joeG
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You believe 99% of the posts are real, in this section? Don't get me wrong, I know people are grieving, people are depressed, but he honest with yourself. I honestly believe, people will "seek out help" on here, and once they get the "Oh no, dont do it" "You will be missed, let me help!", they smile, and move on. They either, won't post again. Or will make another account. Lets be real.
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I have to agree with Angel. Iv'e been in your place before Lubber, and it took me being completely SINGLE for almost two years, to feel that way. I was used to being in a relationship, always having a girlfriend. I can't pinpoint what it was, but there came a time in my life a few years back, I put MYSELF first. I went out, did what made me happy, and truly found myself. I realized it wasnt so much feelings or emotions, as it was becoming a man. I needed a lot more substance, than I did in the past. Don't worry about chemistry or finding a girl, cuz believe me, it will hit you out of the blue, when you least expect it. Be happy doing what it is you do now. Keep working at being your own person, and someone will fall into place.
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First off, I'd like to say what's up to my fellow Minnesotan Avman. Grew up in the cities, just moved out west last year, thinking about moving home, missing it like crazy. I understand where you both are coming from. I myself have never been in a "deep" depression, but it runs like water in my family. Bi polarism/Manic depression on both sides, I'm either really good at turning off my extreme emotions, or just very fortunate. Iv'e lost two people from my past to suicide. And in both cases, you heard it once "I want to kill myself", and they did. I personally get offended when people sit on these sites for months, insisting they're going to kill themselves. And 9 out of 10 times, more like 9 in a half, don't. Instead, they soak up the attention they are seeking, what is that doing? This "attention" is coming from complete strangers. If you're THAT depressed, I agree you need serious help. You need to get off this website and seek out professional help. Nothing will change my mind about "giving up on yourself". I have been through struggles my whole life (nothing I wish to share here). I'm not trying to come off as "I can do it, so can you", I realize not everyone has the strength to pull themselves together. I sat in couseling offices ages 13-16, having counselors INSIST I was suicidal, because of what I was going through. I have people close to my heart who have been pulled through the dirt their whole intire life, but they fight. People are taken out of this world everyday, that WANT to be here. You're only given one life, that we know of, make the best of it. If I came off rude, and incosiderate, I really apologise. Alls I'm saying is, we can't pick and chose where we come from. We didn't have the choice of how we grew up. But we CAN decide on how to live our futures. Depression is something people hold onto. Because for a lot of people, that's the only feeling they know. Once you learn to let go, things will get better.
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Do you guys share any of the same friends? If so, try getting a couple together on the weekend, go bowling, to the mall something everyone can participate in. That way there's not as many people around, making it easier for you to feel "comfortable". It's always the hardest with what initial words to say just to "strike up a conversation". Like Skittles said, talk about movies, classes etc...Girls like to talk about themselves, so once she starts talking, just start nodding your head a lot and saying "Yeah mhmm" =]
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I'm not writing this to hurt anybodys feelings, or to come accross as some ignorant jerk. But reading through some of these posts, truly makes me sick to my stomache, and I find it really hard to sympathize with 99% of the people on here talking about how they're going to "End it". We ALL deal with hard times, every single day. So what makes you so special? Life is a struggle each and everyday, granted some of us have gone through a lot more than others, but that is what makes us who we are. Iv'e lost a handfull of childhood friends to self destruction, drugs, suicide. My own brother, who was the high school jock, most popular kid in school, all the friends in the world, became overly depressed at the age of 23, and I dont think he to this day even knows why. He started cutting himself, and hid all of this from everyone, it took my mother walking in on him to realize something was wrong. And this grown man, who Iv'e never seen shed a tear, bawled like a baby, saying he was just sick of life. He got help, and a year later he's slowly turning back into himself. He was diagnosed with bi polarism, and still has his "days", but he's faught to get where he is, and I look up to him for that. Not only is suicide EXTREMELY selfish, it just goes to show how easily you give up. Since when are the best things in life not WORTH the struggle? You find your own happiness. Become your own person, and quit looking for the easy way out. Yeah people will mourn your death, but guess what months, years, decades will pass, and you will be a faded memory. People WILL move on with their lives. It's the people that truly ASK for help, instead of saying things like "Tell me the easiest way to do it" that are the strong ones here. No matter how tough your life is, what you're going through, there is always someone out there willing to listen, willing to help. So quit looking for the easy way out.
