Sex and Alchohol

[SeaBisquit]

Is it the girls fault for getting so drunk? or is it the guys fault for getting her drunk? have a friend that went out with a guy and he got her really drunk she said she didn't even know what she was doing woke up in the morning and knew she had sex with him. what do you guys think on this topic?

[lunatic]

If he did not drug her or tie her up and pour the booze down her throat then it is her fault. No one can force a person to do something they don't want to.

[Batya33]

If he put something in her drink it is his fault and whatever happens after was not with her consent. Otherwise, if she is over 21 then it is her responsibility to stay sober in that situation. If it were otherwise, then women would essentially be saying "I am too weak to take care of myself so I can blame whatever happened on the guy "getting me drunk." Usually this comes up when a woman gets drunk so that she will feel better about acting in a certain way and later, if she regrets what happened, she will blame the man.

[SeaBisquit]

.... i'm going both ways on this topic. because i feel in the case of a younger more naive girl it is definitely the guys fault. and because of the persons tolerance to alchohol their judgement could be cloudy easily after one drink.

[Batya33]

If the woman is underage then there are additional problems with the man's actions, of course. Other than tricking someone into consuming alcohol I don't see how one person can "get another person" drunk without his/her consent. Of course, having s_x with someone who is incapable of consenting - i.e. she is passed out (or he is!) for whatever reason - drunk, wasted, sick, whatever - is also not the "victim's" fault. However if the person was not forced to drink then the decision to get drunk - and the potential consequences of those actions - impaired judgment, etc are the drinker's responsibility. It all comes down to capability of consent. If the s_x was without her consent then it is not her "fault" but it was still her choice to put herself in a position of being drunk and likely, in hindsight an unwise choice as this situation is described.

[lunatic]

See this is my problem with this topic. First off, I have never NOT known what I was doing while I was drinking. I always know what I was doing but, my inhibitions are lower so I tend to do things I would NOT normally do. Two, in all the years of drinking I have done I cannot say that I did not know what I was doing or when enough was enough.

 

If she had sex with someone she would not normally would and she was drugged or forced to consume the beverage then i would agree that its the guys fault. She is as much at fault for her actions as I am for her actions. He has nothing to do with it even though I know what happened was probably what he WAS HOPING for.

[SeaBisquit]

there are alot of guys that intentionally get girls drunk so that they think they might have a chance to have sex with them.

 

i have heard guys pun jokes about this in the bar. one more drink and i think i can get down her pants.

[Batya33]

I guess I should have mentioned that I've never been drunk, so my opinion was based on what I know from others ;-)

[lunatic]

Of course, having s_x with someone who is incapable of consenting - i.e. she is passed out (or he is!) for whatever reason - drunk, wasted, sick, whatever - is also not the "victim's" fault. However if the person was not forced to drink then the decision to get drunk - and the potential consequences of those actions - impaired judgment, etc are the drinker's responsibility.

 

 

^^ I totally agree and I did not even think about that Batya is on par with her comment.

[arwen]

there are alot of guys that intentionally get girls drunk so that they think they might have a chance to have sex with them.

 

i have heard guys pun jokes about this in the bar. one more drink and i think i can get down her pants.

 

Fact remains that especially in a bar, a girl (or guy) can be 'seduced' to have a drink, but it's not like the other person can force it to her/his throat. It's their own decision to take alcohol, and I think the many many sad stories and unfortunate incidents that are alcohol-related, that we can read DAILY in the newspaper, should suffice as a warning for drinking too much.

 

Ilse

[Batya33]

Fact remains that especially in a bar, a girl (or guy) can be 'seduced' to have a drink, but it's not like the other person can force it to her/his throat. It's their own decision to take alcohol, and I think the many many sad stories and unfortunate incidents that are alcohol-related, that we can read DAILY in the newspaper, should suffice as a warning for drinking too much.

 

Ilse

 

I know, it's so scary. Also, I have heard of situations - one specifically but others too - where you meet a guy on line and you meet for coffee in a public place, in the afternoon and he slips something in your coffee or other non-alcoholic drink. After I heard that I never left my drink unattended when on one of those "on line" dates. So, to intentionally drink beyond your limit (or know pretty well that that is a real possibility if you have that one more drink) is just not advisable. I also read recently that women in general get drunk more easily than men - for reasons other than body weight/size.

[DN]

She cannot be excused for her actions while drunk.

 

However, much depends on the circumstance and an honourable man would not take advantage of a woman whose judgment was impaired through drink. For instance: if you would not trust her to drive your car because of the amount of alcohol she has consumed it is probably better not to sleep with her.

[BetterKarma]

I kinda agree with hubman. I have been drunk before but I have never been unconscious of my actions. I have been so drunk that I had to have my ex-bf and two other people carry me home but that's only because I refused to move from where I was but I was always aware of what was going on and remembered 95% of what was happening. (*Disclosure on 5% only because I fell asleep for a couple of minutes here and there.) I can't imagine being a willing participate of consenual sex and "not" remember it the next day. If I don't remember it happening then that means I passed out and some sleaze ball raped/took advantage of me. I would go to the proper authorities asap.

[agent1607307371]

While he certainly didn't force her into getting drunk, if he had sex with her when she was unable to consent then legally it's rape.

[jilligirl]

her fault, since she controlled the amount of drinks going down her throat-- unless, of course, he physically forced her to drink, or put roofies in her drinks.

[Batya33]

her fault, since she controlled the amount of drinks going down her throat-- unless, of course, he physically forced her to drink, or put roofies in her drinks.

 

But the problem is that when it comes to sex, if one person is incapable of consenting - no matter what the reason - I believe - but don't quote me on this ;-) that it would be considered rape. I don't think it is a defense to rape to say that the woman was passed out but intentionally caused herself to pass out.

[jsx730]

You know, I'm pretty sure this works the other way, too. I'm sure theres been a guy or two who woke up after drinking to much, and WISHED he hadn't done what it appeared he had done the night before. /grin

[Deviant_Kate]

Barring the use of date-rape drugs, here's my opinion:

 

She chose to get drunk.

He chose to take advantage of it.

Both are at fault.

[Paranoid]

Scenerio: Trusted (male) friend made her a drink. She started hooking up with a friend of the trusted friend. Things started going further then just kissing. She said stop. Got up, realized how drunk she was, sat back down a little while later. He had sex with her, even though she was still saying stop. He was intoxicated, not drunk though, in other words he knew what he was doing.

 

Who's at fault?

 

Her for drinking? Him for taking advantage of someone who was drunk? No one? Both of them?

[jengh]

While I was at college, I went out with a guy who seemed to be a nice guy and good person. We were friends and I felt I could trust him so we drank together. I got really drunk and he started trying to kiss me, touch me, etc. I told him no, absolutely not. He backed off and said he was sorry. I told him, I want to go home. He said okay, let me just go to the bathroom first. I wound up passing out in that time. He had sex with me. Turns out he really hadn't been drinking. Just pop. In that situation, yes, in part it was my fault but I clearly told him NO, i did not want to have sex with him and to take me home. So, in my opinion, I think it was more on him because he, in a way, tricked me. He KNEW I didn't want to beforehand.

[RayKay]

Unless there is a date rape drug involved, she was unconscious, or she had definitely said NO.....sorry, but I think she consented to it by consenting to getting drunk in the first place KNOWING it may impair her judgement.

 

I have always been conscious of my actions even if I was drinking, and aware of what was going on...and even if I had made a foolish choice, it was still a choice I made based on the circumstances I had gotten into.