Why are people on Enotalone so conservative?

[Aschleigh]

It's 2006 and it's hard to believe that anyone still talks about virginity, no sex before marriage, teenagers having sex, homosexuality, S and M, etc.. like there are any taboos left.

I live in the United States, I am a 30 years old women.

It seems to me that in reality people are having sex at all ages in all different kinds of ways.

But still every once in a while I see someone say " I am still a virgin at 22" or that " I'm not comfortable about giving sex advice to a teenager".

IS this willful ignorance? What could one's motivation for not pursuing great sex? Why would anyone be judgemental about another person's sex practices ( if they are between consenting adults, or consenting people)

Is the rest of the world still so traditional and sexist that a really sexual women is still a threat to society?

For a web-site about sex, relationships, etc.. I find a lot of prudish people here. Or is it me, Am I just over the whole " sex is bad, let's be ignortant cause that will makes us better people thing."?

[shikashika]

I have noticed a lot of this on this board too. ESPECIALLY in regards to the sex topic....Personally I find it to be quite prude.

 

Maybe its because the people that come to this site, for whatever reason, come with their problems..

 

No one is going to come and say "just wanted to say I have a really great sex life... I really enjoy it when I do this or that"

 

Same with the relationship, dating threads... Most people come here because they have a problem, like "I got dumped" or "how do I get her back".

 

People end up finding this site.. as I did, because they had some problem they needed to work out.. if you are in a perfectly content, happy relationship, with a kinky sex life... no one is going to come and post" just wanted to say that my sex life is awesome!"

 

As I said, I do agree with you with a lot of the sex comments. but then who am I to talk... someone could ask "who are all these people with breakup problems? "

[New_Horizons]

But still every once in a while I see someone say " I am still a virgin at 22" or that " I'm not comfortable about giving sex advice to a teenager".

IS this willful ignorance? What could one's motivation for not pursuing great sex? Is the rest of the world still so traditional and sexist that a really sexual women is still a threat to society?

For a web-site about sex, relationships, etc.. I find a lot of prudish people here.

 

OK, first you're making two incorrect assumptions here. I'll address the more important one first. You're assuming that we're virgins by choice, or because we're 'prudes'. Nothing could be further from the truth. Some of us are virgins because we're shy, quiet, have low self confidence etc. Obviously most of us virgins are men, because the traits of confidence and self esteem are particularly important for men if they want to have a girlfriend, or to have sex.

 

You need to be a little less judgemental. It's easy for you to sit and say "what could be one's motivation for not having sex?" but you need to put yourself in our shoes. You've had sex, you've been around, so it's easy for you to wonder "what's the big deal?". I'd like to remind you that for a man, it is very difficult to find sex or love if he doesn't have the traits I mentioned. For a shy woman it's a lot easier. It may not be a cakewalk but it's easier.

 

Second assumption - you connect traditional prudism to sexism or anti-female bigotry. Sometimes there is a link but often there is a religious or cultural reason and you can't blame them for their upbringing. However most of us on ENA do not fall in this category.

 

I would also like to add that prudism is not necessarily a Christian thing. All religions share this common trait. And as Rabican pointed out, there are some practical issues involved too.

[Rabican]

Dont lump me in this category because im certainly NOT holding out for marriage. But a lot of people do have morals, and standards. What you may consider just a 'great sex life' others may consider innapropriate, or may consider that something worth waiting for, and sharing with someone they love. I dont know if id consider that prudish, or close minded or whatever... it just is what it is, a choice. I think that our society needs to put a LOT more values into some of these things though. Teenagers having sex? Cmon girl you cant even legally buy smokes under 18, but you think its cool for a 15 year old to have sex? Do you really think at 15 your average teeniebopper understands what they are getting into there. Risk of pregnancy, disease, the emotions involved etc... I think if anything our society needs to make MORE judgements in matters like this. Not less.

