What do you want to say to your ex?

[Shiva 2007]

In this Room, May 15, 1996

------------------------------------

In this room,

I explore my existing emotions.

In this room,

I learn to reach within and to reach out.

In this room,

you teach me about my distorted senses,

about my habitual tunnel vision.

 

In this room, you are showing me how I float through my emotions,

though never looosing my thirst of anchoring to the present.

 

In this room, you guide me from fear to excitement

you teach me to see fear as my friend,

a friend which allows me to say "I am"

 

In this room,

you make me laugh,

you make me panic,

you teach me to listen to my heartbeat,

you teach me to give value to my presense;

and to my yearning for passion.

 

In this room,

I learn to feel my frustration, my eagerness, my courage.

 

I wonder if you know,

how alive I feel when I am

In this room

(By da)

 

Do you remember when I wrote this???? it was for you - I loved you then more then life itself, I thought we would have wonderful moments to share and remember, now....I have only pain and devastation left inside me, now I have uncertainty and distrust for the whole of humanity, I am going to have to work extra hard to believe a word that is ever told to me. I still ache for you and my heart goes out to you because you are a broken man, and I wish you harmony. Please learn that what you did has torn me inside and the wound will never, ever heal. I don't want it to heal, I want to remember so I wont make the same mistakes again.

Do you really know how to love???

[SexySadie7]

Wow.. i feel like this too... wishiknew.. besides being incredibly angry at him, I'm also incredibly sad we aren't together anymore either! It's so confusing, isn't it?

 

"I miss you, i miss your touch, miss your smell, miss your smile. I want to reach out to you, but there's nothing there anymore. You've made it clear how you feel and so have I.

Something just doesn't feel right, i wish i had the answers i was looking for. I wish i had closure and you would just tell me that we are through. There isn't really much left to say, seems like you're not the same."

I also miss immensely the times we shared in bed. I knew you weren't really serious yet I always felt this wonderful connection with you in bed. I'm sad you don't miss that enough to ever bother contacting me anymore. That hurts. What is equally as baffling is that I always tried to please you and you always seemed very pleased. Where you just acting through that all, or do I simply mean nothing to you at all except another notch on your bedpost. You are an incredibly callous guy if that's true. I feel sorry for you if that is your mindspace.

God help the next girl who falls for you. You are emotional poison, get help!

[Shiva 2007]

It hurts SexySadie7 doesn't? to pour out your heart out to someone who doesn't know how to really love. The meaning of love is only for them another written word in some book, some lame line in a movie, and some romantic notion that doesn't exist. The ache, the passion, the yearning to feel their every breath, the wish that they are well and safe when not around you, some will never know. Yet I don't want it to be any different for me, I still want to be a crazy romantic, who believes in true love, who believes, in passionate love, who beleves....in all the moments..the full catastrophy of living and loving.

______________________________

As a day well spent brings blessed sleep,

so a life well lived brings a blessed death.

by Leonardo da Vinci

[lady00]

"I really liked you a lot. I thought you were the right guy for me. You will probably never know how much you hurt me. I didn't think it was possible in such a short amount of time for me to like someone so much or hurt so much. I don't trust you anymore. I can't look at you the same way. I am friendly though and try to be nice to you. But don't expect more because I have already exhausted my emotional energy on you."

[laboheme]

I got accepted to the study abroad program this summer. I am applying for an assistant director position for next year. I'm coordinating an event this semester. I'm gonna try my luck and see if I can get a position with the Shared Governance Committee. I can't wait to live in the language dorm next year. My grades are stellar, and I'm getting to know some fun people in my classes.

 

You? The most exciting thing in your life is working in that dump. Your education leaves much to be desired. You have no friends your own age. You don't know anybody at our school. You don't even know what's going on around campus.

 

So what if you have a new girlfriend? You're so unambitious, it's pathetic. I used to think that if we couldn't be together, we'd at least be good friends. I don't even want that now. What use are you to me as a friend? I'll be moving on to bigger and better things, but you'll be making no progress. In fact, I think you've taken several steps back already.

