationship and found my ex out to be a PLAYER! He was seeing me about four other ladies at the same time. Lucky some of us were in different locations. Basically he was a smooth operator, who made you feel special. My ex has started a email contact over Christmas ( I knew I would hear from him for some reason) and then sent me a phone text on New years Eve. He is coming to live in Europe and wants to meet me for a drink. I never responded to the drink comment. As I felt I don't wish him bad things for the new year, but I'm not sure about meeting up. My dilemma is this. I am OVER him. I have no feelings of love or desire to get back with him. In fact I pity him and the fact he is a player. He says he is lonely and tired of short relationships that don't last, that he wants to settle down. But his behaviour still belies this - if it is true. What do you think - should I meet him? What do I have to gain from this? nothing. Absolutely nothing. I did take some actions which were purely to make him realise the damage he was causing to all the other women in his life. I wanted to make him realise you cannot behave like this into your 30's. I felt it had come down to me to do it. Don't ask me why but I tend to take on that role with friends aswell I sent him emails saying in plain english he needed to face up to what he had done. He cut all contact as the truth obviously hurt for about 4 months. I'm positive about the future. I don't hate him at all, as hate and revenge takes more energy. If I were to meet (and this is not saying I am) I would do so on the premise it is nothing more than old acquaintances and will never be anything more, as the trust was irretrievably broken. I welcome your comments. Should I meet him or am I opening up a can of worms...... Thanks again ENOTALONE and Happy New year to you all!
  11. Marriage is hard esp. the first year. They say its all about people asserting their needs and its also about re-adjusting mentally to the thought you are with this person "till death do you part". My best friend is just married three months and they have found themselves constantly arguing too. You are right he probably is used to not consulting with someone else. BUt you can't fight aggression with aggression. Someone has to take the role of the adult here. Seeing as you are posting here - I guess its you! Why don't you say something like we are a team on this house build and i can't do it without you, so lets talk about it together. was he like this in courtship? Or has this all happened since you got married. This is a stressful time - you're coping with being newly married, establishing a fledgling business, raising a daughter and on top of that a house build! Why don't you two just go out for a romantic dinner and raise this to him in a non aggressor way. Just drop it into the conversation that you are stressed out and need his help and really need his support and advice in your life. You are a team now. Perhaps this is what he needs. To feel needed. And you need to feel like he is taking care of you and your partner.... My friend who got married makes a point of having a date night every Wednesday. She leaves it up to him to sort out the date....dinner....bowling...cinema......(men like to think they are in control....even though you ultimately are!!) I wish you luck and hope you two find the happiness you deserve!! Happy New Year!
  12. Hi CynicalGuitarist There are some good books by Louise Hay. Check her out on Amazon. The power to cure cancer, feel more optimistic, see life as a gift and an opportunity to experience lots of things is WITHIN YOU! Just as easy as it is for you to think negative thoughts, it is equally as easy to think positively. Everytime you hear a negative thought coming into your head, force yourself to respond with a positive....just try this for 24 hours."I may not be a good guitarist YET", but I'm going to learn how to play that riff by practicing every day. See things positively......."I am lonely" can be answered by saying "I am comfortable spending time by myself". " I have bad skin" answered by "I'm doing something about it". "I hate me" by "I accept me and I deserve all the choices in life" As regards your skin - I think there are lots of good medications now for acne. Acne is quite depressing and does get you down. I had it and hated it! But be proactive - find out what you can do to cure it. I took the natural remedies and now I have perfect skin! Origins is quite good but expensive. Take steps to try and cure it. Life is gift that has been given to you - seize and take it. You are only 19! The world is your oyster - you can tour with a rock band, go travelling, work in Africa, write a book, go to college. So many choices and so much time to try it all out! No mortgage, no kids, no considerations. The only one you have to consider is YOU! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. A good diet is just about respect for your body! So eat well. Keep up the exercising as it helps mood swings and depression. You may be puny - but believe me some women find that very attractive!! If you live near the ocean, try taking up surfing - the salt water is great for clearing the skin and you get a great buzz on the board, as well as meeting lots of cool people. See 07 as your chance to change things. See it as a clean piece of paper. Today is the start of a new chapter. Cynical Guitarist try and be "optimist G string" instead. ;-) Grab life now, as I swear it goes by so quick. They say youth is wasted on the young....so take it from someone who has been there...please don't waste it!!