Ill give you one example of why I would be judgemental about teenagers having sex... and Ill even go outside of the moral realm, just to prove im not just pushing my morals onto you. 15 year old kid has a kid out of marriage, she doesnt have a job, or the money, or responsibility to take care of said child. thereforeeee her mistake becomes the burden of society to foot the bill. Welfare, food stamps, public assistance, public housing you name it. Get the point? Sometimes you gotta look at the unintended concequences of actions like a 15 year old gettin it on.

Oh, on a side note, im not a prude. Im in a relationship and I have a GREAT sex life.

[shikashika]

The 'sex and romance' thread is pretty tame. I have to say I too was surprised at most of the threads in the sex and romance category.

 

Rabican, only one comment... re " But a lot of people do have morals and standards".. I don't think its better morals or higher standards just because somone waits to have sex... just a different personal preference.

 

One thing to remember, is that this is an international board, (though I'm assuming more North Americans than anyone else??)

 

Different people have different moral standards.. and in GENERAL, Americans are more prudish in regards to sex, nudity topics.

 

In Canada, prudes are everywhere;... I think its still illegal to go topless at a regular beach (where there are any!!) because people think it has something to do with their moral standards !... whereas in other places its the NORM.

 

Different countries have different attitudes towards sex, nudity drugs etc..

[annie24]

i try my hardest not to be judgemental, but I think it is difficult to avoid. we all carry around our prejudices and life experiences with us, so it is hard to not see things completely through those lenses, if you know what I'm saying....

 

as for teens having sex.... I know, I was a teen not that long ago, I know how it is....

 

for me.... i just don't feel *comfortable* giving sex advice to a teen. maybe 16,17, 18, yes. 18 is an adult. However, younger, not really. I try not to say anything on here that I wouldn't say in real life, and I would NEVER talk to a 13, 14, or 15 year old about sex at a coffee shop. I mean, I would discuss the biology, and the need to be careful, and that there is no rush, and that you won't be popular or unpopular if you decide to do it.... that it's something that should be treated with respect and caution. but... will I give tips on how to give a good blow job? no way.

 

look at it this way - congressman Mark Foley was talking to boys online about sex.... and look where he wound up! resigning from congress!

 

so, yeah... ultimately, just take what works for you from here, and discard what doesn't.

[quietgrl]

New Horizon and Rabican High five on half of your post but New Horizon you don't have to explain why you're a virgin.We can't help it if some nonvirgin people stick to those old stereotype of virgins.

Aschleigh you're very naive to think people sex lives doesn't affect society(consent or nonconsent). We wouldn't have STD,people cheating on eachother and unwanted babies if people would take sex more seriously. I think more people should think before sticking their penis in a vagina because free love alway cost.It never was free.

Come on nobody a prude for being a virgin and wanting sex with commimtent. Another virgin stereotype that's getting old but i understand why you feel that way.We only see one type of virgin on forums,TV and movies. I also don't think Waiting for sex is conservative unless it's religious related.

Rabican i also agree with your post about people under 18 having intercourse.I'm sorry there is no good excuse for any teenager having intercourse.

[michelemybell]

Rabican, I like your post!!!!!!!!!!

 

Aschleigh, I think most of the problems on this board are about people who didn't think more before having sex and the whole host of problems it can cause. Not saying that one should forego sex or that sex is evil. But a little more discretion would save a lot of heartache and trips to the doctor!

[Daddy Bear]

It's 2006 and it's hard to believe that anyone still talks about virginity, no sex before marriage, teenagers having sex, homosexuality, S and M, etc.. like there are any taboos left.

 

no taboos? do you condone sex with young children and animals, or are these things taboo to you? and where on ENA is there any negative talk about homosexuals or S&M?

 

every once in a while I see someone say " I am still a virgin at 22" or that " I'm not comfortable about giving sex advice to a teenager".

IS this willful ignorance?

 

what is ignorant about remaining a virgin until marriage or not wanting to talk about sexual matters with someone else's kid?? it's a matter of beliefs. truly open-minded people would respect those opinions regardless of how much they might disagree with them.

