And this is the rest of my life............

[karin]

I have been married for 6 months. Since the marriage I have encounter some situations that lead me to believe that I have married a man that is not very nice, and who has no conscious. I had warning signs before the marriage that I chose to ignore. I knew about a previous year-long sexual relationship he had with a woman who had a live-in boyfriend. I knew about his nonexistent relationship that he had with his two children. In fact he blames his children for his failed relationship with them. I knew members of his family were mean. His younger sister has been mean to me since I first met her. And in the past few months M has been mean to me also. He makes a point of belittling or embarrising me in front of his family whenever he gets the chance. Now when we go to any family functions I usually keep quiet so as not to give M any chance to make a fool of me. Also, M used to like my dogs. But since the marriage that has changed too. He hurt one of my dogs because she misbehaved. As long as everything goes his way, he's great. But do something he doesn't like, and watch out. I'm a really mellow easy going person. Not much gets me angry and if I do get mad it's not vindictive anger. Needless to say, he's kind of pushed me around and I have let him. So now, I am stuck for the rest of my life with someone who isn't very nice. Don't get me wrong, when things are going his way he is wonderful. So sweet and nice. But life isn't that way is it? Nothing ever goes completely one persons way. So maybe, if I just keep showing him what nice is, maybe he will figure out that nice is the way to be. Does love always win??? Does good always conquer evil???? I know that no one can really help me now. I really just need to tell someone what my life is like now. Because no one really knows. So thank you for listening............say a prayer for me.

[ElektraHere]

Now what is your question????? You should have your answer by reading your post. He is a narcissistic, angry, psychotic individual. If he blames everyone for his actions and life then he has no accountability. Plus he hurt your dog!! Do you know someone who can hurt an animal is likely to hurt a human.

 

I say this GET OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE AND RUNNNNNNN!!!

[LostInMyThoughts]

I have to disagree with Elektra.

 

He has lots of issues, but marriage is a commitment, and even though he is completely wrong here, I would say that you at least owe it to your marriage to *try* to work things out.

 

Where to start? I'd start by finding a marriage counselor. A counselor can help you talk to your husband about his behavior and how it's effecting the marriage.

 

But to your questions: love won't conquer all. Nothing can change your husbands behavior, except for himself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Totally agree with Elektra. Get out of there before he hurts you. He is abusive.

[ElektraHere]

WHAT?????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????

I have to disagree with Elektra.

 

He has lots of issues, but marriage is a commitment, and even though he is completely wrong here, I would say that you at least owe it to your marriage to *try* to work things out.

 

Where to start? I'd start by finding a marriage counselor. A counselor can help you talk to your husband about his behavior and how it's effecting the marriage.

 

But to your questions: love won't conquer all. Nothing can change your husbands behavior, except for himself.

[Aurian]

Marriage and love doesn't solve anything if the other person isn't interested in changing. You can try counselling, but if he wants to be this way, he is abusive and you should get out before he starts hurting you physically like he did your dog, as well as the emotional abuse he is already giving you.

 

I took my husband to counselling. It changed nothing; in fact, he got worse. Two years later, I finally filed for divorce. I wish I had done it sooner, instead of bending over backwards to please him and save the marriage.

[karin]

M also has to take viagra for E.D. He has a little vial that he keeps it in in his pants pocket. He never goes anywhere without his viagra. Why does he need to take that with him now that he's married to me? I just wonder sometimes..........

[LostInMyThoughts]

WHAT?????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????

 

No I'm not.

 

I think marriage is a committment and something that shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

Does the op's husband have serious issues?

Yes.

 

Is their marriage unsalvagable?

No.

 

Running away from your problems won't solve them. In fact I'd bet my life that if the OP does cut and run, she'll find herself in a similar situation.

 

Marriage and love doesn't solve anything if the other person isn't interested in changing. You can try counselling, but if he wants to be this way, he is abusive and you should get out before he starts hurting you physically like he did your dog, as well as the emotional abuse he is already giving you.