  13. I think 6 years is barely a blip in your life. Think about when you are 62 and she is 68....not much difference there. Okay you are at different stages at the moment. But often I meet 27 year old guys who don't know where they are going in their career! The good thing is maybe being with her will encourage you to think about your career and then her being with you....will keep her having a lot of fun. So you are both good for each other. As long as you both want the same things....like a relationship.... At the end of the day, age is just a number. A spirit is ageless I'm a 30 something girl who has dated guys 10 years younger and some of them thought I was the younger one! Well it's all the botox Oh...Just kidding.... You've met someone you hit it off with _ ENJOY IT! It's hard to meet that - at any age!
  14. Hi ViolinGIRL! This post is just for fun!! He's back online..soooooo.... here's a little scheming! 1) Post the sexiest picture of you on your profile or even set up a new one with a teasing name like e.g; Miss_Fun_007. Rewrite your profile. Sound playful....mysterious and sexy....but also honest and not easy... (I did this and believe me he contacted me again!) Then go offline for a while.....switch to another dating site and look for dates there. link removed was quite good. You may never hear from him again - but at least he'll get a taster of what he missed!! What I did was I also put up the qualities I was looking for....including chemistry, honesty and that no flakes need apply ( inadvertently meaning him!). On looking back on this posting - I do think 3 days of not hearing from a guy is fine. I don't think they count the days like we do. So we females should stop counting the days. Think of it like this -the more time they wait in contacting you - the more chance they will lose you...as you may have moved on with someone else. look at it positively. Louise Hay says the thoughts you think today and the words you say today create your life experience. If you can think negatively "No one wants me", you can easily think positive "I am desirable and gorgeous and the man who gets me will be lucky!"
  15. Hi. I hope you heard from your online date by now. But if you don't - its not a reflection on you. Remember that! Don't beat yourself up about it! I had a similar situation in November. Went on a date ( I didn't meet him online). We had a great date. Then we met on another date - cinema date. He asked to meet me again later in the week but I told him I couldn't that weekend - but hinted that the following week was free. Well I never heard from him again!! Despite the fact - he had been going on about us going hiking together....and he would cook me dinner....and he was verbally making promises of plans. I just think "Well, I wouldn't want to be involved with such a flake anyway!". Good luck to him! I personally think the man has to do the chasing. It's something to do with the old caveman thing. The way I look at it is he chases, but I get the chance to say NO! So the power is with me...even though I don't get to ask him out. Its a more positive way of looking at it. Dating is tough and it is tough to meet a really good date, where you both click. But you are best to not get too involved from the first date....just treat it like a job interview. His job just didn't have the right salary and benefits, so even though you didn't hear from him - it was probably for the best.... Argh! Ye old dating world is tough!! But I guess it's how you view it! It's a pretty cool way to meet lots of people... G FISH! go girls may the force be with you!!!
  16. You can analyse, analyse, analyse...but at the end of the day.....LONELY is lonely. Nice guy, player, jerk........all can feel lonely. When they go home from work and close their door, there is no one to share the day with..., I totally identify with this post. I've done the bars, the nightclubs. I'm considered very attractive and get the usual "why aren't you taken yet?" and I can't answer that question, except to say, maybe it just isn't my time yet. Maybe there is a different plan for me. God knows, I'd be a great wife/life partner for someone - I'm outgoing, extrovert, enjoy fun and am extremely supportive to my friends. I've turned people down who probably wouldve been good for me. But I guess I just wasn't ready then. And now I am ready and now I'm still searching. I've done a lot of things, an awful lot, have rich memories that make me the person I am today. So I just hope, that that man is somewhere, the one that will be my best buddy and that I can share the rest of the adventure with.... Christmas is such a time for feeling alone and thinking over the past year.... So come on double O seven.....make it my year!!! I hope you all find love and your best friend........in the next 12 months....share the love!! Come on guys...Everyone deserves SOMEONE