 

Is the rest of the world still so traditional and sexist that a really sexual women is still a threat to society?

 

horsepuckey. my female ENA friends are completely sexually liberated (some EXTREMELY so) and there is no gender-based double standard at work here. i have never seen anyone post that girls should keep their virginity longer than boys.

 

For a web-site about sex, relationships, etc.. I find a lot of prudish people here. Or is it me, Am I just over the whole " sex is bad, let's be ignortant cause that will makes us better people thing."?

that's an highly intolerant view of people who think differently than you do. don't make the mistake of thinking that being into sex means that you're not ignorant.

[shikashika]

Do any of you not agree with the topic of this thread? that Enotalone... especially in the 'sex and romance' is rather conservative?

 

Personally I'm quite surprised in many of the posts I've read about the number of women who have difficulty or issues with having sex outside a long-term relationship ( one night stands or casual flings)

 

I guess its just compared to all my friends and family who I talk to... and then all the folk on enotalone there is a big difference.

 

I honestly do not know anyone personally... that waited or is waiting for marriage... but there are a whole lot of them here on this website!

 

just an observation!

[kelkel]

Ye i am 22 year old virgin and so what?? It is my choice and waiting for marriage is definitely an option if not aim ! and i am surely not ignorant, for even i have given sexually active people advice...

 

you dont hear me bashing anyone for sleeping around (unless they are married or in a relationship), i give advice and try not to be bias, but obviously my morals would be different from a person who thinks casual sex is ok, and that is their choice!

 

I am here NOT because i had a problem either, i wanted an opinion on something, it wasnt a relationship problem nor advice......

 

And whether you like it or not if u think letting kids think it is okay to have sex and sleep around casually, you should really exam yourself and look around at the amount of problem this has caused and can cause! However its not discomfort, its more like i would like someone to tell my teen who is having sex to wait give them positive encouragement......

[shikashika]

I guess the question on the post is... not "why are you a virgin" or "why don't you have sex with 13 year olds"... but why do you think enotaone is CONSERVATIVE? or don't you think it is?

 

Aside from the rest of her post... now I wonder too... why is it quite conservative.. I'm not putting anyone down for their beliefs..but why do you think there is a noticeable conservative contingent on this board?

[Daddy Bear]

here are three currently active threads:

 

"Semen Taste?"

 

"So girls... how many of you can orgasm without stimulating the clitoris?"

 

"In love with best friend (girl-girl) but have a fiance (guy)"

 

conservative, my hairy !

 

EDIT: there is a religious contingent here, as there should be. we should all try to make room for everyone else's opinions and not sneer at them from our imagined higher perches.

[Dako]

Has anyone ever considered that in daily life, the people making the most noise get attention? People who are sexually active, advertising, films and other indicators give the impression of rampant sexuality in the world, yet those who are quiet get no notice..except here.

 

When you walk down the street, can you tell who's a virgin? No.

I'm sure they're all around us throughtout the day, and we assume what we will.

 

Some people are lonely, awkward, medically limited, too stressed raising kids or struggling with two jobs and bills to have much of a sexlife.

I was a busy guy for years until my life was abruptly altered, now I sleep alone. I'm not complaining, merely pointing out that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

 

In years past, intolerant people looked down on folks who freely had sex. It's coming full circle. isn't it?

[shikashika]

here are three currently active threads:

 

"Semen Taste?"

 

"So girls... how many of you can orgasm without stimulating the clitoris?"

 

"In love with best friend (girl-girl) but have a fiance (guy)"

 

conservative, my hairy he-hole!

 

 

but its not like these threads are so UN-conservative... still pretty tame IMO!! just normal sex-love topics!

[Miss M]

I guess the question on the post is... not "why are you a virgin" or "why don't you have sex with 13 year olds"... but why do you think enotaone is CONSERVATIVE? or don't you think it is?