 

So who came out on top, hm?

[Shiva 2007]

Thumbs up for you laboheme, it's sounds like your life is moving in all the right directions, keep moving forward and don't ever look back

[studbaker99]

Its my fault for wanting to be in love too much, that we've kept ourselves going for longer than we should have. Maybe there is a lesson there that we learned. I'm glad we're still good friends, and I think that's what we were meant to be.

[darkpumpkin]

You told me you told your brother I was the one

 

You lied to me about msg people on the internet

 

You used to call me pookey monster and I loved it

 

You used to hold me all through the night and I have never slept so good

 

You made me think everything was my fault

 

You made me feel that I couldn't be me around you because it frustrated you.

 

I made mistakes, so many mistakes.

 

My gut told me 2 months in that things weren't right. That something wasn't right.

 

I hate you for not trying, but then maybe you did just not hard enough

 

I hate you for introducing me to your parents two weekends before we break-up. I hate that you mentioned our kids to me 2 days before we break-up.

 

I hate that I worried about you and wanted to make you happy.

 

I hate that when I asked how you would feel if you found out I was dating someone else and you put two thumbs up and smiled at me.

 

I hate myself for missing you now and thinking that I screwed up our relationship.

 

I hate you for having a profile on a dating site 2 days after we break up....and lying in your discription.

 

I hate that unlike many ex's you will never be coming back and I will just move on.

 

And I am worthy of a second chance. I am worthy of someone who will fight for me. And it is your loss that you can not see that.

[anna_k]

1. Half your friends have told me they think you're selfish. I can't believe I defended you when I was the one with first hand experience. Your closest friend said I'd be good for you because I was grounded, had a job and 'did something' with my life. They liked me. Not that you'd care. You were busy playing video games when we were talking.

 

2. You still live at home. Your parents pay for everything. You wouldn't survive a day without them. I don't even know what you're going to do with your life. You have no great ambitions but to marry some hot girl and spend your life doing nothing. I worked for everything I've got. I paid for everything I own now. And you have the audacity to insult me and embarrass me when I can't do something. You make me think I am a failure because I'm not a brainless bimbo who will turn a blind eye to your behaviour. I spent so many days and nights crying over you. Then I'd have to get up the next day and face the world at work. You never felt bad about one goddamm thing you did to me. You never felt bad about how you made me feel. Who the hell do you think you are?

 

3. I know you still think of me. I know you miss the sex. We had it great. You try to act so righteous and good with your new girlfriends but don't forget about the times you called me up wanting me instead of them. Try finding someone to do all that with you.

 

4. You always said you didn't want a girlfriend. But you went out and got one. Then you broke up with her because I said I refused to see you whilst you two were dating. Still you didn't want to go out with me. And now I hear you want to date someone else. You called me fickle. Oh really....

 

5. Thank you for causing so much trouble. Without you I'd never have posted on this forum. I'd never have met these nice people who've been giving me advice. Without you I would continue to be a wanderer. But now I know I want someone with more substance and something more permanent. Sure I'm attracted to you like crazy but I guess I'm not the girl for you. I hope you're happy. You have so much potential in life. So many chances. And yet, you just let them slip through your fingers. I honestly loved you. I think I will always care unfortunately. I overlooked everything to support you. But one person can only take so much.

 

If you don't want me, stop calling me. Stop trying to force me into a friendsip I'm not ready for. I don't see me initiating anything.

 

I am sorry for writing about you on here. I am sorry that we fought so much. I am sorry that I could not spend Xmas with you. I am sorry I was not there for your birthday. You said didn't want me to come. I am sorry I never got to tell you that I loved you. Maybe that is a good thing in the end. Thank you for all the good times and memories. You were nice to me sometimes.

 

Goodbye darling.

[socal]

I told you right before we broke up....