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I'm 18 and my mom says I can't get a piercing.
joeG replied to brynn__'s topic in Parenting and Families
I'm 23, don't live with my mother, and she still freaked when I got my tongue pierced haha! Not really freaked, more of a "Gross!Yuck!No I dont want to see it!!" I think it's a little ridiculous, that at 18 yrs old, you have a 11 o'clock curfew. Have you ever tried sitting down with her and discussing these things? And just to for warn you. Tongue piercings HURT like HELL for a good week afterwards. You won't be able to eat any food other than soft, liquid type things. It doesn't hurt the first day/night you get it done, it's when you wake up with drool coming down both sides of your mouth, and a 4 inch thick tongue it really starts to hurt. -
I agree with Cat. A lot of men don't see that a lot of women TOO like sex with no strings attatched. If that's not what you're looking for, i'd leave her alone. If you're looking to get laid, next time you hang out with her and she acts like that, put the moves on her. Women like that, like aggressive men.
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I'll see her in a month, and im stressing myself out
joeG replied to joeG's topic in Getting Back Together
She phoned again this morning, 7:30 am. I was awake already so I answered. I said "So is this a daily thing now, you calling at the butt crack of dawn" she said "No, I just like hearing your voice" allllllright. We chit chatted for a good hour, about life, her little sister, my family etc. Didn't talk about "us", which we rarely do anyway. She told me she into an old aquaintence of ours a few days ago. And he asked "Where her bf is?" she told him I was back in XXXX, and he said "Oh, are you guys still together" she replied with "We are taking things day by day". I was unaware we were taking things day by day. It's funny how we communicate great, always have, yet I didn't know we were taking things "day by day". I realize some of you are probably thinking "You are an idiot, she obviously still wants to be with you", or "You are an idiot, stop talking to her". What is going on here?- 5 replies
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Personally, I think you're over-reacting a little. They are survey's, they're meant to be "fun" even if it's in a immature way. Why a 30 something year old woman would fill these out, is kind of funny. But at any rate, her past is her past. I don't think it's anything to get too worked up about. If it bothers you that much, and is going to cause problems, just tell her you don't enjoy hearing about her past sexual relationships, what she has/hasnt done. Also, is this an internet romance?
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I just saw a talk show today about controlling men. Makes me sick to my stomache that these guys really think they're kings. In my opinion they are quite easy to read. They are unhappy with themselves, and have absolutely no self esteem what so ever, so why should you? They get their jollies off by making others feel like sh!t.
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Thanks a lot for the replies. I would never show him pictures. And won't ever talk about it with him, I have never once mentioned her bf's name to him. Not because he's a bad guy, just because I know it's a touchy subject. My father is VERY VERY stubborn, when it comes to his feelings. He is a very intellegent man, I keep telling him to hit jeopardy up for some money. But, he does not deal well, at all, with his feelings. (Probably where I get it from). When he is hurting, he hurts alone...and doesn't want to bother anyone else with it. I have seen my father cry twice in my life. Once the day my mom sent divorce papers, and the day I moved away a year and a half ago. I had all my friends over, packing up the rest of my things. I wanted to hug, and say goodbye to my father last, but he quickly came up, hugged me for a good 5 minutes, my two good friends broke down in tears seeing my father cry. He quickly told me he loved me, and walked inside. Later told me watching me leave was the hardest thing he's done. But he's very happy for me. Me and my dad have always had this bond. He went from being this business man, that cared about nothing more than just his job. To the best father anyone could ask for. I have battled with my actions of moving 1,500 miles away. I know I need to be my own man, and make my own desicions, but he's left there, alone. All of his family is 4 hours away. He has a couple close friends, but that is it. He spent last Thanksgiving, alone, and it broke my heart. * * * *, Iv'e even "hooked" him up with a couple friends mom, givin him dating sites to check out, why wont he take anything up? It's almost like he enjoys being alone, and I know he doesn't. I know he's unhappy, even tho he puts a smile on. He has a great job, a nice place, the best sense of humor you could imagine, why won't he date?