  17. Let us know how you are getting on!! And don't forget to HAVE FUN! You're only young free and single once!
  18. Hi Rosie! I just saw this other thread and can feel your pain with all this dating drama. I hope the shows in the US are going well for you! My advice is you are concentrating too much on this guy and you have invested too much time and mental energy on it before he has shown any signs of commitment. It's still early days.... We gals tend to do this diving in, especially when we start physical relations with them. You invested your body in this and you feel like you deserve better - which you do. B]So after a lot of stewing and feeling pretty cheap for sleeping with someone so ingenuine, I wrote a pleasant and upbeat good-bye email, figuring I never though we had anything long term anyway and was only feeling filthy because he'd split it off so disrespectfully.[/b] I do think it's still in the early stages and you are making this out to be b/f and g/f, when at the moment it is still just casual. It's not like you are dating over 6 months and now check in with each other every day the gig was two days ago, he didn't get in touch yesterday On another point, men are not the best communicators - they don't need to be in communication with their friends everyday - not like us females do. They don't need to check in. Plus they definitely are not as thoughtful - he probably forgot you were heading off to the US. Plus, he probably thought, she needs to pack and get stuff ready and won't have time. I do think he is interested but he is at that first stage of interest, where its up to you to "pique" it and to challenge him. It's just he's at a different level and viewing this 3 week relationship as "casual" (that's why if you wanted to end the dating, he was fine with that). It takes time for men to build feelings for you, at the moment it's just attraction. he'd not been feeling things weren't working out and didn't want to leave it at that, though he was ok if I wanted to. On the plus side, you had other things organised when he did ask to meet - which is good. Your life is full without him and was full before he was lucky enough to get invited into your life! I do think a selfish woman has better luck on the dating scene - as I've noticed with many of my female friends who are now hooked up. The ones who run around and fuss and organise their lives around a man are still single...(like me!!) I just want something real - i.e. to know how to avoid the bullsh*t in anything I do get into. I'm not expecting anything long term I think you should expect something long term, but a book I read recently said dating is lots of little steps.......not one big Step to an instant long term REAL relationship. That will only happen over time. I would say, just chill, be cool, have fun, meet him when it SUITS YOU. Text him, if it suits you.....Just don't take this one too seriously. If and then in 6 months time, he hasn't stepped it up a bit, kick him to the curb! Go girl! I bet doing all those gigs you could have anyone. So work it! I know it's your first plunge back into the world of dating - and so you've placed a lot of emphasis on it and are feeling a bit at see with all this emotional feeling being stirred up! Don't be worried when men disappear off into their little caves. In fact, maybe you should do a little disappearing of your own....and never, ever make the fatal mistake of putting all your eggs in one basket. Don't forget to flirt and have a little fun on tour!! Make that man of yours fight for you!
  19. Hi Rosie76 I also have been recently plunging back into the dating scene and finding it stressful following a long time of celibacy. I went on a date with a guy about 3 weeks ago - it all went well, we kissed and it was passionate and nice. I went home to his house and slept (no intercourse or petting or anything), in his bed - just sleeping! He drove me to work the next day and vowed to meet up on Sat. We didn't meet up as he promised, but he kept in contact by phone. We then met (quite accidentally) for a cinema date to see Bond, the following week which again went well and was fun. But now he has evaporated into thin air. One minute he was texting me "how I was....how is my weekend" and what he was going to buy me for a Christmas pressie and next minute he's in the Bermuda Triangle. I read this book recently and the thing about males and females is we just don't think the same at all. And often we mistake attraction as a connection - when in fact all it is an attraction. We tend to jump in and think about them and their responses way too much, whereas if you think about it logically and not in the female way, it becomes less drama. We expect them to measure up to our communication standards and they dont! Men don't always respond to text messages, but if they are interested, they definitely respond to lack of response!! I do think definitely the magnet thing does work - when you pull back they come back to you. It's not playing games if you look at frpm the perspective of taking time out to figure out if he is good enough for you and if he is the kind of person you might want to spend your precious time with. Another book I read talked about women being the selectors and men the selectees. That the women is in control - when she does this and this is the age old biological nature's way. ARGH! I guess I'm viewing it from a different viewpoint now, I'm not taking it personally now that I've not heard from my datee. I'm moving on and getting on with meeting the next candidate. Kick them to the curb if they are not matching up to your behaviour. But men really think nothing of not contacting someone in a week - they can't multi task, so if their mind is on work - its on work and not you - I'm afraid.
  20. If if is meant to be he will come after you. Try and get on with your life and meet others. The grass is not always greener and I think men are inherently selfish (not all of them, for fear of antagonising the "caring" and "unselfish men on ENA!). I know he holds a soft spot in your heart, but you don't want to feel this "missing him" in another 6 months time, I did this and pined for someone for the guts of 5 years - and I guess I never gave someone else the 100% and so never met anyone else - as I compared them to him. Please try and get on with it. Give others the chance. You gave him the chance and he blew it!! He doesn't deserve you - this fabulous woman with so much to give!!