 

I'll be the benchmark girl in your life. I'm confidant in that as you let me walk away.

 

It's been 2 years... and of nearly no communication. You're with a new girl. You're thinking of me as she's pressuring you for a ring. You can't do it. I'm not surprised at all.

 

So you turn to who? Who's on your mind lately? You admit now that I know you better than you know yourself. So I try to help and RE-shed the light as you seek my advice.

 

What I really wanted to say was.....

 

I know you'll always love me.

You think of me often. Even when you're laying next to her.

I think of you. But not when I'm with someone else.

I was bitter at you at one point for leaving. Now I couldn't be happier that you're no longer mine.

 

 

 

I had to get that off my chest. Sorry.

[HungryWolf]

How could you say you loved me and put me through this.

After all of this I don't believe you ever truly loved me for a second.

The things I did for you, no one should have to do all that and get it sent back right in there face for nothing.

All those empty promises, they've given me a different outlook on life.

The world is cruel and it's the ones that are closest to you that teach you it the best.

While I do want you to be miserable like me, at the same time I want you to be happy and look out for yourself. I just can't help but think that someone will take advantage of you; something I would never do, and it will ruin your life.

I just don't understand why I couldn't be the one. I treated you so well, like a queen.

And in the end you just left me in the dust without a solid reason.

I loved you, but if you want me back I can't and will not accept.

[MissIndigo]

You know I would not have poured my heart and my soul (not to mention thousands of dollars on plane tickets) into our LDR if I hadn't believed in us. Too bad for you that you didn't, and once again, have used the internet to hurt me. Silly me...I'm the only one you've known, met in real life just going about living day to day, who you haven't met on link removed or Craigslist, and I should have known that after we went LD that you would go right back to your internet fun. Really, it was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

 

It was a sneaky, underhanded thing for you to do, post a profile on link removed without sorting our relationship first, and better yet, go out with others, probably giving the impression that you were not involved with someone when you were. Of course I wasn't happy with you when you broke the news to me, jeez how did you think I was going to feel, but why, I just want to know why...you said "but I don't want this to end" and still keep in touch. THIS? Dear, what the hell is "this" anyway? What do you mean--you want to explore other options while keeping me on the hook as a friend??

 

Exactly dear. That's exactly what you want to do.

 

Gee, it must suck to be you if you could give up the love that was right in front of you for meeting black and white text and digital images on a screen. I hate it, I hate it so much I don't have the words for it, that we probably could not plan be nearer to the other until I am done with my fellowships. But that gives NO EXCUSE for you not offering me a resolution before tarting yourself out on the internet again, even if it was a resolution I may not have agreed with. You, sir, are not an honorable man.

[shelbydlscc]

I'm sorry I let other people alter my thinking. I should have talked to you about it before making my decision. I have loved you since the first moment I have ever seen you. And that was 2 1/2 years ago. Don't ever question whether or not I still love you because if it didn't change over a 2 year separation what makes you think it can change in 2 months? I will always love you. I wish you were here but you're not and I accept that. Just be happy so I can be, because everyday you're not, I'm much more worse.

[brokenbird]

.......................

[brokenbird]

.....................

[Shiva 2007]

no need to feel embarressed about what we say under the influence of wine. In Italy we say in vino veritas that means in wine we tell the truth

[Shiva 2007]

why - did I miss something - is this one of those foot in mouth moment? were you referring to your ex?

[MsBear]

U bastard ! Why didnt u break up w/ me in person so I still have some respect left for u ?

 

Damn u, u think u r so rich that u can buy the whole world? Sorry,I dont ****ing care, well im working my * * * off to live while u r 24 living on parents' money, u c how great u r huh?..

 

U got rejected, got robbed, got accident I was still with u

 

I cried out my eyes bcos u were ill have u ever cared how i felt? I bet no

 

U didnt finish ur work, I stayed up all nite, did all the work tho i was ill

 

How dare could u dump me ?