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how to get physically attracted to someone you care about
joeG replied to abbett's topic in Dating Advice
Everyone needs SOME sort of physical attraction to someone they want to be with, that is just human nature. I wouldn't say you're being shallow, but I would say you're being unfair to her. She obviously is really into you (hence the clingyness), if you can't get over her weight issue, I say give her the boot, and spare her feelings. People that are overweight usually have a great deal of low self esteem, and you "leading" her on in a sense, and "waiting" for her to lose the weight, isn't fair. Cuz there are plenty of men out there that wouldn't mind her weight. You said you love her face, and hair, obviously you are somewhat physically attracted to her. I won't lie, I can be extremely shallow when it comes to looks. I had never dated an even remotely close to overweight woman before. I met a girl through a friend 2 years back. We hit it off instantly, she was very very pretty, but a good 20-30 pounds overweight. At first, I wasn't really that attracted to her BECAUSE of her weight. She had a gorgeous face, great boobs =] and an excellent personality. We became great friends, and after about a month I found myself falling hard for her. Her weight was no longer an issue because she was a beautiful person. I think if you take things slow, you will get past her weight issue. Good luck.- 25 replies
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I'll see her in a month, and im stressing myself out
joeG replied to joeG's topic in Getting Back Together
marry? I don't know that we're all that ready for that step. Commit fully, in hopes of marriage, yes. She called this morning 6 am, I was actually just falling asleep (went out lastnight). Who the hell calls people at 6 am? I answered with "What are you doing calling so damn early" she says "I just wanted to call and tell you I love you, I had to wake up early to get my sister ready for school" OK? We talk for a little while. She tells me how cold it is there, and how she really misses snuggling up. I said "Dont bring all this up right now" she kept on "Really, I miss cuddling with you so much". I really dont remember much else of the convo, other than telling her I was going back to bed lol. Another thing. I'm currently staying with my mother for another week. My mom has known my ex as long as I have, and they always got along great. The ex called lastnight while I was sleeping, my mom had, had a couple drinks. I woke up to my mom telling me I was supposed to call the ex back. I call her back, she tells me how her and my mother had a nice convo. I asked about what. She said "Well, she was just saying how she's worried about you, because she knows you're not sure on where you want to live". I figured no big deal. Until the ex said "Yeah, she said you were thinking either back to your homestate of back DOWN HERE" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First of all, Iv'e never expressed to my mother I wanted to move back down to my ex's homestate. I think she thought she was helping out, but in reality she made me look like a fool. I told my ex, she had been drinking and I had not said that, but she seemed all excited. Started making jokes about it. Now she's calling at 6 am?- 5 replies
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all sounds way too similar. My ex, broke up with me almost exactly 2 months ago, to this day. And has been saying the SAME things as your ex, since day one of the split. She IS fishing. She could be guilty, doing her own dirt. Or just wondering who you're talking to. Either way, don't fall for it. When she asks, make jokes about it like "Well, you're so un easy who are YOU talking to" don't straight out, give her an answer period. For whatever reason, she is playing games. Whether it be, her own guilty conscience, or just feeling insecure, dont play it. When she calls, dont answer. Wait a few hours, a day etc. Like I said, For the past 2 months, Iv'e been playing this same game. My ex will call, if I dont answer she phones 5-6 times in a row. When I do call back, I got 20 ?'s headed my way. Play it cool. Let her know you're BUSY, let her know you gotta nother life. Good luck.
