Confidence for another short guy...

[Salucious]

I've seen a lot of posts about this, but bare with me. I am 22 and about 5'5" now I know that isn't really really short, but it's been enough for me to get self conscious about. This wasn't as big a deal until I got older, getting up to high school. I have never had a girlfriend/gone on a date/kissed a girl. I've gone to a therapist but that didn't help much. I just don't understand people's reasoning when they tell me and other short people that "just don't let it bother you" or "so what, just avoid people who judge you" I went to Ocean City Maryland last week on vacation and when I was in bars people would stare at me and it's the same when I'm in college. Here's whats in my head all the time:

1. It is no secret that MOST women are only attracted to men several inches taller than them or significantly taller men.

2. Most other guys avoid making friends with me because I don't fit in and, why would they wanna be friends with a guy who doesn't attract any women?

3. Confidence is another trait that women want in men.

 

After all of this, I'm still supposed to be confident when socializing, and especially with women? It just seems that people my age just completely avoid me, like they don't want to bother meeting me b/c I don't fit in with my age group.

I wouldn't consider myself unconfident, it's just I think logically. It might be hard for a guy of taller height to understand. I'm not really intimidated by women, I just think to myself, "why bother? Every single other guy in here is twice as big as me, why would they be attracted to me, even if they like my personality. Lots of guys have good personalities and they are virtually all taller than me.

[justwonderingkid]

well you sorta answered your own question. regardless of what you think you have to seem confident, if it seems like peopel dont want to be around you maybe its cuz you're thinking/trying too hard to fit in. just relax. it'll make you seem more confident.

[Tigris]

Welcome to enotalone.

 

My Dad isn't very tall and he married my Mother. He's about your height and my Mother was 5'7". One of my sister's married a man a couple of inches shorter. My first husband wasn't quite as tall as me. My second husband was 6'2". My fiancee's an inch shorter than me. My youngest sister is 5'3" and she married someone 6'1". It's the personality that counts not the lack of height!

 

If you lack confidence why don't you join a group that does the same hobbies as you, etc. On the other hand why don't you learn to dance properly so you can impress people at discos? How about joining a gym and toning your muscles?

 

There's nothing you can do about your height, but you can improve your physique.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Blayzed4Life]

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E=100%

 

Dude it really isnt all about how you look man, it's all in your attitude no joke. I'm not the hottest dude in the world, I'm not short but I am very skinny. I too am self conscious about being a skinny guy when theres all these big hunky men walking around. But thats normal, most people are self conscious about what they believe is their faults. But seriously man it really is all about your attitude. I've changed my outlook on life over the past year or so and I've made HUGE improvements. I use to be affraid to talk to girls because I felt like I wouldnt be able to attract them. Thats where the internet does wounders my friend welcome to the new age. Start talking to woman online and become more comftorable talking to them. I realized I am a very good at having conversations. Every girl and I mean EVERY girl that I got to know so far online likes me lol. Not trying to brag hahaha but it seems to be true. For along time I believed they were just being nice but I later found out that they really do like me they say I'm very good at understanding their feelings and I seem to be able to say the right things, specially when their having a bad day. This was a major confidence boost for me because I am now able to use what I've learned from them on girls in real life. I'm not worried anymore about them liking me in a way that they want to date me, as long as they want to be friends I feel confident enough that I could win them over with my charm So just stop putting yourself down accept what god has given you and learn to understand woman, not all woman just want some big hot hunky guy, most just want a man who is confident in himself and is very caring and understanding of their feelings, and most importantly know how to make them laugh when their sad

 

Look man we werent given the gift that some men get where they can have any woman they want just by looking at them with their smile. We have to do our homework, just like an average grade student has to study hard just to graduate. Dont give up man that confidence will come more and more the better you understand womans feelings their complex creatures and I'm glad to have been able to make my way into their world and get a better understanding

 

Good Luck man I'm sure you'll do fine, and you'll probably meet the woman of your dreams one day

[itsallgrand]

Ok. Assuming that what you say is true, and you are a logical sort:

 

Is it logical to believe that bc a girl is attracted or gets together with a guy it is because he is tall?

Sure, you may notice tall guys attracting girls.

You may also notice that many white guys attract girls, or many jocks attract girls, or many -anything- attracts girls.

