Red Flags?

[joiseygrl]

So... I met a guy whom I had met online the other night. I wasn't sure if we'd click, but he seemed nice enough. About an hour into the date, I realized I just wasn't "feeling it". Here are what I thought of as "red flags": Since the day he got my phone number, he called EVERY day. (This was before we even met in person.) On the night we did meet in person, he brought me over to his car and showed me the 2 dozen roses he brought for me. (And for some reason he didn't want me to bring them into the resturant, he told me I could get them before we left.) I thought the flowers were beautiful, but a little much. One rose would have been very sweet, but 2 DOZEN?!

And though the evening he made a few oddball comments. I'm a very open and straight-forward person, but I do think there are some things you don't talk about on a first date. Like, "You should wear cotton underwear, your vagina needs to breath. I saw that on a talk show." What man says that to a woman he's never met face-to-face before?

 

Now, he seems like a really nice guy, but between the phone calls, the roses and the oddball comments, I'm a little hesitant about seeing him again. Am I just being too picky?

[renaissancewoman101]

He sounds kind of obsessive or else he doesnt know how to date. I would be leery of him, esp of his comment about the underwear. That is just strange. And the two dozen roses would probably weird me out. When I first started dating my ex, he was always buying me flowers. In the beginning, I was a bit weirded out by it because I had never had a bf buy me flowers before, but he wasnt excessive or anything like that. But two dozen roses on a first date is a TAD bit obsessive.

 

Date him but be leery.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Joiseygrl -

 

I don't think you CAN be too picky and I got to be honest with you...those are definite RED FLAGS.

 

Make your distance from this guy and be very careful afterward......Ihope I'm not being paranoid, but you can never be too careful and he's got all the tells of a potential stalker.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Trust your gut feelings.

 

You owe nothing to this guy. If you want, feel free to go out on a second date and see how things play out.

[Newo Ikkin]

"You should wear cotton underwear, your vagina needs to breath. I saw that on a talk show."

 

ROFL.

 

I dont quite know what to say, really...picky isnt a bad thing, no way. Especially with a bit of an oddball like this.

Erm, well, keep the red flags aflyin' for a bit longer. He might get weirder for all you know =|Best not to throw yourself in the deep end just yet. Keep it casual until you're sure enough not to be needing advice from others.

 

Good luck, and hope for your sake the guy does have all his sandwhiches in the picnic basket.

x

[rose2summer]

I think the gesture of the flowers is a nice one,

 

But it does seem that he is coming on a bit strong,

 

It's almost like he feels you are his long-term gf,

 

When you have only gone on that one date,

 

"You should wear cotton underwear, your vagina needs to breath. I saw that on a talk show."

 

That comment alone would make me run,

 

Maybe if he is some health professional it might be weird, but not completely odd,

 

But still, why is he talking about your vagina,

 

Did he just drop it into the conversation or was there some preface to it,

 

This guy seems a little bit odd, you may want to follow caution with him.

 

Hugs, Rose

[AwdreeHpburn]

But still, why is he talking about your vagina

 

uh.....yeh. This is what I'm wondering. Was he just trying to find a way to work it into the conversation so that you were FULLY aware he was thinking about it??

 

Seriously - YIKES.

 

That would (and does) totally freak me out. I don't think persuing anything with this guy is a good idea. BUT....that's just me.

[shes2smart]

Discussing the fabric choice of your undergarments is NOT appropriate first date conversation.

 

That alone would have me developing a "migraine" so I could just go home.

 

Based on your description, he sounds a little creepy. Since you described him that way, my guess is you think he's a little creepy, too.

 

I think it's time for the polite and final "good luck to you in your search, nice meeting ya, have a nice life and goodbye."

[LostInMyThoughts]

Discussing the fabric choice of your undergarments is NOT appropriate first date conversation.

 

So I should stop asking girls what color their panties are.

 

No wonder...I wish they taught us this type of stuff in school.

[shes2smart]

So I should stop asking girls what color their panties are.

 

No wonder...I wish they taught us this type of stuff in school.

 

Sometimes, you just have to learn things the hard way.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I have this picture in my head of this guy just saying it matter of factly. Like in his mind, there was absolutely no reason NOT to say it. It's a perfectly normal and natural thing. And you should know it. And to back up his claim, he even invents a source, "I saw it on tv" so it must be a valid point and OK to talk about....

 

socially behind - OK - but going straight for the minge....that's just, well.... weird.

[joiseygrl]

Thanks for the replies! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being to hard on him. I haven't been on the dating scene very long after my 8 year relationship ended so I'm stil trying to figure out what's "normal". I don't care what they say, it's not like riding a bike. I may have been riding a bike befiore, but someone relapced my bike with a motorcycle!

[Iceman26]

You can never be too picky when it comes to you. He's either not very good socially/trying to hard to please, or he's just plain weird. I wouldn't ignore the red flags you have though.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Thanks for the replies! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being to hard on him. I haven't been on the dating scene very long after my 8 year relationship ended so I'm stil trying to figure out what's "normal". I don't care what they say, it's not like riding a bike. I may have been riding a bike befiore, but someone relapced my bike with a motorcycle!