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Hi ya'll. Aside from having my own relationships issues with my ex. I'm having a hard time with my parents too. They were married for 25 years. At the age of 12 (I'm 23 now), I KNEW in my heart, they wouldn't last. I was brought up in a very good inviornment, middle class family, but it never meant anything. It was all a image to the outside world. My parents never fought in front of me and my brother, but I'd come home, to see my dad sleeping on the couch, I always noticed little things. I was a rebelious child, got into a lot of trouble. Still can't grasp hold of why, I was an all start athlete, always a good kid, just always put myself in the "wrong place wrong time". Growing up. My father always took the intiative to show me sports. I remember being a little boy, playing catch with him, him bringing me to the skating rink to teach me hockey, etc. But I was ALWAYS a "mommas boy". My dad was always there physicallly, not emotionally. I was an all star hockey player until my late high school years, got kicked off the team for attendence (Had colleges looking at me). I sabotaged my athletic skills early on. But, when I got kicked of the team, my father pretty much ignored me. I started hanging out with the "wrong crew" got in a lot of trouble. Eventually, my father got laid off from his job, and my mother who had wanted to move out the west coast all of her life, finally had the oppurtunity. 16 years old, my family moved out west. I stayed in the midwest in "foster" type care, because of my rebelious ways (which I can understand, i was a bad kid). One year later, I got the call that my parents, were "seperating" even tho I was always expecting it, actually hearing it broke me in half. I knew it was my fathers fault, for being so emotionally empty to my mother for so many years. I couldnt bare it. I told my mom I wanted to move with her, I HATED my father at this time. She told me she couldnt handle me at that time, and my dad would be moving back to take care of me. I will never forget the day he showed up at my high school. After a year of seeing him, a couple months of knowing it was HIS fault they split, I hated him. They were "separated", with the hopes of working things out. But my mother let him know 5 months later she wanted a divorce. During this time, I rarely went to class, was pretty deep into drugs. I would come home to see my dad a complete depressed man. I had no feelings towards him, I would see his tears, and felt no remorse, I felt it was his fault, that things turned out this way. We pretty much ignored eachother for a year, as the divorce took place. During this time, I'd fly out west to visit my mom. After a few months, I met moms new bf. First instinct, I was mad at her for even considering having another man in her life. It didn't matter I hated my father during this time, all I knew was OUR family. And saw him interferring. After a year, of getting to know him, I accepted him. I saw he truley cared for my mother, and me. And she would ask me not to tell my father. I would return home, and have to hide pictures of her and her new bf. She didnt want my dad to know about her new relationship. This brings us to last summer. At 21 years old, I was living with my moms bf's son and daughter in law (moved out here last summer). I lied to my dad for a good 4 months saying I was staying with a "friend of moms". I finally broke one night, called my mom and told she HAD to call my dad and tell him what was going on. She agreed. And never in my life had I felt any more guilty than that night. Ages 17-21. First year I hated my dad for "breaking up our family" until I realized, my parents were better off without eachother. Those 4 years with my dad, I grew to become his best friend. I finally put aside my ignorance, and realized he came back for ME. He came back to take care of me, and patch up what was left of our relationship. He has changed SO much over these years, its remarkable. Not only did he turn into a #1 dad, he turned into my best friend. It takes a real man to deal with his own sorrow, and at the same time know that his kids are #1 in his life. If my parents hadnt divorced I dont think me and my father would ever had the relationship we do now, and I thank god for that. Thing is, Iv'e been living with my mother for the past year. And in a week I will be moving in with her bf's family for a month, to film a movie. Iv'e been struggling with after the movie. Either to move back to my homestate, or stay out here. I miss my dad, I miss my friends like crazy, but I feel like I can really conquer my future out here. My mother is moving in with her bf (of 6-7 years now) in a couple weeks, and my father has no idea. He has only dated twice since their divorce. Iv'e tried, up and down to help him meet someone. And it kills me that he has no idea my mother is moving in with this guy. I told her she HAS to tell him, because I cant. I cant bare myself to tell him this. Its been almost 8 years since their divorce and it still feels like yesterday. My mother to this day, still says my dad is her "soulmate". That they will always be friends, but I feel so guilty. My moms bf is a great guy, and loves her to death. I will never be able to call him "dad", but I know he's good for her. Why do I feel