 

Aside from the rest of her post... now I wonder too... why is it quite conservative.. I'm not putting anyone down for their beliefs..but why do you think there is a noticeable conservative contingent on this board?

 

Interestingly I just read posts that ask the opposite types of questions. Some others posting here have wondered why some on this board are so shockingly liberal with their sexuality. And some in other countries who write on this board have wondered why USA-ers have such liberal values regarding sex and dating.

 

I guess no matter where a person is on the scale, this site gives you a new perspective, expands your horizons, because now you've found out that there are actually people in this world who aren't all exactly like you in their sexual behaviors. And there is no rule book that says we all have to be exactly alike in regards to sexual behaviors.

[shikashika]

Interestingly I just read posts that ask the opposite types of questions. Some others posting here have wondered why some on this board are so shockingly liberal with their sexuality. And some in other countries who write on this board have wondered why USA-ers have such liberal values regarding sex and dating.

 

I guess no matter where a person is on the scale, this site gives you a new perspective, expands your horizons, because now you've found out that there are actually people in this world who aren't all exactly like you in their sexual behaviors. And there is no rule book that says we all have to be exactly alike in regards to sexual behaviors.

 

 

Maybe I've just been on some other message boards that make this 'sex and romance category' seem lpretty tame.... some of those other message boards take it too far IMO as well!

[caro33]

To answer the conservative question, I will risk the wrath of some people for my clueless overgeneralising but I think it's a mix of:

 

(a) Most people writing are from more conservative countries. The US and Canada are prime examples. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

(b) Perhaps it's a self-selection thing, where the types of people who seek help from fora such as enotalone are more likely to be cautious and reserved, perhaps more inhibited types who turn inward for answers and seek help anonymously through the internet.

 

© Perhaps the less conservative ones are out having sex and having more fun than the rest of us

 

There is often a wisdom to conservative behaviour, where it respects people's options to make their choices. Depends what you mean by conservatism but I think many of the threads I read are from younger people struggling with the decisions they are taking, or expected to take, with same age or older people providing guidance. Generally very good guidance that is not judgemental about personal preferences but has the benefit of age to see that some choices made when younger can cause pain later in life.

[Daddy Bear]

but its not like these threads are so UN-conservative... still pretty tame IMO!! just normal sex-love topics! whatever you're into, trust me when i say that i ran around that block three times before you ever got to it, and the same goes for a lot of other members as well.

[shikashika]

well, whatever you're into, trust me when i say that i ran around that block three times before you ever got to it, and the same goes for a lot of other members as well.

 

really!... hmnnnn....

[Miss M]

All good points, caro33, but I like this one best...

© Perhaps the less conservative ones are out having sex and having more fun than the rest of us

And hey, this reminds me... yes, it's time to get off this board, and on to more "fun"!

[renaissancewoman101]

People may also be more conservative on this board maybe because some of them are posting while at work and dont want their employers to read what they write. Or else dont want to be linked back to anything scandalous that they could post.

 

Sometimes things have a way of coming back to haunt you.

 

Or I could be WAY off in left field here.

[New_Horizons]

Could be true. I can still google postings I made in Yahoo Groups almost a decade ago

[caro33]

People may also be more conservative on this board maybe because some of them are posting while at work and dont want their employers to read what they write. Or else dont want to be linked back to anything scandalous that they could post.

 

Sometimes things have a way of coming back to haunt you.

 

Or I could be WAY off in left field here.

 

Actually that's a really good point. I do all my enotaloning while at work (yes, slack I know, my job is super quiet these days) and that means I am wary of opening up too many screens that have too many 'naughty' words in them, let alone writing posts on these topics. I have no idea what our IT systems are capable of and don't want to test them too much .

[New_Horizons]

When I was a kid, I used to post in forums, all the time, on my dad's company-provided internet account. I never went to porn sites or anything questionable like that. But for some reason his boss didn't like it and fired him (he got a better job soon after but till now it's been my little secret)