 

I should have dumped u ages ago... wish u could get ur life together rather than mess around, toy with people...

[Cyprian]

Don't tell me you regret it. You are not at all sorry that it occurred, and that you were the cause of it...now that you are safe...

 

During this crisis you failed us. And then I went to my rest, never dreaming that it was the last night of our time together...

 

I haven't spoken to you in so long. I hope its not making you forget about me. I love you and miss you so much. I wish I could be next to you but we are separated by such a great distance right now. If we were close again, everything would be so wonderful (for both of us).

 

So until we meet again, I am thinking of you always; I love you; I wish you were here.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Hmm. There are only two really worth mentioning.

 

Tim - There's always going to be something about you that draws me like a moth to a flame. That is your brilliant mind. I still love talking to you. You always know something that completely changes my view on the topic, and slowly over the years you've helped shape my view of the world. I'm sorry that I mistook our friendship for love. I'm still mad at you for lying to me, though.

 

Kim - You're a nice guy. I hope you find someone who appreciates you for who you are. I also hope that you get your life in order. I keep waiting for the day I'll have an email from you saying that you enrolled in college.

[Jess...]

M - I know we were only 12 when we were together, but we'd liked each other for years, it was cute, it was only natural lol. It took me 5 years to get over you completely, but now that I have, I can say I'm glad we are finally friends, and I really do wish you the best of luck in whatever your goals and dreams are.

 

J - I honestly don't know what to say...You got me over M. You have been the ONLY one to do that. You were my everything, I loved you with all my heart and all my soul. We had something so special I thought it would never end. Why did you change your mind about giving me a second chance? I would do anything to have you back, to be like we were, but I guess thats not going to happen... I will always love you. I'm sorry.

[mintblossom]

it's too bad we can't be friends because you're a horrible person and have some deep issues. you lie, manipulate, play games, and yet you act and want to look like the good guy. you tell me you hate drama yet you purposely set me up to manipulate and use me. what the hell is wrong with you?

 

i think you are disgusting and it's a good thing we have nothing to do with each other. i cant stand being around drug addicted, alcoholic, crazy people. it's like try to walk on quicksand. pleh! i was so unlucky to have met you. thank god i dont have anything to do with you ever again.

[xbadfishx]

I'm sure you think it's pretty funny that you took advantage of me with such ease, and you can go on to brag to your friends about it. i guess i shouldnt have been stupid enough to fall for your nonsense. But one day you will get whats coming to you and i hope it hurts you more than you could ever imagine

[Shiva 2007]

wow xbadfishx I could completely relate and I'm not a hateful person by nature.

[thelonelydoll]

Dear Mike,

 

Thanks for cutting up my collection of international football shirts, tearing my magazine articles, and tearing the photos. After months of your controlling, stifling, alcoholic behavior, it was a relief to have some physical proof that you're beyond hope.

 

Christmas with your folks in York was lovely, your "proposal" in Edinburgh was cute even though what you were putting on the wrong finger was actually a wedding band.

 

You can try blackmailing me all you like, but you'll never see a dime from my father - after all the months of secrecy, I finally outed you for the common drunk you are. Since I defined drinking as a deal-breaker in September, you couldn't string together 14 days sober, so I regret that I let us continue after your Northampton freak-out within the same month.

 

I'm still so angry about all the verbal abuse, nonsensical accusations, and instantaneous mood-changes, that I look forward to getting that late-night call from your family that you're in jail or institutionalised or even dead. All the effort I put into doing the K1 visa paperwork is instead being put into police papers and seeing if Homeland Security has a centralised database so that your entry to the US might be barred for years to come.

 

You're an abusive drunk - see you on the Jeremy Kyle Show!

 

Oh, and by the way, I was NEVER actually going to take your name. Of all the lies you accused me of, that was really the only one, and you never questioned it. I only said it to make you feel better, and now I'm free to be me again.

 

Good riddance.

 

p.s. I've got a list of items I know you stole. You're a freak!