so guilty for this? I'm so worried about my dads feelings right now its crazy. He doesnt know yet that she's moving in with him (and will soon be marrying him). I'm so torn right now. I feel like im still to this day, taking sides and i shouldnt. I'm happy my mother is happy, but Im so hurt I still feel like my father is alone. He's a very good looking man. Great sense of humor, smart, witty etc. But he WONT move on. He wont date, he wont even try, why? I dont fee like I'll feel ok with this until they have both moved on. I know in my heart, my dad still wishes things could of worked out. And as much as I know he has changed, I mean complete 360, my mom doesnt. I want my mom to go forth with this marriage if this is what is going to make her happy, but I cant bare to see my dad in pain. Any advice, opinions, would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
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I'll see her in a month, and im stressing myself out
joeG replied to joeG's topic in Getting Back Together
you're right. and my heart is with her. but these past 2 months have been a eye opening experience as well as an extremely confusing state for me. all these phone calls. her tears, telling me she misses me, calling me for comfort as she has always done. either you want me or you dont. i know she's scared to see me. we haven't seen eachother since I left, and it was a very very emotional time. iv'e never in my life, seen someone break down like she did. even though we "agreed" on a long distance relationship, i knew when i left that day, that was it. now im left second guessing myself. maybe i should of stuck it out, for us. i just couldnt live in that inviornment. i just wish i could read into why she still acts the way she does. she wont use the term "friends" when we talk. and its getting to the point, we're either going to get back together, or im going to have a lot of anger towards her, which i dont want. i just hope i can stick it out til Nov.- 5 replies
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Hello fellow enotaloners. Iv'e been incognito the past couple weeks, trying to get my head on straight. For those of you that haven't read my initial post. I was in a relationship for a year, known eachother 5. Lived together for the last 10 months of the relationship. Towards the end of July we had a disagreement on where to move to. I decided to leave, moved 7 hours away. We broke up a week later. I say it was her, she seems to think it was me that "broke it off". Broke up August 10th, went into a week of NC on both sides. She started calling, and has been the initiater of the calls since. Since we split, she calls everyday/every other day. Conversation always starts off casual. We laugh, joke around. She always asks question after question about what Im doing, if Im dating, if Ive "slept" with anyone yet, etc. And yes, I know, "She's probably the one doing it, and feeling guilty". She swears up and down she's been with no one, which I could easily believe being it takes her getting to know someone pretty well before getting sexual. (She was sexually abused by her step father at a young age). Anyway, after we split, I decided I was going to move back to my homestate (like me and her had planned). Before I got a chance to leave (Im on the westcoast, homestate is Midwest), I got a call from my sister in law to help film this movie. The pay is great, so I decided to stick around for that. Which brings me to today. I leave in a week, to move in with my sister in law for a month while the movie is being filmed. My sister in law is my ex's aunt (not blood). So instead of being 7 hours away, i'll be for hours from her. She knows Im going down there, and for the past couple weeks have asked me to "come visit, it'll be fun" on a couple occasions. Iv'e declined. We haven't seen eachother since the end of July, and I'm not gonna lie, I miss her like crazy. She still tells me she loves me everyday. I tried the whole "nc letter" about a month ago, she cried like a baby, made me feel bad, so I continued contact with her. If I dont answer the phone, she will call 4-5 times in a row. When I do get back to her its always "Why didnt you answer, what were you doing" she has major insecurity issues because of her past, but when we do talk now, she still acts like my gf. She brings up past memories constantly. Has said things like "Well maybe if you had just proposed you wouldnt of left me here" stupid things. I always change the subject, or just laugh at her. Thing is, I told her I wanted to see her after this movie was done being filmed. She agreed. But I can tell she's nervous about it. I asked her if she wanted me to come down there, or if she wanted to fly up to her sister in laws. She said she'd rather come there, which is fine, I know she never gets away from her own family drama. I'm just completely torn with what to do. I dont know if I want to move back to my homestate period. Even if me and the ex didn't get back together. I think I only want to go back, cuz its comfortable for me, and I have a lot of friends there. She doesn't know this, but a big part of my decision is weighing on how our meeting goes. Which I know that shouldnt determine where I wanna go in my life. But if I do end up moving "home" we'll be 1500 miles apart, and