 

I took my husband to counselling. It changed nothing; in fact, he got worse. Two years later, I finally filed for divorce. I wish I had done it sooner, instead of bending over backwards to please him and save the marriage.

 

I agree with you 100%. But you at least *tried* to make things work. You didn't just leave when things went bad.

 

I went through a divorce, and I busted my buns off trying to make it work. At the end I'm glad I tried because even though I had my problems, I know I didn't break my vows.

[melrich]

Hi Karin,

 

I hesitate to give this advice on the little we know and the small amount of detail you have provided. But my gut tells me that you have made a mistake here.

 

You have 6 months invested. I think this is one where you cut your losses.

 

No you don't have to live with it the rest of your life. I am pretty confident that the right advice to give you is to leave this marriage and not invest any more time into it. There are warning bells going off all over the place here.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Oh boy. On top of all that, if I were you I would stop having sex with him, get yourself tested and get out of that marriage right away. He is a ticking time bomb.

[SarahRose]

I dont think the OP is running away from her problems by ending this marriage. There is no honor in sticking around to be abused.

 

He broke his vows the first time he was abusive to her and the pet.

 

Speaking from experience and anyone else who has been abused will tell you, it doesn't stop.

 

It has only been 6 months. It is probably best to move out and end the marriage.

[annie24]

Needless to say, he's kind of pushed me around and I have let him. So now, I am stuck for the rest of my life with someone who isn't very nice.

 

are you saying that he has hit you?

 

and he has hit your dog! that is awful.

 

honestly, I am big on trying to work out relationships, but this does not sound good. it sounds like you have married someone who is violent, disregards relationships (ie, him having the affair with the woman with the live-in boyfriend), and has no relationship with your children.

 

I'm not sure that this is a man who has a deep committment to relationships himself, which I why i am disagreeing with lostinmythoughts.

 

I think you should run away from him. FAST! get an annulment.

[Relationship Coach]

For or better or worse doesn't mean you have to stick around and tolerate this abuse. I'm all for fixing something that is fixable, this in my opinion is degree of change is not something that you can will upon him or teach him. This is how he was raised and he has a built in cheering section. He turned pretty quick, 6 months is a short honeymoon period. Unfortunately he didn't change over the past 6 months, this is who he always was. He was putting on an act being someone and something that he was not. You married a fraud. This guy has rotten values and morals and those along with his other bad habits are just a part of whom he really is. Get out.

 

RC

[Rabican]

dont put up with this crap, I dont care if you married him before god himself you have the right to get out of this situation if you feel thats what you should do. Imagine spending the next 50 years of your life living through this, does that sound like fun? Not to me. Tell him how you feel, and then tell him if things dont turn around, you will walk. I dont know how he would react to this possible threat, so you may want to do it in a semi public area (restaraunt, the gym, somewhere you arent totally alone)

 

I would also tell him that if he ever hits you, or your dog again hes gonna be arrested. Any man that can treat you badly the way he is, not only does not respect you, but also does not love you. Dont argue with me on this one, thats just how it is. You dont mistreat, abuse etc. people that you love. You just dont.

 

So either walk now, and get a divorce, or give him one chance to fix his behavior. But do NOT put up with this for the rest of your life.

[PittItaliano]

karin- welcome to enotalone!

 

I think seeking help for your marriage would be a good way to start with fixing things with your husband. Maybe if he hears these problems and thoughts from a third and outside party he will take things a little more seriously.

 

Also, you said that you have only been married for 6 months. If after a mere six months you are already having serious problems like this what could the rest of the future with this man hold? I may only be 19 but one thing I know is... that you just can't sit around and wait for a guy to change if he doesn't WANT to change. It will never happen if he doesn't want it. As much as you wish you can change him.

 

Another option for you might be an annulment. I really don't know all the legal laws around an annulment. But if you don't agree with divorce it is another way to go.

 

Good luck to you in whatever you decided to do. Know that all of us here at enotalone will be here for you through anything that you need help with!

[PittItaliano]

Also, if by "pushing around" you meant that he has hit you or hurt you in any way shape or form, I just say to get out. I'm pretty sure that is grounds for an annulment.