  21. Hi I'm an older woman...well older than your 22 yrs! I have a good female friend who is 24. Now that girl has the mind of a 30 something! I do believe age has nothing to do with maturity. Some 40 somethings act like teenagers. Some people are born old souls. If you are mature, will listen to a girl, respect her, call her (when you say you will ) but not in a stalking kinda way, kiss her gently and tenderly, run your fingers through her hair, hug her tightly, be her friend, open the doors for her, look at her as if she is the only one, tell her she is beautiful/cute/gorgeous, have a good sense of humour and good sense of fun, be passionate in bed - You will have luck with women/girls/gals any age!! We older women need men who know how to behave! I believe most younger men don't have the baggage of heartbreak.....not like older men who have at some time had their hearts broken. And believe me, those walls of previous heartbreak can be hard to break down!! Any 30 something man that is single can be a nightmare to date with all the chasing, flirting and then him pulling back (when it gets too emotional) Your walls are still being built! Go for it Herbal!
  22. Hi Poets heart. I had the same horrible feeling when I found my b/f online on link removed. He was coming to live in Europe with me and had posted up a profile saying he wanted someone who loved adventure, who liked travelling who is fun loving and easy going (all qualities I am and have!!) I was shocked as I thought I was the ONE and not that he was still looking for the ONE! Needless to say I broke up with him by email. Then I simply posted the most sexy photo of myself online onto the same dating sites as him, put up the nicest profile ever......I even talked about what my ideal date would be (which was actually based on our first date!). Anywhere I could stick the dagger in - I did!! I said I 'm looking for the one....someone who respects me, who is honest....! Basically I listed all the qualities that he hadn't!! I made it humorous and tongue in cheek but FUN! It felt good....Then I made sure I went online everyday...even though I couldn't be bothered with it!! Sure nuf, i got a text from him saying "saw you on link removed........how's it going.....!! I didn't respond. NC!!! He does not deserve me in his life....I deserve love. i deserve someone who respects me...who won't take advantage of my good nature....who will call when they say they will call....who would put his life on the line for me..... so why would I let him back in? The doors to my little V.I.P nightclub are closed to him.....no more access all areas.....you made your bed buddy, now lie in it...!! My friend did suggest I set up a false profile with a hottie picture, send him a wink/smile and lead him on...arrange to meet and leave him high and dry...but I guess I wasn't bunny boiler enough to go that far!! But it would have been FUN! Hope you didn't contact him! There are other ways girl! You go! G Fish!
  23. I have never truly met anyone genuine from dating websites. Although I consider myself genuine and I AM ON THERE. I also received an email through myspace. This man had shots that looked like magazine shots, but when I asked him for other pictures - they all looked blurry. I instantly discontinued the relationship. I would email him and say you noticed he is using false pictures and that you would prefer someone who is honest in their profile. You are here to meet someone genuine and not someone who uses this for fun or to pretend. Then cut the contact. You might feel better for venting with him. Also if you are meeting someone from a dating website - always, always meet in a public place and don't go anywhere with him on your own - until you really have got to know him! I do believe you can meet someone online but its a number game and for every 100 people, you might be 10 genuines....so just hang in there! And don't forget the old fashioned way...of walking the dog...or chatting in a super market etc...... Good Luck!!
  24. I've always fallen for jerks but it was on the misreading that they were genuine. They appeared genuine - opened doors, called me immediately to see if I got home okay - kissed me passionately - said all the right things - behaved in a gentlemanly fashion. Then there is the nice guys - who are similar to the jerks in their treatment of me, but I never fell for them. WHY? I guess there is a fine line between being nice and then TOO NICE. Someone described "courting" or "dating" someone to me as "a dance." It is all about sussing someone out. You give out too much and they shimmy away from you. You give them a little something but pull back and they are shimmying toward you. This "pulling back" is not playing games - it's about taking the time our to figure someone out and see if they are worthy of being something more than a date! So that's where the "not giving too much" at the start works. You give a little taster and you pull back. Do you ever notice it's not always the good looking guys who get the girls - sometimes its the average guy with great personality and confidence. Confidence is really attractive to a woman and that combined with being genuine but not "a walk over" or a "desperado" will win you the gals!!! I promise! G Fish
  25. Why not invite her out to something cool - like some new music or something that she is interested in. See if she wants to come along. Make sure you give plenty of notice and keep the invite casual. You don't want to seem desperate. Flattery is always good "hey, thanks for being a brilliant friend and you're great fun to hang out with......etc.....People like to be appreciated as it makes them feel good about themselves. I hope this helps!! G Fish
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