there is no going back from there for me. If I go home, that's it...and I guess im scared of that. She's sat and tried to convince me to just "stay in the bay area". Which is 4 hours away from her. Everytime I bring up my homestate she thinks of reasons why I shouldnt go. We're both extremely stubborn, and have strong personalities. Hence the reason I refuse to crumble for her. Do I want her back? yes. I just dont know that Im willing to fight til im blue in the face for her. Its obvious she still has strong feelings for me. She called yesterday, she was sick and had a "bad day, everyone was pissing her off" we talked for a good half hour, had her laughing and I said "Well you sound like youre feeling better" she said "I still feel sick, but my moods a lot better". A part of me felt like, she just called cuz she KNOWS how I am. I'm always making jokes, so im thinking "Did she call just to get a laugh" or "Did she call because Im the only one that can make her feel better", somedays I could care less if I talk to her, somedays I think Id be better off without her. Then theres days like today. That I just want all this over with. I want to know where I stand, I want to know where we stand. I know that us seeing eachother will make things a lot clearer. I'm extremely nervous about that encounter. And its still a month away. Any advice, thoughts, opinions, are appreciated. I'm having a down day, just need a little kick in the . Thanks.
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It's a big step to recongnize you have a problem with it, and take the step of going to a counselor to better understand it. Jealousy, is human nature. Some people just have control over it. Iv'e never been the overly jealous type, but I have been with a couple girls who have. With no reasoning for it. I believe it comes from your own insecurities with yourself, whatever they may be. Does your gf give you reasons to be jealous? Feeling more confident with YOU, will definitely help with jealousy issues. I think you need to figure out where it stems from. That being, her not giving you enough attention, having a lot of male friends, etc. Whatever it is, good luck!
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Hi loveless, sorry to hear about your loss. How long were you two together? I wouldn't worry too much. Sometimes people push others away for a while to try to heal. It doesn't mean she's not thinking about you, or missing talking to you, sometimes its hard to even hear that persons voice, after a break up. Iv'e kinda been in your shoes. My ex and I broke up mid August, and "agreed" to be friends, her choice. I don't contact her, she contacts me, it's been like this since the initial break. She'll go from calling everyday, to not calling for a week. When I don't hear from her sometimes it sucks, but the feelings pass. She'll end up calling and asking "Why haven't you called me", like it's a game for her, to see who will cave in first. As hard as it is. Don't pick up the phone to call her anymore. If she calls, if it's not too hard for you, don't pick it up. Call her back in a couple hours, or the next day. Hang in there man, get busy, and try to get your life back without her being in it. Things will get better. Good luck.
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Old Lovers--for the guys
joeG replied to SaRaHmArIe8588's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
I definitely almost always remember what "our" song was. Heck, I remember some of "our" songs to ex gf's from years ago. It is something we shared. So if I hear a certain song, yes I'll think back. Not so much missing that person, but missing that bond that we shared. But ex's that are far gone, that I haven't spoken to in years, if I were to run into them again, they'd feel like a stranger. If you're in a new relationship, and you're thinking about your ex like that ie "wondering if he's thinking about you", maybe you need to re-evaluate your current relationship?- 5 replies
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Batya, see that to me...is nothing short of fate. Love like that, is beautiful. I met my ex 5 years ago (We hung out for a week over the holidays with family) barely spoke, I thought she was rather annoying. Way too young. We didn't speak, or see eachother for 3 years. A year in a half ago, I was living at her aunts. She came up on a whim to visit. And we instantly fell for eachother. Not really a "getting back together" story. But things like THAT, I believe happen for a reason.
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ohhh yeah, what a great thread. I got a couple! Chris Brown - Say Goodbye Paula Deanda - Walk Away Nickleback - So Far away And last but certainly not least...DRUMP ROLL PLEASE!!!! Eamon - Eff you you Ho, I dont want you back
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Bro. It sounds to me like she is playing with your heart. She sounds like a basket case. This has went on for 2 years? Next time she calls, tell her flat out "Either be with me, or leave me alone". Don't let her keep on pulling you back. She is doing it, because she knows next time things go crappy in her life she can always come back to you. Don't sell yourself short for this girl. Give your attention to women who will truly appreciate it. Good luck my man.