Does that mean that it is that one specific quality - tallness - that is the cause of them being together?

I have brown hair and I have a boyfriend. Is my brown hair why I have a bf?

 

Another thing to think about:

 

You are your height and can not change it.

Even if all your assumptions are true, you can not change your height or who/what people are attracted to.

However - you can change other things about yourself or enhance those qualities that attract others.

And a lot of different things are attractive: you may like all varieties of girls, no?

It's either that, or resign yourself to a life of hopelessness and no options to make things better. You know the outcome of that.

Please consider a change of thoughts and beliefs.

 

Take a look around you. There are many men who are short and *married *successful *confident *attractive *any other thing you can think of

You just aren't seeing them - you're focusing on the tall guys

 

It's hard, I know. If you drop the belief that "i am short and that is why i do not have what i want" that means you will have to look at other possible causes for what is happening/not happening for you.

But you can do it. Just try imagining the things you want happening for you, and act as though you already have it. It's worth a shot, eh?

[heloladies21]

Well the thing you need to realize is that any kind of self limiting belief you think up isn't true in reality and any kind of physical characteristic is so overcomable when it comes to attracting the opposite sex that it's not even funny. I've seen the ugliest, shortest, poorest, brokest, sloppiest fool pick up the most beautiful woman so no excuses. The thing that attracts women is how you communicate with them. Yes true, that all of the physical will help you initiate a conversation, but the can only help you get the interview basically and aren't even necessary if you understand male/female dynamics.

 

So believe you can do it, you just need to refine your ability to communicate, both verbally and non-verbally. For this stuff go to

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Also check out stuff from my man Mystery. You can go to link removed but he's got free advice all over the place as well. He's got some videos that are invaluable.

 

But believe you can do this friend. I haven't seen you and I know for a fact you can get it done regardless of any characteristic you can think up.

[Blayzed4Life]

all those sites are pretty much for guys who want to be players, half the things they say in there about what "not to do" is such bull. All those sights are teaching guys to do is to manipulate woman, so I guess those guides are only for guys who dont really care about womans feelings and just want to get some action.

[joeG]

I seen this and just had to post. Brother! I too am 5'5. Iv'e heard every single short joke in the book, and still do to this day. My guy friends that are 6'+ always give me , yet I'm always the one with the girl.

 

believe me when I tell you it IS about confidence and it IS about personality. I'm not a 10 by any means, but I know and carry myself as a good looking guy. My last gf, is a complete knock out, she had modeled her whole life, and could get just about any guy she wanted.

 

When we first started talking, there was another guy after her 6'+, model. And she broke it off with him, for my short self =]. And I did ask her, "Why would you turn a dude like that down" her response was "Yeah, hes good looking, but he doesn't make me laugh like you, and frankly I find you much more attractive".

 

You're not going to grow another 5 inches, ever. So suck it up bro, be happy with yourself, and someone else will see that.

[TheRedQueen]

yeah, I must totally agree with what joeG said!!!

 

Confidence and personality are HUGE factors in what makes a guy attractive.

[aggierocker]

Stop sugar coating it people.

 

Height is to skinny/fat is like comparing apples to oranges.

 

What you want to do is get rich or become famous.

[orangecounty]

Not all woman like tall men. I'm 5'5 myself and I love it when a guy is my height. I can look him right in the eye Just like some woman are attracted to very tall men, I'm attracted to short men. I honestly would not worry about it. I just had this conversation with my friends and they agreed that they preferred shorter men. Go figure.

[Carnatic]

1. It is no secret that MOST women are only attracted to men several inches taller than them or significantly taller men.

Well many women will still be shorter than you, maybe you just don't realise because they are wearing heels... and many women also couldn't give a stuff about a guy's height. So it is a common thing for a girl to look for height in a guy, doesn't mean every girl is the same.

 

2. Most other guys avoid making friends with me because I don't fit in and, why would they wanna be friends with a guy who doesn't attract any women?

What kind of guys are these? I have as little experience with women as you do but it has never seemed like the fact I don't attract women has been an obstacle to me having lots of friends... both male and female. These guys are a minority who you don't really want anything to do with.

