You find love when you stop looking?

[Pheonixpassion84]

Is the statement "When you stop looking for love you will find it" true? I hear it a lot but have trouble undterstanding it. If you really want love how do you stop yourself from looking for it? How do you define "looking" or "not looking for love"? how do you not look for love? And does it really come when you don't look?

[Jjasonn28]

I can speak from experience with this topic. I think that when you are happy and content with your life as it is, when you aren't concsiously or subconcsiously keeping a door open for opportunity, that love will hit like a ton of bricks.

 

I had come out of a LTR, and had been single for about a year. I went through a period where I just wanted to be with someone, and was constantly looking for opportunities to meet people. After dating, and spending so much energy on trying to find it, (for the wrong reasons) I just stopped. I didn't realize it at the time, but I started focusing on what I did have in my life, and not what I didn't have. I was working at a good job, hanging out with my friends a lot and just having a great time being myself and living my life.

 

Then, one day, it just happened. I was hanging out with a friend on my patio, enjoying a pint, and his girlfriend showed up with a friend from work. At that moment, my heart wanted to leap from my chest. I was dumbfounded really. She was very friendly, and we immediately clicked. It wasn't planned, it was just coincidence really that we happened to meet. I wasn't expecting it in the least, or even looking for it.

 

And now that I think about it, it was the same way with the ex before her. My first love. I was younger and in my party every weekend stage. I had my first apartment, and would just hang with my friends all the time. She happened to be at a pub one evening, and known a friend of mine through work years before. She approached and instantly we hit it off.

 

Perhaps it doesn't happen an easier wether you are or are not 'looking' for it. Just that when you are, it becomes painfully more obvious that it isn't happening. The bad dates, the set backs just prolong that feeling of missing something.

[robowarrior]

Thing is when you are looking, you also might look 'desperate' which acts like a repellant, so if you aren't looking and are satisfied, you might look happy which in its turn will attract people to you.

 

So i think you need to keep on looking, while showing your happy while your at it.

[Jennster]

I totally agree with that statement because it happened to me. I had issues a few years back when I was constantly feeling sorry for myself cause I didn't have a someone special. Then one day I snapped out it - I started realizing I needed to do my own thing and be happy with MYSELF. So I started focusing on the things I loved and I started paying more attention to my family and friends. And then out of the blue a relationship I've had for years with someone suddenly developed into something else and that awakening was awesome because now it's been a year that we've been together and I'm happier than ever

 

So yea, be patient, be happy with yourself...and the good things will come to you naturally.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think this saying is another one of the pieces of contradictory advice that you hear often, it contradicts: 'You have to put yourself out there', and could lead people to believe they have to make zero effort.

 

I've known people who have met and married their spouses as a result of of actively trying to meet someone, and also I've known others who just happened to accidentally meet.

 

Gotta take this piece of advice with a grain of salt, much like everything else.

[Beyondthesea]

I've so been there too. It's really weird. I used to get po'd at everyone when they would say that to me, but it's 100% true.

 

My ex was a nut, totally psycho. He drove me nuts as well. So when I broke it off with him, I didn't want anything to do with men, and I wasn't looking for love anymore. All I wanted was a life where I could be happy.

 

Then I literally stumbled into my fiance. Suddenly he was there. The only man I have ever known who is this wonderful, loving and true wanted me. Huh?

 

If I knew then what I know now, I would never have 'actively searched' for a partner, ever. I would have 'gone with the flow' and approached a few people who really interested me, but not pursued anyone with full force unless they had "the one" written all over them.

 

Never settle. Never believe you are worth less than you are. Never let someone treat you poorly. Never marry someone hoping they'll change. PERIOD.

[Orlander]

Well, I can only speak from my own experience on this issue. I was going through something very similiar to what I am going through now...recovering from a broken relationship. It had been sometime since my ex and I had split and one day, I just felt it in my heart that I was ready to start dating again. The first woman I asked out was my current ex.

 

I would say a bit of both is true. When you are ready for love, you will know it and love will find you. For some, this will happen accidentally and for others it will happen out of action.

 

 

Orlander

[sallyusa]

I just had this happen to me recently. Even when i got out of my relationship with my ex i was fixing to close all my doors to every men there was. Seriously, cuz i didnt even want to put up with anymore. I didnt even have plans to get involved and we clicked right off the bat. And I wasn't even looking into getting into it at all. And wasn't even in my plans at all. Nor, it was part of my plans or his. And now were best friends and taking baby steps for our friendship to develop on its own. I gotta say so far its been amazing for me. For him I dont know.

[Truth317]

I don't believe that you can just sit around and be idle & wait for anything in life to hit you. There's a such thing as being in the right place at the right time, but that has nothing to do with "letting love find you."

 

It's not an easy task to find someone who's serious. The task is difficult and it takes many of us years among years to find someone special. But I believe through resilience, patience & hardwork that we eventually get there.