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You're right. Saying you're not sure she "knows" how she feels. I feel the same way. And from the little knowledge on abuse I do have, I know its hard for people that come from those situations and dont get help, to be able to sort thier feelings out. Almost like the verbal abuse her mom gives, is the same as me telling her I love her. Like all the feelings are the same? I dont have much of a choice about the whole time limit. Right now we're 7 hours apart. And I'm working on a movie with her aunt until the end of November. But the past couple days she's brought up "You should come down here" or "You should bring me my stuff instead of sending it". Iv'e of course said no, and what for...she has no response. As far as her sister goes, that is one of her biggest reasons for wanting to stay there. I pretty much fed her sister the last 2 months I lived there, because her mother was never around, and never bought groceries. If I didn't pick dinner up everything, I brought stuff home to cook dinner, to make sure her sister didn't go to sleep hungry. But, her sister real father is trying to get full custody, he's in the process of getting his own home, and once that's done he's taking her mother to court. And will more than likely win that case. Regardless if my ex is there or not, her sister will be taken care of. Iv'e read elsewhere that exes keep you around to slowly ditatch from you, and their feelings...then when they find someone else they kick you to the curb. I can see how this makes sense, because I myself have done it in the past. I just can't help but think this situation is a lot different. If you asked her to name the 3 most important people in her life right now, I guarantee you I'd be number 1. I mean the feelings are more than obviously still there, on both sides. She called this afternoon and within the first 5 minutes she said "Why didnt you call me yesterday"...I never call her, unless its calling her back. And she didn't call yesterday either, so of course I didn't call. She seemed all upset by it, and I told her I was busy and hadnt heard from her either. She said 'I was sleeping all day I didnt feel good, I wish you would of called'. Ok? And I always joke around with her, saying on a scale of 1-148 how much do you love me ( I did this when we were together too). I said it today and she said "A lot more than 148", and the funny thing is, I know she isnt lying. We don't talk much about the actual break, but shes constantly bringing up our relationships, with "Remember when....". I realize Im just rambling, looking for answers no one but her can give to me. I just another chance. And when I really think about it, she should be the one asking for another chance. She took her abusive ex bf back 3-4 times, after he beat the hell out of her, and she finally had to get a restraining order. Now the good guy, has to "wait things out". It's just really hard to grab ahold of. I don't need her, or anyone else to tell me Im a good guy. I'm far from perfect, I have my flaws, but I did nothing but be there for her, and STILL am her rock. A lot of people look back to there relationships and say "I could of done this, and that differently" there is nothing I can look back on and see where I messed up. I know that sounds arrogant, but it's the truth. I guess this is turning out to me just venting. Sometimes it's good do that too.