 

3. Confidence is another trait that women want in men.

well... you say you're confident anyway... there's nothing stopping you from being as confident as you like, even if you feel you are short you can still be good looking and feel confident that way, or you can be confident because you have lots of friends, or you can simply be confident because you are.

[Salucious]

I know I lack confidence, but I've never been very confident. And it's not just my height that I think puts girls off, I have this kind of skin condition that has me have lots of large moles on my body, even a few on my face. There's never been a reason for me to be confident; it has always seemed like I was left out of social experiences in high school and now college. Any girl I talk to always seems like they want the conversation to end or are not interested. I just don't understand how I'm supposed to be confident if I've had very little positive social experiences. I mean, I was never a hermit, people knew me but I never got invited to parties or to hang out. I think it would be hard for anyone else to understand, I see pics on facebook of tons of other people having fun with friends, guys hanging on to girls etc. I've never been there, no one has ever been that friendly to me, especially not girls. When I was a lot younger, I used to be very outgoing, I was even voted class clown once. But then I and everyone around me started to grow up, and other things started to become important like looks and relationships. It seemed like less and less people were willing to include me.

 

So I know confidence is the key, but it is easy to tell someone to be confident, especially if you have never been in their situation, not that I don't appreciate the responses. My main point is that I don't know how to be confident and I don't think I have the means to do so.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Salucious,

 

Height not an issue for me *at all*. I'm 5 2, and most men are taller than me. I'm seeing someone who's about six foot, and that's nice, but shorter men are easier to snog...! you would still tower over me and loads of women I know. Seriously, it's not an issue unless you make it one. I think you're doing what we all do, which is to hang everything on one aspect of our appearance, and say that's why i don't get asked out/lack confidence etc. It's really not a big deal, honestly!

 

Good luck.

[Iceman26]

I got turned down by a girl for being too tall once, so not all women prefer tall guys.

[Salucious]

Hi Salucious,

 

Height not an issue for me *at all*. I'm 5 2, and most men are taller than me. I'm seeing someone who's about six foot, and that's nice, but shorter men are easier to snog...! you would still tower over me and loads of women I know. Seriously, it's not an issue unless you make it one. I think you're doing what we all do, which is to hang everything on one aspect of our appearance, and say that's why i don't get asked out/lack confidence etc. It's really not a big deal, honestly!

 

Good luck.

 

I hear what your'e saying, but you have been asked out, haven't you? I've seen guys just as quiet and reserved as me get lots of attention from girls while they ignore me. At least you know someone is capable of being attracted to you. I think a person's confidence is affected by others, not just by what they think of themselves. Think, how is someone like me supposed to have confidence when no girl has ever shown interest in me, and all I see are girls hanging around guys totally different from me. Confidence is something that develops, and in my case there was never anything that happened to help that develope. I'm not trying to sound pathetic, but when it comes to girls I've never experienced anything but disappointment and exclusion.

[Carnatic]

well me neither and I don't think I've ever really grabbed a girl's attention... certainly never been asked out. And I know I have physical and personality failings which put girls off... but I try to concentrate on the positive aspects instead, and I think I've turned a corner, so I'm no longer depressed that no girl in the past has ever paid attention to me because I feel more confident for the present and feel if I emphasise the positive qualities of myself then I stand as good a chance of any guy of finding a girl.

 

You may be more difficult to notice in a crowd because you are short, but unless the crowd is really packed around you then you have the capability to stand out like any other. You say you have seen guys as quiet and reserved as yourself get asked out, but you have to ask yourself if height is the only difference between you and them. Do they lack confidence? do they project the same self defeating aura? It's not all about height It's all about confidence... and you don't have to lack confidence just because you lack height... it will take some lifestyle changes, but if you change your attitude then gradually you will start to become more confident.

[joeG]

Sal, because that is all you're "experienced" that is what probably turns girls away from you. No matter how many times you get rejected, you HAVE to brush it on, and move on to the next.

 

"I hear what you're saying, but you have been asked out, haven't you?"

Most women, in my experience won't "ask you out", that is for the most part up to the guy. Women want to feel WANTED. Just like, how a lot of women don't 'initiate' sex, it's not because they don't want to, a lot of women like when the guy takes control of the situation.

 

Go to the gym, work out, buy some new clothes. You have to build up your confidence, it's not something that is taught.