 

No, I think you're doing fine. Normal is how you define things.

 

I don't think what he said was innappropriate for first dates, per-se.

 

Sometimes I talk about weird stuff during first dates; like I've mentioned that human sexuality is something I'm interested in, or that I'm obsessed with learning about womens health.

 

I think he was just giving you the opportunity to realize he wouldn't be a good fit.

 

Better to know now, then to find out much later.

[Day_Walker]

I dont believe that you have to rationalize it if you are not interested in him. The flowers were too much and we dont know the context of the comment so I cannot say that it is inappropriate.

[Batya33]

Whether right or wrong on my part when I did on line dating (met over 100 men in person over a 5 year period) I was stricter about red flags because we did not know anyone in common (if we did, which often happened then I evaluated it as I would any "set up." Because I had no point of reference, if something made me feel unsafe or uncomfortable it would be a bigger red flag than if I knew people who "vouched" for him. The underwear comment would make me run for the hills. I also had a guy who called every night before we met, and then when I declined a third date (similar red flags - too pushy, etc) he accused me of leading him on to expect that I wanted a relationship with him because I spoke to him every night before we met and between date one and two (he initiated all the calls - I would call him but only to return a call).

 

After that he sent five increasingly angry e-mails in the space of two hours, and then a sixth apologizing and asking if we could keep in touch as friends (nope!).

 

Seriously though - if this guy would make the comment he did how would you feel introducing him to your boss? Your mother? Your best friend?

[arwen]

"You should wear cotton underwear, your vagina needs to breath. I saw that on a talk show."

 

OMG.... lol.

 

I know THAT would creep me out, and the enormous bunch of roses would too. I think he just came on way too strong, and that in my eyes can be a red flag. I dated a few guys who came on too strong, and experienced that they were either after sex or that their interest would soon decrease.

 

Ilse

[musicguy]

"You should wear cotton underwear, your vagina needs to breath. I saw that on a talk show."

 

Okay Wow! I don't go on dates a lot, but even I know that you should never say that to a girl or your date.

 

As for the two dozen roses, it was a thoughtful idea, but two dozen is a little much. He should have just opted for one rose. I mean it's a date, not an anniversary...sheesh

[Clementine orange]

Red flag without a doubt. Golden rule: no talking about underwear on first date (in fact don't even bring it up in conversation until she actually removes it). 2 dozen roses on the first date, phone calls everyday!!!! This is guy is desperate!!! or a complete amateur. I'd run like hell.

No doubt your running like hell will cause him to bring 3 dozen roses the next girl he takes out - I get the impression he is the "never learn" type.

 

Needy, clingy, controlling - these adjectives come to mind. If there is ever a time play it cool it's on the first date!

[Jayar]

Don't go out with him again. Thank him for the date, wish him well, and stop all communication. This guy is either socially inept or he is sick in the head, and with so many normal, healthy men out there, why even bother?

[DizzyDoris]

Aaaw i feel sorry for this guy now after everyone has bashed him! Maybe you made such a good impression before you went out he wanted to show you how much he cared, yes 2 dozen is a bit OTT but its very sweet. He did cross the line with the underwear comment haha but that could have been down to nerves? If you like him, give him a second chance but tell him hes a bit full on and you'd like to take things much slower and keep things lighthearted.

If he goes to this extremes on a first date....just imagine what he'd get you for christmas lol

[Honey Pumpkin]

Is it me, or am I the only one who would have laughed about the vagina comment?

 

It's just me isn't it....

 

Okay, bearing up bravely.

 

Sometimes really random conversations like that make me laugh, because they are so inappropriate, and yet well-meaning. And it could be nerves, I guess.

[BrokenHeart82]

Alright the underwear comment was a little odd...however to the poster..what was said before this? I doubt that you said "Ill have the fettucini" and he said "you should wear cotton underwear!"

 

Secondly, why is everyone allover this guy because of the flowers?? THIS my friends is what is happening to the so called "nice guy"...he gets bashed!

 

Why do the majority of women seem to want this wishy washy jerky man? The one who calls every two weeks, who doesnt get you flowers, who you never know if youre going to see him again.

 

It makes me angry because I for one LOVE flowers, I LOVE it when a guy is interested in me and lets me know it. I hate games and I hate the women out there who are advocating them by downing the guys who arent playing them, keeping it real, and being honest about how they feel!

[shes2smart]

Is it me, or am I the only one who would have laughed about the vagina comment?

 

It's just me isn't it....

 

Okay, bearing up bravely.

 

Sometimes really random conversations like that make me laugh, because they are so inappropriate, and yet well-meaning. And it could be nerves, I guess.

 

I will grant you that we don't have the full context of the comment. Depending on what was said before and how it was said, I suppose there are some set of circumstances where it might've made sense or been funny.

 

However, I got the definite impression the OP found that combined with the roses and the daily calls a little creepy. So even if his intentions fell more to a misguided sense of humor, it still creeped her out. For her (and apparently to several other women in the thread), that's enough to bring things to a screeching halt

[rmpavlock]

Those comments are strange. Go with your gut. If you aren't really feeling it, then it sounds like you are just not into him anyway.