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Back again! I don't know how many of you have followed my story, but long story short. I was with my ex for a year, known her for 5, lived together for 10. We broke up August 10th, and had 1 week of NC, from both sides initially after the break. Since then, its been LC. I tried to send a letter, to initiate NC a couple weeks ago, then fell weak to her tears. For the past 2-3 weeks, we talk every other day, if that. She initiated all contact. She always has 20 ?'s about what Im doing, and I always jokingly reply with something like "everyone but you". Iv'e always been a humorous person, and never give here concrete answers to my social life. Which is why, she prolly keeps on asking the same questions over and over again. Anyway- 4-5 days ago, I once again sent her a letter. Stating, that I love her and care for her a great deal, and want to work things out. (Right now we're 7 hours apart). And said, if that wasn't an option we needed time apart to heal, before we could ever be "just friends". Sure enough, I get a childish call the next day saying "So where do you want me to send your stuff". She already knows my address, she lived here 5 months LOL. I laugh, and say "You really called to ask for an address you already have". And she finally, spills the beans. Since our break we haven't really talked about the break, at all. The main reason we broke up was because she decided to stay in her hometown, instead of moving with me back to my homestate, like we originally planned. She comes from a very unstable/abusive background, and is now, right back in that same invironment. So she starts talking. Telling me the "main" reason we broke up, was because she wanted to stay down there, and wanted me to stay with her, but I didnt want to. Then there was the fact she's 19, wants to go out and party and do the whole club scene, when Im already over it. (I'm 23). I went out with her, here and there, just to make her happy, but not enough. Her mother has constantly talked crap about me since day one. Keep in mind her mother is 46, abuses drugs, dates 3-4 men at the same time, brings these men HOME, where my ex, and her 10 yr old sister know whats going on. She's a piece of work. And doesn't like me because im white LOL. Her mother is half white half mexican, and looks completely white. But ONLY dates black men, and thinks her daughter should too. So her mother has always said she thinks "I'm a good guy, just not right for her daughter", yeah alright. So we end up talking for an hour, and I end up telling her I dont want a desicion from her now. I will be taking a job (living with my ex's aunt) from the 2nd week in Oct thru the end of Nov. I told my ex, after I'm done with this job, I want to see her, and see how things go, she agreed. (We havent seen eachother since late July). So this brings us to lastnight. Iv'e always had a problem drunk dialing her, 1-2 am, not often. Once or twice a month. She gets a kick out of it and has even said on numerous occasions "Dont forget to drunk dial me!". Cuz I usually just talk non sense, we laugh, joke, and thats that. So lastnight, around 2 am. I call, she answers, we talk for a minute, she said her mom is pissed, and shes going to bed, tells me she loves me, we hang up. About 20 mins later, Im online, and she gets on. She NEVER gets online, period. She IMs me, said she tried calling back but it was busy, and to call her cuz she needs to talk. I call her, and within 10 mins we're both in tears. We started talking about her grandfather (Who passed away last March, I went through it with her). This was the only father figure she had in her life, and his death was a big blow to her, and the rest of the family. She didn't hear me crying for a couple minutes then said "Omg baby what's wrong". I told her I know how much he meant to her, and I pray to him sometimes just asking him to watch over her, and keep her safe. We talk about him for a while, then she has me listen to some songs that "make her think of me". After about 30 mins, she says "Why didnt you say no to moving down here, why didnt you say you wanted to stay in XXXX, I would of came back with you". (Before her grandfather died, we were living here, we went down for the funeral, and decided to stay because she felt her family needed her, and i agreed to stay too). She kept saying "If you would of said no, I would of came back with you". All of this by now, is completely confusing me. Then she tells me "I want to tell you what Ive been doing, but Im scared you'll be mad at me". (She has been acting kind of weird lately, and I always asked what was up with her). She ends up telling me, she's done crystal meth twice. I just about puked. She starts crying again, telling me how she "crawled back into her shell" after I left, and how much she misses me etc. When we first got together she was using drugs, marijiuana pretty much was it. But she quit while we were together. And now that she's hanging out with the same losers she hung out with before me, it looks like she's going right back to her old ways. It breaks my heart in two. She grew up SO much as a person the time we were together, her family acknowledged it, so did she. We talked for almost 3 hours. Her birthday is coming up next month, and she said how no one had ever made her feel so special, as i did last year. (We went on a little vacation to SanFran, stayed the weekend, had a blast). I told her to think about what she wanted to do come the end of Nov, when im done with this job, and let me know. A part of me wishes I would of just stuck to NC from the beginning, and I know a lot of you here will agree, everything just happened casually, and now im stuck where I am now. I DO want to work things out with her. I just dont want to feel like Im going about doing it in the wrong way. This girl means the world to me, whether we're together or not, and i dont want to sit on the sidelines and watch her throw her life away because that's all she's grown up to see. I guess i just want to understand if she's just "reaching out" to me, cuz she really doesnt have anybody else in her life her truly cares. Or if she's regretting the break, and doesnt know how else to tell me. There's so many mixed signals. And for the most part, Im holding it together really well. I dont call her, I go out, have a good time. But it sits in the back of my mind, constantly. Any advice would be very helpful. Sorry for such a long post.