[MD Geist]

Not true.

 

I stoped looking for love and nothing happens except time passes you by and you get much older.

 

Maybe for a woman yeah it works.

[Alabama]

It depends on a variety of factors if it will happen. It does happen. I have had to happen to me...but was too dumb to do anything about it. When you are satisfied with things...sometimes things will fall into place. It's all just a matter of letting things happen...that will truly decide if you get what you wish.

[Batya33]

I don't agree. I agree with the opposite - that if you're desperate to find a partner, you will most likely give off those vibes and turn people off. I agree that "when you least expect it" makes for a more romantic story but I don't think it has anything to do with whether you find someone to love, or whether the relationship will be successful.

[foreverzero9]

It's amazing what you find when you least expect it. I turned off my thought process of dating, i hurt far to many girls in the past and i didn't want to do it anymore *not physical btw*. And for some reason i saw a girl and was dumbstruck, everything else was non existent and i stopped all i was doing. Yeah i found out later i fell in love and low and behold we started dating. I feel like a fool for becoming so dumbfounded lol

[dreamwarrior]

In my most recent relationship I gave more of myself than I should have to the point it nearly zapped the very life outta me....so for the foreseeable future I only have love enough for one person and that is ME!

 

If love comes along fine and if it doesn't fine too...I have my health and that is what is most important!!!

[CharlesF]

I think if you are really interesting in finding someone you would be looking.

[waveseer]

I really like the stories of people who found love when they weren't looking. I'm not looking (but I do peek through my fingers).

[laisla]

i think you find love when you stop trying to force it. and let it just happen. but if you're not looking then wouldn't you be closed off to love lol. gotta be open to it.

[awakeintx]

I sure hope so

[nutbrownhare]

I agree that if you're longing for a partner to make your life complete, it may come over as desperate and act as a turn-off. But people who live life to the full, whether or not they're in a relationship, have good friends, meaningful activities etc are likely to be attractive (regardless of how they look!).

 

This is not at all the same thing as sitting around idly letting life pass you by, so the instructions 'You have to put yourself out there' and 'You find love when you're not looking' are not actually contradictory. If you put yourself out there looking desperate because you're not complete without a partner, you're also less likely to make good choices.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I see plenty of desperate people find what they term is love..but really it is more of a desperate need to find someone, anyone...so whoever wants them is who they imagine they have fallen in love with. So yes, desperate people never seem to be without a partner because anyone will do..and desperate people do end up getting married because they will settle for anyone.

 

As for finding someone when you stop looking...some people do, some people don't. Finding someone is not about what you do or don't do...much of the time it comes down to either being lucky and at the right place at the right time...or simply just settling for the next person who comes along.

[Kinetics]

I don't believe it to be true, I think it's more like putting yourself out there, be social, be positive and always make an effort to meet new people but every person you meet doesn't have to be a potential partner.

 

The last time I met someone came as a surprise. Prior to that, I was trying to hook up with this girl at work and it didn't work out, I was bummed out, I went drinking with my usual friends and met a girl in the group that I haven't seen before. We talked and enjoyed each other's company that night and didn't really think of her as a date at that point. We eventually did date (although it didn't work out in the end).

 

But the point is, I could have decided to be at home feeling miserable by myself, but I decided to go drinking with my friends that night. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have met her.

 

That's why I tell myself, just keep meeting new people. Someone has to be out there.

[stereoeclectic]

Is the statement "When you stop looking for love you will find it" true?

 

i'll let you know. i stopped looking December of last year.

 

 

I hear it a lot but have trouble undterstanding it. If you really want love how do you stop yourself from looking for it? How do you define "looking" or "not looking for love"? how do you not look for love? And does it really come when you don't look?

 

you just go about your daily life, and you don't ask anyone out.

 

honestly, i wouldn't recommend it if you actually want to find somebody. it doesn't make you happy.

 

but after getting dumped badly too many times, i couldn't go through with my plan of slowly dating around until i found love. i still liked the wrong kind of girl, so i just gave up.

[Kitz]

Well, the past 3 boyfriends i've had, i've started going out with in the same week (or on the same day) that i've said "I LOVE being single, i want to stay single until im 25!"

 

Then again, i loved being single coz this enabled me to go out every weekend and hook up with heaps of different kinds of guys. lol. however, i wasnt looking for love, just a good shag - and i got both

[bulletproof]

I really don't think this is something that's meant to be taken literally.

 

I always understood it as, When you are not obsessed with finding someone, you will give off a good energy that will attract people to you. I've found this to be very true.

 

But, in order for someone to see you exhibit that great energy, you have to go out. And socialize. And be part of something. So that's where the "putting yourself out there" comes in.

 

I like that it's a 50/50 deal. A little effort on our parts, a little rewarding from the universe for being positive and not obsessive and miserable while single.

[Pegasus]

Yes, it's absolute truth. Just wait.